BAD TEACHER
Written by
Lee Eisenberg & Gene Stupnitsky
June 6, 2008
FADE IN:
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - DAY
To establish.
A school marquee with removable plastic letters reads,
"GOOD LUCK WITH FINALS!" A JANITOR opens the glass and
starts removing the letters.
INT. TEACHER'S LOUNGE - DAY
POP! A Champagne cork hits the ceiling.
TEACHERS who rarely get to drink at work, jockey for
position, holding out their plastic flutes. (Note:
female teachers outnumber male teachers 12:1.)
PRINCIPAL WALLY SNUR, 40s, balding, faces the teachers.
He has a habit of blinking hard before speaking.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Well, it's been another great year here
at JAMS. Who can forget Mr. Pinkus'
haunted classroom? Sandy, thank you.
SANDY PINKUS, 40s, sporting a ponytail, smiles, clearly
enjoying the small compliment.
SANDY
I ain't afraid of no ghost.
The other teachers laugh.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Or the wild success of...
VOICE (O.C.)
Wally, can I just say one quick thing?
Wally turns to AMY SQUIRREL, late 20s, cute and
wholesome. Any trace of sexuality she might have is
wiped away by her adult pigtails. She treats students
and adults alike -- like students.
AMY
Just wanted to remind everyone the school
day's not over. So let's keep the
drinking under control, hmm? That's it.
Back to you, Wally.
A bunch of teacher roll their eyes.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Thanks, Amy,
(then, back to his notes)
. Or the wild success of the book drive
for the women's prison sponsored by Ms.
Savicki's class?
A broad-shouldered teacher with spiky hair, MS. SAVICKI, nods.
PRINCIPAL SNUR (CONT'D)
But now as the summer is upon us, it's
time to not only say goodbye to another
school year, but to also say goodbye to a
member of our faculty.
(BEAT)
Elizabeth, can you come up here?
ELIZABETH HALSEY, mid 20s, pretty and petite, walks up to
the front. She sports an enormous diamond ring and dresses
slightly more cosmopolitan than the other teachers.
PRINCIPAL SNUR (CONT'D)
You've only been with us for one short
year, but know that you'll always be a
part of the JAMS family.
Elizabeth gives Principal Snur an appreciative smile.
The Teachers lightly applaud.
PRINCIPAL SNUR (CONT'D)
And we got you a little something.
Wally hands Elizabeth an envelope. She opens it and.
pulls out a gift card: BOSTON MARKET. $37.
ELIZABETH
Almost forty dollars. Thank you!
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Why don't you say a couple words?
ELIZABETH
Okay. Um... I'm not really good at this
type of thing so I'll make it quick. I
know I've only been here a year, but
there's so much I'm going to miss...
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - DAY
Elizabeth sits at her desk, cleaning it out. She's tossing
the few personal effects she has into a banker's box.
3.
ELIZABETH (V.0.)
My students, probably most of all.I'm not
saying they were little angels, butthey
were all there to learn and that'sthe
greatest gift a student can give a teacher.
Elizabeth's class is horsing around, enjoying the last
days of seventh grade.
A dim-looking BOY tentatively approaches her desk with
his yearbook in hand. He hands it to Elizabeth, who
considers what to write for a beat, then smiles as she
signs it.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
Elizabeth walks down the hall holding her box.
SIXTH, SEVENTH and EIGHTH graders all race past her,
running toward their summer vacation.
ELIZABETH (V.0.)
And I wish that I had gotten to know all of
you better, but between four classes and
planning a wedding, I had my hands full.
From the little I do know about you, I know
that our students are in good hands.
Elizabeth passes Amy's classroom, where she is carefully
removing inspirational posters from her walls and rolling
them into cardboard tubes.
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - DAY
Three middle school BURNOUTS are smoking weed in a
thicket on the outskirts of the school property.
ELIZABETH (V.0.)
And I can't believe it's all over. This
year flew by. And even though I'll never
teach again professionally, I've realized
that I don't need a blackboard and
classroom to set an example.
Elizabeth comes up behind them.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Hand it over.
The Burnouts' eyes all go wide and they freeze. One of
the burnouts hands her the joint.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Everything.
The kids look at each other and then pull out a bag with
a couple of joints. They hand it over to Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
This was a warning. Next time, I don't
call the principal. I call the cops.
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - TEACHER PARKING LOT - DAY
Elizabeth walks to her brand new MERCEDES. She gets in,
pulls out a joint and lights it. She takes a huge TOKE,
and then PEELS out of the lot. She tosses her banker's
box out the window and extends her hand, giving the
school THE FINGER.
ELIZABETH (O.S.)
Woo-hoo!
A couple students look at her strangely.
ANGLE ON
The dim-looking kid that had Elizabeth sign his yearbook.
He flips to the faculty section, and by the picture of
Elizabeth is her message: "YOU ARE ILLITERATE!"
DIM-LOOKING KID
(struggling to read)
You are... Illit... Illit...
Elizabeth's car comes barrelling toward him and nearly
hits him.
She accelerates into the speed bumps, almost hitting the
JANITOR from the opening shot, who's changing the plastic
letters to read, "HAVE A GREAT SUMMER!"
JANITOR
Slow down!
CHYRON: BAD TEACHER
EXT. TOWNHOUSE NIGHT
A Mercedes with the vanity plate "HIS" is parked in the
driveway of an upscale neighborhood. Elizabeth's matching
Mercedes pulls into the adjacent spot. Her license plate
reads "HERS."
INT. TOWNHOUSE - NIGHT
A bachelor pad. Top of the line electronics. Lots of
black leather furniture. Tacky, but expensive.
Elizabeth pours two glasses of wine and takes a long sip.
ELIZABETH
(CALLING)
Baby Doll?
MARK (O.S.)
Coming!
MARK, early 30s, exits the bedroom in his underwear.
He's shaved his head to avoid signs of early balding and
is also a full four inches shorter than Elizabeth.
Thankfully for him, he has money.
MARK (CONT'D)
(ANXIOUS)
Hey! That was a quick party.
Elizabeth kisses Mark on the top of his head and hands
him a glass.
ELIZABETH
Yeah. You should have seen it. What a
joke.
She raises her glass for a toast. He raises his.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Here's to me never having to work again.
And I owe it all to you, Lover.
Elizabeth takes a big sip.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(FLIRTATIOUS)
So I made a reservation at Ruth's Chris,
and then I booked us a suite at the
Drake, and I thought we could finish the
night in "anal alley." Hmm?
Something drops in the bedroom. Mark, alarmed, turns
towards the door. Elizabeth brushes past him into --
INT. TOWNHOUSE - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Elizabeth enters to find -- NOTHING. Mark follows her in.
Elizabeth looks around -- under the bed, in the closet,
behind the door.
MARK
See? Nothing.
Just then, the wooden chest at the foot of the bed SNEEZES.
Elizabeth opens the latch to find SHEILA, 23, dressed only
in a thong, scrunched in the fetal position. She stands,
revealing LARGE FAKE BREASTS, and steps out of the chest.
ELIZABETH
(TO MARK)
Motherfucker!
ELIZABETH
How could you do this to me?!
I'm sorry.
ELIZABETH
You are buying me the biggest pair of
yellow diamond earrings they make! I'm
talking serious blood diamonds.
Sheila SNEEZES again.
Bless you.
ELIZABETH
(TO SHEILA)
Get out of my house, bitch!
MARK
Don't talk to her like that.
ELIZABETH
Excuse me?
I love her.
Mark puts his arm around Sheila. Elizabeth eyes Sheila's
large breasts.
ELIZABETH
You love her? She's a hooker.
MARK SHEILA
She's not a hooker. I dance.
Elizabeth takes a deep breath.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(SWEET)
Listen, Marky, you made a mistake.
You're human. I'm human. And this time
it was you. Maybe six months from now,
you'll walk in on me. I don't know, but
probably.
Sheila SNEEZES again.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Shut the fuck up.
(then, to Mark, sweet)
And. maybe I'm talking crazy, but I don't
want to throw away our life together over
something like this. We're getting
married! I'm willing to fight for us.
MARK
I'm not. And you know why? Because
Sheila loves me -- and not just for my
money.
Sheila squeezes his shoulder.
ELIZABETH
I'm sorry if I care that my future husband
can support me. We didn't all grow up
with a silver spoon in our mouths. You
can't even imagine what it's like going to
bed hungry, night after night.
MARK
What are you talking about?! Both your
parents are CPAs.
ELIZABETH
My parents worked their asses off to send
me to private school. Do you know what
it's like driving a Pontiac when everyone
else gets a Beemer the second they
menstruate? That shit stays with you.
MARK
It's over, Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH
For the record, there's a shitload of
things that I hate about you, but I still,
would've gotten married.
(beat, sweet)
Because I love you.
MARK
(rolls his eyes)
I'm gonna need the ring back.
She grabs her bag and heads for the exit. Mark follows.
ELIZABETH
You sad little troll! I hope you and
your hooker enjoy chlamydia together!
MARK
Elizabeth. The ring.
ELIZABETH
(not turning around)
I'm not even listening to you anymore.
She starts to open the door. He closes it.
The ring!
ELIZABETH
Like I even want your gay-ass ring.
She tries pulling it off.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
It's not coming off. I'll go to the
jeweler's tomorrow.
Mark takes her hand and removes the ring with ease.
Elizabeth steps out into the night. The door SLAMS
behind her.
CHYRON: 3 MONTHS LATER
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - TEACHER PARKING LOT - DAY
A red 1994 Grand Am with a cracked windshield peels into
the half-empty lot and screeches to a halt. The license
plate reads "HERS."
9.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
Elizabeth walks down the empty hall. It's possible a
person has never looked less happy to be anywhere.
FAINT SOFT ROCK plays from an open door. Something from
inside the classroom catches Elizabeth's eye.
ELIZABETH
(under her breath)
You've gotta be shitting me.
TURN TO REVEAL
AMY'S CLASSROOM
The room has been decorated to within an inch of its
life. Every surface is covered with posters like "Noted
African-Americans," or "Hispanic American Hall of Fame,"
or "Women Who Dared." A RED DELICIOUS APPLE has been
placed on each student's desk.
Amy, dressed casually in cargo shorts and texas, is trying
to hang a large "INTEGRITY" poster. She looks over, sees
Elizabeth staring at her, and immediately lights up.
AMY
Elizabeth Halsey, as I live and breathe!
ELIZABETH
Amy Squirrel.
AMY
I know we barely got a chance to get to
know one another last year -- what with
you planning the wedding of the century
and me juggling all my extra-currics --
but I just want to say that I'm super
excited to be across-the-hall-mates.
ELIZABETH
Okay.
AMY
And I know you kinda skated by last year,
doing the bare minimum thing -- you were
kind of a lone wolf -- but now you're
back and I just know that you are going
to rededicate yourself to the task at --
Amy notices Elizabeth's bare hands.
AMY (CONT'D)
Where's your beautiful ring?
ELIZABETH
My fiance and I broke it off. I found
him in bed with someone else.
Oh my gosh!
ELIZABETH
It was another man.
AMY
(INCREDULOUS)
Shut the front door!
(motioning for a hug)
Somebody needs a hug.
ELIZABETH
Somebody doesn't.
AMY
Hm. Another time then.
Elizabeth takes an apple from a desk.
ELIZABETH
(RE APPLE)
These washed?
AMY
Of course. I'd never serve a student
unwashed fruit.
CRUNCH. Elizabeth takes a huge bite out of the apple.
ELIZABETH
(MOUTHFUL)
I thought the teachers got the apples.
AMY
Well, I think the students teach me at
least as'much as I teach them.
ELIZABETH
Stupid.
Elizabeth tosses the mostly uneaten apple into the trash
and exits. It hits the rim and lands on the floor.
Okey-dokey.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - DAY
It's like an asylum -- nothing on the walls. Elizabeth
reads from a stack of US Weekly's and circles pictures of
CELEBRITY BREASTS. LYNN, late 30s, the kind of woman who
spends a lot of time on her internet dating profiles, but
rarely gets emailed, pokes her head in.
LYNN
Oh sorry, am I interrupting?
ELIZABETH
Um -- kinda.
LYNN
Do you want to grab some lunch?
ELIZABETH
I'm in the middle of something, Lynn.
My treat.
ELIZABETH
Fine.
EXT. KFC - DAY
Elizabeth and Lynn sit at an outdoor table. Lynn picks at
a garden salad. Elizabeth is eating a bucket of chicken
and drinking a large drink. She pulls a bottle of cough
syrup from her purse and dumps it into her drink.
LYNN
You have that thing going around, huh?
ELIZABETH
LYNN
Are you excited for tomorrow?
ELIZABETH
Is tomorrow Saturday?
LYNN
No, it's the first day of school.
ELIZABETH
Wait, I thought I had a week to get my
class together.
LYNN
Yeah, that was last week.
ELIZABETH
(under her breath)
Fuck my ass.
LYNN
If you hate teaching so much, why don't
you just get another job?
ELIZABETH
And do what? Sell perfume at the mall?
Work at a day care center?
(slurps her big gulp)
You know, when I first got into teaching,
I thought I was doing it for all the
right reasons: short hours, summers off,
no accountability.
LYNN
I love my summers. Fresh corn. Mmm.
ELIZABETH
From now on, my full-time job will be
finding a guy who will take care of me --
LYNN
Oh god, I pray for that --
ELIZABETH
And that makes a shit ton of money and
doesn't ask too many questions.
(licking her fingers)
I spent most of my summer hanging out at
the bars near where the Bulls practice.
Had some fun, got some cool souvenirs that
I Ebayed, but those guys aren't looking to
settle down. And they all wear condoms.
And then they take the condoms with them.
That's how paranoid they are that a girl
will try and get pregnant. Like it's so
easy to get pregnant from a guy nutting
into a condom.
LYNN
You're gonna find someone great.
ELIZABETH
I've been thinking about it a lot. I mean,
I figure I'm like an 8, 8.5. But once I
get my new tits, I'll probably be a --
13.
LYNN
You don't want to do that. You're
already so pretty.
ELIZABETH
I know I'm hot, Lynn, but I don't stand a
chance against all those Barbies dolls
out there. Anna Nicole had it right, may
she rest in peace.
Lynn checks her watch.
LYNN
We should finish up. Wally's doing that big
orientation for teachers in the auditorium.
ELIZABETH
Yeah, I'm not going to that.
LYNN
But it's mandatory.
ELIZABETH
("I'm so scared")
Ooohhh...
LYNN
Yeah, I probably won't go either. I
don't know I might. I'll probably go,
but just sit in the back. Maybe leave
early. Maybe stay till the end. Play it
by ear. Or just stay till the end.
Lynn takes both their, trays and dumps them.
LYNN (CONT'D)
This was fun.
ELIZABETH
Yeah, it was alright. When you said you
were taking me to lunch, I kinda thought it
was going to be nicer, but this was okay.
LYNN
Sorry.
ELIZABETH
It's okay. You can get me next time.
INT. ELIZABETH'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Not much character, not many furnishings.
Elizabeth is online looking at a PORN SITE. She stares
at the SCREEN and compares breasts to the ones in US
Weekly. She reaches for a bong and pulls a huge hit.
The front door opens and her roommate, KIRK, early 30s,
boarish and carrying a tattered backpack and a Big Gulp,
walks quickly past Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH
Hey, Kirk, what do you think about me
with Jessica Simpson's tits?
He stares at her chest intently. She's not bothered by it.
Go bigger.
Kirk enters his bedroom and slams the door.
ELIZABETH
Cool, yeah.
She glances at the clock: 3:14 AM.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(under her breath)
Fuck my ass.
INT. ELIZABETH'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
Elizabeth is asleep. After a beat, the ALARM goes off.
She checks the clock: 5.:15. She groans.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
First day of school excitement. The bell RINGS, and like
rats, the KIDS scurry to their various classes. Before
long, the hallway is empty.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - MORNING
In one corner, CHASE, clearly at the top of the seventh
grade food chain, shows off a photo spread of herself
modelling in a "Western-Style" clothing catalogue.
GARRETT, 12, wearing grey, stained sweatpants and a grey
sweatshirt with block letters that read "GYMNASTICS,"
stares longingly at Chase from a few desks away.
15.
CHASE
The photographer was, like, sooo nice.
He made me feel sooo comfortable.
(THEN)
I might get flown to Kansas City for
their fashion week.
GARRETT
(RIVETED)
Oh my.
Chase and her friends turn to face Garrett, who's as
surprised as they are that he spoke.
CHASE
Stalk much?
Garrett quickly turns away. Chase rolls her eyes. An
angry-looking kid, TRISTAN, wearing a MICHAEL VICK
JERSEY, turns to Garrett.
TRISTAN
(FAKE SNEEZING)
Faggot.
GARRETT
(EARNEST)
Bless you.
TRISTAN
What'd you say to me?
Elizabeth, with large bags under her eyes, enters the
class. Tristan, on a dime, heads back to his seat.
The class immediately quiets down. SASHA, 12, dressed
like a paralegal, walks up to Elizabeth with a large
Tupperware tray.
SASHA
Hi, I'm Sasha. It's a pleasure to meet
you.
(handing over tupperware)
My mother baked these for you.
ELIZABETH
(not looking up)
Just leave them on the desk.
Sasha, confused, gently puts them down and stands there.
After a moment, Elizabeth looks up.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
You need something?
16.
- Sasha shakes her head and retreats to her desk at the
front of the class.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Anyone here seen "Stand and Deliver?"
Show of hands.
(off their blank stares)
No one? Edward James Olmos? Wow.
Elizabeth takes a DVD from her bag. She points to two
KIDS in the front of the class.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
You and you, go grab the TV and roll it
up front.
(pointing to Sasha)
And you, go shut off the lights.
The two kids, SHAWN and SPENCER, roll the TV over. Sasha
shuts off the LIGHTS.
SASHA
We're watching a movie on the first day?
CHASE
(TO ELIZABETH)
I think it's awesome. You rock.
GARRETT
I agree with Chase.
Elizabeth pops in the DVD. "Stand and Deliver," starring
Edward James Olmos as a tough-as-nails calculus teacher
in an inner-city school begins. Elizabeth takes a bite
of one of Sasha's cookies and immediately spits it out.
ELIZABETH
Ugh. Oatmeal raisin?
She pushes the Tupperware tray into the trash next to her
desk. Sasha looks on, sadly.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - CAFETERIA - DAY
Lunch is in full swing. Each clique has staked its own
territory. Several TEACHERS, Elizabeth and Amy among
them, are on lunch duty.
ANGLE ON
GARRETT, sitting alone, writing in a journal. Tristan,
the bully, tosses a bowl of cole slaw at Garrett.
TRISTAN
Incoming!
Direct hit. The cole slaw nails him in the shoulder.
Garrett picks some of the cole slaw off his shirt and
eats it. He continues writing. Amy races over to
Tristan and writes him up.
Elizabeth watches, bored, struggling to keep her eyes
open. Amy heads over to Elizabeth.
AMY
Somebody's got a case of the sleepies.
ELIZABETH
AMY
Did you see what just happened?
ELIZABETH
Yeah, that one kid hit the other kid with
the cole slaw.
AMY
You weren't at the orientation the other
day, but we're doing something new this
year. It's very exciting. We're
splitting the cafeteria into quadrants.
Elizabeth yawns.
AMY (CONT'D)
So, anyways, in order for the quadrant
system to work, it's vital that each
teacher maintain order within their
quadrant. Because it's really tough for
me as head lunch monitor -- or another
teacher -- to leave their quadrant to
discipline a kid in another quadrant. I
know it's a lot to take in. I'd be happy
to sit with-you after school and explain
all of the new guidelines.
ELIZABETH
Tell you what. Why don't you send me a
memo, and if I have any questions, I'll
come to you.
AMY
Okay, Elizabeth. Sounds like a plan,
Stan.
18.
AMY (CONT'D)
(TO ELIZABETH)
Oh, I meant to ask you. Did I hear that
you were showing a movie this morning?
ELIZABETH
How do I know what you heard?
AMY
Fair enough. Listen, I don't want to
tell you how to run your class, but maybe
it might be fun to do some ice-breakers.
Like "Telephone Charades" or "The String
Game." Or start doing practice questions
for the state test. It's never too soon
to start.
ELIZABETH
Are we gonna have a problem, me and you?
AMY
Oh, shishkebobs, no. If I gave you that
impression, I am so sorry. Actually, I
was really hoping that we could be more
than across-the-hall-mates.
ELIZABETH
I don't know what you've heard, but I
don't munch box.
AMY
No, of course not. I don't even know
what that is. I just meant friends.
ELIZABETH
Like getting manicures and going shopping
on Sundays? Shit like that?
AMY
Yes! Yes! And helping each other out.
Looking out for one another.
ELIZABETH
That's cool. Tell you what, friend, I'm
gonna get going. Cover for me?
Elizabeth doesn't wait for an answer, walks off.
AMY
(NERVOUS)
But you can't leave. Lunch doesn't end
for another...
(looks at clock)
(MORE)
19.
AMY (CONT'D)
Seven minutes. Who's going to watch your
quadrant?
INT. AMY'S CLASSROOM - LATER
Empty. Elizabeth looks around and spots the "INTEGRITY"
poster on the wall. She walks over and studies it.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
Elizabeth walks down the hallway with the rolled up
poster. She. passes a man, obviously lost, looking at a
map. This is SCOTT, 30. Handsome in a wholesome way.
Elizabeth walks by as he looks up at her helplessly. She
turns on her heels. Fresh fish.
ELIZABETH
(VERY FRIENDLY)
Hi there. You look a little lost.
SCOTT
Hi. Can you tell me where Room 124 is?
ELIZABETH
I'll do you one better. I'll take you
there.
SCOTT
Oh, you don't have to do that.
ELIZABETH
Will you stop? It'd be my pleasure.
SCOTT
Thanks! I feel like I've been walking
around in circles for the last fifteen
minutes.
(EXTENDS HAND)
Scott Delacorte. I'm the new sub.
ELIZABETH
Elizabeth Halsey, 7th Grade Language
Arts. Welcome, welcome.
They shake hands a beat too long. Elizabeth notices
Scott's VERY EXPENSIVE WATCH.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Helluva watch. What's that -- a Jaeger-
LeCoultre?
SCOTT
Good eye!
ELIZABETH
Thanks. I love men's watches. It's kind
of a hobby.
SCOTT
It's a bummer knowing my watch could feed
a village for .a year, but my grandfather
designed it, so...
ELIZABETH
Oh? Your grandfather designs watches?
SCOTT
The family business. My mom's maiden
name is Jaeger.
ELIZABETH
Shut up!
SCOTT
My parents had a minor meltdown when I
decided to join the Peace Corps and
become a teacher. But they've been cool
about it.
Elizabeth smiles and they start walking down the hall.
SCOTT (CONT'D)
Integrity.
ELIZABETH
SCOTT
(pointing to poster)..
The poster. "Integrity." What a great
message for the kids.
ELIZABETH
That's why I got it.
They turn a corner. Garrett wheels his backpack past them.
GARRETT
Hey, Ms. Halsey!
ELIZABETH
Hey... dude...
She slaps him five. Scott notices, smiles.
21.
SCOTT
Man, I can't wait for the day that I have
my own classroom.
ELIZABETH
Yeah... So did you and your wife just
move to town?
SCOTT
I'm not married.
ELIZABETH
Me neither. I was engaged until I walked
in on my fiance cheating on me. With his
brother.
SCOTT
That's horrible!
(NOTICING)
Ooh, 124! This is me.
ELIZABETH
Nice to meet you, Scott Delacourte.
Hopefully, we'll be seeing a lot of each
other.
SCOTT
(HALF-JOKING)
Only if a teacher gets sick. Great
meeting you, Elizabeth Halsey.
He heads into the room. Elizabeth cocks her head,
checking out his ass as the door closes.
ELIZABETH
(TO HERSELF)
Very nice meeting you.
CLOSE ON
A PAIR OF PERFECT FAKE BREASTS. A hand cups them from
underneath.
Pull back to reveal DR. VOGEL, 40s, and his receptionist,
DANNI, probably in her 40s, with her shirt off. Elizabeth
watches, rapt.
DR. VOGEL
As you can see, the weight is evenly
distributed and there's minimal scarring.
DANNI
(TAH DAH)
Dr. Vogel.
DR. VOGEL
(holding out his hands)
"Best Hands in Chicago."
ELIZABETH
DR. VOGEL
Absolutely. Take them for a spin.
Elizabeth reaches out, squeezes Danni's breasts.
ELIZABETH
Wow. And the nipples are just... I love
them. I'll take two.
They all laugh. Elizabeth notices Dr. Vogel'.s watch.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Maurice Lacroix. That's a great watch.
ELIZABETH
(CURIOUS)
And how's that going?
DR. VOGEL
She's my rock.
(THEN)
Alright, thanks, Danni.
Danni puts her bra and blouse back on and exits.
DR. VOGEL (CONT'D)
So, Elizabeth, have you given any thought
to size?
ELIZABETH
I was thinking, you know, maybe a D.
DR. VOGEL
IJh huh, uh huh. I ,would say, though,
with your frame, you might consider
something smaller. A large B, maybe a C
cup. You'd be surprised how significant
those would look.
ELIZABETH
Hmm. Yeah, I think I'll go with the D's,
really turn some heads.
23.
DR. VOGEL
You know, Elizabeth, breast enhancement's
not a cure-all. I just want to make sure
you have realistic expectations.
ELIZABETH
Doctor, I lost my fiance to a woman with
monster fake tits. So now I need monster
fake tits so that I won't lose my next
fiance. Those are my expectations. Is
that realistic enough for you?
DR. VOGEL
Very good then.
INT. DR. VOGEL'S OFFICE - RECEPTION AREA - DAY
Elizabeth leans over the counter and grabs a mint from a
small bowl. Danni sits behind her desk wearing a headset.
DANNI
So you'll be off your feet for about two
weeks... what works for you?
ELIZABETH
Let's do December 19th. Start of winter
break.
DANNI
The 19th it is. So the total is $9300
for the surgery plus one night stay at
our facility. How would you like to pay?
Elizabeth laughs. Danni laughs.
ELIZABETH
That's absurd. What if I don't spend the
night at your facility?
DANNI
The night's included in the price. Did
you not read our literature?
ELIZABETH
No.
A MIDDLE-AGED DOCTOR walks by.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(flirtatious, to doctor)
Hi...
(then, back to Danni)
Listen, I'm a teacher, not a drug dealer.
24.
DANNI
We accept all major credit cards.
ELIZABETH
My credit situation is complicated.
DANNI
I'm sorry, but if you can't pay, I can't
schedule the appointment.
(LEANING IN)
You know, there are less expensive
options. Have you looked into South
America?
ELIZABETH
I'll be back.
Elizabeth dramatically scoops a handful of mints from the
bowl and storms out.
INT. ELIZABETH'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Elizabeth, her cell phone cradled to her ear, pulls a
LEAN CUISINE out of a freezer STOCKED with them.
ELIZABETH
(ON PHONE)
Look, I just really need some money.
It's, for a surgery I need.
Elizabeth pokes holes in the Lean Cuisine with a knife
and turns on the microwave.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(ON PHONE)
Yes, as a matter of fact, it is about my
breasts, dad.
(BEAT)
Sorry. Happy belated birthday. So, can you
wire me some money or not?
EXT. SUBURBAN HOME - NIGHT
Elizabeth walks up a driveway and looks around.
ELIZABETH
(on phone, whispering)
So I won't beat around the bush, Grammy.
She pulls the kitchen knife from her bag and SLASHES the
back tire of a late-model CAMRY.
25.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(on phone, whispering)
I'm dying and I need money for surgery.
Really? Nothing? Don't you get social
security or something?
Elizabeth goes around to another tire. Slash.
INT. ELIZABETH'S APARTMENT - LATER
Elizabeth is still on the phone. CLOSE ON her computer
screen. Her checking account balance: $45.66.
ELIZABETH
(into phone, losing patience)
Listen, limpdick, you owe me for breaking
off the engagement. Do you know how
embarrassing that was?!
(BEAT)
Lover, I don't want to fight. It's just
10000 dollars and it would really mean
the world to me. Lover? You there?
Elizabeth hurls her phone at the wall. It smashes.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Fucking Troll!
Kirk pokes his head out of his bedroom.
KIRK
Did you call my name?
ELIZABETH
No. I said 'fucking troll.'
KIRK
Oh, I thought you said Kirk.
He turns and heads back in to his room.
ELIZABETH
Hey, you got ten grand?
KIRK
Nope.
Kirk closes his door. After a beat, he opens it.
KIRK (CONT'D)
Also, I might be a little short on the
rent this month. Like, a lot short.
He closes his door. The microwave BEEPS. Dinner's ready.
INT. TEACHER'S LOUNGE - DAY
Elizabeth and Lynn speak in hushed voices in the corner
by a vending machine. Amy grades papers on a ratty-
looking couch. She glances up at Elizabeth and Lynn.
LYNN
I don't know. That's a lot of money.
ELIZABETH
I know. And I hate asking a friend for
money -- especially as good a friend as you.
This has its desired effect on Lynn.
LYNN
Maybe I could sell that jewelry my
grandmother gave me?
ELIZABETH
That turquoise crap? Blech. No one's
buying that.
(then, catching herself)
But it looks great on you.
LYNN
Thanks. What about Mark?
ELIZABETH
What type of person do you think I am?!
That assbag cheated on me. Did I ever
tell you that he has a mole on the tip of
his dick?
ELIZABETH
I'm just trying to better myself. I
don't think that's asking for so much.
Amy walks over.
AMY
'Scuse,me. Just gonna scooch in here.
She drops quarters into the vending machine, but doesn't
bother selecting an item. This was clearly her "in."
She turns to Elizabeth and Lynn.
AMY (CONT'D)
Sooo... I know it's none of my business,
but I couldn't help but overhear your
conversation and I just want to say, that
you shouldn't change a thing. You should
be happy with the way you are.
That's true.
ELIZABETH
Huh. Well, do you think mental retards
should be happy with the way they are?
Amy stammers.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Lynn, you teach them. What do you think?
LYNN
(CONSIDERING)
I've never asked them.
AMY
I would never --
ELIZABETH
We don't all have your tits, Squirrel.
So maybe you should think before you
interrupt a private conversation.
AMY
I guess that's what you get for trying to
help...
Amy pushes the coin release on the vending machine and
takes back her change without getting a drink. Amy heads
back to the couch.
ELIZABETH
That's right. Walk away.
(then, noticing)-
There he is!
Scott enters. All of the female teachers light up.
There he is!
AMY
Well, look what the cat dragged in!
SCOTT
I wish it was under better circumstances.
Stu Riley's car was vandalized last
night. Right in his driveway.
AMY
Gang members, probably.
SCOTT
(QUIET RESIGNATION)
The public school system failed them.
Elizabeth and Amy nod vigorously.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
An empty hallway.
JOE CLARK (V.0.)
So forget about the way it used to be.
This is not a damn democracy! We are in
a state of emergency and my word is law!
There's only one boss around here, and
that's me. The HNIC.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - DAY
The class is watching "Lean on Me," with Morgan Freeman as
a tough-as-nails principal in an inner-city school. Amy's
"Integrity" Poster now hangs above the TV.
MR. O'MALLEY (ON TV)
HNIC?
MS. LEVIAS (ON TV)
Head Nigger In Charge.
The bell RINGS.
ELIZABETH
We'll pick this up again tomorrow.
The students shuffle out. Garrett hustles after Chase.
GARRETT
Quite a film, huh?
Chase gives him a weird look and then exits with her friends.
Sasha lingers by Elizabeth's desk.
29.
ELIZABETH
(without looking up)
What.
SASHA
I'm a student leader for the D.C. trip --
ELIZABETH
Shocker.
SASHA
And we're having our car wash this
weekend. If you're around, maybe we
could wash your car.
ELIZABETH
I've got some Mexicans who already do it
for nothing.
SASHA
It's for a good cause. This year, we're
trying to get some extra money so that we
can go on a Duck Tour!
She hands Elizabeth a flyer. Elizabeth glances at it.
SASHA (CONT'D)
(SHRUGS)
Last year's seventh grade raised $6000.
ELIZABETH
(SUDDENLY INTERESTED)
$6000?
INT. J.A.M.S. - ADMINISTRATION BULLPEN - DAY
Elizabeth walks past the SCHOOL SECRETARY toward the
Principal's office.
SCHOOL SECRETARY
You can't go in there. He's with a
student.
Elizabeth ignores her, adjusts her blouse, and enters.
INT. J.A.M.S. - PRINCIPAL SNUR'S OFFICE - DAY
The office is decorated with a DOLPHIN motif. Figurines,
a picture of Principal Snur kissing a dolphin. Dolphin
calendars. This guy loves dolphins.
Principal Snur sits next to ARKADY, a small pale kid.
30.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
If you don't like to get wet, Arkady, you
could try using deodorant, anti-.
perspirant, maybe some cologne. I know a
lot of the older boys are wearing the
body spray.
ARKADY
(BROKEN ENGLISH)
Bodish spray.
Elizabeth enters and immediately recoils from the smell.
ELIZABETH
Blugh!
Arkady and Principal Snur both look up. He holds up his
finger -- "one minute." Elizabeth notices his cheap
dolphin watch.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
So why don't you think about that and
I'll let your teachers know that you're
working on it?
Arkady nods and quickly exits.
ELIZABETH
Sorry, I didn't realize you were in with
anyone.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
We were just finishing up. Elizabeth, I
actually meant to talk to you. Did I
hear that you were showing movies all
last week?
ELIZABETH
Um... some clips, maybe. I think in a lot,
of ways, movies are the new books.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Huh.
Elizabeth tries a different tact. She picks up a dolphin-
shaped clock from the desk.
ELIZABETH
Is this new? I love it! I think
dolphins are smarter than humans.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Me too! And if you like that, you'll
love this.
31.
Principal Snur pulls out an "Adopt-A-Dolphin"
certificate.
PRINCIPAL SNUR (CONT`D)
He lives in the Cayman Islands.
ELIZABETH
What a great story.
Principal Snur visibly relaxes. He's sitting across from
a kindred spirit.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
So what else is new?
ELIZABETH
Actually, I was thinking that I want to
get more involved.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
What a nice surprise.
ELIZABETH
Specifically, I thought I could supervise
the car wash.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Amy's been running it the last two years...
ELIZABETH
She just does so much. It might be nice
to give her a little rest. Especially
that early on a Saturday.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
I'm so happy that you're dedicating
yourself and becoming a real member of
the JAMS family.
ELIZABETH
It just feels so good to help.
MATCH CUT TO:
INT. J.A.M.S. - PRINCIPAL SNUR'S OFFICE - DAY
Amy stands in the door where Elizabeth was just standing.
Principal Snur is behind his desk.
AMY
Elizabeth?! For the seventh grade
carwash? That's bonkers!
32.
Amy immediately regrets saying "bonkers."
AMY (CONT'D)
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow my stack.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
I just thought it was nice to see some
other teachers step up.
AMY
We raised over $6000 last year. That's a
record. Is this really the best time to
start experimenting?
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Amy, I see you taking on a.lot of
responsibility, what with directing
"Annie" and all your work with D.A.R.E.
I'd just hate to see you get overwhelmed
like you did in 2004.
She stares at him -- clearly, this is a touchy subject.
AMY
Of course. Well, I should skedaddle.
Looks like someone needs to plan a
Saturday morning bike ride.
She turns on her heels and walks out.
INT. ELIZABETH'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAWN
Elizabeth is asleep. Her ALARM goes off. It's 5:45 AM.
She opens her eyes, sees the time, considers for a beat,
then hits SNOOZE. She closes her eyes. - After a beat,
the ALARM goes off again. She hits SNOOZE.
Quick Cuts. Elizabeth hits the snooze button EVERY NINE
MINUTES until 8:45. She stares at the clock.
EXT. TEACHER'S PARKING LOT - MORNING
Garrett stands at the school entrance, holding a giant
cardboard sign that reads "CAR WASH" as a few CARS pull in.
Chase, and the other popular girls, are dressed in
seventh-grade sexy -- they've tied off their shirts.
The BOYS run around spraying each other, but mostly
spraying Garrett. Garrett laughs, mistakenly thinking
that he's part of the fun.
GARRETT
Oh, I'm gonna get you guys!
A couple of PARENT CHAPERONES stand in small clusters.
Tristan, the bully, cocks his arm and aims a soapy sponge
at Garrett.
TRISTAN
(NOTICING SOMETHING)
Whoa.
The CAMERA FOLLOWS Tristan's gaze. ELIZABETH steps out
of her car. She's wearing HIGH HEELS, DAISY DUKES and a
BIKINI TOP. She looks both spectacular and ridiculous.
A couple of PARENTS look over at Elizabeth, in shock.
ELIZABETH
(calling to Parents)
Sorry I'm late.
MOTHER
(to other PARENTS)
I'm going to say something about her
outfit.
The MOTHERS vigorously nod in agreement. A DAD pipes in.
DAD
(staring hard at Elizabeth)
Well, if it helps raise money...
The other DADS vigorously nod in agreement.
BEGIN CAR WASH MONTAGE:
--Elizabeth holds the "Carwash" sign. A LINE of CARS
forms. An OLDER MAN in an immaculately clean CADILLAC,
rolls down his window and hands her money.
--Elizabeth washes in SLO MO, shakes out her hair as she
gets WET. The BOYS and their FATHERS stare at her.
--The GIRLS try to mimic Elizabeth's seductive behavior.
Their MOTHERS run over and pull them away.
--The Older Man in the Cadillac comes back to have his
car re-washed.
END MONTAGE
34.
EXT. TEACHER'S PARKING LOT - LATER
The carwash is wrapping up. Elizabeth counts money at a
makeshift table and puts the earnings into a metal
lockbox. She glances around and then shoves a large
clump of cash into her DAISY DUKES.
VOICE (O.S.)
What are you doing?
Elizabeth looks up and sees Sasha hiding behind a TRUCK,
clearly spying.
ELIZABETH
Nothing. Get out of here, Dummy.
SASHA
Are you stealing our money?
ELIZABETH
How dare you?! I'm here early on a
Saturday for you guys. And for the
record, nobody likes a tattle tale.
SASHA
I haven't tattled. Yet.
ELIZABETH
Good. Cause if you do, I'll deny it and
flunk your ass. How will that look on
your resume?
SASHA
(TEARS UP)
I didn't say I would say anything.
ELIZABETH
Alright then. Now beat it. I've gotta
finish counting this money.
Sasha walks off. Elizabeth picks up a hose and sprays her.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
See you Monday!
Elizabeth waves to SASHA'S MOTHER, who eagerly waves
back.
ANGLE ON
ANY, across the street, watching through binoculars.
She's straddling her bike and is wearing a helmet and a
sheen of recently-applied suntan lotion. She takes a sip
from her Camelbak, and pedals away.
35.
INT. ELIZABETH'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
CLOSE ON a fish bowl with a crude sign that reads "New
Tits." Elizabeth drops in fistfuls of crumpled cash and
then writes in a notebook: $1300.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
Amy walks down the hall. She sees Principal Snur slip
into the bathroom. Amy walks up to the MEN'S FACULTY
BATHROOM door and waits. The BELL RINGS.
AMY
Shishkebobs.
She hesitates a beat and then enters.
INT. J.A.M.S. - MEN'S FACULTY BATHROOM - DAY
Wally is in a stall reading a brochure for a DOLPHIN TOUR.
PRINCIPAL:SNUR
(TO HIMSELF)
Amazing.
AMY (O.S.)
Wally? Are you in here? It's Amy
Squirrel.
He instinctively covers himself with the brochure.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Amy? What are you doing? Get out!
INTERCUT WITH:
Amy standing inside. She scrunches her nose at the smell.
AMY
This'll just take a sec. I thought you
might want to know that Elizabeth Halsey
showed up at the carwash in a bikini top and
short-shorts. It was pretty racy stuff.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
(THRU STALL)
Can we talk about this later?
AMY
(quoting some adage)
"Later we'll all die, said the gator to
the fly."
36.
Another TEACHER walks past Amy, looking confused. He
hesitates and then goes into an adjoining stall.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Look, Josh Gershman's dad called and said
that the carwash was a huge success. And
Lauren Rissman's dad called and said the
kids had a great time.
AMY
I don't want to speak out of school, but
I happened to be pedalling by and saw her
get.pretty chummy with the money. ,And
remember, we barely know anything about
her. She was a real lone wolf last year.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Are you accusing Elizabeth of embezzling
from the seventh grade car wash?
AMY
Something about this doesn't pass the
smell test, Wally.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Well, they raised over $7000, so whatever
she did worked. And next time you accuse
a fellow teacher of stealing, you better
be damn sure. We're done here.
Amy takes a deep breath. Her face is BEET RED.
AMY
Thanks for the pep talk. Have a super
day, you two.
Amy exits. Immediately, there is an IMMENSE ERUPTION
from the other stall, followed by a sigh.
MALE TEACHER (O.S.)
(IN STALL)
Christ... I thought she was never going
to leave.
INT. TEACHER'S LOUNGE - DAY
Sandy, the math teacher with the ponytail, sits at the
table grading papers. Another TEACHER dozes in the corner.
ELIZABETH
(entering, very friendly)
Hey! Are those new Doc Marten's?
Sandy looks behind him at the dozing teacher. "Is she
talking to me?"
Guilty.
ELIZABETH
How's Period 5?
SANDY
Great, thanks for asking. We got a new
bassist and we finally got a regular gig,
which is nice because it's earned. It's
time to show the world that a bunch of
teachers can really rock out.
ELIZABETH
Awesome!
(THEN)
Hey, would you mind grabbing me my yogurt
from the fridge?
Sure thing.
Sandy goes to the fridge. Elizabeth pulls visine from
her bag, and as his head goes into the fridge, she
squirts the entire container into his coffee mug.
SANDY (CONT'D)
You should come to one of our shows.
He hands her the yogurt.
ELIZABETH
Oh, I can't.
Elizabeth exits. Sandy sadly takes a sip of his coffee.
SANDY
I didn't even tell you the dates.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - DAY
Elizabeth's class is seated. They're staring at her,
waiting for her to begin.
CHASE
Are we starting "School Ties" today?
Elizabeth holds up her finger while she finishes reading a
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC.
38.
The camera ANGLES to show that she is studying a picture
of a topless AFRICAN TRIBESWOMAN with large breasts.
After a beat, Elizabeth looks up.
ELIZABETH
Alright, today, we're starting "School
Ties." Classic.
(then, pointing to a Student)
You, shut off the lights.
Elizabeth goes to the DVD player. There's a knock at the
door and the SCHOOL SECRETARY walks in holding a box.
She hands it to a confused Elizabeth.
SCHOOL SECRETARY
Here it is. Good luck.
ELIZABETH
Here what is?
SCHOOL SECRETARY
It's the pre-test for the state
standardized test. It was in the memo.
ELIZABETH
Oh, yes. In the memo.
The Secretary leaves. Elizabeth stares at the box.
Tristan and.a couple kids start making farting noises
with their hands.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Hey. Zip it. Zip your shit.
(THEN)
Alright, look, we all know these tests
are gay --
Elizabeth turns to a student who COULD BE GAY.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Hey.
Elizabeth passes the box to the front of the class, where
the kids dutifully take Scan-trons and test booklets.
ELIZABETH.(CONT'D)
(then, reading)
According to this memo, I'm supposed to
give you forty-five minutes per section.
Blah blah blah. Clear your desks,
pencils out and -- begin!
Twenty-five pencils hit paper in unison.
39.
Elizabeth takes the TV and swivels it to face her desk.
She turns on the movie, turns down the volume (just a
little bit) and reclines.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - CAFETERIA - DAY
Chase and another popular girl strut across the
cafeteria, arm in arm. A THIRD POPULAR GIRL, saving a
table, waves them over.
Chase and her friend walk right past the girl like she
doesn't exist and take a seat with a bunch of other girls.
ELIZABETH (O.S.)
(MARVELLING)
Little bitches.
TURN TO REVEAL
Elizabeth and Lynn on lunch duty.
The girl at the table starts BAWLING. Amy, also on duty,
races over to console her.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
What a phony.
LYNN
Major phony. But she also cares a lot, too.
(THEN)
So what's going on with your boobs?
ELIZABETH
Shit. Shit is going on with my boobs. I'm
never gonna get married. I'm gonna die
broke. I should just blow my brains out.
(then, lighting up)
There he is!
Scott walks down the ramp and HIGH-FIVES a bunch of kids.
He gives them a big wave.
LYNN
I love how his eyes sparkle when he smiles.
ELIZABETH
I want to sit on his face.
SCOTT
Hey, guys.
ELIZABETH
You're really making a habit out of this.
40.
SCOTT
Ha, yeah. Actually, Sandy Pinkus in the Math
department, I guess he got that stomach bug
that's been going around and I got the call.
LYNN
I heard he pooped himself in first
period. A kid had to walk him to the
nurse.
ELIZABETH
Lynn, would you mind grabbing me a milk?
Elizabeth gives her a "can you get out of here?" look.
LYNN
Scott, do you want anything?
SCOTT
I'm good, thanks for asking.
Lynn walks off.
ELIZABETH
So, Scott --
Lynn comes back.
LYNN
Sorry, what kind of milk do you want?
Skim? Whole? 2%? Chocolate?
ELIZABETH
I don't know. Surprise me.
LYNN
Okay, I'll get you skim. No, no, 2%.
Lynn walks off again.
ELIZABETH
She's funny.
Elizabeth notices Amy looking at her as she continues to
console the girl. Elizabeth turns back to Scott.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
So, Scott, I was thinking, I would love to
hear about your experiences in the Peace
Corps. I love Haiti. Maybe we could go
grab a drink some night. Maybe tonight.
SCOTT
Isn't it Back-to-School Night?
41.
ELIZABETH
(news to her)
Yeah, Silly, I meant after.
SCOTT
Cool! Let's get a group together.
ELIZABETH
Yeah, definitely! Or just the two of us.
Scott looks around, then lowers his voice.
SCOTT
Oh. Um, listen, I'm really flattered.
You're one of the nicest people I've met
here. But... I'm actually seeing
someone.
ELIZABETH
Oh?
SCOTT
Yeah, we've been keeping it quiet.
ELIZABETH
Because she's ugly?
SCOTT
No. She's beautiful. She's great. She
really cares about the kids. It's
just... when you're dating a co-worker...
ELIZABETH
(REALIZING)
Squirrel?
Elizabeth whips around to see Amy, who's now sharing a
frozen yogurt with the formerly bawling girl. Amy looks
up, smiles and gives a thumbs up to Elizabeth and Scott,
signalling that everything's okay with the girl. Elizabeth
NOTICES Amy's LARGE BREASTS straining against her blouse.
She quietly seethes.
SCOTT
Anyways, thanks again for asking me out.
I'm honored. And I'll take a raincheck
on that group date. See ya!
Scott crosses through the cafeteria. Lynn returns with a
four cartons of milk.
LYNN
Here you go. I got you one of each.
42.
Lynn hands them to Elizabeth, who takes them, drops them
in the trash and storms off.
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - NIGHT
At night, under the stars, the SCHOOL looks peaceful, serene.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - NIGHT
Elizabeth is up front. She's staring,at the PARENTS.
They stare right back at her. It's awkwardly silent for
a beat too long.
ELIZABETH
Hi, my name's Elizabeth Halsey.
Soooooo... Any questions?
Sasha's Mother eagerly raises her hand. Elizabeth points
to her.
SASHA'S MOTHER
Hi, I'm Sasha's mother. We waved to each
other at the carwash. I'm a little
concerned with the importance you're
placing on movies. What about the state
test?
Elizabeth points to her sign on the wall -- "Don't
Question My Authority."
ELIZABETH
That's exactly what I say to my students.
Listen, I'm a good teacher. And the school
hired me because I'm good at what I do.
(as the parents take this in)
And the reason your son loves my class is
because I inspire him. Movies are one
tool that I use. I also use other
multimedia techniques, which I'm not
going to get into right now. Look, I
could take you day by day through my
entire syllabus, but that's not how I do
things. I'm not one of these stuffy
teachers who's totally by the book. I
talk to the kids like they're little
adults. It's about mutual respect. So
that's my spiel, as the Jews say.
(THEN)
Help yourselves to some delicious snacks
and drinks in the back. Class dismissed.
They head to the back of the class. ANGLE ON
A "refreshments" table. A lonely package of OREOS rests
against a PITCHER OF TAP WATER.
Elizabeth tries to sneak out the door, but is stopped by
a sharply dressed PARENT.
PARENT #1
Excuse me, Ms. Halsey.
(EXTENDING HAND)
I'm Chris' dad.
From Elizabeth's reaction, she clearly has no idea who
Chris is.
ELIZABETH
Chris... Great kid -- and precocious.
You must be so proud.
CHRIS' DAD
Oh, what a relief. I just wish his
grades would reflect it.
ELIZABETH
If I know Chris, he'll get there.
CHRIS' DAD
Listen, I know you have a full plate, but
if you could keep an eye on Chris, my
wife and I would really appreciate it.
Chris' dad shakes her hand. Elizabeth opens her hand,
sees a tightly folded HUNDRED DOLLAR bill. She looks
back up at Chris' dad.
CHRIS' DAD (CONT'D)
(WINKING)
For supplies. Or whatever.
JUMP CUT TO:
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Elizabeth stands with another set of parents. They're
eating Oreos and sipping water.
ELIZABETH
You're Chase's parents? Great kid -- and
precocious. You must be so proud.
The parents beam.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
A student like that would benefit so much
from some extra attention.
CHASE'S MOM
You think we should hire a tutor?
(then, to Chase's Dad)
I told you.
ELIZABETH
(CONSPIRATORIAL)
I'd be happy to do it myself. It's just
hard in a class of twenty-five.
CHASE'S MOM
Oh, to be a teacher.
ELIZABETH
It's just so hard, on my salary, having to
pay for my supplies, my fiance cheated on
me with his twin sister... and, unlike a
lot of these other teachers, all I truly
care about is helping your child learn.
And as their personal tutor, I guarantee a
full grade higher -- or your money back.
Chase's mom takes out her check book.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Make it out to "cash."
JUMP-.CUT TO:
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - LATER
Parents are leaving the class, ad-libbing "thank.you's."
Another SET OF PARENTS surreptitiously hand Elizabeth
some cash.
A Bohemian mother, MELODY, wearing a beret, lingers behind.
MELODY
Excuse me, Ms. Halsey. I just wanted to
introduce myself. I'm Melody. Garrett's
mom.
ELIZABETH
(EYEING BERET)
Nice to meet you... Garrett's a great kid
-- and precocious. You must be so proud.
45.
MELODY
Oh, you're referring to his poetry.
Thank you.
ELIZABETH
You must be so proud.
MELODY
I am. So so so so so proud. So proud.
ELIZABETH
A kid like that, if I could just give some
more one on one time, he would just blossom.
MELODY
I'm so happy to hear you say that.
would really benefit from that.
ELIZABETH
Unfortunately, in a class of twenty-
five...
MELODY
Ugh. Class sizes are ridiculous.
ELIZABETH
And with the amount they pay teachers...
MELODY
Thank god you love what you do.
ELIZABETH
I guess what I'm getting at is, maybe you
could help out by giving me a little --
you know -- somethin somethin.
Elizabeth offers her hand, palm up. Melody stares back
at her blankly.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
It's just, it's really tough to teach the
way that I want to teach when there's so
little money. I mean, look at this place.
MELODY
You know what I'm going to do for you?
Melody opens her pocketbook. Elizabeth smiles.
MELODY (CONT'D)
I am going to start a letter-writing
campaign to the school board, to my
congressman, to the mayor -- and keep
writing until you get what you deserve.
She opens her date book and writes herself a note.
MELODY (CONT'D)
And I'm writing myself a reminder!
Melody pulls Elizabeth into a warm hug.
MELODY (CONT'D)
You are a saint.
Melody exits. Elizabeth is left in the classroom by
herself.
ELIZABETH
So long, Crazy.
As Elizabeth pulls out the CASH she just made, we hear
the opening beats of COOLIO'S "GANGSTER'S PARADISE."
CUT TO:
INT. J.A.M.S. - ADMINISTRATION BULLPEN - DAY
The SONG continues. Elizabeth pokes her head in. The
office is empty. She walks in, grabs the "Lost and
Found" box and exits.
INT. THRIFT STORE - DAY
The SONG continues. Elizabeth stands across from a
HIPPIE-LOOKING GIRL. The pile of "Lost and Found"
clothes are laid out on the counter. The Hippie Girl
hands Elizabeth some cash.
INT. ELIZABETH'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
The SONG continues as Elizabeth throws more money in her
"New Tits" jar and enters a new amount into her notebook.
The new balance: $1473.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - DAY
"Gangster's Paradise" CONTINUES and we see that the class
is now watching "Dangerous Minds" with Michelle Pfeiffer
as a tough-as-nails teacher in an inner-city school.
INT. AMY'S CLASSROOM - SAME
The SONG continues as Amy, in her empty classroom, stands
against the adjoining wall, her ear pressed to it.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - ANOTHER DAY
The SONG continues. The class is still watching
"Dangerous Minds." There's some NOISE in the hall.
Elizabeth PAUSES the movie, STOPPING the song. She leans
into the hall.
ELIZABETH
Enough with the commotion!
The hallway goes silent. She comes back in and UNPAUSES
the movie. The SONG comes back on.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
The SONG continues as the hallway fills with excited
kids, who race down the hall and talk animatedly with
friends. Elizabeth pushes through the center.
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - TEACHER PARKING LOT - DAY
The SONG continues. Elizabeth sits in her car. She lights
a joint with the cigarette lighter and deeply inhales.
KNOCK KNOCK! The SONG abruptly ENDS.
Elizabeth jumps. She turns to her window, sees Sasha,
bundled in her winter coat, waving.
ELIZABETH
(through the window)
What do you want?
Sasha motions for her to roll down the window. Elizabeth
doesn't.
SASHA
Is that marijuana?
ELIZABETH
It is. But it's medicinal. Doctor gave
it to me. Not that it's any of your
business.
48.
SASHA
Oh, okay. Feel better.
(THEN)
My mom and I made you holiday cookies. Here.
Sasha pulls out a tupperware container.
ELIZABETH
(peering through window)
Are those oatmeal raisin?
SASHA
Sugar.
Elizabeth considers, then manually rolls down the window
a crack. She grabs the container and quickly closes her
window. Elizabeth starts eating a cookie.
ELIZABETH
You have anything to drink?
Sasha shakes her head.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Word to the wise: stop dressing like
you're running for congress.
SASHA
I don't want to run for congress. I want
to be president.
ELIZABETH
See? That's what I'm talking about.
Keep saying stuff like that, you're gonna
get punched. You really want to be
President or is that what your parents
tell to be?
Sasha shrugs.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
You don't have to decide right now. Who
knows? Maybe you wake up one day and
decide that you love giving massages and
you want to be a masseuse. Salary plus
tips. Think about it.
SASHA
If I think about it, will I get extra
credit?
ELIZABETH
(shakes her head)
Hopeless. Watch your feet.
49.
Elizabeth reverses. Sasha jumps away from the car.
Elizabeth peels out, passing the school marquee that
reads, "Happy Holidays, Jammers! See you in '09!"
INT. ELIZABETH'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY
Elizabeth rolls over. It's 3:40 PM. She yawns and gets
out of bed.
INT. ELIZABETH'S APARTMENT - DAY
QUICK CUTS. Elizabeth opens her refrigerator. Nothing
except ketchup packets, mustard packets and soy sauce
packets.
She reaches for her bong and tries lighting it. Once.
Twice. She shakes the lighter. No luck.
She carries the bong to the stove, turns on the stove,
and tries lighting it from there. No luck.
ELIZABETH
Seriously?
EXT. LIQUOR STORE - AFTERNOON
Elizabeth walks up to the door. It's locked. She shakes
the door.
ELIZABETH
Seriously?
She sees a HOMELESS GUY leaning against the storefront.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Why's the store closed?
The Homeless Guy looks at her strangely.
HOMELESS GUY
It's Christmas.
ELIZABETH
Seriously?
Elizabeth looks around. The streets are empty. Not a
person in sight.
HOMELESS GUY
Merry Christmas!
ELIZABETH
Whatever.
(then, stops)
Hey, you got a lighter?
HOMELESS GUY
I don't smoke. It's bad for you.
Elizabeth walks back to her car, empty-handed. A MINI-
VAN passes. Stops. Reverses..
The window rolls down. It's Garrett and his Mom.
GARRETT
Ms. Halsey! Hey, it's me, Garrett!
MELODY
Merry Christmas, Ms. Halsey!
ELIZABETH
MELODY
Having a nice Christmas?
ELIZABETH
MELODY
What are you doing the rest of the day?
Going to see your family?
ELIZABETH
(UNCONVINCING)
I'm probably going to meet up with some
people. We're having a big potluck, so...
Elizabeth-shuffles her feet.
MELODY
Ms. Halsey.
(then, extremely maternal)
Elizabeth. Would you like to have
Christmas with us?
INT. GARRETT'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY
Cozy and unpretentious. Filled with crafts. Elizabeth sits
next to Melody and across from Garrett, who's wearing his
"Gymnastics" sweatshirt, and his TWO AUNTS, both divorced.
Elizabeth tears through a plate of Christmas cuisine.
MELODY
This is a real treat for Garrett. He doesn't
have a lot of friends come by the house.
ELIZABETH
I find that hard to believe.
(CHECKS WATCH)
Listen, I hate to eat and run, but I've
gotta head over to the shelter.
GARRETT
I thought we could play board games!
AUNT #1
A shelter. That is so inspiring.
ELIZABETH
Yeah, I love helping bums.
MELODY
Oh, but you have to wait for dessert. We
have a real treat.
ELIZABETH
If it's cheesecake, I'll stay.
MELODY
It's even better than cheesecake!
(THEN)
Garrett, why don't you run and get some
of your new poetry?
GARRETT
(feigning. embarrassment)
Oh god, no one wants to hear it. Oh god,
I'm so embarrassed!
MELODY
Don't be shy, Marbles.
Garrett runs out of the room.
ELIZABETH
If you're not really serving dessert, I'm
gonna have to get going.
MELODY
One poem? If you like it, maybe you can
read it to your homeless friends.
INT. GARRETT'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER
Garrett stands in front of Elizabeth and his family. He
opens his journal, clears his throat, and begins.
GARRETT
This is called "The Chase," by Garrett
Tiara.
(READING)
XOXO /My love for you is XOXO/
Her hair is long and straight / Isn't it
great? / About her smile / That I would
walk a mile for / About her personality /
That makes me see the best in me / And at
night when we sleep / Our souls locked in
deep / So that when we sleep / We can
stop pretending / And embrace our
beautiful ending.
Melody applauds. The Aunts join in. Elizabeth claps,
then gets up to go. Garrett shakes them all off.
ELIZABETH
She sits back down.
GARRETT
We'll dance our dance / We'll revel in
romance perchance / One glance / One dance
/ Because together we can achieve...
(really reaching for it)
Ba-lance... Thank you.
He closes his journal. Everyone applauds. Melody looks
to Elizabeth for a reaction.
ELIZABETH
Junior likes to rhyme.
53.
MELODY
Patty, Nancy, why don't you give me a
hand with dessert -- give them a chance
to talk about the poem.
The women exit, leaving Garrett and Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH
So your poem's about that girl?
GARRETT
Chase, yeah. You got the subtext.
ELIZABETH
Can I give you some advice?
GARRETT
Please.
ELIZABETH
Number one, stop writing poetry. Two:
stop reading it. And three: don't set
your sights so high. I mean, she's
really hot. If I were you, I'd try for
that chubby girl that sits up front --
the one with the teeth?
Elizabeth puts her hands to show teeth going off in
different directions.
GARRETT
But I like Chase.
ELIZABETH
Not gonna happen. Look, I was that hot
girl. Hotter, even. And I never would
have gone out with a kid like you. And
I'm not saying that to be mean. I'm
saying it to be helpful.
GARRETT
What do you know? You don't-even know
our names.
ELIZABETH
I'll tell you what I know: a kid who
wears the same "Gymnastics" sweatshirt
three days a week isn't getting laid
until he's 26. That's what I know.
GARRETT
(EMOTIONAL)
This sweatshirt was my dad's. It's all
he left when he left.
54.
ELIZABETH
Well, there's a reason he didn't pack it.
GARRETT
(quiet, steely)
Fuck you.
Elizabeth pats Garrett on the shoulder.
ELIZABETH
Good luck being a loser. Thank your mom
for dinner.
Elizabeth heads for the door.
GARRETT
Happy New Year. Are you spending that
alone, too, or do you want my mom to
invite you over?
She gives him the finger over her shoulder and leaves.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - DAY
The students, many tanned, many with braids in their hair
from their winter vacations, silently stare at Elizabeth.
She looks haggard. She pulls out a bottle of cough syrup
and takes a long swig.
The kids look at each other, like "what is she doing?"
Elizabeth lets out a lame, fake cough.
ELIZABETH
Shut up.
INT. WOMEN'S FACULTY BATHROOM - DAY
Elizabeth is-checking her makeup in the mirror. Lynn
enters. Her blouse has a healthy serving of vomit on it.
LYNN
Hey, welcome back.
ELIZABETH
What is that, vomit?
Lynn grabs some towels and blots at the stain..
LYNN
Yeah, and a little blood. The kids had
too much sugar.
(MORE)
55.
LYNN (CONT'D)
Anyways, a bunch of us are going out
tonight to see Period 5 play. Do you
want to come?
ELIZABETH
Ugh. No.
Elizabeth heads out. Lynn, still blotting, follows her.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Elizabeth and Lynn bump into Scott.
SCOTT
Hey, guys. Are you coming to 'In
Cahoots' tonight? My band's doing a few
songs. Could be fun.
ELIZABETH
Um, yes! That sounds like a party.
(then, to Lynn)
Lynn, do you want to come?
LYNN
Yes.
SCOTT
We'll all grab a drink!
ELIZABETH
Great. I need to get drunk. I mean, not
drunk drunk. But a strong buzz. Still
be able to drive home.
SCOTT
(high fives her)
Now we're cooking with grease!
CUT TO:
EXT. IN CAHOOTS BAR & GRILL - NIGHT
We hear the familiar riff of Shawn Mullin's "Lullaby."
CUT TO:
INT. IN CAHOOTS BAR & GRILL - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
Scott, Sandy (with his hair down), a BALDING BASS PLAYER
with a yarmulke and a HEAVY-SET DRUMMER, are playing
their hearts out. This is PERIOD 5.
56.
Amy, and a couple other teachers are front and_center,
grooving to the music. Amy sways with her eyes closed.
SANDY
(SINGING)
Everything's gonna be alright /
rockabye...
Scott joins in, harmonizing.
SCOTT
Rockabye, rockabye...
SANDY SCOTT
Bye, bye... Bye, bye...
ANGLE ON
Elizabeth and Lynn at the bar.
LYNN
Aren't they terrific?
Elizabeth eye-fucks Scott. She catches his eye and he
quickly smiles before nervously turning his attention to
Amy. Elizabeth watches Amy dance in SLO M0, her BREASTS
bouncing up and down.
ELIZABETH
(staring at Amy's breasts)
They're perfect.
LYNN
You should hear some of their originals.
She turns to the bartender.
ELIZABETH
Two more.
(then, to Lynn)
You want anything?
LYNN
No thanks... You know, I was thinking
that if you still need that money, you
should.try and go for the bonus. Can't
hurt.
ELIZABETH
What bonus?
LYNN
For the state test.
(off Elizabeth's look)
(MORE)
57.
LYNN (CONT'D)
Whichever teacher has the highest scoring
class gets a bonus. We talk about it all
the time in the faculty meetings.
ELIZABETH
How much?
LYNN
$5700. Could be good, right?
(THEN)
Let's dance!
Lynn runs out onto the dance floor and joins Amy.
DRUMMER
(COUNTING OFF)
1, 2, 3, 4...
SANDY
(SINGING "SMOOTH")
Man it's a hot one / like seven inches
from the midday sun...
Amy kicks her shoes off, and starts dancing. Lynn
follows suit.
Elizabeth throws back her drink and exits.
CUT TO:
INT. J.A.M.S. - TEACHER PARKING LOT - DAWN
The sun is breaking.
INT. AMY'S CAR - SAME
Amy listens to NPR as she pulls into the empty parking
lot. Suddenly, she SLAMS on her brakes.
ELIZABETH'S CAR is already there. Amy puts her car in
park and gets out. She walks over to Elizabeth's car and
feels the hood.
AMY
Cold.
INT. J.A.M.S. - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
The clicking of Amy's shoes ECHO through the empty hallway.
She stops, takes off her shoes. She pitter-patters down
the hall to Elizabeth's classroom and PEERS in.
58.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - SAME
Elizabeth is at the chalkboard, intently writing
questions. She senses something in her periphery and
looks over at her window. Nothing.
Elizabeth goes back to work.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - LATER
Elizabeth waits in the doorway impatiently as the kids
filter in. Garrett brings up the rear, rolling his
backpack into class.
ELIZABETH
(TO GARRETT)
Let's go, Sylvia Plath.
Garrett rolls his backpack over Elizabeth's shoe..
Elizabeth winces and glares at Garrett.
The rest of the class enters, stops, noticing WORK
PACKETS on each of their desks.
CHASE
(LOOKING AROUND)
Where's the TV?
ELIZABETH
(ALL BUSINESS)
Everyone, take your seats.
Shawn turns to Spencer.
SHAWN
What do you think's going on?
Spencer shrugs.
ELIZABETH
Come on, come on. We have a lot to cover
so sit down.
The class, still confused, quickly take their seats.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Alright then. Now. Open your To'Kill A
Mockingbird to page one.
The kids slowly take out their books. We HEAR the
distinct sound of twenty-five book spines cracking as
they're opened for the first time.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(checking her notes)
Good. Now, who can tell me why Jem cries
when the hole in the tree is filled with
cement? Anyone?
GARRETT
Because she's a cry baby.
The kids chuckle. Chase looks back at Garrett.
ELIZABETH
(TO GARRETT)
Get out.
Garrett clicks up the handle on his bag and heads for the
door.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
We're here to learn. Anyone else have a
problem with that? Good. So who has the
answer to my question?
Everyone looks down.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Nobody's read this book? It's on the
syllabus.
SASHA
(raising hand and answering)
You never assigned it to us.
ELIZABETH
Well, now I am. And we're having a quiz
tomorrow.
Panic.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
On the first hundred pages.
PANDEMONIUM.
SASHA
You can't do that! I have band and jazz
band tonight!
SHAWN
We haven't had homework all year!
ELIZABETH
Hey! Zip your shit! We've fallen
behind, and honestly, your practice tests
scores sucked balls -- which was
embarrassing to me both on a personal
level and as an educator.
(BEAT)
Things are about to change. Recess is
over.
INT. ELIZABETH'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Elizabeth reads To Kill a mockingbird and highlights like
crazy. She stops, takes a hit from her bong, and
continues.
Her roommate, Kirk, enters through the front door,
sipping from a Big Gulp.
ELIZABETH
Did you get my Cool Ranch?
He tosses her a bag of chips.
KIRK
You owe me two bucks..
Kirk walks into his room and closes the door.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - DAY
Elizabeth paces. She has a book of stickers in her hand.
ELIZABETH
Okay, now, what is the significance of
the Mockingbird in the novel? What was
Harper Lee trying to tell us?
No one raises their hand.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(SURPRISINGLY SUPPORTIVE)
Come on, you guys know this.
This is as close to real teaching as we've seen from
Elizabeth. Sasha raises her hand. We see that she
already has two gold star stickers on her forehead.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(rolls her eyes)
Anyone else?
Chase raises her hand.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
CHASE
It's a symbol for, um, equality?
Elizabeth puts a sticker on Chase's forehead.
ELIZABETH
Okay, good. Can anyone add to what that
girl said?
JUMP CUT TO:
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - ANOTHER DAY
The desks have been arranged into a makeshift courtroom.
Spencer presides as the judge. Chase and Shawn are the
prosecutors. Garrett is dressed like Boo Radley. Tristan,
the bully, addresses the rest of the class -- the "jury."
Everyone is clearly into the exercise.
REVEAL Principal Snur, clad in a dolphin tie, watching from
the back of the class.
TRISTAN
Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, you've
heard the "facts," but come on, you know
me. I'm Atticus Finch, baby!
The class laughs.
TRISTAN (CONT'D)
Come on, seriously. You're gonna side
with Chase and Shawn over me?
ELIZABETH
Use examples from the book.
SPENCER
It doesn't matter what race the defendant
is. You've just gotta look at the facts-.
Elizabeth nods in agreement. The bell RINGS.
ELIZABETH
Good work today. And don't forget to
leave your closing statements on my desk.
The students all dutifully drop off their papers, placing
them in a neat stack next to other ungraded PAPERS.
Principal Snur exits, giving Elizabeth a thumbs up.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(CALLING AFTER)
Love the tie!
INT. TEACHER'S LOUNGE - DAY
Scott and Amy share a bag of trail mix. Sandy reads a
Jerry Garcia biography. Lynn grades. papers.
AMY
So, you know how I hate to gossip, but I
heard that one of the custodians walked
in on Omar -- you know, that Arabic boy --
giving...
(WHISPERS)
Oral sex to Matty Feldstein after swim
practice in the boy's locker room.
SANDY
It just starts younger and younger.
LYNN
(EARNEST)
It's nice to finally see the Jews and the
Arabs getting along.
Elizabeth enters. Scott looks up and smiles.
SCOTT
Hey, Ms. Halsey.
AMY
Your shirt's mis-buttoned. Her shirt's
mis-buttoned.
ELIZABETH
(LOOKING DOWN)
Oh shit. Hold on.
Elizabeth turns away from them and starts rebuttoning.
Sandy tries to sneak a peek. Scott shoots him a dirty
look. Sandy gives an innocent shrug.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(grabs yogurt from fridge)
I've just been such a mess the last few
days. Working myself to the bone.
63.
AMY
Yeah, it's been quite a change.
SCOTT.
Well, I think it's great. Some teachers
just sail by, doing the bare minimum.
It's good to know there are still some
actual educators out there.
Elizabeth smiles for Scott, like, "You get me."
ELIZABETH
Well, I should get going. Nice seeing
all of you.
Amy and Elizabeth smile thinly at one another. Elizabeth
squeezes Scott's shoulder as she exits. Amy notices.
SCOTT
(RE ELIZABETH)
What a good egg.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - LATER
Amy and Sasha sit in the empty auditorium. Sasha is
dressed as LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE, including the RED WIG."
Student STAGEHANDS construct a set.
AMY
What else, Sasha?
SASHA
I don't know. I told you about the car
wash money.
AMY
I can't prove that. What else?
SASHA
I think I've told you everything.
AMY
And no more movies in class?
SASHA
No, we're actually learning. Did you
know that Animal Farm isn't even really
about animals --
AMY
(SNAPPING)
Animal Farm?! That's not even on the
syllabus!
(MORE)
64.
AMY (CONT'D)
(then, collecting herself)
I know you're forgetting something. Do you
want extra credit on your diorama or not?
SASHA
I want it! Let me think... Oh there
was... never mind.
AMY
What?
SASHA
It was okay. It was medicinal.
AMY
Wait. Hold your horses. What was
medicinal?
SASHA
Ms. Halsey was smoking in her car, but
she told me her doctor prescribed it.
AMY
(TO HERSELF)
Holy guacamole.
CUT TO:
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
SLO MO. Two scary-looking GERMAN SHEPHERDS, their teeth
bared, pull two POLICE OFFICERS down the hall.
POLICE OFFICER #1
(to German Shepherd, coaxing)
Come on, Axel, what do you smell, boy?
The Police Officers continue the search. They lead the
dogs up against lockers and knock on class doors.
Amy and Principal Snur watch from the end of the hallway.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
(TO AMY)
You better be right about this -- or I'm
going to be getting a lot of panicked
calls from parents.
AMY
Trust me, Wally. My kids in D.A.R.E.
tell me everything and there are drugs in
this school. And not just the students.
Some of the female teachers.
65.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - THE NEXT DAY
The class is split up into mini-sections of four desks
each. The students are quietly and dutifully working.
As Elizabeth reads papers and grades them, we HEAR the
various student's voices.
TRISTAN (V.0.)
Atticus Finch is a good lawer because
he's a good person whose a layer.
Elizabeth looks at Tristan. As she writes, we HEAR --
ELIZABETH (V.0.)
Proofread.
JUMP CUT TO:
QUICK CUTS. Elizabeth grades another paper. She's
growing more agitated and is now feverishly writing.
ELIZABETH (V.0.) (CONT'D)
Wrong!!!
ELIZABETH (V.0.) (CONT'D)
Is this English?
ELIZABETH (V.0.) (CONT'D)
Are you fucking kidding me?
Elizabeth crosses out with one line, so it's
clearly visible beneath. From out in the hallway, we
HEAR the loud, aggressive BARKING of the DOGS. Tristan
runs to the door and peeks out.
SPENCER
Whoa. Drug dogs. Cool.
ELIZABETH
Sit down.
Elizabeth races to the window.
ELIZABETH'S POV
The Police officers and the dogs enter the classroom next
to hers. Elizabeth glances back at her pocketbook.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(under her breath)
Balls.
She races back to her desk.
66.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D
Keep reading.
Elizabeth takes her seat and leans under her desk,
obscuring her from her class. She opens her pocketbook
and pulls out a CIGARETTE CASE. She pops it open and we
SEE three neatly rolled JOINTS.
Without hesitation, Elizabeth POPS the first one into her
mouth and starts chewing vigorously. As she. makes her
way through the second and then the third, the chewing
becomes slower and the BARKING becomes louder and louder.
Elizabeth starts CHOKING as the door opens and the Police
Officer and the German Shepherd enter, followed by
Principal Snur and Amy.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Elizabeth, sorry to bother you. This
will only take a second.
Elizabeth,. still choking, digs into her purse. She grabs
her cough syrup and takes a huge swig. Elizabeth wipes
her mouth, breathes normally.
ELIZABETH
Sorry. I had something caught in my
throat.
The German Shepherd continues barking.
POLICE OFFICER #1
What is it, Axel? Where is it, boy?
The Dog comes bounding at Elizabeth. Elizabeth's eyes go
wide. Amy licks her lips. The Dog sideswipes Elizabeth,
almost knocking her over, and jumps onto Garrett.
GARRETT
Ahhh!!!
The'Police Officer starts rummaging through Garrett's bag
and pulls out an opened bag of CORN CHIPS.
POLICE OFFICER #1
(holding up Corn Chips)
All clear. Dog must've responded to
these. Happens.
Elizabeth glares at Amy -- "I know you were behind this."
Amy glares back.
Principal Snur looks at Amy and shakes his head.
AMY
(grasping at straws, to Garrett)
Even though that wasn't drugs, junk food
is still contraband. That's detention,
Buster.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Enough, Amy. I think it's time we call
off this witch-hunt.
ELIZABETH
(pointedly to Amy)
Thank you, Principal Snur. Now if you'll
excuse me, my class has a state test to
prepare for.
Principal Snur, Amy and the Police Officer exit.
Elizabeth slumps down into her chair, and all at once,
the combination of WEED and COUGH SYRUP HITS HER.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Whoa.
CHASE
Are you okay, Ms. Halsey?
Elizabeth takes a long beat before answering.
ELIZABETH
Class dismissed.
SASHA
But the bell didn't ring.
ELIZABETH
Get out of my face.
(then, to Garrett)
And leave the corn chips.
The class uncertainly gathers their things and heads out.
From outside Elizabeth's window, we SEE the SCHOOL BUSSES
idling curbside. Elizabeth stares at the papers she
still needs to grade. The papers stare back at her.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(to no one)
But first, a nap.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - NIGHT
Elizabeth is asleep at her desk. She wakes with a jolt.
A paper is stuck to her face.
She looks again at the stack of work, then at the pile of
things she's already corrected. There's FOUR.
ELIZABETH
Balls!
She knocks the stack of ungraded papers to the ground.
After a beat, she collects herself, goes to pick the,
papers off the floor. As she starts tossing them into
the trash, something catches her eye: a PRACTICE TEST
MANUAL. And in the corner, an address:
54 LAKEVIEW STREET
Peoria Il, 61602
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Huh.
Elizabeth tears off the corner and pockets it.
ELIZABETH (PRE-LAP) (CONT'D)
Hey, it's Elizabeth Halsey...
I/E. ELIZABETH'S CAR - DAY
Elizabeth is driving down the highway and smoking a joint.
ELIZABETH (V.0.)
Unfortunately, I can't make it in today.
My grandmother took a turn for the worse
and it looks like she's dead.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - DAY
The kids are laughing and engaged. TURN TO REVEAL SCOTT,
dressed in overalls and a straw hat with a piece of hay
in his mouth, animatedly teaching. He's holding a copy
of "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer."
ELIZABETH (V.0.)
Yeah. So I'm off to the funeral. Wish
me luck.
EXT. SIGMA NU - MOMENTS LATER
Elizabeth knocks on the door. A buff, shirtless guy in a
backwards hat opens it. He likes what he sees.
FRAT GUY
Hi there.
ELIZABETH
Is Tucker here?
FRAT GUY
(DISAPPOINTED)
Yeah, hold on. T-baaaaag! Someone's
here.
(then, back to Elizabeth)
So you coming to our "CEOs and Corporate
Ho's" party tonight?
Elizabeth just stares at the Frat Guy. He turns away.
Tucker, dressed identically to the Frat Guy but twenty
pounds overweight, hustles down the stairs. He has a
tattoo of intertwined teabags around his bicep.
TUCKER
INT. SIGMA NU - TUCKER'S BEDROOM - DAY
Tucker sits on his bed. Elizabeth leans against a desk,
unwilling to sit down on anything in his disgusting room.
BOB MARLEY plays softly.
TUCKER
Do you ever talk to my brother?
ELIZABETH
No. He dumped me, remember?
TUCKER
You and my brother always had the
histrionics.
(THEN)
So, do you want to come to our party
tonight? "CEOs and Corporate Ho's?"
We're kinda light on Ho's.
ELIZABETH
Like I told "Frat Guy #1," I'm not
interested.
TUCKER
Then what's up?
ELIZABETH
I need some date rape drugs.
TUCKER
(hurt, defensive)
Two things. Number one: who do you think
I am? Yeah, I like to party and yeah,
I'm in an awesome frat, but that really
hurts. And two: they're not "date rape"
drugs. It's called GHB -- and it's for
weightlifting. It helps build mass,
okay? Why do you even want it?
ELIZABETH
(DEADPAN)
For lifting.
(THEN)
I have money and I'm in a rush.
She takes out a wad of cash.
TUCKER
That's all you needed to say. No need to
get all histrionic on me.
Tucker walks over to a chest, opens it, and takes out a
small lockbox. He unlocks it and takes out a small
bottle containing a clear liquid.
TUCKER (CONT'D)
One capful makes you feel really good.
Two capfuls will knock her out for a
couple hours. You don't want to take any
more than two.
Elizabeth hands him some cash. He hands her the jar and
then gives her a big, warm hug.
TUCKER (CONT'D)
Listen, I know you and my brother aren't
together anymore, but I still think of
you as a sister, okay?
ELIZABETH
Get your hand off my ass.
TUCKER
Sorry, didn't even know I put it down
there. Good luck with your lifting.
71.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CAR - DAY
As Elizabeth drives, we HEAR a phone RINGING.
WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
I.S.A.T. How can I direct your call?
ELIZABETH (O.S.)
Hi, my name is Marjorie Goodman and I'm
calling from the Chicago Tribune. Who
could I speak to regarding allegations of
racial bias on your standardized tests?
A beat.
WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
Please hold.
INT. T.G.I.FRIDAY'S - NIGHT
A portly, unkempt man in a cheap suit, CARL HALABI,
nervously walks through the hotel bar. He sees the back
of a WOMAN with a RED PERM.
CARL
Marjorie?
"Marjorie" turns and we SEE that it's actually ELIZABETH,
wearing the "Little Orphan Annie" wig. She's sipping a
cocktail.
ELIZABETH
You must be Carl.
His face lights up, excited to be in the company of such
an attractive woman. Elizabeth stands and extends her
hand. Carl notices Elizabeth's very short skirt.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Thanks for meeting me on such short
notice.
Elizabeth motions for him to sit down.
CARL
(NERVOUS)
You find the place alright? Good drive?
ELIZABETH
Great drive. I love downstate Illinois.
CARL
First time to Peoria?
72.
ELIZABETH
Hmm mmm.
CARL
A lot of people don't know this, but it's
the largest city on the Illinois River.
ELIZABETH
Wow. I did not know that.
CARL
Yup yup. And it was actually founded
before Chicago.
ELIZABETH
Hello, Jeopardy! Have you ever
auditioned?
CARL
(enjoying the compliment)
No. I should, I should. Definitely
thought about it.
ELIZABETH
Listen, I'd love to sit here and chat
with you all night.
CARL
Yeah...
ELIZABETH
But I'm sure you're a very busy man, so
I'll get right down to it.
(THEN)
I've spoken to various, um, black citizens
who are alleging that your tests are
biased towards white people and Orientals.
CARL
(shakes head in frustration)
You can't use my name, okay?
ELIZABETH
No problem.
CARL
Like I told you on the phone, every couple
of years, we get calls from all over the
state with these cockamamie charges. You
should hear what they call me. And I'm
not a racist. I voted for Obama.
(motioning for her to write)
That, you can quote me on.
73.
ELIZABETH
Oh, right.
Elizabeth takes out a notebook and pen and starts jotting
down notes.
CARL
Look, Marjorie, I know my tests aren't
perfect. But what's the alternative? I'm
all for free thinking and creativity, but
how do you formulate an education budget
without hard numbers from one of my tests?
ELIZABETH
You don't need to convince me. But you
know what would help, Carl? For me to
see one of this year's tests.
CARL
No problem at all.
Elizabeth lights up.
CARL (CONT'D)
I'll send you one the day after the
schools administer them.
ELIZABETH
I'd really love to see it sooner. I'm on
a bit of a deadline.
CARL
I wish I could, but unfortunately, you
need one of these bad boys.
Carl holds up a lanyard with a STATE ID CARD and some
keys attached.
ELIZABETH
Ooh, you look like you're CIA. Listen, I
totally get it. Enough business for one night.
(THEN)
I'm gonna have another drink before I hit
the road. What's your poison?
CARL
My poison is the white devil. Wine.
White wine.
ELIZABETH
Fantastic.
(then, to Bartender)
One white wine, one tequila sunrise, and
two shots of tequila.
74.
INT. T.G.I.FRIDAY'S - LATER
Carl is a little tipsy and slurring his words. Elizabeth
seems to be fine.
CARL
You know, Marjorie, this is the best
night I've had in a longtime.
ELIZABETH
Well, that makes two of us.
Elizabeth gives Carl "fuck me" eyes. He nervously sips
his drink.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
What turns you on, Carl?
CARL
Everything.
ELIZABETH
You know what turns me on, Carl?
He giggles nervously.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(WHISPERS)
Sex in an office. Getting fucked really,
really hard against a wooden desk.
CARL
(SWALLOWS)
Mine's metal.
ELIZABETH
Even better.
INT. ILLINOIS STANDARDIZED TEST OFFICES - NIGHT
Carl flips on the fluorescent lights and they flicker on,
like dominoes across the ceiling. They enter his office
and Carl awkwardly leans against the metal desk.
CARL
(gesturing, as promised)
So this is the desk.
ELIZABETH
Do you have anything to drink?
Carl goes to a mini-fridge and pulls out an already
opened bottle of white wine.
75.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
White wine in the office. You're a bad
boy.
Carl pours a glass. Elizabeth swigs from the bottle.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Do you have any music?
CARL
Um... I could put on some internet radio.
Carl goes to fiddle with his computer. Elizabeth quickly
reaches into her purse and pulls out the bottle of GHB.
She pours a little into Carl's wine. And then a little
bit more. As he turns around, she hands him the glass.
ELIZABETH
A toast. To new friends.
CARL
To new lovers.
CLINK. Carl downs his glass.
CARL (CONT'D)
(NERVOUS)
I'm gonna take off my shoes. Is that okay?
ELIZABETH
Whatever, man. I'm gonna hit the lady's
room.
CARL
K, first door on your right. Don't be
long.
Carl starts carefully clearing everything off of his desk.
INT. STANDARDIZED TEST OFFICES - BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Elizabeth waits in the bathroom. Yawns. Checks her watch.
INT. STANDARDIZED TEST OFFICES - LATER
She walks back in. Carl looks woozy. The only thing
keeping him from passing out is the prospect of seeing
Elizabeth naked.
CARL
(SLURRING)
I wanna fug ya agains dis desk.
76.
ELIZABETH
Easy, Cowboy.
Carl stumbles towards her. Elizabeth deftly moves around
the desk and exits into the bullpen.
CARL
Marblorie!
ELIZABETH
(as to a child)
Carl, I'm gonna need you to pass the fuck out.
Carl smiles as he feebly chases after her. He. stops at
the photocopier, steadies himself momentarily and then
passes out, STILL STANDING.
Elizabeth grabs the lanyard from Carl's neck and heads back
into his office. She goes over to the filing cabinets,
unlocks it with one of the keys, and starts rifling. She
pulls out a folder.
2009 ILLINOIS STANDARDIZED TEST
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
And bingo was his name-o.
She walks over to the photocopier and pushes Carl over. He
collapses on the ground -- out cold. She copies the test and
puts it back and grabs a stack of scantrons from a shelf.
She takes a post-it, scribbles something and sticks it to
his forehead. As Elizabeth exits, the camera PUSHES IN:
"You were AMAZING. Love, Marjorie."
CUT TO:
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - MORNING
Elizabeth stares at the clock. 8:59... 8:59.
ELIZABETH
Okay, go.
The students open their test books and start. Twenty-
five pencils hit paper in unison.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - LATER
Elizabeth stares at the clock. 10:59... 10:59.
ELIZABETH
Okay, pencils down.
A couple of groans. A couple of frantic moves to fill in
more scantron bubbles.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Come on, come on. It doesn't even
matter. Bring your tests up.
The students dutifully place their tests into a neat
stack on the corner of Elizabeth's desk and exit.
Elizabeth waits for all the kids to leave and then slides
all of the exams into the trash. She pulls out a match
and lights the exams on fire.
She then reaches into her bag and pulls out a new stack
of completed exams. She places the new exams into an
official-looking folder and exits.
DISSOLVE TO:
CHYRON: 2 WEEKS LATER
Principal Snur is on stage. All the teachers sit in the
first few rows. Amy stands at her seat.
AMY
If anyone has any information regarding
the whereabouts of the missing "Annie"
wig, please let me know ASAP. Because if
that wig isn't found, you can bet your
bottom dollar the "sun will not come out
tomorrow." Back to you, Wally.
Amy sits. Principal Snur addresses the teachers.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Thanks, Amy. Um, okay, I'm sure everyone
wants to go home, so I'll be quick.
SANDY
(PIPING UP)
Fourscore and seven years ago...
Scattered laughter. Elizabeth rolls her eyes.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
(holding up file)
So I have here the results of the state
exam -- and I'm happy to announce that
John Adams Middle School had the fifth
highest scores in the state.
The Teachers applaud.
PRINCIPAL SNUR (CONT'D)
And I want to single out one of our own,
who showed that with hard work and
dedication, one person can make a
difference. She makes me proud to be her
boss and she's now $5700 richer. With
the highest scores in the county -- yes,
you heard me right, in the county ---I
want everyone to please give a hand to --
AMY
(to random teacher)
Oh boy, third year in a row. This is
starting to get embarrassing.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Elizabeth Halsey!
Elizabeth leans over to Amy, who's sitting beside her.
ELIZABETH
This is unexpected.
All of the color drains from Amy's face as Elizabeth
stands and waves at the crowd.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
Teachers are exiting the auditorium. Scott catches up to
Elizabeth, who's marvelling at the bonus check.
SCOTT
Hey, if it isn't Professor Smartypants.
Scott playfully punches her shoulder. Elizabeth
playfully punches him back.
ELIZABETH
(FLIRTY)
Better not mess with me. I'm a lot
stronger than I look.
79.
SCOTT
(LAUGHS)
So what are you gonna do with your new-
found riches?
ELIZABETH
Something big. Maybe two big things.
Amy walks up and gives Elizabeth a big, fake hug.
AMY
Hey! Ism so proud of you. If someone
told me at the beginning of the year that
you -- you! -- would get the bonus, I
would've said to whomever it was, 'you
must be joshing me.' And now, here we
are. Here we are.
SCOTT
We should go out and celebrate.
(joking, to Elizabeth)
Your treat?
AMY
What a good, fun idea. Unfortunately,
Scott and I have to go over the itinerary
for the D.C. trip. We're the chaperones.
We're going together.
(then, quiet to Elizabeth)
We're dating, so it'll also be romantic.
You're not dating anyone now, right?
ELIZABETH
I've got my eye on someone, but he's
dating a major cunt.
(then, to Scott)
Pardon my French.
SCOTT
No, she sounds terrible.
ELIZABETH
She is.
AMY
Well then. Scott, we should skedaddle.
Those itineraries won't schedule
themselves.
Amy and Scott head off. Scott turns around.
SCOTT
Rain check on those drinks.
ELIZABETH
(TO HERSELF)
You can bet on it.
INT. DR. VOGEL'S OFFICE - RECEPTION AREA - DAY
Danni, the receptionist, uncrumples a BALL OF CRUMPLED CASH
and counts it. Elizabeth taps her fingers impatiently.
DANNI
Almost done. We don't normally deal with
cash here. At the doctor's office.
Elizabeth slides the bonus check across the desk.
ELIZABETH
And this is endorsed. And the rest you
can put on these.
Elizabeth slides four credit cards across the desk. The
MIDDLE-AGED DOCTOR from earlier walks by.
DANNI
(TO ELIZABETH)
And when would you like to come in?
ELIZABETH
(TO DOCTOR)
MIDDLE-AGED DOCTOR
Hi.
He goes into his office. Elizabeth turns back to Danni.
DANNI
And when would you like to come in?
ELIZABETH
Today. Tomorrow. As soon as possible.
Danni checks her calendar.
DANNI
A week from tomorrow, then?
ELIZABETH
Book it.
Danni slides Elizabeth a packet of literature.
DANNI
We have a 48 hour cancellation policy.
Anything after that, you'll be charged
50% the cost of the surgery -- unless
there are extenuating circumstances.
ELIZABETH
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Elizabeth pulls her shirt away from her body and looks
down at her breasts.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
So long, suckers.
EXT. J.A.M.S. - TEACHER PARKING LOT - DAWN
The lot is empty except for Elizabeth's car.
INT. AMY'S CLASSROOM - DAY
Elizabeth enters and pulls latex gloves from her bag.
She snaps them on. She takes a seat at Amy's desk and
pulls an apple from her bag.
Then she pulls out POISON IVY. She rubs the apple with
the poison ivy leaves and then carefully places it in the
center of the desk. Elizabeth smiles.
INT. AMY'S CLASSROOM - LATER
Amy's class is seated. Amy enters and heads for her desk.
She notices the apple and smiles at her class, touched.
Thank you.
The class stares back at her blankly.
AMY (CONT'D)
Who did this?
No response from the class.
AMY (CONT'D)
Oh come on. Nobody wants an extra
sticker on their all-star board?
Amy presses the apple to her ear.
AMY (CONT'D)
(muppet voice, to apple)
Who brought you to me?
Amy places the apple up to her ear.
AMY (CONT'D)
(MUPPET VOICE)
What's that, Mr. Apple? You want me to
take a bite? Alrighty-roo.
Amy takes a bite of the apple and then addresses the class.
AMY (CONT'D)
Enough horsin' around, let's get started.
JUMP CUT TO:
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - TEACHER PARKING LOT - DAY
A LUXURY BUS idles curbside. Parents see off their kids.
Scott and Elizabeth are checking kids in. Principal Snur
walks up.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
All set?
SCOTT
I think we're good.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Elizabeth, thanks again for hopping in
last minute. You really saved us.
ELIZABETH
Is Amy going to be okay?
PRINCIPAL SNUR
She'll be fine. But to be honest, I
think she was scaring some of the kids.
ELIZABETH
I bet, I bet. Well, let her know she's
in my thoughts.
ANGLE ON
Amy watching from outside her car. One side of her face
is completely blistered, scaly and red from the POISON
IVY. The kids have every reason to be scared by her.
She gets into her car and slams the door.
AMY
(banging on steering wheel)
Fudge! Fudge! Fudge! Fuuuuuck--dge!
INT. LUXURY BUS - DAY
Kids sing BUS SONGS. Elizabeth and Scott sit up front.
KIDS
(SINGING)
Hey, Sasha!
Hey, Sasha!
SASHA
I think I hear it again!
KIDS
You're wanted on the telephone!
SASHA
(POINTING)
If it's not Chase, then I'm not home!
Chase rolls her eyes. Up front, Scott and Elizabeth sit
next to one another and share ipod buds.
ELIZABETH
(nodding to the beat)
You guys are amazing. Period 5 is
definitely going to make it.
Scott smiles wide. Garrett walks up the aisle. He looks
at Elizabeth, then turns to Scott.
GARRETT
Mr. Delacourte, do you think we could go
to the poetry museum?
SCOTT
Oh, um, I don't know, Champ, um --
Scott looks to Elizabeth, like "please help."
ELIZABETH
(to Garrett, supersweet)
Oh, honey, I bet everyone would just love
to walk around and look at all the poetry
on the walls, but unfortunately, the
itinerary's really tight.
GARRETT
Why are you talking like that?
ELIZABETH
Just go sit down, sweetie.
Garrett gives her an annoyed look and then heads back to
his seat. Scott smiles at Elizabeth.
SCOTT
Wow, you are such a natural.
ELIZABETH
When you love what you do, it comes easy.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - NIGHT
A splotchy-faced Amy trudges down the hallway. She
passes Elizabeth's room, stops, walks back to the door
and peers in. She looks down the hallway -- it's empty.
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS
Amy rifles through Elizabeth's desk. She opens the top
drawer. Just pens and paper. She tries the bottom
drawer. Locked.
Shishkebabs!
INT. EMPTY HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Amy drags ELIZABETH'S DESK across the hallway into her
room. It's a slow, difficult and loud process.
INT. EMPTY HALLWAY - LATER
Amy, sweating, now drags HER OWN DESK across the.hallway
into Elizabeth's room. She stops to catch her breath.
CUT TO:
85.
INT. AMY'S CLASSROOM - THE NEXT DAY
Amy watches as the MAINTENANCE GUY sorts through his keys
and tries to unlocks the desk.
AMY
(nervous, too loud)
I never lose my keys!
MAINTENANCE GUY
What's wrong with your face?
AMY
What's wrong with your face?!?!
MAINTENANCE GUY
Just making conversation.
He finds the right key and opens the desk.
MAINTENANCE GUY (CONT'D)
All set.
AMY
(buying it back)
Super! Thanks a bunch, Amos!
The Maintenance Man exits.
Amy immediately opens the desk and rummages through it.
She pulls out the "Annie" wig.
AMY (CONT'D)
Busted.
She pulls out a test booklet. There's a piece ripped out
from the front page. Amy's eyes narrow. She runs to the
floor, where she has neat stacks of what used to be in
her desk. She finds her test booklet and compares the
two, clocking the I.S.A.T. address.
AMY (CONT'D)
Looks like somebody's in big, big
trouble.
EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - DAY
To establish.
EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - SMITHSONIAN - DAY
Elizabeth and Scott stand with the kids in the lobby area.
86.
SCOTT
Alright, guys, count-off.
The students begin their count-off.
STUDENT #1
1.
SASHA
2!
STUDENT #3
3.
TRISTAN
69.
He bumps knuckles with his friend.
GARRETT
5.
As the students continue counting off, we
CUT TO:
D.C. Montage:
--Elizabeth and Scott walk with the kids through
ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY. Elizabeth snaps her gum.
--Elizabeth, Scott and the kids follow a TOUR GUIDE
through the WHITE HOUSE. Elizabeth takes the gum from
her mouth and looks for a place to toss it. She doesn't
see a trash can and quickly sticks it to the bottom of an
antique table.
--Chase has Elizabeth take a "Charlie's Angels" posed
picture of her and her minions. Elizabeth takes the picture
before they're fully posed and hands the camera back.
END MONTAGE.
INT. ILLINOIS STANDARDIZED TEST OFFICES - DAY
Amy, her face still covered in the rash, sits across from
Carl Halabi, the administrator that Elizabeth roofied.
Carl is staring at a photo of Elizabeth.
CARL
She changed her hair. Is Marjorie in
some kind of trouble?
87.
AMY
I think you're the one that might be in
some kind of trouble! Did you or did you
not give her a copy of the state test?
CARL
What?! No!
(THEN)
All I did was give her a couple of quotes
,for her article and that's it.
AMY
What article?
CARL
For the Tribune. She's a reporter there.
Right?
Amy's eyes go wide.
CUT TO:
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
Amy's car ZOOMS past the camera.
INT. AMY'S CAR - DAY
Amy's drives, her hands at 10 and 2. CLOSE ON the
speedometer as the needle hovers between 55 and 56 mph.
EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - JEFFERSON MEMORIAL - DAY
The students take pictures. Garrett walks up to chase.
GARRETT
Hey, you want me to take your picture?
CHASE
No.
GARRETT
Alright, well let me know. I've got my
camera and my battery's fully charged.
She turns away.
GARRETT (CONT'D)
Awesome.
ANGLE ON
88.
.Scott, who stares up at the memorial and looks choked up.
Elizabeth walks up behind him eating a fruit roll-up.
ELIZABETH
(OFFERING)
Fruit roll-up?
SCOTT
(RE JEFFERSON)
I'm so conflicted about this man. Did
you know that he had slaves?
Elizabeth tries to dislodge a piece of the fruit roll-up
from the back of her mouth with her tongue.
ELIZABETH
Yeah, everyone knows that.
SCOTT
I just hate slavery so, so much. An
unquestionable evil. I hate it.
Elizabeth continues struggling with the fruit.
ELIZABETH
Slavery's the worst.
SCOTT
If I could go back in time and undo
slavery, I would.
Elizabeth gives him a sideways glance, like "no shit."
ELIZABETH
You really hate slavery, huh?
SCOTT
I hate it.
Elizabeth finally dislodges the chunk of fruit roll-up.
ELIZABETH
(re fruit roll-up)
Got it.
SCOTT
(staring straight ahead)
You get it.
Scott squeezes Elizabeth's shoulder.
SCOTT (CONT'D)
Thanks for listening.
89.
ELIZABETH
Hey, I want you to know you can talk to
me about anything. Slavery, the
Holocaust, relationships.
Scott smiles. Elizabeth smiles. They lock eyes -- a
moment.
INT. PRINCIPAL SNUR'S OFFICE - DAY
Principal Snur squeezes a dolphin-shaped stress ball that
chirps like a dolphin with every squeeze. Amy sits
across from him, trying to contain her glee.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
(shaking his head)
Test-tampering. Here? At J.A.M.S.?
AMY
And like I said, she stole the wig. I
think we're dealing with a criminal
master-mind.
(BEAT)
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Wally.
You know how much we all like her.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
I know. It's a tragedy. But Amy, let's
keep this between us. The last thing we
need is a scandal on our hands.
AMY
You betcha.
(gets up to go, turns)
You know what scares me the most? This
is just what we know. This could be the
tip of the iceberg. Who knows what else
she's capable of?
INT. RADISSON HOTEL - HALLWAY - NIGHT
The CAMERA is tight on a hotel room door. The faint
thumping of hotel sex can be heard.
INT. RADISSON HOTEL - SCOTT'S ROOM - NIGHT
Elizabeth and Scott are dry-humping, FULLY CLOTHED except
for their shoes and socks.
SCOTT
Oh my gosh, your body feels so good.
90.
ELIZABETH
Harder, harder.
Elizabeth tries pulling off her shirt. Scott pulls it
back down.
SCOTT
Oh my gosh, I'm dry-humping the shit out
of you.
ELIZABETH
Erg. Dry fuck the fuck out of me.
SCOTT
Oh my gosh, I'm so close... I'm... pfft.
Ugh.
Scott rolls off of Elizabeth and exhales deeply. There's
a wet spot on his jeans.
SCOTT (CONT'D)
That was a mistake.
ELIZABETH
That was fast.
SCOTT
I know, I'm sorry. But this isn't me. And I.
know this isn't you. I'm in love with Amy.
ELIZABETH
But we're so good together. We both hate
slavery, we both love teaching. And call
me crazy, but I always imagined us
spending summers at your family's compound
in Hyannisport.
SCOTT
I know. And you're awesome and you have a
huge heart and I love your empathy. It's
just, when I was dry-humping you, I couldn't
stop thinking about dry-humping Any.
ELIZABETH
It's because of my tits, isn't it? Well,
I'm getting new ones in, like, two days.
Don't make a decision until you see them.
SCOTT
Elizabeth, I think you're beautiful just
the way you are, even with your flat chest.
And I think Amy's beautiful. But I just
have to do what's right. I made Amy a
promise.
91.
Scott holds up his hand, showing off a PROMISE RING.
ELIZABETH
What're you -- 13?
Elizabeth angrily gets up and pulls on her socks.
SCOTT
Wait, Elizabeth. Don't go. Spend the night
here with me. You can sleep on the other bed.
ELIZABETH
(FAKE EXCITEMENT)
Ooh, like a slumber party? I'm leaving. And
for the record, your band sucks, asstard.
Elizabeth opens the room door and exits. She tries slamming
the door, but it's on a spring so it closes very, very slowly.
EXT. LINCOLN MEMORIAL - DAY
The kids listen to a TOUR GUIDE on the steps of the
memorial. Garrett sneaks furtive glances at Chase.
Elizabeth stands away from the group, on her cell.
ELIZABETH
(ON PHONE)
Wally. Why would I cheat? If I'm guilty
of anything, it's teaching too hard.
Great... I've got nothing to hide.
She ends the call.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Fuck!
Scott, wearing a Thomas Jefferson souvenir T-shirt, and
all of the students look over at Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH.(CONT'D)
What?!
The Tour Guide looks around uncertainly before continuing.
TOUR GUIDE
And does anyone know what Abraham
Lincoln's nickname was?
Sasha's hand shoots up.
SASHA
Honest Abe.
92.
TOUR GUIDE
"Honest Abe", that's right. Because
Lincoln always said what was on his mind,
even if that meant being unpopular.
Abraham Lincoln always showed great
courage.
Garrett takes this in. He looks over at Chase and then,
after a beat, raises his hand.
TOUR GUIDE (CONT'D)
Yes?
GARRETT
I love Chase Streeter-Rossi.
All eyes turn to Garrett. Chase looks mortified.
TOUR GUIDE
Okay then. Any other questions?
GARRETT
(presses, turns to Chase)
I love you, Chase. I've always loved
you. And even though you pretty much
stopped talking to me in fifth grade, I
don't care. I remember the Chase that
wrote me a card when my dad was
overweight and had to go to the hospital
because of his heart --
SASHA
That was from the whole class.
GARRETT
Shut up, Sasha, I'm talking about a
different card.
(CONTINUING)
And then, a year later, when he left my
mom and moved in with his trainer, you
wrote me another card. What happened to
us? Remember when we had a sleepover in
the second grade and you wet your bed and
you were so embarrassed and you made me
promise not to ever tell anyone. Well, I
never did and I never will. I know we're
really young, but remember Romeo and
Juliet were only 13. A lot of people
don't know that. So there it is. My
heart on a sleeve.
(goes into rhyming verse)
Don't let me leave / Always believe /
A beat. Chase stares at Garrett.
93.
CHASE
Gross.
Chase's friends all start laughing. The rest of the
class joins in. Garrett runs down the steps, away from
everyone.
SCOTT
Alright, guys, let's settle down.
The Tour Guide looks around, uncertain.
TOUR GUIDE
(POINTING)
And these columns here are Doric columns.
Now let's move inside to see the interior
murals painted by Jules Guerin.
The Tour Guide leads the group inside. Elizabeth looks
back and sees Garrett on the steps, his head in his
hands. She rolls her eyes and walks down to him.
ELIZABETH
Hey, Abe Lincoln, get up. Tour's not
over.
GARRETT
(UPSET)
She just laughed at me. Called me gross.
ELIZABETH
You'll get over it. Get up.
GARRETT
I'm not going back. Leave me alone!
ELIZABETH
Now.
GARRETT
No!
Garrett runs off.
ELIZABETH
Hey, come back here you little --
Elizabeth starts running after him in heels. She
immediately breaks a heel.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
MOTHER --
She breaks the other heel.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Fucker.
EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - DAY
The students stand by their bus. Scott addresses them.
SCOTT
Who had a good time in D.C.?
The students let out a cheer.
SCOTT (cont'd) (CONT'D)
Who ate too many french fries at lunch?
The students let out another cheer.
SCOTT (cont'd) (CONT'D)
Alright, let's do our final count-off.
STUDENT #1
SASHA
STUDENT #3
TRISTAN
A beat.
STUDENT #6
6.
STUDENT #7
7.
,SCOTT
Wait, wait. Where's 5? Who's 5?
Everyone looks around.
SASHA
I think it's Garrett Tiara.
SCOTT
Garrett! Garrett!
Nothing. Scott looks around, stricken.
SCOTT (cont'd) (CONT'D)
And where's Ms. Halsey?
Nothing.
SCOTT (cont'd) (CONT'D)
Alright, everyone on the bus!
CUT TO:
EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - STREET - LATER
Elizabeth searches for Garrett.
ELIZABETH
Garrett! Garrett!
Her cell phone RINGS. She checks the caller ID: "HOT
SCOTT." She puts the phone back in her purse.
INT. LUXURY BUS - LATER
The kids are getting restless. A lot of singing. A lot
of horsing around.
KIDS
(CHANTING)
Let's go home! Let's go home!
Scott sits up front by the driver. He's on his cell.
SCOTT
(FRANTIC )
I'm freaking out here. They've been
missing over two hours. I'm just a
substitute!
(then, to kids)
Shut up!!!
The chanting immediately stops.
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. AMY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Amy, the phone cradled to her ear, leans back on her
couch. She's wearing splotches of calamine lotion over
her rash and her hair is pulled back. A TURTLE plods
across her kitchen table.
96.
AMY
(WHEELS SPINNING)
Oh my gosh. We just might have a Mary
Kay Letourneau situation on our hands.
Amy scratches the turtle's neck as it continues across
the table.
SCOTT
I don't know. You think?
AMY
I know. The woman's a criminal
mastermind.
SCOTT
This is such a mess.
AMY
What I need from you is to focus and get
our kids home safe. I'll take care of
everything here.
SCOTT
Thanks, Amy. You're a lifesaver.
AMY
It's what I do. Love you, Scooter.
She hangs up the phone and cockily kicks her feet onto
the table, accidentally knocking the turtle to the floor.
AMY (CONT'D)
Oh boy.
EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - NIGHT
We're no longer in the tourist areas. A STRAY DOG walks
down the middle of the street. SIRENS WAIL. PROSTITUTES
hail Johns with catcalls. Elizabeth, still in her broken
heels, walks down the gritty street. -
ELIZABETH
(CALLING)
Garrett! Garrett!
Her phone RINGS. She checks the CALLER ID -- "HOT SCOTT."
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
(ANSWERING PHONE)
I'm looking for him! Stop fucking
calling me!
She powers her phone off and continues down the street.
She passes two PROSTITUTES.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Hey, guys. Hi. I'm looking for a young
kid, about 13. Really annoying, kind of
a cry baby. Have you seen him?
PROSTITUTE #1
Fuck you.
ELIZABETH
Fantastic.
PROSTITUTE #2
You best step off, bitch, because this is
my block. This here's Poetry's block.
ELIZABETH
Poetry?
PROSTITUTE #1
Cause that's how she fuck.
PROSTITUTE #2
I fuck like that. Lyrical.
Something occurs to Elizabeth. She smiles.
ELIZABETH
Thank you, Poetry. And Poetry's friend.
Elizabeth walks off and sticks out her hand, trying to
hail a cab. She passes a bunch of HOMELESS MEN warming
up by a trash can fire.
HOMELESS MAN #1
Won't get a cab in this neighborhood.
A CAR slows next to Elizabeth. A JOHN rolls down the
passenger window and leans out.
JOHN
Hey, sweetheart. How much for a titty
fuck?
ELIZABETH
I need a ride.
JOHN
Oh yeah, I need a ride, too. Right
through those titties.
ELIZABETH
No, I need a ride. Like you driving, and
me pointing mace at your face. I'll give
you ten bucks.
JOHN
(A BEAT)
This is weird. Twenty.
Elizabeth hops in.
CUT TO:
EXT. J.A.M.S. - TEACHER'S PARKING LOT - NIGHT
MIDNIGHT. PARENTS are waiting. A few console Garrett's
mom, Melody. A few LOCAL NEWS VANS idle nearby.
SPENCER'S MOM
(TO MELODY)
He's gonna be alright. The police will
find him. I'm sure they're back at the
hotel. Probably just a mix-up.
The bus pulls up to the curb and stops. Scott steps off
first, clearly confused by the crowd and TV cameras.
Immediately, a reporter thrusts a mic into his face.
REPORTER
What can you. tell us about the alleged
romance between Elizabeth Halsey and a 13
year old student?
SCOTT
(CONFUSED)
What?
The students step off and the Parents swarm them.
PARENT #1
Oh baby, are you okay? Did she touch
you?
Sasha's parents engulf her in a hug.
SASHA'S MOTHER
Oh Sasha!
(then, to Sasha's Dad)
You expect this stuff to happen in
Florida, not here.
EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - OFFICE OF THE POET LAUREATE - NIGHT
Garrett walks up to a drab building where he sees
Elizabeth on the curb waiting for him. There's a tiny
sign that reads "Office of the Poet Laureate."
ELIZABETH
It's closed. Won't be open till morning.
Come on. Let's get back to the hotel.
I'm sure everyone's mad at you.
Garrett stands his ground.
GARRETT
I'm not leaving without talking to the
poet laureate.
ELIZABETH
Do you think that some Shel Silverstein
wannabe is going to tell you the meaning
of life?
GARRETT
What do you care?
ELIZABETH
I'm here, right?
GARRETT
You have to be here. You're a teacher.
ELIZABETH
Not for long. I'm getting fired for
cheating as soon as we get back.
Garrett takes a seat next to Elizabeth.
GARRETT
So. you came looking for me on your own?
ELIZABETH
Yup.
(holds up her shoes)
And you owe me a new pair of
Nanette Lepores.
GARRETT
I just want to know what to say to Chase
to get her to like me.
ELIZABETH
You know what you should do?
What?
ELIZABETH
Just go out and sleep with as many girls,
as you possibly can. Get her out of your
head.
GARRETT
They'll probably reject me, too.
ELIZABETH
Yeah, probably. But life's about how you
deal with rejection. You can either hide
in a corner and cry or you can get
stronger every time. And I figure a kid
like you with not much going for him --
if he were to choose the latter -- might
end up becoming a pretty strong man.
GARRETT
(TOUCHED)
Thanks.
ELIZABETH
Now come on, let's get out of here. I'm
freezing and Mr. Delacourte's probably
shitting a brick.
GARRETT
I can't go back there. All the kids will
laugh at me.
ELIZABETH
You seriously think they haven't been
laughing already?
GARRETT
Maybe Chase is wondering where I am.
ELIZABETH
Hate to break it to you, kid, but I don't
think anyone gives two shits where we are.
INT. PRINCIPAL SNUR'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Principal.Snur sits across from Garrett's mother, Melody,
who is beside herself. She is wearing a beret. A
DETECTIVE and Amy are standing behind the desk.
Principal Snur passes her a dolphin-shaped tissue box.
DETECTIVE
What else can you tell us about Garrett
and Ms. Halsey's relationship?
MELODY
It was strictly student/teacher.
Garrett's a gifted poet and Ms. Halsey
was trying to bring that out of him.
Amy snorts.
DETECTIVE
Did they ever spend time outside of the
classroom?
MELODY
Aside from Christmas at our house?
Absolutely not.
The Detective glances at the Principal, like "Oh boy."
AMY
She used to give all the guys that look.
That sex look. You know --
Amy gives her version of a sexy look to the Detective.
AMY (CONT'D)
She's a monster.
DETECTIVE
Mrs. Tiara, I think we might need to
consider the possibility that Elizabeth
Halsey has abducted your son and that the
two of them are involved in a sexual
relationship.
MELODY
(INCONSOLABLE)
Marbles doesn't even have armpit hair!
DETECTIVE
(quietly, to Principal Snur)
We should send out an Amber Alert. We
need to catch this Sicko.
TV NEWS FOOTAGE
A REPORTER talks to camera on the steps of J.A.M.S.
Other NEWS CREWS are in the bg.
102.
REPORTER
A school official close to the scandal
confirms that in addition to her alleged
sexual relationship with the unnamed
seventh grader, Elizabeth Halsey has been
investigated for possible drug use,
standardized testing fraud, and the theft
of an "Annie" wig from a school
production.
The TV Report flashes an unflattering photo of ELIZABETH
with a BLURRED OUT GARRETT.
In front of the school, the Reporter turns to Principal Snur.
REPORTER (CONT'D)
Can you comment on any of these allegations?
PRINCIPAL SNUR
The superintendent will speak to the
press shortly, but for now, I'd just like
to say that I hope Ms. Halsey does the
right thing and brings back our student.
INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - TRAIN STATION - NIGHT
Elizabeth buys two tickets. Garrett hovers beside her.
ELIZABETH
(TO GARRETT)
You're paying me back for this.
EXT. TOWNHOUSE - NIGHT
Elizabeth's ex-fiance, mark, stands with Sheila and talks
to a REPORTER.
MARK
Am I shocked?
Mark starts laughing.
SHEILA
She was always very cold to me.
JUMP CUT TO:
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - NIGHT
Chase is crying as she speaks to a DIFFERENT REPORTER.
103.
CHASE
(wiping away tears)
Garrett sat diagonal from me in language
arts. He was always so supportive of my
modelling career.
JUMP CUT TO:
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - NIGHT
Lynn stands with a DIFFERENT REPORTER.
LYNN
(TEARY)
She's my best friend. She tells me
everything. We have lunch together!
JUMP CUT TO:
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - NIGHT
Tristan stands with a DIFFERENT REPORTER.
TRISTAN
I've been telling him to hit that all
year. That's my boy!
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - NIGHT
Amy talks to a DIFFERENT REPORTER.
AMY
(holding a candle)
"No child left behind." How ironic.
That a child was left behind. In
Washington, D.C. With a statutory
rapist.
JUMP CUT TO:
INT. AMTRAK TRAIN NIGHT
Elizabeth and Garrett are seated next to one another on
the darkened train. Garrett's asleep against the window,
Elizabeth is reading "In Style" with the overhead light.
Garrett stirs, rolls the other way and gently places his
head on Elizabeth's shoulder. She looks at him and then
shrugs her shoulder to get him off. His head falls back
on. She leaves it.
104.
I/E. TAXI - NIGHT
Elizabeth is asleep on Garrett's shoulder. Garrett is
pressed against the window, clearly uncomfortable. The
Taxi turns a corner and Garrett notices something.
GARRETT
Hey, there's a bunch of people outside of
my house.
Elizabeth wakes up and looks up to see:
A CANDLELIGHT VIGIL, including Amy, Scott, Melody, and
many. of Garrett's classmates; a SEA OF TV CAMERAS; and
TWO POLICE CARS.
ELIZABETH
What the fuck?
(then, to Garrett)
Did you steal something?
The taxi pulls up to the curb and Elizabeth and Garrett .exit.
CHAOS. They're immediately swarmed by everyone. The
Cops struggle to push past.
MELODY
(BESIDE HERSELF)
Marbles!!!
The reporters thrust mics in her face.
REPORTER #1 REPORTER #2
How long have you been Why did you steal the
sleeping together? "Annie" wig?!
ELIZABETH ,
Just the once on the train. What?!
The Cops get through and smother Garrett in a police
blanket. A FEMALE COP roughly leads Elizabeth to one of
the squad cars.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
This is crazy! He's a kid.
Elizabeth is put into the back of squad car.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
I'm a good person! I don't fuck minors!
Elizabeth bangs on the window. Amy smiles and waves.
CUT TO:
INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT
A Sergeant is leading Elizabeth to a phone.
SERGEANT
You're quite the celebrity.
ELIZABETH
You want an autograph?
SERGEANT
You get one call.
Elizabeth picks up the phone. The Sergeant gives her
some space.
ELIZABETH
(INTO PHONE)
Hi, this is Elizabeth Halsey calling. I'm
calling to cancel my surgery for tomorrow.
Extenuating circumstances. Please, please
don't make me lose my deposit.
Elizabeth slams down the receiver.
SERGEANT
If you need medical attention, we're
required to provide it.
ELIZABETH
Just take me back to my cell.
INT. J.A.M.S. - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY
Silence.
Elizabeth and her roommate, Kirk, who's now dressed in an
ill-fitting suit and has his hair combed, sit across from
Principal Snur and the SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENT, a no-
nonsense woman in her 60s.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
Again, speaking on behalf of the whole
administration, I just want to apologize
for what happened. Clearly, there was a
miscommunication.
ELIZABETH
Oh, you think?
Kirk puts his hand up to Elizabeth, like "I'll take care
of this."
106.
KIRK
My client has been an upstanding member
of society her entire life. She has
spent time as an educator, she has
VOLUNTEERED --
ELIZABETH
More than once!
KIRK
And she has touched the lives of those
around her -- until last night.
Elizabeth pulls Kirk into a lawyer/client huddle.
ELIZABETH
(WHISPERS)
You kind of sound like a pro.
KIRK
(WHISPERS)
Do you think they're going to find out
that I didn't pass the bar?
ELIZABETH
(WHISPERS)
You're doing great.
They break from their huddle.
KIRK
Your administration jumped to
conclusions, set off a media fire-storm
and has humiliated one of its own. As
Ms. .Halsey's chief counsel, I've advised
her that we have an extremely strong case
of libel and that it's certainly within
her province to sue the district.
SUPERINTENDENT
How do we make this go away?
KIRK
Ms. Halsey is not a litigious woman. She
wants this whole matter to go away as
quickly and painlessly as possible.
Kirk slides a piece of paper across the desk.
KIRK (CONT'D)
This is a list of our demands.
The Superintendent and Principal Snur scan the list.
SUPERINTENDENT
You're kidding me.
ELIZABETH
Don't answer right now. Let it marinate.
Oh, and I should mention that if this
goes to trial, I can cry on cue.
Elizabeth starts crying. Everybody looks at her, aghast.
And as quickly she started, she stops.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Now, if you'll all excuse me, I should be
heading to fifth period. I hate to be
tardy.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY
Elizabeth heads down the empty hallway. From the auditorium,
the faint sound of "Tomorrow, Tomorrow" from "Annie" can be
heard.
Amy steps out of the auditorium, humming along to the song.
She notices Elizabeth coming to her. Amy debates her options.
AMY
Elizabeth! I was so worried. You gave
us quite a scare, you did.
Elizabeth doesn't acknowledge her and continues walking
toward Amy, only feet away now.
AMY (CONT'D)
(attempting some levity)
Somebody's being a grumple--
BAM! Elizabeth punches Amy square in the nose. Amy drops
to her knees and grabs her nose, now squirting blood.
AMY (CONT'D)
Elizabeth keeps walking and turns a corner. A BELL RINGS
and the hallway starts filling with STUDENTS.
PRINCIPAL SNUR (V.0.)
Well, it's been another great year at
JAMS...
108.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - GYM - DAY
QUICK CUTS. The year is winding down. Instead of gym,
kids are using the time to sign each other's yearbooks.
Chase walks up to Garrett with her yearbook, asks him to
sign it.
PRINCIPAL SNUR (V.0.)
Who can forget the exciting addition of a
climbing wall to the small gym...
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - DAY
QUICK CUTS. It's class photo day. With each FLASH, we
SEE a different TEACHER with a different CLASS.
And finally AMY, with a bandage over her nose and two
black eyes, smiles widely alongside her CLASS.
PRINCIPAL SNUR (V.0.)
.Or the student/teacher spelling bee.
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - TEACHER'S LOUNGE - DAY
Much like the first scene of the movie. The teachers are
sipping plastic flutes of Champagne. Principal Snur is
up front. Elizabeth lingers in the back.
PRINCIPAL SNUR
I think that was a huge s-u-c-c-a-s-s.
Polite laughter.
PRINCIPAL SNUR (CONT'D)
But seriously... With summer around the
corner, it's time to not only say goodbye
to another school year, but to also say
goodbye to one of our own.
Elizabeth smiles.
PRINCIPAL SNUR (CONT'D)
Amy Squirrel.
Amy, her face completely healed, steps forward, with a
pursed smile.
PRINCIPAL SNUR (CONT'D)
After six short years of outstanding,
tireless work here, Amy is transferring
out of the district.
(MORE)
PRINCIPAL SNUR (CONT'D)
I know she'll bring her love for learning
to her new students.
Sandy, the ponytailed teacher, pipes up.
SANDY
Speech! Speech!
AMY
Although leaving was a difficult
choice...
Amy looks over to Elizabeth, who motions for her to
continue.
AMY (CONT'D)
When the superintendent personally asks
you to work at one of the worst schools
in the state, you say yes. I'm looking
forward to bringing my brand of zany
energy and lust -- not love, lust -- for
learning to the underprivileged students
at Malcolm X High. I welcome the
challenge.
The Teachers applaud, Scott the most enthusiastic.
Elizabeth steps up to Amy, who flinches.
ELIZABETH
Here, I got you this.
Elizabeth hands Amy a poster tube. She.opens it and
unravels the "Integrity" poster that Elizabeth stole.
ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
And good luck. Somebody's gonna need it.
Elizabeth heads for the door. Scott catches up to her.
SCOTT
Hey, Stranger.
(then, whispers)
Listen, now that Amy's transferring,
maybe the two of us could go grab a
drink.
ELIZABETH
SCOTT
Elizabeth walks out.
CUT TO:
CHYRON: THREE MONTHS LATER
EXT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - TEACHER PARKING LOT - DAY
Elizabeth's 1994 Grand-Am pulls into her spot. And as
her bare leg steps out of the car, we
INT. JOHN ADAMS MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
The hallway is empty. We FOLLOW Elizabeth from behind,
and as she reaches for the door to her class, we
INT. ELIZABETH'S CLASSROOM - DAY
Quick cuts. From behind, we see Elizabeth place an APPLE
on each desk, just as Amy did earlier.
Elizabeth's walls are still bare, except for a framed
photo of Amy's class picture, with Amy's messed up face,
from the year before.
The bell RINGS.
Elizabeth turns and we now SEE that she has TASTEFUL FAKE
BREASTS.
Elizabeth walks to her door and opens it, watching the
students as they reconnect with friends and share stories
about summer camp.
She notices Sasha who is MASSAGING a BOY's shoulders.
bunch of other EIGHTH GRADE BOYS wait their turn.
EIGHTH GRADE BOY
Do me! Do me!
Sasha clearly enjoys the attention. Elizabeth smiles.
Garrett walks by, hand in hand with Chase. Trailing both
of them are identical rolling backpacks. He sees
Elizabeth and runs over.
ELIZABETH
You and Chase, huh? She likes the
poetry?
GARRETT
She likes that I'm kind of a celebrity.
But I'm cool with it. I'm the man around
here!
ELIZABETH
Easy.
GARRETT
Well, I should get going. See you
around, Ms. Halsey. Oh, and nice...
He points at her breasts.
ELIZABETH
(TOUCHED)
Thanks! You're the first student to
notice.
Garrett smiles and walks off. Lynn walks by. She's
cleaning another big stain from her shirt.
LYNN
Elizabeth, hey! How was your summer?
ELIZABETH
It was great. I met a doctor! Plastic
surgeon, actually. He's amazing.
LYNN
He sounds amazing. How'd you meet him?
The internet?
ELIZABETH
No, in recovery. And I looked like ass,
so I know it's real.
LYNN
Sounds like a fairy tale.
ELIZABETH
It is. Storybook. Well, not total
storybook. It's a little messy because
his wife filed for divorce last week, but
we're gonna get through that.
(THEN)
So you want to grab lunch later?
LYNN
Sure! My treat.
ELIZABETH
No, you got it last time. We'll split it.
|
