BURNING ANNIE
art imitates life imitates art imitates life
Written by
Zack Ordynans
PRODUCTION DRAFT
1-12-02
FADE IN:
Abrupt CLOSE UP on MAX, a plain wall behind him.
1 INT. LIMBO RADIO 1
He is 20, normal looking, not too nebbish, punkish, bookish,
or stylish. He is a high-strung guy, enjoying a rare moment
of un-self-consciousness.
MAX
There's an old joke. It comes from "The
Iliad," but I think it was popularized by
Oscar Wilde. It goes like this:
...A bear's taking a shit, like, out in the
woods one day. And he sees this rabbit,
also taking a shit. The rabbit, wait, I
mean, the bear, he's shitting up a storm,
cuz he's been eating Mexican. The
wiping's taking forever, and his shit
keeps sticking to his fur. Wait, what
happens next? Oh, right-- he asks the
rabbit if he ever has trouble wiping. The
rabbit says no, shit just slides right
off him. So the bear picks the rabbit up
and wipes his ass with him.
(pause, as if for applause)
Well, I never said it was a good joke.
And see, that makes it perfect, because
it's pretty much the story of my life.
We can now see that he's perched on a stool, wearing a REM t-
shirt and old jeans. He gesticulates vaguely as he talks.
MAX (CONT'D)
Growing up, my parents were huge Woody
Allen fans. Still are. Personally, I hate
him. Same thing with the Beatles, such a
part of my background that I must have
been about 16 by the time I realized how
useless it was to rebel by ignoring the
Beatles or any other cultural artifact of
their generation. Even if I did spend my
childhood hearing my father go on and on
about how, like, Nirvana would never mean
anything because they're not the Beatles,
blah-blah. I don't know, this is all
starting to sound a little bit too
angsty, you know, and that's about the
last thing I'm going for here... Shit, I
really got off track there, didn't I?
As Max shakes his head, a hanging RADIO MIKE comes into view.
It has the call letters of a college radio station on it.
2.
High on the wall behind him, a glowing "ON AIR" light is
revealed. The perspective is skewed, the studio appears
cavernous and completely barren.
2 INT. MAX'S CHILDHOOD HOME FLASHBACK DAY 2
YOUNG MAX, about five, sits on the floor and watches BANANAS
with his FATHER, a large, relaxed man with a mustache who
reclines in a tacky 80's chair and smokes a cigar.
MAX (O.S.)
Anyway, like the Beatles thing and this
is the point of that whole long-winded
example I was force-fed Woody Allen from
a young age. I remember watching Bananas
when I was about five. Of course, I hated
it.
Young Max is laughing hysterically at the screen.
Max stands to the side, watching his younger self and his
father. The radio mike hangs in front of him.
MAX (CONT'D)
This is my old house. We lived here, in a
dull suburb of New York, until I was ten,
when we moved to a different house in a
different dull suburb of New York.
On TV, a woman is bit in the breast by a snake and is chased
by a group of soldiers.
YOUNG MAX
Daddy, why are they running after her?
FATHER
(KINDLY)
Someday, you'll understand. Pay
attention, you'll learn something.
Young Max turns back to the screen, wide-eyed.
3 INT. MAX'S SECOND HOME FLASHBACK 3
In pajamas, ADOLESCENT MAX, 16, watches a newer TV in an
identical family room. This time, ANNIE HALL is playing.
MAX (V.O.)
Oh yeah. This wasn't the first time I saw
Annie Hall, but it was the first time I
actually appreciated it. I was flipping
channels on a Saturday afternoon, and
there it was, and I was stunned to find I
loved it, more stunned to find that my
parents may have had a point all along.
[MORE]
3.
MAX (V.O.) (cont'd)
Although, they were definitely wrong
about Bananas.
CLOSE ON: Adolescent Max, totally engrossed in the film.
4 INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY FLASHBACK 4
Adolescent Max walks alone to class. Other students rush by
in groups. He looks a little lost.
MAX (V.O.)
Oh God, high school. I hated this place.
I was a Junior when I gave up trying to
fit in. Fortunately, being a social
outcast is a lot easier when your school
is filled with idiots.
A pair of GOTH POSERS pass. Max keeps his distance. From the
other direction, a 6 FOOT TALL GIRL makes eyes at Max. He
walks into a water fountain, drops his books.
5 INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM FLASHBACK 5
Adolescent Max gets hit in the face with a volleyball.
Everyone laughs at him, including the COACH.
Max stands to the side and winces.
MAX
There was something in Annie Hall I
identified with. Maybe it was the style
of humor, or the defeatist attitude, I
don't know. All I know is, I kept going
back. Different people are inspired by
different things, and my source of
inspiration became a 20-year-old movie
about a failed relationship.
The volleyball rolls over and he picks it up.
6 INT. RADIO STATION -- PRESENT 6
From behind Max, we see the station as it really is: small,
dark, cramped, and totally filled with crap. Max wears
headphones, sits before a large console and audio gear.
He now holds a volleyball.
MAX
So after high school I ended up here.
There was never really any choice, not
going to college was not an option. Of
course, I brought Annie with me. Good
thing, too.
[MORE]
4.
MAX (CONT'D)
Watching it quickly became about the only
thing I could count on to go right.
7 INT. JEN'S ROOM FLASHBACK NIGHT 7
Max is with five friends in the double, and they all have
lingering style-baggage from high school (eg. bad haircuts).
MAX
(TO CAMERA)
It was freshmen year when we started
watching Annie Hall as a tradition.
(LOOKING AROUND)
Jeez, this must have been the very first
time. What's Amy doing here? I'm pretty
sure Amy wasn't here.
AMY is attractive, bookish, and sitting on Max's bed.
CHARLES, a skinny guy in a large chair, tries to get her
attention by wiggling his eyebrows seductively.
Max puts the tape in the VCR, hits rewind, and moves to sit
on his bed. He pauses when he sees how close he'll come to
Amy. Finally, he climbs over her and awkwardly sits at the
far end.
Amy watches, rolls her eyes, and looks at BETH, who shakes
her head sadly. Beth is pretty in an earthy way, spunky and
sad at the same time. She looks sympathetically at Max, who
is trying not to act nervous (and failing).
The couple is SAM, who's short and charismatic, with a cool,
slightly punkish personal style; and JEN, same height, cute
and serious, conservative dress. They lie on the floor
together.
MAX (CONT'D)
(TO CAMERA)
That's Sam and Jen. Sam was the alpha-
male of our group, which tends to consist
mostly of zeta-males. He had been going
out with Jen a couple weeks and we were
all waiting to see if she would change
him...
Sam slides a pillow under her.
SAM
Are you comfortable, honey?
JEN
I'm fine, Sam. I was worried about you.
Sure you don't want me to move over?
5.
SAM
Oh no, no, Jen, if you're happy, I'm
happy.
Max and Charles exchange a look-- there they go again. Max
makes a show of putting a pillow under a large Darth Vader
doll. Beth laughs, Amy is amused. Sam looks back and is
embarrassed. Jen rolls her eyes and gives Sam a look.
JEN
Are we gonna watch this movie or what?
DISSOLVE TO:
8 INT. JEN'S ROOM FLASHBACK LATER 8
Annie Hall's credits roll. Sam snaps on the lights.
SAM
Wow, what a good movie.
AMY
Oh, that was so sad! Relationships don't
have to be like that!
(TO MAX)
I can see why you like this so much. It
reminded me of you.
MAX
Uh, thanks, I guess. Does that mean you
liked it?
Max and Amy stand and face each other as the lights fade to
black around everyone else.
AMY
I didn't say I liked it, I said it
reminded me of you. It reminded me of
what I didn't like about you, the
cynicism, the neurotic insecurity, and oh
yeah, when you started calling me every
day. All the reasons we were never more
than friends.
MAX
Well, at least you're being honest.
AMY
Of course I'm being honest. This is a
fantasy extrapolated from a flashback.
How could I lie to you?
6.
MAX
(TO CAMERA)
I'm the only person I know who gets
insulted in his own fantasies.
Charles walks by, Amy takes his arm, and they disappear into
the surrounding darkness, which DISSOLVES TO:
9 INT. LIMBO RADIO - PRESENT 9
and again Max is alone.
MAX
Anyway, Amy set the tone for the rest of
college...
10 INT. THEATER LOBBY -- NIGHT -- FLASHBACK 10
The movie is Annie Hall. The theater is emptying. Suddenly,
ERICA bursts through the crowd. Erica is mad. Max follows
behind her, placating.
ERICA
AND WHAT IS IT WITH JEWISH MEN AND THEIR
PENIS ISSUES?!
Max freezes in place. The entire crowd of students turns to
look at him. He manages a weak smile and turns back to Erica,
but she's gone, out the doors into the night.
Max turns back to the crowd and shrugs, but the crowd turns
away. Max suddenly sees someone: Beth, looking at him. He
blushes, self-conscious, and hurries away.
MAX (V.O.)
And even when it went right, it didn't.
11 INT. STACY'S ROOM -- NIGHT -- FLASHBACK 11
Max and STACY stumble in, inebriated, laughing.
MAX
...And then I, then I, after I called the
pizza place, I called an ambulance, and
timed them.
STACY
Who won?
MAX
The pizza, of course. The paramedics took
35 minutes to arrive.
7.
STACY
I can't believe you! Did you get in
trouble?
MAX
The Station Manager said I couldn't go on
the air ever again.
STACY
So what'd you do?!
MAX
I gave him the pizza!
They collapse on the bed, laughing. Stacy rolls over and
kisses Max on the lips. His eyes go wide and he frantically
crawls backwards.
STACY
What? Don't you like me?
MAX
It would never work.
STACY
How would you know?
MAX
I know. I have a sixth sense.
STACY
You see dead people?
MAX
I see dead relationships.
Stacy sits up, frustrated, the mood ruined.
MAX (CONT'D)
(TO CAMERA)
That was all true, but there was
something else, though. I mean, there I
was, drunk, in a girl's bedroom, and the
only thought running through my mind was...
12 EXT. CAMPUS QUAD DAY FLASHBACK 12
Max speaks to someone O.S.
MAX
..."What about Beth?"
Max is talking to Beth. It's a beautiful Spring day.
8.
MAX (CONT'D)
I mean, I know we're just friends, but
you really mean a lot to me and we've
been spending a lot of time together
lately, and maybe... I guess what I'm
saying is, maybe we could try going out
on a date or something?
BETH
Max...
MAX
I mean, it wouldn't have to be, uh...
BETH
Sure.
MAX
We wouldn't have to... What?
BETH
I'd love to. How's tomorrow night?
MAX
Um, yeah, it would have to be after, or
maybe... Yeah, tomorrow, uh, tomorrow
night's fine.
BETH
Great. I know the perfect thing.
She splits, leaving Max befuddled at his change of fortune.
13 EXT. LIBRARY -- NIGHT 13
Max and Beth are walking through the night in overcoats.
BETH
Never?
MAX
Not until Sam and Jen.
BETH
A perfect record. Wow.
MAX
I don't get what the fuss is. I knew you
and that Chris guy wouldn't last a week
as soon as I saw you together.
BETH
But you can tell with everybody? I don't
know if that's sad or incredible.
9.
MAX
Or incredibly sad. I'm amazed I'm the
only one who can tell. Take any couple.
If it's not incompatible lifestyles, it's
conflicting priorities. If it's not that,
it's usually clashing levels of self-
esteem. It's always something.
BETH
Living with you would be a nightmare. I'd
be afraid to bring any boyfriends home.
Oh, uh, sorry.
Awkward pause.
MAX
Well, just because I see it, doesn't mean
I talk about it. I don't say a word to my
suitemates.
BETH
You guys never talk about anything
important anyway.
MAX
Oh, come on, we have philosophical
discussions all the time.
BETH
Like whether Voltron could kill the
Transformers?
MAX
To name one hot-button issue, yes. You
want us to talk about girls? Sam is
nearly married to Jen, Charles doesn't
want his relationships to last, Tommy's
girlfriends are located in online
chatrooms across the country, and Scott,
well... you know.
BETH
For such "close" friends, it just seems
weird, that's all. I must admit, I'm a
lot closer to you than any of them.
They are at the Library.
MAX
What are doing here?
10.
14 INT. LIBRARY LOBBY 14
Max and Beth remove their coats, revealing formal wear. OTHER
STUDENTS give them looks. An older female LIBRARIAN
approaches.
LIBRARIAN
Ah, you must have the reservation for
booth seven.
BETH
Yes, that's us.
MAX
What?
LIBRARIAN
Right this way, then.
MAX
"Reservation"?
LIBRARIAN
You'd be surprised how many of you
lovebirds we get in here.
She winks and leads them to the elevator. Beth smiles shyly
and looks at Max, but he is merely embarrassed. Her smile
fades.
15 INT. LIBRARY MEDIA ROOM 15
Max and Beth are watching the opening credits of Annie Hall
on a tiny TV in a cubicle. They are surrounded by other
students in cubicles.
BETH
Isn't this great?
MAX
Well, this isn't exactly what I had in
mind.
BETH
What do you mean?
MAX
For starters, I have a serious problem
with spending any time in the library
when I don't have to. I'm here once or
twice a year as it is. Plus...
(holds up headphones)
What's the point of seeing this together
if we're wearing headphones?
[MORE]
11.
MAX (CONT'D)
Why not be with a life-sized cardboard
cut-out? That way you can be with someone
famous, even a dead person. Wouldn't you
rather be with Elvis?
BETH
Oh, shhh...!
MAX
Or Batman?
BETH
Can't you just enjoy the moment?
MAX
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
(SIGHS)
I'm a little nervous. It's like, our
first date and everything.
BETH
Oh. Yeah.
16 EXT. LIBRARY NIGHT 16
Max and Beth leave the library. Their dispositions have
switched: Max is perky while Beth is subdued.
MAX
I can't believe how many great lines
there are. Even the little throwaways,
like when she parks and he's like,
"That's okay, we can walk to the curb
from here."
BETH
Yeah. I loved it, I'm serious. I'm so
glad we did this.
MAX
Yeah, me too.
BETH
But man, relationships are a lot of work,
aren't they?
MAX
Uh, sure, sometimes...
Beth stops him, and they sit on a bench. The night is cold.
They sit close and lean in, speaking in hushed tones.
12.
BETH
If I'm going to jump into anything with
you, Max, I need some sign that you're
serious about it. About me.
MAX
What? You want me to get a tattoo or
something?
BETH
Look, you've gotta admit, you're the most
pessimistic person in the world.
MAX
Obviously you've never met my mother.
BETH
Can you be serious for a second?
MAX
I guess you really haven't met my mother...
Beth isn't laughing.
BETH
Look, Max, this isn't going to work.
MAX
Wait a second.
BETH
Okay. No more jokes. Now. Tell me how you
feel.
MAX
About what?
BETH
About me.
MAX
I, I...
(EXASPERATED)
Why are you doing this? Since when have
you gotten "serious" about relationships?
Your last boyfriend dumped you after four
days.
Beth sits up, pulls her jacket closed.
BETH
Well, that was intimate. Thanks, Max.
13.
MAX
No wait, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, hold on.
BETH
Max, I don't think this is such a good
idea. I mean, it would be really foolish
to jeopardize our friendship.
MAX
No, it wouldn't!
BETH
We shouldn't have rushed into this. I'm
sure you know it wouldn't have worked
out.
MAX
I don't know that.
BETH
Please tell me we haven't hurt our
friendship. You don't even know how much
you mean to me.
MAX
I'm starting to get the idea.
He's dazed, slightly ill. Beth touches his arm gently and
walks away. Max turns to us. A radio mike swings into view.
MAX (CONT'D)
Things weren't the same after. We quickly
became the kind of friends who say Hi on
the paths but don't stop walking. Then,
she moved across campus and changed
majors, and basically, except for the
random phone call, I haven't seen her in
ages.
DISSOLVE TO:
MAX, thoughtful. PULL BACK TO REVEAL:
17 INT. LIMBO RADIO 17
Max, speaking in the empty station, suddenly gets intense.
MAX
All these dates had one thing in common!
And it took Charles, of all people, to
point it out to me.
14.
18 EXT. CAMPUS QUAD TODAY -- FLASHBACK 18
It's late January and the campus is showing signs of a
temperamental winter.
MAX (V.O.)
This morning, we were skipping class.
Max and Charles walk across the quad towards us. At first,
they are only specks in the distance.
CHARLES
Max, you're insane.
MAX
It's ridiculous that even at a liberal
school like this, I have to put up with
anti-Semitism.
CHARLES
So you got a C minus! Don't you think
you're getting carried away?
MAX
He couldn't just fail me, think about it.
The paper was about my grandparents'
experience in the Holocaust.
CHARLES
Your paranoia has always been out of
control, but this is absurd.
MAX
You don't understand, you're not Jewish.
CHARLES
Neither are you!
MAX
But the professor probably thinks I am.
CHARLES
And wasn't that the paper that you handed
in two weeks late?
MAX
You know what else? I think he might be
German.
CHARLES
Professor Wang? Will you stop it...
We can now see that Charles has a fedora cocked back on his
head, and is wearing incongruous "Vegas" clothes.
15.
They walk past and into the University Center.
19 INT. UNIVERSITY CENTER -- CONTINUOUS 19
It's a low-traffic time of day.
CHARLES
So what do you want to do tonight?
MAX
I'm not sure. It is the beginning of the
semester, it's time for our Annie Hall
night.
CHARLES
Have you ever noticed that the more Annie
Hall you watch, the less successful you
are romantically? I think we'd do much
better if we watched, say, Ocean's 11.
MAX
What are you talking about? If you're
sick of Annie Hall, that's one thing, but
don't blame our sad little lives on it.
20 INT. GENERAL STORE -- CONTINUOUS 20
Charles picks out breath mints.
CHARLES
No, I'm telling you, I was thinking about
this over break. Ever since we started
watching it, what has your love life been
like? And mine? Every semester, we watch
this movie, and then spend the semester
alone.
MAX
Alone? Last semester you hooked up with
like a dozen women.
CHARLES
You know actresses don't count.
(POIGNANTLY)
I'm looking for a meaningful,
sophisticated relationship. Like Frank
and Ava. No more shallow dames for this
cat.
MAX
(AGITATED)
Where did you get this grudge against my
favorite film?
16.
CHARLES
I'm just kidding around, Max. We'll watch
it tomorrow. Tonight, there's a party.
MAX
And anyway, your theory fails to account
for our collective dorkiness and bad
haircuts. Plus, look at Sam.
CHARLES
Sam hasn't seen Annie Hall since freshman
year, and he's in his third year with
Jen.
MAX
So look at what not watching can do to
you.
CHARLES
Ouch. Why are you still on this? I said I
was kidding.
21 INT. RADIO STATION -- PRESENT 21
MAX
What a nightmare. I dunno why I can't
stop thinking about these things. I guess
I've been a little restless lately, since
getting back from winter break.
Everything's been kind of weird lately.
He grabs a CD from a rack.
MAX (CONT'D)
Hope you enjoyed this week's Reggae
Revelry Hour. This is Max filling in for
Rasta Ronnie, taking you out with a
little Bad Religion.
He puts in the CD, hits "Shuffle/Repeat," and leaves. The
caller request lines blink furiously.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: white on black: "SUNDAY"
22 INT. COMMON ROOM -- MAX'S SUITE - EVENING 22
Max's dormitory suite: four bedrooms off a common room, which
has three battered couches, a coffee table, and in a corner,
several small fridges and two televisions in a pile.
Christmas lights are still up. A neon `Guinness' sign dwarfs
it all.
17.
Max and Charles are here, standing, while Sam and Jen sit on
one couch and SCOTT and AMANDA sit on the other.
Charles puts on his gloves and coat.
CHARLES
Max, you're coming and that's the end of
it. When's the last time you went to a
party?
MAX
Who cares? It's unnatural. If I went into
a stranger's house and ate their food
under any other circumstance, I'd be
arrested.
CHARLES
I'm not taking no. With Sam on board,
it's gonna be like old times.
He gestures at Sam, who stands. Unlike the hipster from
freshman year, Sam now resembles a middle-aged accountant.
There are bags under his eyes and square clothes on his back.
SAM
Yeah, I haven't been out with you guys in
ages.
Jen looks up from her magazine with disapproval.
JEN
You're going out?
SAM
Aw, honey, just for a little while.
JEN
You know I have to work until midnight.
It's not my fault the supervisor won't
let me out of it.
She glares. He teeters between his friends and his
girlfriend. His girlfriend wins. He sits back down, trying to
hide his disappointment.
SAM
She has a point, guys. I should catch up
on my chemistry reading anyway.
The guys roll their eyes, let down but unsurprised.
Across the room are SCOTT, perpetually poker-faced and
reserved, and AMANDA, understated, with the subdued manner of
a long-suffering wallflower.
18.
She sits off to the side, sneaking looks at Scott. He's
watching a golf-related infomercial.
AMANDA
So Scott... How come you're not going out
with Charles and Max?
SCOTT
Can't go. Graphic design work.
AMANDA
Oh really? I have work, too, but it's
okay, I got a lot done today. What do you
have to do?
SCOTT
Graphic design work.
TOMMY enters. He's preppier than anyone else, conservative
clothes capped off by a goofy smile and thick glasses.
TOMMY
What's up, all?
MAX
Tommy, at last. Save me from this lounge
lizard.
CHARLES
Yeah, what are you doing tonight?
TOMMY
Physics lab. Fortunately, the semester's
just begun, so before the work piles up,
I can party. That's why the beginning of
the semester rules.
CHARLES
Great, so come party with me.
TOMMY
I can't, I have physics work.
He disappears into his room. Charles takes Max's hat from a
hook, jams it on his head, and shoves him towards the door.
23 INT. COLLEGE APARTMENT LATER 23
A typically lame college party, still early in the night. The
furniture is "student budget modern" type. A jazz record
plays quietly, while pretentiously-dressed PARTY-GOERS sip
wine and eat cheese and crackers.
Max and Charles survey the room, drinks in hand.
19.
MAX
Cheers to a new semester, full of
potential that will surely go to waste.
They toast.
CHARLES
This is it, I'm telling you. This is the
semester I pass all my classes and meet
the dame of my dreams.
MAX
Good luck, and may she have a sister.
CHARLES
More importantly, may she grant us our
occasional freedom.
MAX
Ah, forget about Sam. I don't like it any
more than you.
CHARLES
He's become a total non-entity. Freshman
year, we were like Frank and Deano. Now
it's like Frank and freakin' Peter
Lawford.
MAX
Hey, he was one of my best friends. Now
we share a room and he's like a stranger.
CHARLES
Hottie at 3 o'clock. Keep an eye on her
for me so it doesn't look like I'm
interested.
MAX
Yeah, right, then if you fail to sodomize
her, you'll blame me. Me, or Annie Hall.
CHARLES
Look, all I said was, it would explain
our lives.
MAX
The problem is, every crazy theory
explains something. I took a class last
semester with a professor who claimed
that the planet is being destroyed by
white, male, meat-eating capitalists.
CHARLES
So? Everybody knows that.
20.
MAX
But she had a theory that explained how:
apparently racism, sexism, socialism,
environmentalism, and vegetarianism are
all inherently linked. I brought a Big
Mac to the first class, and I thought I
was going to be the victim of a vegan-
socialist uprising.
Sam walks in and makes a beeline for the guys. Excitement.
SAM
Hey! I made it!
CHARLES
I can't believe it.
MAX
Wow, the laws of nature have stopped
working. Maybe I should try to meet some
chicks after all.
CHARLES
How'd you get away?
SAM
I told her I was going to the lab. She
doesn't mind if I'm working while she is.
How's the party?
MAX
Sucks. Who are they trying to be, with
this wine and cheese? What kind of party
doesn't even have beer?
CHARLES
I can get into this. It's better than
those frat parties. Check out the fox in
the beret.
SAM
Man, it's so good to be out. Between Jen,
homework, and labs, I hardly have time
for anything.
CHARLES
You could always change your major. You'd
have a lot more free time.
SAM
I feel the same way about science that I
do about Jen. It's a lot of work, but
it's worth it.
[MORE]
21.
SAM (CONT'D)
I have doubts about both, actually. But
still, what could be dumber than changing
your major for a girl?
MAX
Changing your girl for a major.
CHARLES
Would you do it?
MAX
It wouldn't be an issue.
SAM
Of course not, when has studying ever
interfered with what's important, like
video hockey or your radio show that
nobody listens to.
MAX
I meant, I'd have to have a girl first.
And lay off the radio show. There's a
reason I took the 3am slot.
SAM
And every time I see you doing homework,
you're taking a break. You're the best
I've ever seen when it comes to
procrastinating.
MAX
I should be, procrastination is one of my
favorite hobbies. Isn't it funny that my
two favorite hobbies rhyme?
Charles' expression turns sour as he looks across the room.
CHARLES
Oh, shit, Sara's here.
SARA, good-looking and excitable, arrives with a theatrical
flourish. Her age and manner indicate, among other things,
that she is a freshman.
SARA
Ta-daaa! Hey guys, what's going on?
SAM
(DEADPAN)
We were just talking about the mediocre
resonations of sub-hybrid fields.
MAX
I can't believe you think they're
mediocre. Those guys rock.
22.
SARA
(doesn't get it, doesn't care)
Oh. Well, I just wanted to stop by and
say "hey" to my favorite guys. So hey!
How was everyone's break?
She is clearly talking to Charles, who is scanning the room
over her shoulder.
SAM
Good.
MAX
It could have been better but it could
have been worse. For me, that's good.
SARA
Mine was great! I partied with my best
friend Melanie, who I haven't seen in
ages. Aren't these parties just the best?
So much better than the theater group
parties.
MAX
I dunno, it's a bunch of 21-year-olds who
want the 18-year-olds to know how mature
they are.
SARA
Hey, Charles, you going to the fraternity
party after this?
CHARLES
Ugh, no.
SARA
You gonna be back at your suite then?
Maybe I'll stop by.
CHARLES
Uh, yeah, we should be back in, uh, many
many hours.
SARA
Okay then, I'll catch up with you guys
later.
She tugs on Charles's shirt.
SARA (CONT'D)
(STAGE WHISPER)
I missed you.
She leaves.
23.
CHARLES
Shit, I was hoping to avoid her for at
least a few more days.
SAM
What do you have against her? She seems
nice.
CHARLES
First, she makes my skin crawl. Second,
if word gets out, it'll ruin my
reputation in the freshman dorms.
Sam looks to Max for the real story.
MAX
Never hook up with people in your cast.
CHARLES
I am a world-class knucklehead.
A pretty girl approaches.
JULIE
I'm sorry to interrupt, I thought I heard
one of you say "Max."
CHARLES
One of us is Max.
JULIE
(TO CHARLES)
Oh, great, just as I hoped. I just wanted
to say, I heard your radio show last week
and I thought it was great. Thoughtful
and poignant and funny, too. You know,
you look just like I imagined, too.
CHARLES
Thanks.
MAX
I'm Max.
JULIE
Huh?
MAX
I'm Max.
(SUDDENLY STRUCK)
Oh my God, you heard my show?
JULIE
You're Max? Then who are you?
24.
CHARLES
Charles. I'm an actor.
JULIE
(TO MAX)
You okay? You look like you're in pain.
MAX
You don't get it, I can't do my show if I
even suspect someone is listening. Now I
have to change time slots. Again.
JULIE
I'm sorry, I didn't realize I wasn't
supposed to listen.
MAX
(INCONSOLABLE)
No, it's no good, the whole episode is
ruined. This is a disaster.
CHARLES
I work in theater a lot.
JULIE
Alright, listen. I was kidding. Your show
actually kind of sucked.
MAX
What?!
JULIE
Just kidding! It was awesome.
CHARLES
I also direct.
MAX
Uh, when did you tune in? I need to know
which episode you ruined.
JULIE
At one point you dialed a phone sex line.
It was hilarious. It's not every day
someone calls 1-900-4RIMJOBS to discuss
politics.
Sam quickly pulls Charles away as he starts to comment.
MAX
And she hung up. "This isn't the place
for that kind of talk..."
25.
JULIE
Yeah, it's like, for four dollars a
minute, you should talk about whatever
you want. You know the country's in
trouble when a phone sex operator thinks
talking politics is beneath her.
MAX
Perhaps she'd been screwed by
politicians. Phone sex is just pretend
but politics... I know my ass is still
sore.
He catches himself and falters. Julie notices something.
JULIE
Listen, I'm being flagged down by my over-
protective friends. It was nice meeting
you, though.
MAX
Wait, wait. How did you know about my
show?
JULIE
Someone mentioned you.
MAX
Anybody I know? Oh, duh, I guess it would
have to be someone I know.
JULIE
It was from a good source. I was told I'd
like you, but to really know you, I
should hear your show.
MAX
What, really?
She appraises him for a beat.
JULIE
It was Beth.
And with that, she leaves. Max watches her, loses her in the
crowd. Something catches his eye across the room.
MAX'S POV: Sam is in a corner, trapped by an upset Jen. From
his gestures, he is on the defensive.
Charles moseys over.
26.
CHARLES
Check it. Jen traded shifts and got out
of work, so she went to the lab to
surprise Sam. He wasn't there, and
then Tommy gave away that he was here.
MAX
Busted.
CHARLES
And how. Let's bail before the beheadings
begin. Plus, The Rat Pack's on HBO later.
They put on their coats.
MAX
How can you stand that show?
CHARLES
I told you, it's research. It's why I got
three phone numbers, Max, while you were
talking to that cutie.
24 INT. COLLEGE APARTMENT STAIRWELL 24
MAX
"Cutie"?
CHARLES
That's right. You get her name?
MAX
We just met. I was working up to it.
CHARLES
Man, you're worse at picking up chicks
than me. We are one sad couple of bozos.
Max looks at him like he's insane.
25 INT. MAX AND SAM'S ROOM LATER 25
Alone, he kicks snow off his boots as he sheds his winter
layers. He taps the answering machine.
BETH
(ON MACHINE)
Uh, hi, Max. Guess who? It's Beth. Been a
while, huh? Since that lunch last August
that somehow never happened. Anyway, uh,
just checking in, I guess. Hope your
break was okay. Uh, and----
27.
BEEEEEEEP. The machine cuts her off. Max sighs, picks up the
phone, dials.
MAX
Hello? Beth?... Sorry... Hello...? Hey, how's
it going?... Yeah, in person... Too long... So
anyway, I just wanted to say hi, and
also, stop telling people to listen to my
show... Of course I'm serious... Stop
laughing... Of course I haven't changed...
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: white on black: "MONDAY"
26 INT. COMMON ROOM -- THE NEXT MORNING 26
Sara sleeps on a couch. Charles, wearing only boxers, hung
over and mostly asleep, passes through the living room. He
stubs his toe and crashes into the wall.
CHARLES
Ow! Shit! Ow!
He continues into the bathroom. Sara wakes up and looks
around groggily. A FLUSH. Charles walks out of the bathroom
and blinks at Sara with surprise.
CHARLES (CONT'D)
Jeeezzus! Shit, sorry you um...
SARA
It's all right, this isn't the first time
this has happened. At least this time I'm
not the naked one.
CHARLES
It's just that, I mean, I'm just
surprised to see you here.
SARA
Hmm, yeah, I must have shown up after you
came back, or something. I was planning
to go home, but I guess I fell asleep.
She waits for something from Charles. He doesn't respond. She
reluctantly gets to her feet.
SARA (CONT'D)
Anyway, I, uh, I've got a bunch of stuff
to do. I'll see you later.
CHARLES
Bye.
28.
As she leaves, Max comes in, still in last night's clothes.
MAX
You all right?
CHARLES
She's around all the time! I chose to
live with my hombres, not her. She's got
to realize that we're not right for each
other and get on with her life.
MAX
No, I mean, I thought I heard you fall or
something.
CHARLES
Oh, what? I just stubbed my toe.
MAX
That sucks. Bad way to start the day.
CHARLES
The toe's the least of it.
MAX
This is funny, in a way. Yesterday you
were complaining about not having any
girls. Now you're complaining because you
have one.
CHARLES
I know. It's a shame. And I was attracted
to her once, too. What happened?
MAX
Want me to tell you?
CHARLES
No! I think I've heard enough from the
Nostradamus of failed relationships to
last a lifetime.
MAX
Speaking of failed relationships, I was
thinking about your Annie Hall theory.
Specifically, I was thinking that you're
insane.
CHARLES
I said I was joking, so why do you keep
bringing it up?
29.
MAX
It's like you insulted my religion. Like,
"Hey, Cardinal, I think Jesus might be
why you're not getting laid..."
CHARLES
Your attitude's too dour. You've gotta be
more fun.
MAX
It's not my fault Annie Hall's honest
about the futility of romance.
CHARLES
You're just a wuss. The very thought of
not seeing that movie scares you. You're
like a junkie, you need movie methadone.
Like, from now on you can only see
Manhattan.
MAX
Forget it, I hate Manhattan.
CHARLES
You think addicts like Methadone?
MAX
My Uncle Harry didn't seem to mind.
CHARLES
So what are we doing for lunch?
Scott enters.
SCOTT
You mean breakfast.
MAX
Actually, I'm supposed to eat with Beth.
He doesn't look excited at the prospect, but Charles does.
CHARLES
Beth? Wow. She hasn't been around in
ages. Say hi for me.
27 EXT. FRANNIE'S DAY 27
Max walks with Beth down the city street. She carries an
umbrella and scans the skies.
BETH
Wasn't it supposed to rain?
30.
MAX
I dunno.
BETH
Max, it's been ten minutes and we're
still discussing the weather.
MAX
So? Think of all the people who've died
in hurricanes. I bet they think it's a
worthy issue.
BETH
I just feel like there are other things
we could be talking about. You're the one
person I could rely on to say something
original.
MAX
Okay, okay.
(BEAT)
So, what classes are you taking?
BETH
This was a mistake, wasn't it?
MAX
What? No.
They stop in front of Frannie's, a small greasy spoon.
BETH
Look, let's just call it a day. I was
excited to hear from you, but I can't
take you like this.
A COUPLE exit, the guy holds the door for them. They
hesitate. Suddenly, from inside:
CHARLES (O.S.)
Max! Beth! Come sit with us!
MAX
No, I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. To
be honest, it's nice being with someone
besides my suitemates for a change.
They look in and see...
28 INT. FRANNIE'S CONTINUOUS 28
...Charles, Scott, Amanda, Sam and Jen, seated around a huge
table. They are waving them in. Beth enters, Max reluctantly
follows.
31.
JEN
Oh my, God, Beth! It's great to see you!
AMANDA
It's been so long!
Everyone scoots over to make room. Max is still stunned but
has no choice. He sits.
JEN
How did we ever fall out of touch? We
shouldn't let that happen again.
BETH
I know! I even miss this place. I live on
the wrong side of campus now. You guys
still come here? It's so dark and the
menu is tiny.
CHARLES
It never changes, that's why.
SAM
(TO JEN)
What are you gonna get?
JEN
Maybe an omelet.
MAX
Do you have to get eggs? I'm allergic.
JEN
So don't get the eggs.
MAX
It's just that, it's the smell. It's the
smell that bothers me.
JEN
Are you serious? How can you be allergic
to the smell of my eggs?
BETH
Don't worry about it, Jen. He's just
incredibly picky about food.
CHARLES
Even other people's.
MAX
Look, if you're going to have eggs, let
me at least switch seats with Sam, so
I'll be farther away from it.
32.
SAM
Max, what's up with you today? Join a
support group.
CHARLES
If it really bothers you, why don't you
and Beth switch?
This would put Beth next to Charles. She looks at him and he
smiles. Unable to help herself, she smiles back.
SAM
What about people at other tables? Should
we ask the management to stop serving egg-
products to people upwind of you?
JEN
Why can't you just get along with
everyone for once?
MAX
Alright, alright, you win, we'll switch.
Come on, Beth, get up.
BETH
(JOKINGLY)
What makes you so sure I'm gonna switch?
I don't think I'm gonna move.
CHARLES
Don't give in, Beth. I've got your back.
MAX
You owe me. Remember when you threw that
egg at me in the dining hall?
BETH
Okay, I'll get up. But I'm ordering an
omelet.
She sits down next to Charles and they smile at each other.
29 EXT. ATM NEAR THEATER LATER 29
Max walks down the street toward an ATM, where a long line of
college students has formed. Next to the ATM is an arthouse
theater. The marquee reads "Thru Valentine's Day: ANNIE HALL
and CASABLANCA."
He joins the ATM line. A moment later, Julie walks by. She
notices him and stops.
JULIE
Hi. Look at this line.
33.
MAX
Oh, hey. Yeah, I hate coming here this
time of day, but I need money. You know,
gambling debts and all.
JULIE
Aren't ATMs great? They save so much
time. Think about what life must have
been like before them.
MAX
I can't support an acronym without
knowing what it stands for. I once joined
NAMBLA because I thought it was an animal
rights group.
She laughs.
MAX (CONT'D)
So, are you a junior, too?
JULIE
I'm listed as a sophomore, but I've taken
some time off.
MAX
What're you majoring in?
JULIE
Why is that always the first question?
MAX
It was my second question.
JULIE
And how would you answer it?
MAX
I'd be honest. Oh, wait. Media Studies.
This week, I'm majoring in Media Studies.
I used to be a double-major, Renaissance
Footwear and Neurosurgery, but, ya know,
it was just too hard to get course credit
for watching movies.
JULIE
I bet. Me, I'm in Soc., but I'm leaning
toward Business, or Psych. Or Art
History.
MAX
Why don't you just be undeclared?
34.
JULIE
Not my style.
Max's turn-- but he spots ANNIE HALL on the marquee.
Impulsively, he turns Julie to face him, so that her back is
to it. In doing so, he steps away from the ATM.
JULIE (CONT'D)
Are you okay? I thought you needed money.
MAX
Uh, I forgot, my bookie takes checks now.
JULIE
Seriously, is everything okay?
MAX
Actually, yes. But I need something from
you.
JULIE
What?
MAX
Your name.
JULIE
It's Julie, no nickname. Don't even think
of calling me "Jewel."
MAX
Okay, Julie with no nickname, I, um, I'll
see you around?
JULIE
Probably.
She leaves. Max goes back to the end of the line.
30 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT 30
Lounging are Max and Charles, Sam and Tommy, and Scott and
Amanda.
Charles pulls a bottle of vodka from a newsbox.
CHARLES
Come on, which of you cats is in?
MAX
It's only Monday.
35.
CHARLES
Shit, it's only Monday? Now I really need
a drink.
SAM
I'm in.
Charles takes two mugs off the floor, throws their contents
into a plant, and pours.
Tommy is on one end of a couch, sneaking looks at Amanda, in
the middle, who is sneaking looks at Scott, on the other end.
AMANDA
(TO SCOTT)
How was your day?
TOMMY
(ANSWERING HER)
My day sucked. I spent six hours in the
lab and four hours in class. And tonight,
I have to study for two tests.
CHARLES
Ouch.
TOMMY
It better be worth it when I get into
grad school.
AMANDA
Scott, how's the design project coming?
SCOTT
Slowly. There are a couple problems.
AMANDA
Huh.
Scott gets up and leaves the room.
TOMMY
Listen, I have an extra ticket to this
concert tomorrow night.
Charles, Sam, and Max look on with alarm: is he really going
through with this, here, now? Amanda takes the bait.
AMANDA
The Ani DiFranco show? Awesome!
That's been sold out for weeks!
36.
TOMMY
It's not Ani DiFranco, it's better-- two,
front row seats at the Campus Choir
charity show.
AMANDA
Oh.
TOMMY
So do ya wanna go?
AMANDA
I dunno. Why don't you call me tomorrow
during the day.
TOMMY
Okay, great.
AMANDA
It's getting late. See you guys later.
SAM - MAX - CHARLES
Bye.
TOMMY
See you tomorrow.
Amanda exits.
TOMMY (CONT'D)
Wow, that went pretty good.
CHARLES
Using Ani DiFranco to get laid. I've
gotta try that.
SAM
She'll never give up on Scott.
TOMMY
It's not like I expect anything, I just
like to spend time with her.
Scott wanders back in with a copy of Wired magazine. Tommy
stands.
TOMMY (CONT'D)
Scott, do you mind if I take Amanda to a
concert tomorrow night?
SCOTT
Why would I?
37.
TOMMY
I didn't think so, but not asking would
be wrong.
SCOTT
No, it wouldn't.
TOMMY
But...
SAM
It's not even a date.
TOMMY
It's nothing serious, but it is a date.
CHARLES
But they're going as friends.
SAM
They are friends.
MAX
She probably won't even go.
Scott sits and reads his magazine. Tommy drops heavily into a
chair.
TOMMY
Whenever you're done, someone please give
me an update on my sex life.
CHARLES
How does "sex life" enter, if she might
not be going, and if she does, it's just
as friends?
SAM
Wait, can you be on a date with someone
you're not dating?
CHARLES
Yes. No.
TOMMY
I didn't think it was such a big deal!
(TO SCOTT)
I just wanted to make sure it didn't
bother you.
Scott looks at him like, Are you kidding? and goes back to
his magazine. Tommy looks frustrated.
38.
MAX
This conversation is starting to bother
me.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: white on black: "TUESDAY"
31 INT. DARK ROOM THE NEXT DAY 31
Max shakes a tumbler as Amanda keeps time.
AMANDA
Tired yet?
MAX
This is ridiculous. What other art form
involves industrial toxins and complex
chemical reactions? Nobody ever got
cancer from dancing.
AMANDA
You're so paranoid.
MAX
I'm serious. Chemicals make me very
nervous. Isn't this how the Unabomber got
started?
He continues shaking.
AMANDA
Max, do I bother Scott when I'm around?
MAX
Uh, boy, this fixer smells delicious...
AMANDA
`Cuz, sometimes it seems like I do. I
know he's not, like, interested, but
then, sometimes it seems like he is. I
just don't want it to be awkward. Please,
tell me the truth.
MAX
I, uh, I mean, the truth is, it's not a
topic. It doesn't bother him, or us. Or I
mean, he doesn't talk about it.
AMANDA
So he never talks about me?
MAX
Yes, I mean, no, not with us, anyway.
39.
AMANDA
I knew it.
MAX
Listen. All I'm trying to say is, you're
not a topic that comes up very often.
AMANDA
So with all the time we spend together,
none of you have any opinion of me?!
Amanda storms out of the room.
MAX
Well, that's not... what I meant. Oy.
Amanda returns, still upset.
AMANDA
It's time! To unroll the film.
Max, startled, fumbles open the tumbler.
MAX
Listen, Amanda. Scott likes you as much
as we all do, so it doesn't leave much
room for discussion. We mostly only talk
about what we hate.
AMANDA
I know. It's just sometimes, I wish...
MAX
Yeah, I know.
Amanda takes the negatives, opens the door to a closet, hangs
them from a clothespin, and leaves. Max takes his, selects a
clothespin, and knocks several others to the floor. He tries
to pick them up, and manages to step on them.
AMANDA (O.S.)
Max? Are you coming?
He throws the crumpled negatives in the closet and grabs his
bag. At the door, he notices one stuck to his shoe.
MAX
Shit!
He takes the negative off his shoe, almost knocking himself
over, and hurries out.
40.
AMANDA (O.S.)
Why does it always take you so long in
there?
32 INT. COMMON ROOM -- LATER 32
Max enters to find Sam playing video hockey.
MAX
Hey, remember the scene in Swingers when
they play this? That was awesome. I love
movie scenes I can relate to.
He sits down next to him.
SAM
Yeah. Wasn't there also a video hockey
scene in Mallrats?
MAX
No, you're thinking of Chasing Amy.
SAM
Which one had all the comic book stuff?
MAX
They both did.
SAM
What about the Star Wars stuff?
MAX
Mallrats, Clerks, and Dogma.
SAM
What about the last one?
MAX
Doesn't count, it was just an ad for all
his other films.
SAM
You gotta admit, it's fucking cheap for a
movie to refer to other movies.
MAX
Why? We do it real life. We're doing it
right now. What you're saying is, if this
was a movie, it wouldn't be any good.
SAM
Yeah. Our lives would make an awful
movie.
41.
MAX
But if our lives were a movie, you'd
never be able to say that. You'd be
giving the critics the perfect quote to
pan it with.
SAM
So fucking what? It's a shitty movie!
Sam drops his controller and gets up.
MAX
Are you okay?
SAM
How come you only play this one video
game?
MAX
Video hockey is my game. Like a swan, I
mate for life.
SAM
More like the loon.
Max looks him over.
MAX
Holy shit, you and Jen broke up.
SAM
Yeah. Your prediction finally came true.
Come on, let's hit the bar. I need a
drink.
33 INT. COFFEE BAR DAY 33
A crummy collegiate dive. Sam and Max drink coffees.
MAX
Okay, so what happened?
SAM
We were just hanging out, and she told me
she loves me. Completely out of the blue.
She says things like that sometimes,
things like "I love that you're my
boyfriend," ya know? But usually when
we're in bed or something. But this time
it was different, all we were doing was
watching TV.
MAX
Porn?
42.
SAM
Almost. It was "our" show, the one we
like to get romantic to...
34 INT. JEN'S DORM ROOM SAM'S FLASHBACK 34
Sam and Jen watch "The X-Files." Max stands, observing. Jen
can't see him.
SAM
(TO MAX)
I was just tired of trying to tell her
what she wanted to hear all the time, so
I tried to be honest.
(TO JEN)
We've been together a long time and I
really care about you, but I don't know
if I love you. This is tough to say, but
I think something might be missing from
our relationship.
JEN
Something's missing?
SAM
Well, not completely... I don't know if I
can explain it. See...
(FUMBLING)
There are three things I look for in a
girl: heart, body, and mind. And well,
you've got the body.
Max is stunned and laughs. Jen is stunned, too, and runs out.
MAX
(TO CAMERA)
Jesus. You think you know someone pretty
well and then they do something like
this.
SAM
When she comes back, she slaps me in the
face and makes me leave. Then she calls,
crying, and asks me to come over. When I
go back, she kicks me out and says she
never wants to see me again.
MAX
Fifty bucks says there's a message on the
machine when we get back.
Max sits, and the background DISSOLVES back TO:
43.
35 INT. COFFEE BAR PRESENT 35
SAM
Is it really so bad? I couldn't lie to
her.
MAX
Don't you know that no matter how often
girls tell you they want honesty, they
never really mean it? Nobody does!
SAM
Look, I fucked up, alright? I didn't know
what to say.
MAX
It's too bad it ended like this. I'm
really sorry.
SAM
Me too. It'll be hard to get used to, but
at least we ended it early.
Sam throws some money on the table and they get up.
SAM (CONT'D)
Hey, you know what I'm in the mood for?
Annie Hall.
MAX
Jesus, that film...-- Have you heard
Charles' theory?
SAM
Come on, Max, I can only deal with one
mid-life crisis at a time.
MAX
I can't believe you said that to her.
That's so cool.
SAM
You think?
MAX
No.
SAM
Gee, at least I can hang out with my
friends again.
44.
36 INT. THE PUB LATER THAT NIGHT 36
"New wave dance party" in The Pub, the small, grungy club on
campus. A DJ plays something obscure from the 80s. Some
people dance, while the rest, including Max, Charles, and
Scott, sit at tables by the coffee bar in the back.
CHARLES
I was talking to Amanda the other day.
SCOTT
Was that Thursday? Because there was that
half hour when she didn't call or visit.
MAX
Scott, why don't you go for her? You seem
to get along well.
SCOTT
She follows me around now. If we slept
together, I'd never get rid of her.
MAX
You're exaggerating.
SCOTT
Look at Sam and Jen.
CHARLES
Ouch.
MAX
Bad example: it could never get that bad.
CHARLES
Ouch.
SCOTT
Then look at Charles and Sara.
CHARLES
Okay, ouch for real this time.
Max looks O.S. and goes pale.
MAX
Shit, she's here.
Julie walks through the crowd in their direction, but stops
at another table, talking to friends. Max exhales slowly.
CHARLES
That dame from History class?
45.
MAX
No. She's, she's just a girl. I shouldn't
have mentioned it.
SCOTT
But you did mention it.
CHARLES
Ohhh, that's the one from the party.
MAX
Yeah.
CHARLES
Get her name yet?
MAX
Yeah, it's "Julie"... Julie. She's cute,
and she seems interesting, but I'm sure
she has all kinds of horrible flaws I
don't know about.
CHARLES
Uh-oh. This is bad.
MAX
What do you mean?
CHARLES
You're thinking about her. You're already
making yourself nervous and you barely
know her. You do this every time!
MAX
I wonder if maybe I should go say hi.
CHARLES
See, this is what I'm talking about.
If you don't go hit on her, I will.
MAX
Do you know the guys she's talking to?
SCOTT
Yeah. The guy in the jacket is annoying.
Julie sees him. He freezes like a deer in headlights.
MAX
Shit, shit, shit, she's looking this way.
Fuck. What should I...?
46.
CHARLES
You have no choice. If you back away now,
she'll never get to see the rest of your
annoying personality traits.
MAX
You're right. I can't deprive her of
that.
37 INT. THE PUB -- JULIE'S TABLE 37
Julie is with ANDY and MARK. Andy is your basic hippie,
resplendent in a ridiculous green shag jacket. Mark has a cap
and is wearing a J Crew long-sleeve shirt over a Dave
Matthews Band t-shirt.
Max approaches.
JULIE
Max! What's going on?
MAX
Hey.
JULIE
Do you guys know Max? This is Mark...
MARK
Wassup.
JULIE
...And Andy.
ANDY
Hey Max, how's it hanging, bud?
MAX
Fine. I, uh, really like your jacket. Is
that real carpet?
ANDY
Yeah, man. I couldn't believe my luck
when I saw it. This shade of shag is,
like, so rare. I was like, woah...
MARK
Hey, are we gonna burn this or what?
ANDY
Yeah, man. Hey, you guys are like all
invited, if you can handle some kind bud...
"Maui wowey," you know?
47.
MAX
Aloha?
38 INT. ANDY'S APARTMENT A LITTLE LATER 38
Mark, Julie, and Max sit around a wooden table in a small
apartment's kitchen. Andy puts on a CD.
ANDY
Hey man, you like Zappa?
MAX
Dweezil or Moon Unit?
ANDY
Frank.
(then gets it, laughs)
Man, that isn't even funny. You should
check out "Apostrophe" some time.
MAX
"Apostrophe"?
MARK
It's an album.
MAX
I thought he was correcting my grammar.
MARK
Can I get anyone beers? Julie?
JULIE
Sure.
ANDY
You know it.
MAX
Okay.
Mark distributes beers to everyone but Max.
MARK
Sorry, Max, we don't have enough.
MAX
Uh, yeah, sure.
JULIE
You want mine?
48.
MAX
No thanks. I'm kinda picky about beer.
I'm more into stuff like Guinness, Bass,
Killians.
MARK
(DISDAINFUL)
That's so... British.
MAX
It's a coincidence, I swear.
Julie has trouble opening her beer. Mark rushes over with his
keychain.
MARK
I thought Guinness was going to be cool,
but it sucks. Made me nauseous.
ANDY
Dude, puking blows. That's why I smoke
weed. You get high right away and no
hangover!
Andy pulls out a baggie of marijuana, and rummages through
the closet.
MAX
Yeah, I don't know. Giving me pot is like
letting Richard Simmons smoke crack. I'm
paranoid enough as it is.
MARK
Yeah, well, some people just can't handle
their bud.
Mark glares disparagingly at him while Max pretends to
examine the ceiling. Julie pulls out cigarettes, lights up.
JULIE
Andy, what are you looking for?
Andy finds it: a gigantic bong made from a vacuum cleaner. He
sets it up on the counter.
MAX
Wow. I bet you could use that for yard
work.
ANDY
Julie, you don't smoke either, right?
MARK
Really?
49.
JULIE
Yeah. I used to, but when it became my
social life I knew I needed to stop.
MAX
Kind of like why I stopped playing
Dungeons and Dragons. It was, uh, in
sixth grade, but it was kind of similar.
MARK
Why don't we go smoke in the living room?
ANDY
Oh, Ampersand's crashing on the couch
tonight.
MAX
"Ampersand"? What kind of name is that,
Esperanto?
ANDY
Well, his name was Mike, but he couldn't
cope. He thought it was, like, too
square. He wanted a name that would tell
people, here is a person that only the
brave will understand! Here is a person
living beyond the walls!
MAX
He must have been listening to
"Apostrophe" at the time.
ANDY
Or Prince, cuz, like, Prince's name was a
squiggly-thing. But Mike wanted something
powerful, meaningful, and above all,
something you could type. Therefore,
"Ampersand." It's already on the keyboard
and everything.
MAX
How much did that cost? Because I have a
friend who wants to change his name to
Not Bill.
JULIE
Is his name Bill?
MAX
No, Not Bill.
JULIE
What about originally?
50.
MAX
Originally he wanted to change it to
something else.
Mark steps forward and pushes up a sleeve.
MARK
Hey Julie, check out my new tattoo.
He's got an anchor on his right biceps. Max snickers.
JULIE
Gee, Mark, that's really cool.
MARK
I know it's not what you suggested, but I
needed something more... masculine.
Max quietly whistles "Popeye the Sailor Man."
MARK (CONT'D)
You think you're pretty funny, huh?
MAX
C'mon, I thought hippies were mellow.
MARK
You just call me a hippie?
MAX
Sorry, Popeye, I guess I was thrown by
the Dave Matthews merchandise.
MARK
I'm in a frat, geek.
MAX
Well shouldn't you be back there date-
raping someone?
MARK
Julie, where did you find this creep?
Max and Mark both look to Julie-- she must pick a side.
She pulls on her cigarette, then turns to Mark.
JULIE
Mark, lay off. Go take a hit off the
Hoover and mellow out.
(turning to Max)
Max, I'm sorry.
MAX
Hey, it's okay. I'm cool.
51.
He takes a beer from the table, fumbles, and drops it.
JULIE
Nah, it's time. It's getting late anyway.
She puts out her cigarette and grabs her coat.
39 EXT. JULIE'S DORM NIGHT 39
Max and Julie approach Shelly Hall.
MAX
So you live here, huh? Does it bother you
to be in an all-female dorm?
JULIE
No, well, a little, sure. But there are
always men around. During fire drills,
more guys come out than girls. Never the
same ones either. They come and go.
MAX
I bet they do.
Julie catches herself and laughs. Max shares a smile with her
in the doorway.
JULIE
I had a good time tonight, but next time,
let's have some real fun.
MAX
Oh, fine, uh, next time I'll bring Jack
Nicholson and a case of Schnapps.
JULIE
Good night, Max.
Julie enters the dorm. Max watches her through the glass.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: white on black: "WEDNESDAY"
MATCH DISSOLVE TO:
CLOSE UP of a schedule's column heading: "Wednesday"
PULL BACK TO REVEAL:
52.
40 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE RADIO STATION DAY 40
Max reads the schedule on the door. His watch says 11am; he
finds Wednesday 11am: "Julio's Death Metal Jamboree." He
peeks behind the door-- the station is empty.
He starts to slip inside when...
BETH (O.S.)
Max!
He whirls, closing the door guiltily. Beth comes down the
hall, laden with books.
MAX
Uh, hi...
BETH
It was great running into your friends,
but... you know... I feel bad about what I
said. Do you want to get together later?
MAX
I don't know, I'm sure I have something
to do that I've forgotten.
BETH
Come on, it's bad enough we fell out of
touch, but we can't even have lunch?
MAX
We had breakfast.
BETH
Every time we try to do anything, you
have an excuse, or forget to show up, or
you cancel.
MAX
You cancel on me, too.
BETH
I'm sorry. Things have been a little, you
know, awkward.
MAX
Look, the whole thing was my fault. Let's
drop it, okay?
Beth throws up her hands, turns away.
MAX (CONT'D)
Okay, lunch, you win.
53.
BETH
Now you're only going because I gave you
a hard time.
MAX
Guilt is a powerful force. Just be glad
it's on our side for once.
BETH
Okay, how is the Kidney Bean at noon?
MAX
Awful, just like every other time of day.
Their food is just birdseed prepared
fancy.
BETH
The Fabulous Diner, then. Friday at noon?
MAX
Fine.
She leaves. Max finds his old slot on the schedule and
crosses it out. Then he slips into the station.
41 EXT. CVS 41
A shitbox pulls up. Sam drives, Max rides shotgun. Scott and
Amanda are in back.
AMANDA
And then I got to thinking, you know, I
really think I like vanilla.
Sam turns off the car.
SAM
I'll be right back.
MAX
Me too.
They get out and go into the store.
42 INT. CVS 42
They enter an aisle and Sam grabs various items as he talks.
SAM
Jen called yesterday, while we were at
the bar.
MAX
You call her back?
54.
SAM
Yeah. I went over there to talk again
today. She's taking it hard.
MAX
Imagine that.
SAM
We're having dinner tonight. Wanna come?
MAX
Don't put me in the middle of this. Are
you definitely broken up? Because it
seems a little up in the air.
SAM
Yeah, we're definitely broken up. I guess
sometimes it seems like we're sliding
back into our old patterns.
He takes some Vaseline from a shelf. Max looks horrified.
SAM (CONT'D)
It's not what you think. I need a
petroleum jelly for the polymers class
I'm TA-ing.
Suddenly a rack of condoms catches his eye. Max sees it too.
MAX
Don't even think of it.
SAM
What-the-heck.
He takes a box. His arms are totally full now.
SAM (CONT'D)
I need a basket. Hold this.
He dumps his pile of stuff into Max's arms, the Vaseline and
condoms on top, and disappears around a corner. Max sighs,
turns around... and bumps into Julie.
JULIE
Hello... Big night?
MAX
Um, it's for a friend.
JULIE
I would hope so.
55.
MAX
No, seriously, I just got a job at a
petting zoo.
JULIE
(LAUGHING)
Oh, of course.
MAX
And the best part is, it's work study. I
think the Psych. department's involved.
JULIE
Hey, that's my new major. I got so sick
of Soc.
MAX
So, uh, got any plans tonight?
JULIE
Well, there's a great local band playing
the Pub. You should come.
MAX
Um, sure. Might be cool to catch a band
before success ruins them.
JULIE
Great. I'll see you there.
She leaves with a wave. Sam turns the other corner.
SAM
No baskets.
MAX
I can't believe what you just did to me!
SAM
What?
MAX
Julie was just here!
SAM
Who's Julie?
Suddenly, Scott arrives.
SCOTT
Hi. I need socks.
56.
MAX
What were you doing sitting in the car
then?
SCOTT
Nothing.
43 EXT. CVS FLASHBACK 43
The car pulls up.
SAM
I'll be right back.
MAX
Me too.
They leave.
Amanda and Scott are alone in the back. Amanda looks tense.
AMANDA
Scott, can I ask you something?
SCOTT
Okay.
AMANDA
It's just that, sometimes, you're really
cool and other times you act like I'm not
even here. Or like you don't want me
around.
SCOTT
Yeah.
AMANDA
Well, I was wondering if... never mind.
SCOTT
Okay.
A moment passes.
AMANDA
All right, look, I'm just going to come
right out with it. I think I like you. I
think I, I really like you.
SCOTT
I know.
As she opens her mouth, Scott opens the car door and exits.
57.
44 INT. CVS PRESENT 44
SCOTT
So where are the socks?
45 INT. PUB THAT NIGHT 45
An absurd metal band plays on-stage. The room is packed, and
the crowd is mostly one big mosh pit.
Max wades through the slamdancers, freaked. He makes it to
the coffee bar. Julie soon appears, sweaty. She's been here
awhile.
JULIE
Hey!
MAX
Oh, hey! It's good to see you.
The surging crowd shoves Max into Julie. They fall against
each other. Max is near panic but Julie's laughing, getting
off on the energy of the room.
The SINGER smashes the mic against the wall, then brandishes
the stand menacingly at the crowd, who step back in alarm.
MAX (CONT'D)
Who are these guys?
JULIE
They're Anhedonia. They're "sludge-core."
SINGER
You're all a part of the conspiracy!
You're all human! Every one of you wore
diapers! You're all full of shit!
The singer storms off. The band follows. The crowd applauds
with some confusion. Julie whistles loudly and claps.
JULIE
That's their trademark. They insult the
crowd at the end of the set. Sometimes he
breaks the mike two songs in. We were
lucky: they played for almost 40 minutes.
MAX
Luck had nothing to do with it.
58.
JULIE
Look, the mike's not even broken. They
were just tired of playing, but they
wanted to give us something to remember.
Now that's showmanship.
MAX
You have to wonder about any band whose
highlight is their exit.
JULIE
It worked for The Who.
MAX
I'm sorry, the who?
JULIE
Ha ha. Come on, is that the kind of a
joke a celebrity DJ would make?
MAX
I still can't believe you tuned in. It's
like an invasion of privacy.
JULIE
You're a riot. Let's get out of here.
She pulls him away.
46 INT. STUDY LOUNGE UNIVERSITY CENTER MINUTES LATER 46
The lounge is empty. Julie sits on a couch. Max sits next to
her, but seems uptight about getting too close.
MAX
So, uh, I'm sorry about that thing with,
uh, Chip was it?
JULIE
Oh, Mark. He's been following me around
for years. He's easily threatened.
MAX
He's lucky, I, uh, almost pulled a Jackie
Chan on his ass, but, you know, my kung-
fu's gotten rusty since I left the Hong
Kong military.
JULIE
Don't worry about him, he isn't a threat.
You're far more interesting.
59.
MAX
Right. Asking me not to worry is like
asking a bear to use toilet paper.
There's this joke that sums it up for me...
Julie leans in and looks at him with intensity.
JULIE
You're not fooling me, you know. I can
see right through this aloof image.
MAX
What?
JULIE
It's not an insult. I get the sense that
there's this whole other side of your
personality.
MAX
I hope he's a better dancer.
JULIE
See, this is the side you show, playing
everything off as a joke whenever things
gets serious. But there's more to you.
MAX
Did I ever tell you about the bear and
the rabbit in the woods--?
JULIE
Quick. Now. Tell me something about
yourself, something I never would have
guessed. And don't even try to come up
with some witty retort.
Max, agape, is on the spot, helpless. Julie grabs her coat.
JULIE (CONT'D)
I should get going.
She stands.
MAX
Wait.
She sits.
MAX (CONT'D)
Okay. Okay.
(a deep breath)
We barely know each other, but you're all
I think about.
60.
JULIE
(off-balance, covering)
I said something I never would have
guessed.
MAX
Oh, thanks. I bare my soul and now you're
the funny one.
JULIE
Sorry. That wasn't quite what I was
looking for.
MAX
Now it's your turn, right?
JULIE
Let's see. Okay, here's one: I have a
boyfriend.
MAX
Fuck. I sure hadn't guessed that.
JULIE
Okay, well, not anymore. Eric and I were
together in high school, but we broke up
over break.
MAX
Since high school, wow.
JULIE
Yeah. He's kind of a jerk. It was all a
waste of time. Sometimes I, I, I don't
know, Max, why don't you have a
girlfriend?
MAX
(on the spot)
Uh, I have a friend who says it's because
I watch Annie Hall too much.
JULIE
That's crazy.
MAX
Exactly. That film practically raised me.
JULIE
And it has a very positive message, too.
I wish more guys were into it.
MAX
Be careful what you wish for.
61.
JULIE
You don't know what I'm wishing for.
MAX
Snowtires?
JULIE
Max, there are a lot of girls that would
go for a guy like you.
MAX
Know any?
JULIE
This is one of those moments, in a movie,
when a character has a chance to say
something, and of course they do, and
it's perfect, and it becomes a movie
moment.
Julie starts to lean in. Suddenly, the BUILDING MANAGER walks
in. He's a dead ringer for Woody Allen. Max starts violently.
MANAGER
Building's closing. Everyone out.
He exits. Max is beside himself. Julie sees that the moment's
over and gets up.
JULIE
Are you hungry at all?
MAX
Sure. I know this place. Their food is
bad, but they compensate by being
overpriced.
JULIE
Sounds perfect.
They walk out.
MAX
Say, did that guy look like...?
JULIE
Ernest Borgnine? Yeah, I noticed that
too.
47 INT. JULIE'S CAR -- NIGHT 47
Max is relaxed and chatting while Julie drives.
62.
MAX
I've been able to do it since high
school.
JULIE
That's a scary gift. I mean, even if
people are destined to break up, the will
to stay together is very powerful.
MAX
That's the real tragedy. Look at all the
unhappy couples in the world.
JULIE
I don't know if your gift is really that
special, Max. I mean, we break up with
everyone we ever date... Until the one we
stay with forever.
MAX
See how ridiculous dating is?
JULIE
How did you get this attitude if you love
Annie Hall?
MAX
What do you mean? That's what Annie's all
about.
Julie looks dubious. Max flicks on the radio.
DJ
..."college radio for the masses," and
that's it for me.
(sound of CDs falling)
Whoops! Anyway, next up is Verbal
Diarrhea, with Todd Duke.
MAX
Why is your radio set to the campus
station?
JULIE
Actually, it's stuck on it. It's how I
first heard your show.
MAX
I thought Beth told you about me.
JULIE
It doesn't matter, Max. Now that I've met
you, your show's not important.
63.
48 INT. PRETENTIOUS CAFE A LITTLE LATER 48
The kind of place that's perfect for Parents Weekend. At this
late hour, it is filled with young professionals. There's a
dance floor, where couples dance to the standards. Max and
Julie are at a table in the corner, looking out of place.
JULIE
(SMIRKING)
This is a nice place. Ritzy. Interesting
mix of people here, you've got these men
with their suits, taking their waitress
girlfriends out to impress them into bed,
because they can't get them any other
way. Really, as if a fast car can ever
make up for a small dick.
MAX
If it did, do you think I'd be here? I'd
be down at the Porsche dealer with a ski
mask and an Uzi.
JULIE
Guys, always obsessed with dick size.
MAX
Well, sure, there's that, but it would
also be nice to have a car with a heater.
JULIE
Let's guess which couples are destined to
break up. How about them?
Indicates a COUPLE dancing.
MAX
No, I can't tell just by looking. I need
some info.
Their waitress, DONNA, arrives.
JULIE
Hi! Do you have a boyfriend?
Max is aghast. Donna stares a beat.
DONNA
Yeah.
JULIE
(TO MAX)
What do you need to know?
64.
MAX
Uh, just a description.
JULIE
Describe him for us. It's okay, I'm a
psyche major.
DONNA
Well, he's tall... ish. Brown hair. Funny.
Very friendly. Fixes cars. Close with his
brother. Uh, what else? Believes in God.
Has a sweet tooth. Uh...
MAX
That's plenty.
DONNA
So can I take your order?
JULIE
We're not ready, thanks.
Donna puts her pad away.
DONNA
So what was that all about then?
JULIE
Max here thinks you're going to break up
with your boyfriend.
DONNA
What?
MAX
Sorry. It's all in there. You qualified
"tall" so as not to make him appear too
handsome, said "friendly" like a
euphemism, chose "fixes cars" instead of
the more dignified "auto mechanic," and
finally, mentioned his brother á propos
of nothing, like you're threatened by
him.
The waitress looks like she's been slapped. After a pause,
she turns her back and walks away.
JULIE
Hey! Don't shoot the messenger!
MAX
I'm such an idiot. She's going to shit in
our food now. I can't believe you asked
her that.
65.
JULIE
Hey, we're all people here, right? If you
want to talk to someone, talk to them. I
don't spend my time trying to justify
talking to people or whatever. You limit
yourself if you do that. If you spend too
much time worrying, you don't spend
enough time living, right?
MAX
What are you, a fortune cookie?
JULIE
You have to keep yourself open to
possibilities in life. I'm the first one
in my family to go to college. Sometimes
I can't believe I'm here, at a semi-
prestigious university getting a halfway-
decent education-- this has always been
my dream. How did you end up here?
MAX
I had a coupon.
JULIE
I know what you mean, financial aid is a
bitch. And the university experience
itself is kind of disappointing. All
those rich students with no idea how
lucky they are. But I don't think about
them. I think about me, I think about
where I want to be someday: a world
traveler, running some huge company, or,
you know, doing some fantastically
important work. And when the day comes
that I can relax, I'm going to charter a
boat, sail around the world, and see the
Seven Wonders.
MAX
I thought they broke up when Stevie left.
JULIE
Come on, aren't you curious about the
world? Doesn't the sheer scope of life
fill you with wonder?
MAX
Wonder, horror, it's such a fine line...
JULIE
Ah, Max...
But she's smiling at him, and he can't help but return it.
66.
49 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT 49
Tommy sleeps while the TV proclaims golf products. Max comes
in and quietly shuts it off. Tommy gurgles and rolls over.
TOMMY
...swallowed a bug...
Max goes to his room. Sam's bed is empty. He shakes his head,
picks up a key from his desk, and leaves.
DISSOLVE TO:
50 INT. LIMBO RADIO 50
Max sits on a stool, as in the beginning, but this time we
are PUSHING IN...
MAX
Sometimes I look around and wonder where
the hell my friends came from.
51 INT. COMMON ROOM -- FLASHBACK 51
Tommy and Sam are in each other's faces, yelling. Tommy waves
a book and Sam waves a newspaper.
MAX (V.O.)
Like, the other night Tommy and Sam
nearly got into a fistfight over whether
the X-Files is based on a true story.
52 INT. BATHROOM -- FLASHBACK 52
Charles makes out with a GIRL in a stall covered in colored
paper. She has a cigarette on a black holding stem, which
brushes the paper.
MAX (V.O.)
Before that, Scott covered the entire
bathroom in multi-colored post-it notes,
which Charles somehow set on fire, nearly
getting us kicked out of housing.
53 INT. COMMON ROOM -- FLASHBACK 53
Max, Sam, Scott, and Tommy are there, reading fanclub
newsletters: X-philes, Font-ain of Youth, Men Are From Mars
Women From Venus. Charles walks in, arm in arm with a woman
who is obviously a PROFESSOR, and escorts her to his room.
MAX (V.O.)
They're great friends. I feel safer among
them than among my own family.
[MORE]
67.
MAX (V.O.) (cont'd)
They always know what not to say, how not
to make things uncomfortable.
After a beat, the group resumes reading like nothing
happened... except Max, who can't believe what he just saw.
54 INT. RADIO STATION (LIMBO) 54
Max in CLOSE-UP. Over his shoulder, images of Beth arguing
with him from various moments in their history.
MAX
Even when Beth was part of the group, she
didn't fit in. Like, she never just lets
things be. She always has to know exactly
what I'm thinking. It was sort of cute
when we were friends, but now it's like a
proctology exam.
(SIGHS)
Hard to imagine a friendship going more
wrong.
The image of Beth STOPS on a shot of her looking at him with
undisguised disappointment. She DISSOLVES into a image of
Julie, beaming.
MAX (CONT'D)
Ah, but Julie. Juliejuliejulie. She's
smart, she's funny, isn't constantly
hassling me. How she can stay such a
dreamer is beyond me... Hey, I wonder if
she's listening now.
The thought stops him cold. The image over his shoulder
VANISHES, replaced with a plain cement wall.
55 INT. RADIO STATION 55
We ZOOM OUT fast. Max is back in reality, the station crowded
and claustrophobic. He tries to regroup.
MAX
(taps the mike)
Hello? Uh, Julie...?
(clears his throat)
So, uh, as I was saying... Um. My friends.
Yeah. My friends are weird. Shit.
(LONG PAUSE)
I think it's time for some music.
He grabs for a CD.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: white on black: "THURSDAY"
68.
56 INT. U.C. GENERAL STORE 56
Max and Charles stir their coffee.
CHARLES
Fuckin' hate this flavored shit. Anyway,
I can't believe the cat in the shag
jacket was Andy.
MAX
I don't want to talk about it.
CHARLES
When I knew him as a freshman, he was pre-
law... Whew. Anyway, it sounds like things
are going well between you and Julie.
MAX
Yeah. This is a real change of pace.
Staying away from Annie Hall is like some
kind of magic trick.
CHARLES
I was wondering about that. You seem
different lately.
MAX
You know how when things are going badly,
there are certain parts I like to watch?
CHARLES
Like how you spent your whole sophomore
year watching that lobster scene on
repeat?
MAX
I realized that I don't know what part to
watch when things are going well.
CHARLES
You know, I actually regret mentioning
that theory. In fact, Sam and I were
thinking of watching it tonight. You in?
MAX
Are you on crack? I meet a girl I really
like, that I may actually have a chance
with, and you want me to put it all in
jeopardy?
CHARLES
Come on. Watching it without you would be
weird. Unnatural. That film is you, Max,
face it.
69.
MAX
But it's ruining my life.
Charles drinks his coffee and shakes his head.
CHARLES
Listen, Max. I have to tell you
something. I scored last night.
MAX
See? The theory works for you, too.
CHARLES
With Beth.
Max drops his coffee, thunderstruck.
MAX
What?!
CHARLES
It wasn't premeditated.
MAX
(ANGRY)
How could you sleep with Beth?
CHARLES
Look, nobody knows about it. It won't
happen again.
MAX
Happen again? Of course not! That might
constitute a relationship!
Max is at a loss. The CASHIER looks over suspiciously.
CHARLES
I'm sorry, Max. I wasn't sure if you'd
care.
MAX
I don't care! Oh God, this is my fault!
If only I hadn't called her...
CHARLES
What do you want me to say? I'm sorry,
man. Let me pay for your coffee.
MAX
You've gotta be kidding.
He starts to leave.
70.
CHARLES
Going back to the suite?
MAX
I dunno where I'm going.
57 EXT. CAMPUS THEATER DAY 57
Max, distressed, passes the campus theater, where someone is
tacking up a poster for Annie Hall. Max sees it and averts
his eyes.
58 EXT. KIDNEY BEAN -- DAY 58
He walks past the Kidney Bean. Something catches his eye
through the window. He changes direction and enters.
59 INT. KIDNEY BEAN -- DAY 59
Max sees Beth eating alone at a table, reading a Tom Robbins
book. He walks over. Beth isn't thrilled to see him.
BETH
Max? What are you doing here? A sudden
craving for bird-seed?
MAX
Yeah. I figured I'd had enough actual
food this week.
BETH
Well, be careful, someone in the corner
is eating egg salad.
Max sits down across from her. After an awkward pause:
BETH (CONT'D)
Are you okay?
MAX
Yeah, why?
BETH
No reason. Something about you sounded
different.
MAX
What? Now?
BETH
No, actually, last night on the... Oh no,
he's here.
71.
MAX
But I just left him in the General Store...
But she isn't talking about Charles: she's looking across the
room at STEVE, a good-looking guy who is talking to a GIRL.
BETH
Who is he with? He never calls me
anymore. I think he might be seeing
someone. Have you heard anything?
MAX
I don't even know him. What's so special
about this guy, anyway? I mean, are you
and he...?
BETH
Sort of. Well, no, I guess not.
(DISTRACTED)
I know something's going on. I'm such a
fool. Why are we always attracted to
people that are completely wrong for us?
Is it because they excite us?
MAX
I guess so. You know, we should try to be
more exciting. Like the other day, I
waited until the last minute before
returning a video. And next time, I swear
I'm not going to rewind.
BETH
I can be a rebel too. The other day I
went to bed without flossing.
MAX
Boy, are we pathetic.
BETH
Okay, it's pathetic, but we're okay, you
know? But sometimes, I feel like...
MAX
Yeah. Me too.
She puts on her coat and gathers her things on her tray.
BETH
I'm glad you're here, Max. I didn't
realize how much I missed you.
72.
MAX
I feel the same way about the Sex
Pistols. Missing them is far cooler than
having them around.
BETH
That's not what I meant, Max.
She heads for the exit.
60 INT. COMMON ROOM -- EVENING 60
Sam looks dubiously at Max, who waves his arms and shouts.
MAX
What do you mean, you saw Julie with
someone?
SAM
Just that. Nothing more.
MAX
So what are you saying?
SAM
Nothing. They were having lunch.
MAX
Who was he? What did he look like?
SAM
You're over-reacting.
MAX
How could she see someone else?
SAM
You're not even dating!
MAX
But we might be! I can't handle
competition, Sam, I'm not the competitive
type.
SAM
It was just lunch in the cafeteria. He
looked completely normal.
MAX
I can't compete with that!
(he fumbles with his coat)
Man, it's all gone so wrong, so fast.
He rushes out the door.
73.
61 INT. DORM HALLWAY SHELLY HALL 61
Max knocks on the door to Julie's suite. Nothing. He paces,
frustrated. Suddenly, JUDY comes out of a stairwell.
JUDY
Hello? Can I help you?
MAX
Yeah, do you know where Julie is?
JUDY
Hey! Are you Max?
MAX
Yeah...
JUDY
Oh wow! You're just like she described.
Hi, I'm Judy. I'm sure she mentions me
all the time.
MAX
Oh, yeah, Judy. Right.
Judy unlocks the door and holds it open.
JUDY
Come in, come in. Make yourself at home.
MAX
Uh, thanks.
62 INT. JULIE'S SUITE 62
Max enters cautiously. The common room couldn't be more
different than his own, clean and tasteful.
Judy hangs her coat up.
JUDY
This may be completely inappropriate, but
can I ask you something? The tattoo did
it hurt?
MAX
(THINKING FAST)
Uhhhh... No! I mean, not much.
JUDY
Why didn't you use your frat's logo?
74.
MAX
Well, uh, the guy said it's too hard to
draw two grown men kissing. Say, which
one is Julie's room?
JUDY
On the left. She's got the single.
Max pushes Julie's door open with one hand while keeping an
eye on the front door.
MAX
So...! Uh, do I come here often, would you
say?
JUDY (O.S.)
What?
The front door opens and Julie enters.
JULIE
Max! What are you doing here?
MAX
Judy let me in!
Judy comes out of her room.
JUDY
You know, I think I'm going to get a
tattoo, too.
JULIE
Judy, Mark has the tattoo. This is Max.
JUDY
What? You're Max?
JULIE
Yeah, isn't he great?
JUDY
Sure.
Glaring at him, she goes into her room and closes the door.
JULIE
What a surprise! What brings you here?
MAX
I was, uh, in the area and thought I'd
pop in. Find out how your day went.
75.
JULIE
It was excellent, how was yours?
MAX
Great. I had lunch with a dear, dear
friend.
JULIE
Yeah? Anyone I know?
MAX
Probably not. She's a foreign exchange
student. Spends a lot of time modeling.
JULIE
Really?
MAX
Yeah, the agencies won't leave her alone.
We had, uh, quite a lunch. Lots of
shellfish, and wine. And, uh, rhino's
horn.
JULIE
For lunch?
MAX
Well, yeah, uh, she's on the kosher meal
plan. Look, I gotta go. Nice seeing you
again.
He splits, leaving Julie wondering what that was all about.
63 EXT. JULIE'S DORM NIGHT 63
Outside, Max beats himself in the forehead several times.
Then, a picture of misery, he trudges off--
64 INT. RADIO STATION 64
He walks in on someone doing a show. He leaves dejectedly.
65 INT. COMMON ROOM 65
He goes back to his suite, where Sam and Jen sit like
statues, watching "The X-Files." He makes a quick exit.
66 EXT. JULIE'S DORM NIGHT 66
Passes by Julie's dorm again.
67 EXT. UNIVERSITY CENTER NIGHT 67
Eventually finds himself approaching the University Center.
76.
68 INT. THE PUB NIGHT 68
A ska band plays "These Boots Were Made For Walking" before
two small lines of skanking rude boys.
Charles is alone at the bar. Max sits down beside him.
MAX
I just made an ass of myself.
CHARLES
Oh, is it the weekend already?
MAX
Ha-ha.
CHARLES
Don't worry about it. Your troubles don't
compare. Sara blew up at Stacy and nearly
destroyed our first rehearsal.
MAX
Yeah, you've got real problems. Do you
have time to talk?
CHARLES
Uh-oh, here she comes.
SARA
Charles! Can you believe Stacy at
rehearsal?!
She jumps on the stool next to him. Charles turns to Max for
help but he's already gone.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: white on black: "FRIDAY"
69 INT. COMMON ROOM -- THE NEXT MORNING 69
Max plays video hockey. Charles comes in.
CHARLES
Studying for a test?
MAX
You shouldn't talk, theater major.
CHARLES
Hey, I have a test on lighting next week
that'll make your hair go grey.
He sprawls on the couch.
77.
CHARLES (CONT'D)
Thanks for bailing on me last night. I
had to hear Sara gab for an hour.
MAX
Why didn't you just leave? At least you
can escape your problems.
CHARLES
What do you mean?
MAX
I just got my textbooks for this term.
Max holds up a thick book, Post-Modern Semiology. The entire
cover is a still from Annie Hall.
CHARLES
Holy shit.
MAX
When the gods give you a sign like that,
there's only one thing to do.
He passes a controller to Charles and they play.
CHARLES
By the way, I saw Julie last night.
MAX
Was she alone?
CHARLES
Not if you count this huge purse she had.
She was rummaging through it and finally
had to dump the thing out. I swear, I'm
surprised Kennedy's brain didn't fall out
of that thing. Anyway, it made me think
of Annie Hall.
MAX
Oh, great.
CHARLES
Although Julie dresses better.
Max slowly lowers his controller.
MAX
What are you saying, I like her because
she's like Annie Hall?
CHARLES
I didn't say that.
78.
MAX
Oh my God, I think you're right.
CHARLES
I didn't say that.
MAX
I don't want to like someone because she
reminds me of someone in a movie. Now I'm
wondering why I like her. Maybe I don't.
CHARLES
Good Lord, Max. Take some harder classes.
Sam returns, sees what they are playing.
SAM
Look at you two. Wouldn't something else
be fun for a change? How about Goldeneye?
CHARLES
Great game.
MAX
No. I don't know how to play it.
SAM
Lucky for you, I actually have time to
teach you. Normally I would be having
lunch with Jen.
MAX
Oh, shit, I forgot about lunch!
Max gets up and runs out. Charles and Sam exchange a look.
SAM
Man, he'll do anything to avoid change,
won't he?
70 INT. THE FABULOUS DINER DAY 70
Beth is alone, working on a salad. Max runs up and jumps into
the booth.
BETH
(not looking up)
So glad you could make it.
MAX
Hey, I'm here, right?
BETH
Thank God for small favors.
79.
MAX
I'm sorry. Are you still upset about the
thing with Steve?
BETH
Yeah, a little. This semester isn't
shaping up too well. It's tough getting
back into the groove of things and, you
know, being on campus. Yourself?
MAX
Well, you know. Nothing even worth
mentioning.
BETH
But there's something? Really?
MAX
It's nothing.
BETH
Who is it? Do I know her?
MAX
Actually, um, yeah, it's Julie.
BETH
Julie! She's great. Why aren't you
thrilled?
MAX
Well, I'm not sure I'm that into her.
BETH
This I gotta hear.
MAX
She reminds everyone of Annie Hall.
BETH
Well, of course, why do you think I sent
her to you?
MAX
God, I'm such an idiot! That film is
finding more and more ways to ruin my
life.
Max pounds his head against the table but Beth is amused.
BETH
What're you talking about?
80.
MAX
Look at my life. Look at this thing with
Julie.
BETH
Jeez, she's not like Annie when the film
starts, she's like Annie at the end. Or
maybe, the Millennium Edition.
MAX
The worst part is, maybe I knew this all
along.
BETH
Max, what's really the problem here?
MAX
And Annie Hall's not even my type.
BETH
You have a type?
MAX
I'm into bipeds with most of their teeth.
No Lutherans or fictional characters.
BETH
Who would you rather sleep with, Julie or
Annie Hall?
MAX
That's not two choices, that's one.
BETH
Okay, Annie Hall or me?
Max knocks over her soda.
BETH (CONT'D)
Stop delaying. This is a serious
hypothetical question.
MAX
Well, I must admit, it would be... Annie
Hall.
Beth snorts, then laughs.
MAX (CONT'D)
Don't feel bad, you came in second.
BETH
I'll take what I can get.
81.
MAX
It's only because you'd laugh at more of
my jokes in bed. It adds a whole other
dimension-- you'd be laughing with me in
addition to at me.
BETH
You joke while you're in bed?
MAX
Yeah.
BETH
That's so weird.
MAX
I'm weird.
BETH
No, it's weird because I do the same
thing. Guys find it annoying.
MAX
Girls think I'm a loser.
BETH
Julie doesn't. And you really like her.
MAX
Yeah. It's corny, but there's something
about her that brings me happiness.
BETH
Happiness? Max, you wouldn't know what to
do with it if you had it.
71 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT 71
Max frantically cleans up all the pizza boxes, wrappers, and
empties. Charles leans on the wall, arms crossed.
CHARLES
You've gotta be kidding.
MAX
Look, either go somewhere else, or stay
in your room.
CHARLES
Can't I even meet her?
MAX
You already did.
82.
Max stuff the trash with paper, squirts lighter fluid all
over it, and takes Annie Hall from the shelf.
CHARLES
What are you doing?
MAX
Julie's coming over to watch a movie. I
don't want to take any chances.
He carries the tape over the trash but Charles snatches it
from him.
CHARLES
Dude, Sam and I were gonna watch that.
Annoyed, he puts it back on the shelf and goes to his room.
The doorbell RINGS. Max smooths his hair one last time...
DISSOLVE TO:
72 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT -- LATER 72
Max and Julie browse a shelf full of videos.
MAX
Since Scott joined a video club, we've
got a lot of shitty movies you'll ever
Oo, here's Buffalo `66, that's a
need.
great flick.
JULIE
It is, but I saw it a couple of weeks
ago. I don't think I can sit through it
again. You mentioned something about
Annie Hall the other night. Do you have
that lying around?
MAX
Ummm, no.
JULIE
Isn't that it on the end there?
MAX
No.
JULIE
Sure it is.
MAX
Um, no, it's just the box. The tape
inside is wrestling.
83.
JULIE
No, it isn't.
MAX
Um, it's been recorded over...
JULIE
You don't believe your friend's theory,
right?
MAX
No, of course not.
JULIE
Because it's insulting. A cop-out.
MAX
I, I know, it's just, I watched it last
week. How about Airplane?
JULIE
Oh, good idea. But next time, Annie Hall.
Max puts in Airplane. Julie and Max sit on a couch together.
DISSOLVE TO:
73 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT -- LATER 73
Airplane plays. Julie and Max share a blanket. Max turns
toward Julie just as she turns toward him, and their lips end
up in the same place. Julie pulls back.
JULIE
What are you?
MAX
Huh?
JULIE
Why did you back away?
MAX
Why did you?
JULIE
It wasn't me, I wouldn't have backed
away.
MAX
Really? I'll, I'll have to remember that
later.
84.
Max turns back to the movie. A beat passes. Julie looks at
him, amused.
MAX (CONT'D)
Actually, my memory's not what it used to
be. If I don't act on this information
now...
They kiss. Max pulls the blanket up over them. The sound of
KISSING. Then:
JULIE
Ow.
MAX
Sorry.
JULIE
No, it's okay.
More KISSING.
MAX
Are you comfortable, I mean, is this
okay?
JULIE
It's okay. Shut up already.
Suddenly, the sound of a LOCK TURNING. Max and Julie quickly
get out from under the covers. Sam and Tommy enter, oblivious
to the quick recovery of innocence on the couch.
TOMMY
You're crazy! You know how important your
sense of smell is?
SAM
Come on! What about touch? Missing the
smell of rotting milk is hardly equal to
not being able to enjoy sex.
(SEEING THEM)
Oh, hey, Max.
MAX
Hey. Guys, um, this is Julie. Julie, this
is my roommate Sam, and that's Tommy, who
also lives here.
JULIE
Nice to meet you guys, but I was just
leaving.
85.
MAX
What?
JULIE
I have work to do before class tomorrow.
MAX
But the movie is... Okay. Do you want me to
walk you home?
JULIE
Sure, all right. Boys, nice to meet you.
Max leaves with Julie.
TOMMY
Bye.
(TO SAM)
Okay, so what about body odor, then?
74 INT. JULIE'S ROOM 74
Max and Julie collapse onto the pillows, exhausted from sex.
Her room is extremely disorganized, decorated in an
idiosyncratic mix of punk rock icons and nature scenery.
JULIE
I wish I had a cigarette.
MAX
I wish I smoked.
JULIE
Me too. It's strangely sexy when guys
smoke.
MAX
Yeah, and it's the only thing between me
and my dream of becoming Steve McQueen.
They lie in each other's warmth, under the blanket.
JULIE
So. You and Beth are pretty close, huh?
MAX
You call that pillow talk?
(SHRUGS)
We used to be. There were times I would
have been lost without her. Other times,
it was like the lost leading the lost.
JULIE
She really cares about you.
86.
MAX
We tried something once, but it was a
disaster.
JULIE
It's great that you're still friends.
MAX
Sometimes I'm not sure if I have a say in
it. On a campus this small, it's like
she's everywhere.
JULIE
Sometimes this place annoys me. There's
so much bullshit. My semester off was the
right idea. What happened to old-
fashioned hard work?
MAX
That's what summers are for. The school
year is for reckless debauchery.
Max looks at the clock.
MAX (CONT'D)
Jesus, I have to get going. I'll never
get my homework done if I sleep all
weekend. Ah, fuck it, who cares.
JULIE
Why not just set your tuition on fire?
MAX
This, coming from the girl who thinks
college is bullshit.
Max just lies there, comfortably resting with a small smile.
JULIE
So, get on up, lazy.
Max sits up and puts one foot on the floor before realizing
he'll be naked if he stands. He tries to grab his jeans with
his toes. Julie observes him dryly.
JULIE (CONT'D)
How can you be shy, after, you know...?
MAX
It's different. Some things aren't quite
as impressive in the light of day.
JULIE
You have a problem with nudity.
87.
MAX
Of course not. I'm a big fan of it.
Max picks up his pants. Julie taps him on the shoulder and
flicks the sheet up to flash him. He starts and drops them.
She laughs.
JULIE
It's too easy.
Max puts his jeans on, shoves his underwear and socks in his
pocket.
MAX
What are you doing tomorrow?
JULIE
A double-shift, I get out at five. This
week's gonna suck. I have homework that
can't be avoided.
MAX
The worst kind.
Max is dressed. They smooch. Max leaves. Julie lies in bed,
thoughtful.
Nick Cave begins to croon "Into My Arms"...
75 EXT. JULIE'S DORM -- SUNRISE 75
Max leaves the building and stops to look at the winter
sunrise.
SUPER: black on white: "SATURDAY"
I don't believe
In an interventionist God
But I know, darling
That you do
76 EXT. LIBRARY -- SUNRISE 76
Students work in the library as light refracts through
icicles in the window.
But if I did
I would kneel down and ask Him
Not to intervene
When it came to you
88.
77 EXT. STREET -- SUNRISE 77
A boy and a girl hold hands as they cross an icy street.
78 EXT. QUAD -- SUNRISE 78
Squirrels play in the light.
79 EXT. UNIVERSITY CENTER -- SUNRISE 79
The sun reflects off the University Center windows and back
onto the snow.
Not to touch a hair on your head
To leave you as you are
But if He felt He had to direct you
Direct you into my arms...
80 INT. RADIO STATION 80
The lights are low. Max is at the console, staring into
space. Nick Cave is playing softly on the monitors.
Into my arms... oh Lord...
Into my arms... oh Lord...
The phone RINGS. Max snaps out of his reverie and stares at
it in horror. After several rings, he answers it.
MAX
Hello. Nobody is here right now. Please
leave a message. BEEEEEEEP.
SPLIT SCREEN between Max and
81 INT. JULIE'S ROOM 81
Julie, in bed, smoking.
JULIE
Nice try, Max. I thought you had homework
and stuff, you liar. Great song, by the
way.
MAX
You're listening? I told you not to
listen!
JULIE
Come on, you're funny, you have good
taste in music...
MAX
Hey, where'd the music go?
89.
82 INT. DORM ROOM -- CONTINUOUS 82
Two STUDENTS, lying in bed together, listen to the radio.
JULIE (O.S.)
(on the radio)
I don't know.
MAX (O.S.)
(on the radio)
I don't get it, it stopped when I picked
up the phone.
83 INT. RADIO STATION -- CONTINUOUS 83
Max pushes up a slider and hears the following coming out
over the monitors:
JULIE (O.S.)
I'm just calling to say that you left
your underpants and took mine.
Max reacts, then SCREECHING FEEDBACK rips over the airwaves.
MAX
Woah!
Continue SPLIT SCREEN with
84 INT. JULIE'S ROOM 84
Where Julie is frantically pulling the chord out of the back
of her radio.
Max fades the phone out, the music up.
MAX
Don't be too proud of your five seconds
of fame. More people would hear us if we
shouted out the window.
JULIE
My radio days are over, I'm now deaf.
MAX
Didn't I tell you not to listen to my
show?
JULIE
You were only playing music.
MAX
Well, all these songs are about you.
90.
JULIE
Wow... You're a real piece of work, you
know that, Max?
85 INT. MAX AND SAM'S ROOM MORNING 85
Max enters and takes off his coat. Sam sits up, annoyed.
MAX
Man, I'm sorry. Go back to sleep.
SAM
What's the point? I have to be up in 15
minutes anyway. Not that I could sleep.
MAX
I didn't sleep either, but for some
reason I'm still refreshed. I feel great.
Sam stares at him.
SAM
What the fuck is your problem?
MAX
It's Julie. Last night we officially
became a couple.
SAM
Officially?
MAX
We hooked up.
SAM
That doesn't mean anything.
MAX
It meant something to me.
Sam considers him.
SAM
I don't believe you. Just last week you
told me the happy should be quarantined.
I don't know you anymore.
MAX
Still down about Jen, huh?
SAM
We broke up for good last night.
He gets out of bed and starts dressing.
91.
MAX
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
SAM
I thought I knew what I was doing. Ever
since she became my girlfriend, I've felt
more and more constricted. Like I was
trapped under the weight of the label.
"My girlfriend." "Her boyfriend."
MAX
You guys were together a long time.
SAM
Yeah, we were.
MAX
Have fun in Saturday lab.
SAM
Ah, eat shit and die.
86 INT. COMMON ROOM -- HOURS LATER 86
Max is alone, playing "Goldeneye" with a dopey smile on his
face. Charles comes in, rolls of blueprints under his arm.
CHARLES
What's this, "Goldeneye"?
Charles sits and they play against each other.
MAX
Yeah...
CHARLES
Have you been here all day?
MAX
Yeah, this game's so much fun.
CHARLES
Max, gotta tell you, you're really
creeping me out.
Tommy comes out of his room, dressed in a shirt and tie.
MAX
Sam said the same thing. He's still
depressed.
CHARLES
Still can't believe he broke up with Jen.
I saw her yesterday and she looked sad.
[MORE]
92.
CHARLES (CONT'D)
I asked her how she was doing, and she
said "Fine," and asked me why I was
asking.
MAX
A non-denial denial. I invented that.
She's learned from the best.
TOMMY
I saw her, too. She didn't seem upset to
me.
Charles kills Max with a rocket launcher.
CHARLES
I was hanging with Sara. That girl pisses
me off! She'll say the dumbest things,
like, the Breeders are better than the
Beatles.
MAX
Happiness is a warm gun.
CHARLES
I wouldn't go that far. She's just a
daffy dame, that's all. Now, Stacy's
foxy, but she's too serious.
MAX
What about Beth?
CHARLES
What about her?
Sam comes in, totally morose. Silently, he joins them in
three-player mode, then quickly kills himself with a rocket
launcher.
MAX
You just came from Jen's, huh?
SAM
Yeah, we just broke up for good.
CHARLES
Oh, man, I'm sorry. Was it you or her?
SAM
Me. Us. Both. It was just time, I guess.
(puts down the joystick)
I have to go, uh, mail a letter or
something.
He puts on his coat and leaves. Charles, Tommy, and Max
exchange looks. Max turns off the game.
93.
MAX
Well, that took the wind out of my sails.
CHARLES
(NOTICING TOMMY)
What's up with you? Got another date with
Amanda?
TOMMY
It wasn't a date.
CHARLES
A no-show, huh?
TOMMY
Yeah, but it's okay. Today's her
birthday, and she invited me out for
dinner at a nice restaurant.
CHARLES
She invited all of us.
TOMMY
Oh? Well, that's cool, too.
MAX
It's barely lunch, why are you dressed
up?
TOMMY
I don't want to wait til the last minute
to pick out my clothes.
CHARLES
Are you really wearing that tie?
TOMMY
Damn, I knew this was the wrong one!
He runs into his room. Charles laughs at him.
MAX
I don't wanna go to a birthday party. I'm
broke, and I wanna hang out with Julie.
CHARLES
So take her. And pray Sara's not there.
87 EXT. CAMPUS PARKING LOT EVENING 87
Max and Julie walk through the snow together, toward a
parking lot. She's taking deep drags off a cigarette.
94.
JULIE
This has been some crazy week. I still
have a six page paper due Monday.
MAX
Six pages? That's nothing. Triple spaced,
in 14 point type, that's only like 500
words. If a picture's worth a thousand
words, that's like a bad photocopy.
JULIE
Don't worry about it, I needed a break.
Good to get out and enjoy the weather.
MAX
What are you, from Maine?
JULIE
No.
MAX
Phew, because I don't know if I'd be able
to handle something like that. That's a
hard thing to drop on a person.
JULIE
I'm from northern Vermont. Not too far
from Canada.
MAX
Shit, I'm sorry.
JULIE
It sucked but I managed. Read a lot. Had
a few close friends. That's all you need.
It's quiet up there, dull but nice.
MAX
It sounds it.
They get to her car, and he surprises her by kissing her. She
responds, after a hesitation.
88 INT. JULIE'S CAR EVENING 88
Max sits tensely in the passenger seat.
MAX
Look out for that truck!
The truck's about two blocks away.
JULIE
Will you relax? I know how to drive.
95.
MAX
Watch the driveway!
JULIE
(ANNOYED)
I've got it under control, Max!
MAX
Anyway, everyone's dying to meet you.
JULIE
Oh, yeah?
She drags on her cigarette.
MAX
This is going to be fun. All my friends,
meeting my girlfriend. It's going to be
great.
JULIE
Did you just call me your girlfriend?
MAX
Uh, yeah...
JULIE
(CONSIDERS)
Ah well, I guess that's alright.
Boyfriend.
She looks at Max and smiles.
89 INT. PRETENTIOUS CAFE -- EVENING 89
We PAN around a long table: Beth at one end, then Jen and
Sam, Charles (looking annoyed) and Sara, Tommy at the other
end, then Scott and Amanda, and two chairs. Everyone's
talking and looking at menus.
Max and Julie enter. Max looks around, paranoid. He sees
Donna the waitress glaring at him, and hurries after Julie,
who is already at the table introducing herself.
AMANDA
Beth, I can't believe you're graduating
so early.
MAX
What, really?
96.
BETH
Yeah. I've spent my life learning how to
be a student, and at the end of the
semester it will all be useless.
Everybody already wants to know what I'm
going to do, and I have no idea. I
started making up stories to tell people.
An aunt asked me if I'm excited about
Chicago, and I couldn't remember if I'd
said I was moving to the city or going to
see the band.
CHARLES
Something similar once happened to me,
except I didn't know Nashville Pussy was
a band.
Tommy laughs and blows tea out his nose.
BETH
I can't believe I'm graduating. My whole
life, I've known what was next. But when
I graduate, the next step is... something?
JULIE
Something that pays the bills.
MAX
My grandfather once told me that if you
love your job, you'll never work a day in
your life. He's 98 years old, addicted to
C-SPAN, and had to be removed from a
supermarket recently for shouting about
Republicans.
JULIE
Now I know where you get it from.
AMANDA
You should do whatever makes you happy.
TOMMY
Grad school baby. Stay out of the real
world as long as possible.
Sam and Jen sit close together and are both subdued.
SAM
I can't believe I'm graduating next year.
I already have a recurring nightmare
about it.
JEN
You have plenty of time, dear.
97.
She rubs his arm soothingly. Behind her back, Charles rolls
his eyes and sticks his finger down his throat. Sara sees it.
SARA
Come on, Charles, show a little dignity.
He whirls on her.
CHARLES
Dignity? You've been following me around
like a lost dog since break, and you're
talking about dignity?! You're always in
my way, I can't get away from you!
SARA
What are you talking about?!
CHARLES
If they're making me sick, that's my
business! Leave me alone already!
SARA
Fine!
She storms out. The table is aghast. Julie averts her eyes
politely. Beth pokes Max, urging him to do something.
JEN
We make you sick? Sam, say something to
him!
SAM
Why should I? We've made him sick for
years.
JEN
How dare you!
SAM
It's true!
Beth smacks Max's leg: Do something! He begs off.
JEN
You think everything's okay if it's true,
but some things are true and not okay!
SAM
When are you going to realize I'm a
different person and entitled to my
opinion? It's my goddamn life!
Jen turns away, glaring. Max anxiously looks at Julie, who
stares above her menu.
98.
AMANDA
Please, guys, it's my birthday. We're
here to celebrate.
SCOTT
(AS "CARTMAN")
"Can't we all just get along?"
AMANDA
Goddamn it, Scott, I am so sick of you
making fun of me! You are the meanest
person I've ever met and I don't know why
anybody even talks to you! You are such
an asshole!
They lock gazes for a beat.
SCOTT
Sorry.
Sara comes back in and sits down, sullen. There is a long,
uncomfortable silence.
A WAITER arrives.
WAITER
Are you ready to order?
JEN SAM
No. Yes.
Unsure, he turns to the next couple.
CHARLES SARA
Yes. No.
The waiter looks around, notices the tension.
WAITER
Why don't I come back?
He leaves. Awkward silence.
BETH
(CLEARS THROAT)
Ah... So... Julie. I heard you switched
majors.
JULIE
Yes, I'm Psych now. I didn't like Soc.
JEN
I'm a Soc. major.
99.
JULIE
Oh sorry, I just meant, I needed
something more, ya know, relevant.
SAM
Psych is relevant?
JULIE
(SLIGHTLY DEFENSIVE)
Well, look, I'm only in college for the
degree. Most of the stuff they teach us
is pointless anyway.
Julie looks at Max: Say something.
MAX
(FEEBLY)
Heheh, I bet that's why they call it
"academic."
JEN
College is a great opportunity. It's
about more than getting a job.
JULIE
Yeah, it's about avoiding the real world
for as long as possible.
CHARLES
I work in theater, so this is great
training for me.
JULIE
You call theater the real world?
SARA
Hey!
Now Julie is hitting Max's leg: Help me out here! But Max is
petrified, watching his worst nightmare unfold.
JEN
Some of us work really hard to get
through school.
JULIE
Look, my parents worked their whole lives
to give me the opportunity to be here.
But the truth is, private schools like
ours make money by showing students a
good time for four years. It's bullshit.
AMANDA
You think social work is bullshit?
100.
JULIE
That's not what I--
CHARLES
This "bullshit" is going to put me in
debt for the next forty years.
Julie punches Max in the thigh. He jumps, blinks.
JEN
Why don't you just drop out if
everything's such bullshit?
MAX
So what's everybody going to order then?
JULIE
God. What a bunch of spoiled, whiny
college brats.
Nobody has anything more to say. Everyone looks away. Max is
shell-shocked.
TOMMY
I'm gonna work for NASA!
90 EXT. STREET OUTSIDE MAX'S DORM -- NIGHT 90
Julie's car pulls up. Her bumper sticker: "EAT ANIMALS, DON'T
`LOVE' THEM"
Max opens the door, gets halfway out, turns back.
MAX
Are you sure?
JULIE
No, it's okay. I just need a few hours to
work.
MAX
It'll be fun, just the two of us.
Julie lights a cigarette off her old one.
JULIE
Okay, see you later.
She peels out.
91 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT 91
Max straightens up. Scott comes out of his bedroom.
101.
SCOTT
If she stands you up, are we still not
allowed in here? It's my time to watch
"South Park."
MAX
Why would she do that?
SCOTT
(SHRUGS)
It's already past eleven.
There's a KNOCK on the door.
MAX
See?
Max gets the door. Scott exits, disappointed. Julie enters,
smoking.
JULIE
Hey. Sorry I'm late. You wouldn't believe
what cross-campus traffic was like.
MAX
That's the worst excuse I ever heard. I
mean it. So... you wanna hit the video
store?
JULIE
No, you've got something here that I've
been looking forward to all week.
She grabs Annie Hall from the shelf.
MAX
Ah, shit, no.
JULIE
You must face your fears. Relax, it's a
very positive film. You just have to know
how to look at it. It's really
refreshingly positive.
DISSOLVE TO:
92 INT. COMMON ROOM -- 98 MINUTES LATER 92
The closing credits are rolling. Max and Julie look somewhat
disconcerted.
MAX
Boy, what an uplifting movie. Such a
refreshingly positive message.
102.
She doesn't respond.
MAX (CONT'D)
Right?
JULIE
You know, I think I prefer Manhattan.
MAX
How can you say that? Annie Hall is so
uplifting!
JULIE
It's just deeper, more sophisticated, I
guess. Listen, thanks for dinner and the
movie tonight, but I should get going.
MAX
But it's still early.
Julie goes to the door. Max follows. He tries to kiss her.
She pulls back.
JULIE
I don't know if this is a good idea right
now.
MAX
Okay, how about right... now?
He tries to kiss her again. She ducks it, comes back into the
room, sits down. Max stands, tense.
JULIE
Listen, since the other night, I've been
doing some thinking...
MAX
There's your mistake. Mindless happiness
is always better than thoughtful
reservation. Unless you're talking about
nude bungee jumping.
JULIE
I don't think that this is a good time
for us to jump, or leap, or whatever, you
know, together. Into a relationship.
MAX
But, but... we just saw a movie about how
relationships are worth it, no matter
what happens.
103.
JULIE
Did we?
MAX
Yeah, I guess we really did.
JULIE
Well, you're right, Max, and this
relationship was worth it.
MAX
Was? Is. Wait... Oh, shit!
Max covers his face, breathes deep.
JULIE
Are you okay? Will you please calm down?
I like you very much, but I told you, I
just got out of a serious relationship,
and it ended really badly. We saw each
other almost every day at the beginning,
but by the end of the semester, I hadn't
seen him in a month. He stopped returning
my calls and stuff, and I mean, he
basically avoided me, then I heard he was
seeing one of my friends.
MAX
But that was him, not me.
JULIE
It's nobody's fault, I know. I mean, I've
been trying but it's hard. Relationships
are very difficult to maintain. There are
so few successful couples.
MAX
What's successful? Like, my parents have
been married thirty years, but--
JULIE
My parents are divorced.
MAX
Okay, bad example. But why think ahead?
We're here, now. Can't we just enjoy our
time together?
JULIE
Max, I did, believe me.
MAX
What was all this, I mean, was any of it
104.
JULIE
I don't know what I was doing. I didn't
think about where this might lead until
it was too late.
MAX
But it might lead to... happiness.
Tommy walks in, half asleep, in his pajamas. He turns on the
TV and sits down. Max stares at him. Tommy suddenly realizes
he isn't alone.
TOMMY
Uh, re-run.
He turns it off and quickly exits. Max tries to pull himself
together.
JULIE
Say something. Are you okay?
MAX
I knew that damn film was cursed! Why did
I listen to Charles instead of Annie?
JULIE
Jesus, Max. It's not an anti-relationship
movie.
MAX
What are you talking about? It's a
fucking textbook.
She stands.
JULIE
You're not listening to me, Max. Just
like you're not listening to Annie. No
matter what you think right now, this was
worth it. Because I got to meet you, and
got to be close to you.
MAX
I know. I don't know. I mean... Good-bye.
Julie leaves. The VCR whirs to a stop and Annie Hall ejects.
Max stares at it, upset and thoughtful.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: white on black: "SUNDAY"
105.
93 INT. COMMON ROOM -- LATE AFTERNOON 93
PAN left to right across people's chests: an X-Files shirt, a
lounge shirt with a wide collar, a Stephen Hawking shirt, an
Ani DiFranco shirt...
PULL BACK to reveal, l to r, Sam, Charles, Tommy and Amanda,
sprawled on the couches, from Max's POV in the doorway.
They're drinking vodka out of coffee mugs. The TV is on but
the sound is off. Everyone looks tired and sad.
Max sits. Sam thumbs a copy of Scientific American.
SAM
Why are humans smarter than chimps if we
have 99% of the same genetic material?
MAX
Who says we're smarter?
SAM
Look who I'm asking. You think a red
blood cell is a prison for a gang member.
MAX
Very funny, Mr. Wizard. If I learned
anything useful in my classes, I'd be
rubbing it in your face.
In Scott's usual spot is Amanda and Tommy.
TOMMY
So Amanda. Have a good weekend?
AMANDA
Yeah.
TOMMY
Mine was good too. Get any good birthday
presents?
AMANDA
Yeah.
She gets up and leaves the room.
SAM
By the way, Max, what ever happened with
that girl you were seeing?
MAX
She just ended a long relationship and
she doesn't want anything serious.
106.
CHARLES
Can't you have something that's not so
serious?
MAX
No, it's dead. And the thing I don't get
is, it was all going so well. There was a
moment when we kissed, when it was more
than a kiss...
His openness is making the other guys uncomfortable.
MAX (CONT'D)
It was like we broke through all our
layers, you know, all the manners and
defense mechanisms and daily crap, and I
saw a flash of something, a glimmer of
hope or happiness or whatever, something
I inspired in her. But now it's over and
I'll never see that part of her again.
CHARLES
I think you're upset about not seeing
some other parts of her again.
The joke is half-hearted-- Max has made everyone reflective.
CHARLES (CONT'D)
She's a girl, Max. They'll always be a
mystery. You'll never know why they love
you and you'll never know why they don't.
SAM
Relationships are incredibly complicated.
Like polypeptide strings. There's an
attraction at first, but if the bonds
don't form right away, nothing can make
the connection work.
MAX
There's a metaphor we can all relate to.
SAM
It was like with Jen and I. But I know it
was for the best.
CHARLES
I finally dropped out of the play I was
directing, just to get rid of Sara. God,
my career is in shambles.
TOMMY
Tough week all around, huh? How about
some video hockey?
107.
Max gets up and puts on his coat.
MAX
I think I prefer Goldeneye.
He leaves. Sam sighs and picks up the remote.
SAM
Wanna watch Sports Center?
CHARLES
Nah. I think I'm gonna call Sara...
He gets up and leaves as Sam registers this news. He puts the
remote down.
94 EXT. CAMPUS GREEN DUSK 94
It is moist and foggy as Max trudges across the deserted
campus.
BETH (O.S.)
Max!
Max stops in the middle of a path as Beth walks up.
BETH (CONT'D)
Hi there. Happy Valentine's Day.
MAX
Oo, witty.
BETH
Yeah, I hate Valentine's Day, too. If
you're in love, you're in love. And if
you're not, who wants to think about it?
I want to be in love so badly, don't you?
MAX
You know, there's this joke...
BETH
Ah, forget it, Max.
MAX
You know the joke?
BETH
Does a bear shit in the woods?
MAX
Yeah, that's the one.
108.
BETH
You told it the night of our date. I hate
that joke, Max. It's not a philosophy.
MAX
But I think I know what it means now.
BETH
Yeah, and it's dreary and depressing,
right?
MAX
Not this time.
BETH
No?
MAX
(INTIMATELY)
Beth, I just want to say, before it's all
over and I don't have the chance, that
I'm sorry. For everything. Last semester
and last year.
Beth is speechless; she never though she'd ever hear that.
MAX (CONT'D)
You mean the world to me, and I was an
idiot to throw it away. You were right:
if I can't be a friend to you, how could
I be a boyfriend? I've done a lot of
things wrong, and I've been confused as
hell, but I think it's time for a change.
Beth looks him over, as if for the first time.
BETH
Really?
MAX
Really.
BETH
Then allow me to recommend a movie that
you've never seen before. It's called
Annie Hall.
MAX
I was going to see it tonight. Do you
want to join me?
BETH
I would love to, but I think you need to
do this alone.
109.
MAX
No, you're right.
BETH
But I'll see you later?
MAX
Sure. After the movie, I'm doing my last
radio show. It's going to be all
requests. You should tune in.
BETH
The end of an era.
MAX
The start of a new one.
He smiles and walks away. The fog begins to obscure him.
Beth opens her backpack and removes a Walkman. She hits POWER
and the LED changes from TAPE to RADIO.
MAX (V.O.) (cont'd)
And that's how I let go of her. Although,
it's probably more honest to say that she
let go of me. Julie, Beth, and Annie.
Three women in my life and I was
desperate for one.
REVERSE ANGLE. Beth stands alone, watching him go. She snaps
the headphones over her ears.
MAX (V.O.) (cont'd)
Of course, I saw her again. It's a small
campus. The last time was at a film
festival. We're better friends now then
ever, and there's always a chance we can
have some kind of future together. So
far, so good.
Finally, Beth turns and walks away.
CUT BACK TO: Max still walking, getting smaller and smaller.
Soon all we see is fog.
MAX (V.O.) (cont'd)
She'll always mean a lot to me, and it's
nice to run into her and reminisce about
what we, ya know, went through. It was a
weird period of my life. I mean, shit, I
really got off track there, didn't I?
FADE TO BLACK
|
