JUNO
Written by
Diablo Cody
EXT. CENTENNIAL LANE - DUSK
JUNO MacGUFF stands on a placid street in a nondescript
subdivision, facing the curb. It's FALL. Juno is sixteen
years old, an artfully bedraggled burnout kid. She winces
and shields her eyes from the glare of the sun. The object
of her rapt attention is a battered living room set, abandoned
curbside by its former owners. There is a fetid-looking
leather recliner, a chrome-edged coffee table, and a tasteless
latchhooked rug featuring a roaring tiger.
JUNO (V.O.)
It started with a chair.
INT. BLEEKER HOUSE - MOLD-O'-RIFFIC BASEMENT - NIGHT
FLASHBACK - Juno approaches a boy hidden by shadow. He's
sitting in an overstuffed chair. She slowly, clumsily lowers
herself onto his lap.
A 60's Brazilian track plays from a vintage record player.
WHISPERED VOICE
Do you know how long I've wanted
this?
JUNO
Yeah.
WHISPERED VOICE
Wizard.
EXT. CENTENNIAL LANE - CONTINUED
A DOG barks, jarring Juno back to reality.
JUNO
Quiet, Banana. Hey, shut your gob
for a second, okay?
We see a teacup poodle tethered in the yard a few feet away
from the abandoned living room set. The dog yaps again.
JUNO (V.O.)
This is the most magnificent discarded
living room set I've ever seen.
She swigs from an absurdly oversized carton of juice and
wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.
BEGIN ANIMATED TITLE SEQUENCE:
Juno marching down various street, pumping her arms like a
jogger and chugging intermittently from the huge carton of
juice. We watch her breathlessly navigate suburbia, clearly
on a mission.
EXT. DRUGSTORE - DAY
Finally, a panting Juno arrives at DANCING ELK DRUG on the
main drag of her small Minnesota suburb, Dancing Elk.
The automatic doors of the store part to reveal Juno's flushed
serious face. She carelessly flings the empty juice container
over her shoulder and onto the curb. A group of DROPOUTS
with skateboards near the entrance glare at her.
She enters the DRUGSTORE.
INT. DRUGSTORE - CONTINUOUS
ROLLO, the eccentric drugstore clerk, sneers at Juno from
behind the counter. He wears a polyester uniform vest.
ROLLO
Well, well. If it isn't MacGuff the
Crime Dog! Back for another test?
JUNO
I think the last one was defective.
The plus sign looked more like a
division sign.
Rollo regards her with intense skepticism.
JUNO
I remain unconvinced.
Rollo pulls the bathroom key out of reach.
ROLLO
This is your third test today, Mama
Bear. Your eggo is preggo, no doubt
about it!
An eavesdropping TOUGH GIRL wearing an oversized jacket and
lots of makeup gapes at Juno from the beauty aisle.
TOUGH GIRL
Three times? Oh girl, you are way
pregnant. It's easy to tell. Is your
nipples real brown?
A pile of stolen COSMETICS falls out of the girl's jacket
and clatters to the floor.
TOUGH GIRL
Balls!
Juno crosses and crosses her legs awkwardly, hopping. It's
obvious she has to use the bathroom urgently.
ROLLO
Maybe you're having twins. Maybe
your little boyfriend's got mutant
sperms and he knocked you up twice!
JUNO
Silencio! I just drank my weight in
Sunny D. and I have to go, pronto.
Rollo sighs and slips her the bathroom key. Juno races down
one of the aisles.
ROLLO
Well, you know where the lavatory
is.
(calling after her)
You pay for that pee stick when you're
done! Don't think it's yours just
because you've marked it with your
urine!
JUNO
Jesus, I didn't say it was.
ROLLO
Well, it's not. You're not a lion in
a pride!
(to himself)
These kids, acting like lions with
their unplanned pregnancies and their
Sunny Delights.
INT. DRUGSTORE - BATHROOM - DAY
In the dim, reeking public bathroom, Juno hovers over the
commode with her boxer shorts around her ankles. She clumsily
tries to use the pregnancy test.
We see the test box sitting on the sink. It's a TeenWave
Discount Pregnancy Test. The accompanying outdated package
photo is of a shrugging 80s teen with a resigned expression.
The fine print on the box reads "From the makers of Sun-Glitz
Lightening Hair Spritz!"
INT. DRUGSTORE - FRONT COUNTER - DAY
Juno holds the developing test in her hand and slaps the
open test box on the front counter. Rollo scans it and bags
it indifferently.
JUNO
Oh, and this too.
She places a giant licorice Super Rope on the counter.
ROLLO
So what's the prognosis, Fertile
Myrtle? Minus or plus?
JUNO
(examining stick)
I don't know. It's not... seasoned
yet. Wait. Huh. Yeah, there's that
pink plus sign again. God, it's
unholy.
She shakes the stick desperately in an attempt to skew the
results. Shake. Shake. Nothing.
ROLLO
That ain't no Etch-a-Sketch. This is
one doodle that can't be undid,
homeskillet.
EXT. MACGUFF HOUSE - EVENING
Juno walks slowly and dejectedly up the street to her house,
gnawing on the Super Rope. She stops and loops the Super
Rope over a low-hanging tree branch, contemplating how to
fashion a noose.
Juno trudges toward her HOUSE. The yard is a wild tangle of
prairie grass and wild flowers.
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - JUNO'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Juno's BEDROOM is decorated with punk posters: The Damned,
The Germs, the Stooges, Television, Richard Hell, etc. She
picks up a hamburger-shaped phone to call her best friend,
LEAH.
INT. LEAH'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
LEAH's room is cluttered with the sentimental junk that
certain girls love to hoard. The PHONE rings.
LEAH
(answering phone)
Yo-yo-yiggity-yo.
JUNO
I am a suicide risk.
LEAH
Is this Juno?
JUNO
No it's Morgan Freeman. Got any bones
that need collecting?
LEAH
Only the one in my pants.
JUNO
(in low tones)
Dude, I'm pregnant.
LEAH
Maybe it's just a food baby. Did you
have a big lunch?
JUNO
It's not a food baby. I took three
pregnancy tests today. I am definitely
up the spout.
LEAH
How did you even generate enough pee
for three pregnancy tests?
JUNO
I drank like ten tons of Sunny
Delight. Anyway, yeah. I'm pregnant.
And you're shockingly cavalier.
LEAH
Is this for real? Like for real, for
real?
JUNO
Unfortunately, yes.
LEAH
Oh my God! Oh shit! Phuket Thailand!
JUNO
That's the kind of emotion I was
looking for in the first take.
LEAH
Well, are you going to go to
Havenbrooke or Women Now for the
abortion? You need a note from your
parents for Havenbrooke.
JUNO
I know. Women Now, I guess. The
commercial says they help women now.
LEAH
Want me to call for you? I called
for Becky last year.
JUNO
Eh, I'll call them myself. But I do
need your help with something very
urgent.
EXT. CENTENNIAL LANE - NIGHT
Leah and Juno struggle to drag a recliner across a well
manicured suburban lawn. They make a formidable team.
LEAH
Heavy lifting can only help you at
this point.
JUNO
That is sick, man.
Leah busts a gut laughing. It's a stunningly accurate
portrayal of Bleeker's parents.
LEAH
So, you were bored? Is that how this
blessed miracle came to be?
JUNO
Nah, it was a premeditated act. The
sex, I mean, not getting pregnant.
LEAH
When did you decide you were going
to do Bleeker?
JUNO
Like, a year ago, in Spanish class.
INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - SPANISH CLASS - DAY - (FLASHBACK)
Bleeker and Juno are sitting at their desks, listening to a
teacher lecturing about spanish. Bleeker discreetly pushes a
POSTCARD to Juno with his foot. She picks it up off the floor,
reads it, then looks at Bleeker, who is watching the teacher
obediently.
EXT. CENTENNIAL LANE - NIGHT
LEAH
Aha! You love him.
JUNO
It's extremely complicated, and I'd
rather not talk about it in my fragile
state.
She hefts a coffee table with her bare hands. She's wearing
her father's LIFTING BELT.
LEAH
So, what was it like humping Bleeker's
bony bod?
JUNO
It was magnificent, man!
INT. BLEEKER'S BEDROOM - MORNING
CU of Bleeker putting on double socks in his Car-Bed.
CU of Bleeker putting on his sweat bands.
CU of Bleeker applying Runner's Glide.
INT. KITCHEN - BLEEKER'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING
CU of a CROISSANT POCKET warming in the microwave.
EXT. BLEEKER HOUSE - MORNING
PAUL BLEEKER steps onto the front porch of his house for
early morning track practice. He wears a cross country uniform
that reads "DANCING ELK CONDORS." He is eating some kind of
microwaved snack gimmick.
Bleeker is startled to discover that Juno is outside waiting
for him. She has somehow arranged the living room set on the
front lawn, and is seated in the armchair, chewing a pipe
officiously.
JUNO
Hey Bleek.
BLEEKER
Hey, cool tiger. Looks proud.
JUNO
Yeah, I swiped it from Ms. Rancick.
BLEEKER
Cool.
JUNO
Your shorts are looking especially
gold today.
BLEEKER
My mom uses color-safe bleach.
JUNO
Go Carole.
(a beat)
So, guess what?
BLEEKER
(shrugs)
I don't know...
JUNO
I'm pregnant.
Stunned silence. Juno pops up the footrest of the recliner
and leans back comfortably.
BLEEKER
I guess so.
(fidgeting)
What are you going to do?
The Dancing Elk Prep cross country team runs past Bleeker's
house in a thundering herd, wearing a motley assortment of
warm-ups. Their momentum stirs the crackling fall leaves.
They wave and holler at Bleeker and Juno.
JUNO (V.O.)
When I see them all running like
that, with their things bouncing
around in their shorts, I always
picture them naked, even if I don't
want to. I have intrusive thoughts
all the time.
EXT. BLEEKER HOUSE - CONTINUED
BLEEKER
I'm supposed to be running.
JUNO
I know.
There's an awkward silence.
BLEEKER
So, what do you think we should do?
JUNO
I thought I might, you know, nip it
in the bud before it gets worse.
Because I heard in health class that
pregnancy often results in an infant.
BLEEKER
Yeah, typically. That's what happens
when our moms and teachers get
pregnant.
JUNO
So that's cool with you, then?
BLEEKER
Yeah, wizard, I guess. I mean do
what you think is right.
JUNO
I'm real sorry I had sex with you. I
know it wasn't your idea.
BLEEKER
Whose idea was it?
JUNO
I'll see you at school, O.K.?
She mounts her bicycle and waves before riding off.
BLEEKER
(to nobody in
particular)
Whose idea was it?
EXT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - DAY
Juno pushes her crappy bike into the bike rack and winds a
lock around it. In the background, a group of 3 NERDS play a
live-action RPG.
NERD
You did not! You don't have the armor.
That Orc Armor you bought from the
wizard doesn't have the power level
to parry my hit!
INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY
Juno tries to push through the masses, but the throng of
students is thick and unwielding.
INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
Juno rummages through her locker, which is plastered with
photos of Leah and Bleeker, plus a giant poster of Iggy Pop
in his heyday.
She grabs a dilapidated physics textbook. A few pages slip
out. STEVE RENDAZO (the same asshole who harassed her as she
walked to the drugstore) passes by in the hallway.
STEVE RENDAZO
Hey, your book fell apart!
JUNO
Yeah.
STEVE RENDAZO
It must have looked at your face.
PWAH!
He high-fives his klatch of buddies and moves along.
JUNO (V.O.)
The funny thing is that Steve Rendazo
secretly wants me. Jocks like him
always want freaky girls. Girls with
horn-rimmed glasses and vegan footwear
and Goth makeup. Girls who play the
cello and wear Converse All-Stars
and want to be children's librarians
when they grow up. Oh yeah, jocks
eat that shit up.
We see Steve looking back at Juno for a brief second with
mixed feelings.
JUNO (V.O.)
They just won't admit it, because
they're supposed to be into perfect
cheerleaders like Leah. Who,
incidentally, is into teachers.
We see Leah at the far end of the hallway, talking animatedly
with a paunchy middle-aged teacher, KEITH.
LEAH
(from a distance)
Me too! I love Woody Allen!
INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - SCIENCE LAB - DAY
STUDENTS bustle in, as the teacher, MR. TINKER tries to
maintain order. Juno heads toward her desk and sets down her
bag.
MR. TINKER
People! We're doing our photomagnetism
lab today, so find your partner and
break out into fours.
Juno looks up and meets eyes with her longtime lab partner:
Bleeker. Sound the gong of awkwardness!
Juno and Bleeker head separately over to an available lab
station and unpack their bags in silence.
JUNO
Well! Nothing like experimenting.
BLEEKER
I did the prep questions for this
lab last night. You can copy my
answers if you need to.
He slides a piece of graph paper in front of Juno without
looking at her.
JUNO
Oh, I couldn't copy your work.
BLEEKER
But you copy my work every week.
JUNO
Oh yeah. I'm kind of a deadbeat lab
partner, huh?
BLEEKER
I don't mind. You definitely bring
something to the table.
JUNO
Charisma?
BLEEKER
Or something.
The other two LAB PARTNERS, a humorless couple, join them at
the station.
JUNO
So, who's ready for some
photomagnificence?
GIRL LAB PARTNER
I have a menstrual migraine, and I
can't look at bright lights today.
GUY LAB PARTNER
Amanda, I told you to go to the
infirmary and lie down. You never
listen.
GIRL LAB PARTNER
No Josh, I don't take orders. Not
from you and not from any man.
GUY LAB PARTNER
You know, you've been acting like
this ever since I went up to see my
brother at Mankato. I told you,
nothing happened!
GIRL LAB PARTNER
Something happened. Because your
eyes? Are very cold? They're very
cold, Josh. They're cold, lying eyes.
GUY LAB PARTNER
What? My eyes are not lying!
GIRL LAB PARTNER
Yes they are, Josh. Since Mankato,
they have been lying eyes.
Juno and Bleeker observe the argument like tennis spectators,
fascinated by the dynamics of a real couple.
BLEEKER
Okay... I'm going to set up the
apparatus. Juno, want to get a C
clamp out of that drawer?
GIRL LAB PARTNER
I'm going to the infirmary.
GUY LAB PARTNER
Good. Call me when you're OFF the
rag.
GIRL LAB PARTNER
Fine. Call me when you learn how to
love just one person and not cheat
at your brother's college just because
you had four Smirnoff Ices and a
bottle of Snow Peak Peach flavored
Boone's!
GUY LAB PARTNER
Good, I'll be sure to do that, Amanda.
I'll make a note of it.
He furiously scrawls a fake memo in his notebook.
JUNO
Snow Peak Peach is the best flavor
of Boone's. Right, Bleek?
Bleeker reddens and continues constructing the apparatus.
GIRL LAB PARTNER stalks off dramatically.
Bleeker shakes his head and rifles through his textbook.
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - JUNO'S BEDROOM - AFTERNOON
Juno examines a large ad in the newspaper that depicts a
distraught TEEN GIRL clutching her head in a moment of staged
conflict. The ad reads: "Pregnant? Find the clinic that gives
women choice. Women's Choice Health Center."
Juno picks up her hamburger phone and dials. For a moment,
she attempts to copy the melodramatic pose from the ad,
checking herself out in the mirror.
JUNO
(talking along with
voice prompt)
"Para instruciones en Espanol, oprima
numero dos."
She presses a few buttons in succession.
JUNO
Yes, hello, I need to procure a hasty
abortion?... What was that? I'm sorry,
I'm on my hamburger phone and it's
kind of awkward to talk on. It's
really more of a novelty than a
functional appliance.
She SMACKS the phone a couple of times.
JUNO
Better? Okay, good. Yeah, as I said,
I need an abortion, two... sixteen...
Um, it was approximately two months
and four days ago that I had the
sex. That's a guestimate. Okay, next
Saturday? Great.
She hangs up the phone.
JUNO (V.O.)
I hate it when adults use the term
"sexually active."
INT. HEALTH CLASS - DAY (FLASHBACK)
A HEALTH TEACHER in slo-mo puts a condom on a banana.
JUNO (V.O.)
What does that even mean? Can I
deactivate someday, or is this a
permanent state of being? I guess
Bleeker went live that night we did
it. I guess he hadn't done it before,
and that's why he got that look on
his face.
INT. BLEEKER'S HOUSE - MOLD-O'-RIFIC BASEMENT - NIGHT
(FLASHBACK)
We see Paulie's face at the moment of his deflowering: he's
comically wide-eyed with shock.
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Juno, her father MAC, her stepmother BREN, and LIBERTY BELL
sit at a very typical kitchen table, eating dinner. MAC
shovels food while chatting about his day.
MAC
You should have seen this octopus
furnace. I had to get out my Hazmat
suit just to get up in there...
JUNO (V.O.)
My dad used to be in the Army, but
now he's just your average HVAC
specialist. He and my mom got divorced
when I was five. She lives on a Havasu
reservation in Arizona...
PHOTO: ARIZONA TRAILER PARK
JUNO (V.O.)
...with her new husband and three
replacement kids. Oh, and she
inexplicably mails me a cactus every
Valentine's Day.
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - JUNO'S BEDROOM - DAY
PILE OF NEGLECTED CACTI festering in a corner of Juno's room.
JUNO (V.O.)
And I'm like, "Thanks a heap, Coyote
Ugly. This cactus-gram stings even
worse than your abandonment."
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT
BREN is cutting up LIBERTY'S food diligently. Her nails are
brilliant, holding the silverware.
JUNO (V.O.)
That's my stepmom, Bren...
INT. BREN'S WORKROOM - DAY
Bren stitches a needlepoint pillow of a dog.
JUNO (V.O.)
She's obsessed with dogs...
EXT. BREN'S TENS - DAY
Bren's nail salon in all its glory.
JUNO (V.O.)
...owns a nail salon called Bren's
Tens...
INT. BREN'S TENS - DAY
Bren chats up a customer as she applies a fresh coat.
JUNO (V.O.)
...and she always smells like
methylmethacrylate.
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Liberty Bell coughs pitifully as Bren leans over her plate.
MAC
So Juno, how did your maneuver go
last night?
JUNO
Which maneuver, sir? The one in which
I moved an entire living room set
from one lawn to another, or the one
in which I cleared a sixty-four ounce
blue slushie in ten minutes?
Bren speaks in her strong city accent.
BREN
Juno? Did you happen to barf in my
urn? Mac, you know that nice urn by
the front door, the one I got up in
Stillwater? I found some weird blue
shit, I mean stuff, gunk, in there
this morning.
JUNO
I would never barf in your urn,
Brenda. Maybe L.B. did it.
We see Liberty Bell blithely pouring bacon bits onto her
dinner.
MAC
Liberty Bell, if I see one more Baco
on that potato, I'm gonna kick your
monkey ass.
EXT. WOMEN'S CHOICE CLINIC - DAY
Juno trudges toward the front entrance of the clinic. There
is a lone ABORTION PROTESTER, a teenager of Asian descent
holding a hugely oversized sign that reads "NO BABIES LIKE
MURDERING."
LONE PROTESTER
(chanting in extremely
shy, accented voice)
All babies want to get borned! All
babies want to get borned!
Juno recognizes the PROTESTER as a classmate of hers.
JUNO
Uh, hi Su-Chin.
SU-CHIN
Oh, hi Juno. How are you?
JUNO
Good. I'm good.
(pause)
Did you finish that paper for Worth's
class yet?
SU-CHIN
No, not yet. I tried to work on it a
little last night, but I'm having
trouble concentrating.
JUNO
You should try Adderall.
SU-CHIN
No thanks. I'm off pills.
JUNO
Wise move. I know this girl who had
a huge crazy freakout because she
took too many behavioral meds at
once. She took off her clothes and
jumped into the fountain at Ridgedale
Mall and she was like, "Blaaaaah!
I'm a kraken from the sea!"
SU-CHIN
I heard that was you.
JUNO
Well, it was nice seeing you.
She continues on toward the clinic entrance.
SU-CHIN
(calling out)
Juno! Your baby probably has a beating
heart, you know. It can feel pain.
And it has fingernails.
JUNO
Really? Fingernails?
She considers the concept, then pushes open the clinic door.
INT. WOMEN'S CHOICE CLINIC - RECEPTION - DAY
The receptionist sits behind a pane of bulletproof glass.
The waiting room is semi-crowded, occupied mostly by pregnant
women, teens and ill-behaved children.
PUNK RECEPTIONIST
Welcome to Women's Choice, where
women are trusted friends. Please
put your hands where I can see them
and surrender any bombs.
Juno flashes her best jazz hands.
JUNO
Hi. I'm here for the big show?
PUNK RECEPTIONIST
Your name, please?
JUNO
Juno MacGuff.
The receptionist raises a pierced eyebrow and arranges some
paperwork on a clipboard.
JUNO (V.O.)
She thinks I'm using a fake name.
Like Gene Simmons or Mother Teresa.
The receptionist hands Juno the clipboard and a pen.
PUNK RECEPTIONIST
I need you to fill these out, both
sides. And don't skip the hairy
details. We need to know about every
score and every sore.
The receptionist reaches into one of those ubiquitous women's
clinic CONDOM JARS, and holds up a fistful of purple rubbers.
PUNK RECEPTIONIST
Would you like some free condoms?
They're boysenberry.
JUNO
No thank you. I'm off sex.
PUNK RECEPTIONIST
My partner uses these every time we
have intercourse. They make his balls
smell like pie.
JUNO
Congrats.
She takes a seat in the WAITING ROOM and rifles through a
pile of old magazines. The magazine selection is lots of
"mommy mags" and health related periodicals. She selects an
issue of Family Digest and gingerly flips through for a few
moments.
Then she looks over and notices the FINGERNAILS of a nearby
teen, who looks as nervous as she does. The girl bites her
thumbnail and spits it onto the floor.
Juno looks away, but immediately notices another waiting
woman, who absently scratches her arm with long fake nails.
Suddenly, she sees fingernails EVERYWHERE. The receptionist
clicks her nails on the front desk. Another woman blows on
her fresh manicure. Everyone seems to be fidgeting with their
fingers somehow. Juno suddenly looks terror-stricken...
CUT TO:
PUNK RECEPTIONIST
Excuse me, Miss MacGoof?
There's no answer. We see that Juno's chair is EMPTY.
The receptionist cranes her neck and sees the front door
drift shut. Juno's figure recedes into the distance as she
tears off down the street, running as fast as she can.
EXT. LEAH'S HOUSE - DAY
Leah's front door swings open to reveal a breathless Juno
standing sheepishly on the porch. Leah sighs.
LEAH
What are you doing here, dumbass? I
thought I was supposed to pick you
up at four.
JUNO
I couldn't do it, Leah! It smelled
like a dentist in there. They had
these really horrible magazines,
with, like, spritz cookie recipes
and bad fiction and water stains,
like someone read them in the tub.
And the receptionist tried to give
me these weird condoms that looked
like grape suckers, and she told me
about her boyfriend's pie balls, and
Su-Chin Kuah was there, and she told
me the baby had fingernails.
Fingernails!
LEAH
Oh, gruesome. I wonder if the baby's
claws could scratch your vag on the
way out?
JUNO
I'm staying pregnant, Le.
LEAH
Keep your voice down dude, my mom's
around here somewhere. She doesn't
know we're sexually active.
JUNO
What does that even mean? Anyway, I
got to thinking on the way over. I
was thinking maybe I could give the
baby to somebody who actually likes
that kind of thing. You know, like a
woman with a bum ovary or something.
Or some nice lesbos.
LEAH
But then you'll get huge. Your chest
is going to milktate. And you have
to tell everyone you're pregnant.
JUNO
I know. Maybe they'll canonize me
for being so selfless.
LEAH
Maybe they'll totally shit and be
super mad at you and not let you
graduate or go to Cabo San Lucas for
spring break.
JUNO
Bleeker and I were going to go to
Gettysburg for spring break.
Leah sighs, as if there's no helping her nerdy friend.
LEAH
Well, maybe you could look at one of
those adoption ads. I see them all
the time in the Penny Saver.
JUNO
There are ads? For parents?
LEAH
Oh yeah! "Desperately Seeking Spawn."
They're right by the ads for like,
iguanas and terriers and used fitness
equipment. It's totally legit.
JUNO
Come on, Leah. I can't scope out
wannabe parents in the Penny Saver!
That's tacky. That's like buying
clothes at the Pump n' Munch.
EXT. PARK BENCH - DAY
Juno and Leah are sitting at a bench in a park. They slurp
giant blue slushies and sift through a pile of Penny Savers.
Juno has her pipe with her.
JUNO
The Penny Saver sucks.
LEAH
Yeah, but it sucks for free.
They turn the pages in silence for a moment. Their lips and
teeth are Windex-blue.
LEAH
Look at this one "Wholesome,
spiritually wealthy couple have found
true love with each other."
(checks to see that
Juno is paying
attention)
"All that's missing is your bastard."
JUNO
(reading a different
page)
There's a guy in here who's giving
away a piano. Free for the hauling!
We should put it in Bleeker's yard.
LEAH
You're not listening to me.
JUNO
No, I heard you. I just can't give
the baby to people who describe
themselves as "wholesome." I'm looking
for something a little edgier.
LEAH
What did you have in mind, a family
of disturbed loners who are into
gunplay and incest?
JUNO
I was thinking a graphic designer,
mid-thirties, and his cool Asian
wife who dresses awesome and plays
bass. But I'm trying to not be too
particular.
LEAH
All right, how about this one?
"Healthy, educated couple seeking
infant to join our family of five.
You will be compensated. Help us
complete the circle of love."
JUNO
Yeesh, they sound like a cult.
Besides, they're greedy bitches.
They already have three kids!
LEAH
Hey, Juno. Juno! Look at this one.
She points to the paper and motions for Juno to look. Juno
scans the ad silently.
We see the ad. It contains a photo of an attractive couple
with ambiguous Mona Lisa smiles. It reads "Educated,
successful couple wishes to..."
JUNO (V.O.)
They were Mark and Vanessa Loring,
and they were beautiful even in black
and white.
EXT. BLEEKER HOUSE - PAULIE'S WINDOW - NIGHT
We see Paulie's bedroom window -- festooned with childish
curtains -- and the light on inside.
INT. BLEEKER'S HOUSE - PAULIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Bleeker lies on his Car-bed in his track uniform, listening
to the same LP from when he and Juno went all the way.
He stares between the pages of his embossed Dancing Elk Prep
yearbook.
We see the object of his gaze is Juno's black and white
YEARBOOK PHOTO. Next to it, we see a sloppy, handwritten
message from Juno. We hear Juno's voice reading the message:
JUNO (V.O.)
Hey Bleeker! Spank off to this with
motion lotion. Just kidding (kind
of.) Your best friend, Juno.
Bleeker picks up the phone. It's the same HAMBURGER PHONE
Juno has. He reconsiders and puts it down.
There's a knock on the bedroom door.
BLEEKER'S MOM pokes her dowdy head inside.
BLEEKER'S MOM
Paul? Are you coming downstairs to
eat?
BLEEKER
I don't think so.
BLEEKER'S MOM
You ran eight miles today, Puppy.
BLEEKER
I'm not hungry, oddly.
BLEEKER'S MOM
But it's breakfast for supper. Your
favorite, Paulie. I made French toast
and sausage. Patties, not linkies,
just like you like it.
Bleeker places his hand silently on his stomach.
BLEEKER'S MOM
Juno MacGuff called while you were
out running. She wants to know if
you're coming to her little
coffeehouse performance on Saturday.
BLEEKER
Thanks for the message.
BLEEKER'S MOM
You know how I feel about her.
BLEEKER
You've mentioned it about fifty times.
BLEEKER'S MOM
I just hope you don't consider her a
close friend.
Bleeker's mom gives up and closes the door.
We see that Bleeker is clutching a pair of PANTIES in one
hand, which he slowly releases as the 45 ends.
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON
Bren and MAC are seated on the couch. Leah is standing nearby
for reinforcements. Juno paces nervously, trying to suss out
how to break the massive news.
JUNO
I have no idea how to spit this out.
BREN
Hon, did you get expelled?
JUNO
No. The school would probably contact
you in the event of my expulsion.
BREN
Well, I was just asking. It seemed
plausible.
MAC
Do you need a large sum of money?
Legal counsel?
JUNO
No, no, I'm definitely not asking
for anything. Except maybe mercy.
Like, it would be really great if
nobody hit me.
MAC
What have you done, Junebug? Did you
hit someone with the Previa?
LEAH
Best to just tell them, man. Rip off
the Band-Aid and let it bleed.
JUNO
I'm pregnant.
Bren and Mac are predictably speechless.
BREN
Oh, God...
JUNO
But I'm going to give it up for
adoption. I already found the perfect
people.
Leah presents the Penny Saver photos of the Lornings.
JUNO
They say they're going to pay my
medical expenses and everything. I
promise this will all be resolved in
thirty-odd weeks, and we can pretend
it never happened.
MAC
You're pregnant?
JUNO
I'm so sorry, you guys. If it's any
consolation, I have heartburn that's
like, radiating down to my kneecaps
and I haven't gone number two since
Wednesday. Morning!
BREN
(interrupting)
I didn't even know you were sexually
active!
Juno cringes upon hearing her most-hated term.
MAC
Who is the kid?
JUNO
The baby? I don't know anything about
it yet. I only know it's got
fingernails, allegedly.
BREN
Nails? Really?
MAC
No, I mean the father! Who's the
father, Juno?
JUNO
Oh. It's, well, it's Paulie Bleeker.
Bren and Mac burst into shocked laughter.
JUNO
What?
MAC
Paulie Bleeker? I didn't know he had
it in him!
BREN
(giggling)
He just doesn't look, well, virile.
LEAH
I know, right?
MAC
Okay, this is no laughing matter.
JUNO
(indignant)
No, it's not. Paulie is virile, by
the way. He was very good in... chair.
Leah fires a be quiet glance at Juno.
MAC
Did you say you were thinking about
adoption?
JUNO
Yeah, well, there's this couple who've
been trying to have a baby for five
years.
LEAH
We found them in the Penny Saver by
the exotic birds section.
Bren looks understandably alarmed. Juno hastily attempts to
make the situation sound more legitimate.
JUNO
But they have a real lawyer and
everything. I'm going to meet with
them next weekend.
BREN
Junebug, that is a tough, tough thing
to do. Probably tougher than you can
understand right now.
JUNO
Well, I'm not ready to be a mom.
MAC
Damn skippy, you're not! You don't
even remember to give Liberty Bell
her breathing meds.
JUNO
Once! And she didn't die, if you
recall!
BREN
Honey, had you considered, you know,
the alternative?
Leah and Juno exchange glances.
JUNO
No.
BREN
Well, you're a brave young lady.
You're made of stronger stuff than I
thought. You're a little Viking!
JUNO
Cool it.
BREN
First things first, we have to get
you healthy. You need prenatal
vitamins. Incidentally, they'll do
incredible things for your nails, so
that's a plus. Oh, and we need to
schedule a doctor's appointment.
Find out where you're going to
deliver.
JUNO
The term "deliver" is so weird. Can
we not say "deliver"?
LEAH
How does "crap it out" sound?
MAC
Juno, I want to come with you to
meet these adoption people. You're
just a kid. I don't want you to get
ripped off by a couple of babystarved
wingnuts.
JUNO
Sure, Dad.
Mac nods, satisfied, then contemplates the situation dismally.
MAC
I thought you were the kind of girl
who knew when to say when.
JUNO
I have no idea what kind of girl I
am.
BREN
(sensing tension)
Why don't you girls go upstairs for
a while? I think Mac's gonna blow.
Juno and Leah hightail it upstairs.
MAC
Just tell it to me straight, Bren.
Do you think this is my fault? Her
mother's fault?
BREN
I think kids get bored and have
intercourse. And I think Junebug was
a dummy about it. But we have to
move on from here and help her figure
it out.
MAC
I'm not ready to be a Pop-Pop.
BREN
You're not going to be a Pop-Pop.
And Juno's not going to be a ma.
Somebody else is going to find a
precious blessing from Jesus in this
garbage dump of a situation. I
friggin' hope.
MAC
(conspiratorially)
Did you see it coming when she sat
us down here?
BREN
Oh God yeah. But I was hoping she
was expelled or into hard drugs.
MAC
That was my first instinct too. Or
D.W.I. Anything but this. And I'm
going to punch that Bleeker kid in
the weiner the next time I see him.
BREN
Oh Mac, no! He's a sweet kid. You
know it wasn't his idea.
Mac shrugs in agreement.
INT. LORING HOUSE - DAY
Music plays as we see SPARSE IMAGES OF VANESSA LORING'S HANDS
preparing the house for Juno's arrival --
Sprucing a vase of FLOWERS.
Straightening a FRAMED PHOTO of the Lorings.
Dusting off a table with one of those WETNAPS for furniture.
Lining up a shelf of BOOKS.
EXT. LORING NEIGHBORHOOD - PREVIA - DAY
The Previa cruises slowly into the Loring's fancy gated
community. Mac pulls over and parks on the curb.
EXT. LORING HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY
Mark and Vanessa Loring have an impressive, though generic
McMansion. The entire yard is unlandscaped soil. Mac presses
the doorbell while Juno chews her nails uncomfortably. Both
look mortified as they wait for someone to greet them.
VANESSA opens the door. She's a pretty, meticulous woman in
her early thirties. Very Banana Republic.
VANESSA
Hi! I'm Vanessa. You must be Juno
and Mr. MacGuff. I'm Vanessa.
JUNO
Vanessa, right?
MAC
Hello. Thank you for having me and
my irresponsible child over to your
home.
VANESSA
Oh no. Thank you. Come on in.
INT. LORING HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY
Vanessa awkwardly leads them into her home.
VANESSA
Can I take your coats?
JUNO
Sure.
She takes off her hooded sweatshirt and thrusts it into
Vanessa's arms who sets it on a bench.
JUNO
Wicked pic in the Penny Saver, by
the way. Super classy. Not like those
other people with the fake woods in
the background. Like I'm really going
to fall for that, you know?
VANESSA
You found us in the Penny Saver?
MARK LORING appears next to Vanessa. He's a boyishly
attractive guy in his mid-thirties.
He glances sheepishly at Vanessa upon hearing the Penny Saver
mention, then extends his hand to Mac and Juno.
MARK
Hi. I'm Mark Loring. I'm the husband.
INT. LORING HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Mark and Vanessa usher Juno and Mac into the austere, spacious
living room. A woman in a business suit sits on the couch
with a briefcase in her lap.
MARK
This is our attorney, Gerta Rauss.
JUNO
(in exaggerated,
growling German accent)
Geeeerta Rauuuss!
GERTA
(straight)
Nice to meet you.
Mac seizes Mark's hand and pumps it heartily.
MAC
I'm Mac MacGuff, and this, of course,
is my daughter Juno.
MARK
Like the city in Alaska?
JUNO
No.
MARK
Cool. Well, let's sit down and get
to know each other a bit.
VANESSA
I'll get drinks. What would everyone
like? I've got Pellegrino, Vitamin
Water...
JUNO
A Maker's Mark, please. Up.
MAC
She's joking. Junebug has a wonderful
sense of humor, which is just one of
her many genetic gifts.
JUNO
I also have good teeth. No cavities.
We finally got fluoridated water in
Dancing Elk.
She bares them frighteningly to demonstrate.
Vanessa stares, unflappable.
MAC
We're fine, thank you.
Mac and Juno join Mark and Gerta Rauss on the couch.
GERTA
So, Juno. First off, how far along
are you?
JUNO
I'm a junior.
GERTA
No, I mean in your pregnancy.
JUNO
Oh. Uh, my stepmom took me to the
doctor yesterday and they said I was
twelve weeks.
Vanessa enters with the refreshments on a tray.
VANESSA
Oh, that's marvelous. So you're almost
into your second trimester, then?
JUNO
Yeah, apparently. I'm having it on
May 4.
VANESSA
The tough part's almost over for
you. I mean, my girlfriends always
tell me the first couple months are
the hardest.
JUNO
Yeah, but I hardly noticed it. I'm
more worried about the part where I
have to start wearing jeans with an
elastic panel in the front.
VANESSA
I think pregnancy is beautiful.
JUNO
Well, you're lucky it's not you.
Vanessa's looks to the ceiling.
MARK
(clearing throat)
So, let's discuss how we're gonna do
this... thing.
JUNO
Well, I just have the baby and give
it to you, right?
GERTA
Mark and Vanessa are willing to
negotiate an open adoption.
MAC
(protective)
Wait. What does that mean?
GERTA
It means they'd send annual updates,
photos, let Juno know how the baby
is doing as he or she grows up. Of
course, Juno's legal rights would be
terminated...
JUNO
Whoah. I don't want to see pictures.
I don't need to be notified of
anything. Can't we just kick it old
school? I could just put the baby in
a basket and send it your way. You
know, like Moses in the reeds.
MARK
Technically, that would be kickin'
it Old Testament.
Mark and Juno lock eyes.
JUNO
Yeah. Yeah! The way people used to
do it. Quick and dirty, like ripping
off a Band-Aid.
GERTA
Well, then we agree a traditional
closed adoption would be best for
all involved, then?
JUNO
Shit, yeah. Close it up.
Vanessa is clearly ecstatic.
MARK
Obviously, we'll compensate you for
your medical expenses.
VANESSA
Are you looking for any other
compensation?
MAC
Excuse me?
JUNO
Well, no... I'm not going to sell
the baby. I just want it to grow up
with people who are ready to love it
and be parents. I'm in high school,
dude. I'm ill-equipped.
VANESSA
You're doing an amazing and selfless
thing for us.
MARK
Vanessa has wanted a baby since we
got married.
VANESSA
I want to be a mommy so badly!
Juno and Mac stare at her.
MAC
You don't say.
VANESSA
Well, haven't you ever felt like you
were born to do something?
MAC
Yes. Heating and air conditioning.
VANESSA
Well, I was born to be a mother.
Some of us are.
JUNO
Mark, are you looking forward to
being a dad?
Mark is caught off guard.
MARK
Sure, why not? I mean, every guy
wants to be a father. Coach soccer,
help with science projects and... I
don't know. Fatherly stuff.
Mac casts a subtle, dubious glance at Mark.
VANESSA
Well, shall we start looking over
the paperwork? Gerta has already
drafted some preliminary documents.
JUNO
Can I use the facilities first? Being
pregnant makes you pee like
Seabiscuit.
VANESSA
Sure. The powder room down here is
being re-tiled, but you can use the
master bath upstairs. Go up, then
turn left and on your right...
JUNO
Room with a toilet, got it.
INT. LORING HOUSE - ENTRY/STAIRS - DAY
Juno heads into the foyer and up the stairs. We see a posed
photo of Mark and Vanessa in the stairwell. Their house is
beautiful, but frigid. Juno rubs her arms, shivering.
INT. LORING HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY
The Loring's bathroom is huge. Juno flushes and goes to the
double sink to wash her hands. She opens the overhead cabinet
and sees Vanessa's toiletries. She spritzes on some perfume
and examines the more expensive grooming items. There's a
crinkled tube of LUBE in the cabinet. Juno picks it up,
fascinated. She rubs a drop of it between her hands and runs
it through her hair like pomade.
INT. LORING HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY
Juno opens the bathroom door and instantly BUMPS into Mark.
JUNO
Whoops! Yikes, I didn't expect to
see you up here.
MARK
Sorry. I was just getting something.
JUNO
Did your wife send you up here to
spy on me?
MARK
What? No! Do we come off like paranoid
yuppies or something?
JUNO
Well, you don't just invite a random
pregnant teenager into your house
and leave her unsupervised. I could
be a total klepto, for all you know.
MARK
I don't get a klepto vibe from you.
Evil genius? Maybe. Arsonist? Wouldn't
rule it out.
JUNO
I did steal a squirt of perfume.
What do you think? It's Clinique
Happy.
She holds her WRIST up to Mark's twitching nostrils.
JUNO
Smell those sparkling topnotes!
Mark inhales.
MARK
Am I supposed to feel happy now?
JUNO
You should be happy, Holmes. I'm
giving you and Vanessa the gift of
life. Sweet, screaming, pooping life!
And you don't even have to be there
when the baby comes out of me all
covered in...
MARK
Viscera?
JUNO
Blood and guts.
MARK
We'd better get back downstairs ASAP.
Juno mocks his use of "ASAP" silently.
JUNO
(halting)
Wait a minute. Is that a Les Paul?
Juno is staring into a room with the door slightly ajar. We
see GUITARS mounted on the wall, and the edges of posters.
MARK
Oh. That's, uh, my room. Vanessa
lets me have a room for all my old
stuff.
JUNO
Wow, you get a whole room in your
own house? She's got you on a long
leash there, Mark.
MARK
Shut up.
INT. LORING HOUSE - MARK'S "SPECIAL" ROOM - DAY
The walls are plastered with FRAMED POSTERS of early-90s alt
rock bands. (Mudhoney, Jane's Addiction etc.) Mark removes
his LES PAUL from its moorings and hands it to Juno.
JUNO
It's beautiful. I've always liked
Gibson better than Fender.
MARK
What do you play?
JUNO
I rock a Harmony.
MARK
(holding back a chuckle)
Oh.
JUNO
What? I'm a pawn shop rocker.
MARK
Sorry. I swear I'm not a gear snob.
Juno turns the guitar over, examining it closely.
JUNO
What is that, Mahogany? What happens
if you crack the neck?
MARK
Tell me about it. I used to play in
a really tight band back when I lived
in Chicago, and one night we opened
for the Melvins... do you know who
the Melvins are?
JUNO
(lying)
Yeah.
MARK
Well, we were playing with them and
I busted this guitar onstage. It
cost me $800 and a dime bag just to
have it fixed.
JUNO
When was this, like '96?
MARK
'93. I'm telling you that was the
best time for rock and roll.
JUNO
Nuh-uh, 1977! Punk Volume 1. You
weren't there, so you can't understand
the magic.
MARK
You weren't even alive!
INT. LORING HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Vanessa, Mac and Gerta Rauss are waiting in awkward silence
for Juno and Mark to return. Mac notices a brand new PILATES
MACHINE sitting in its packaging in a corner of the room.
MAC
So. What's that thing?
VANESSA
A Pilates machine?
MAC
What do you make with that?
VANESSA
You don't make anything. It's for
exercising.
INT. LORING HOUSE - MARK'S SPECIAL ROOM - SAME
Mark and Juno tool around on the guitars unplugged. They
play little riffs. He teaches her a couple chords.
INT. LORING HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME
MAC
My wife just ordered one of those
Tony Little Gazelles off the TV, you
know, from the guy with the ponytail?
Vanessa and Gerta have no response.
MAC
That guy just doesn't look right to
me.
Suddenly, a shriek of AMP FEEDBACK, followed by loud,
discordant GUITAR STRUMMING can be heard drifting down from
upstairs. Vanessa's looks to the ceiling.
VANESSA
(to her guests)
Will you excuse me?
INT. LORING HOUSE - MARK'S SPECIAL ROOM - DAY
Mark has strapped on the Les Paul and is playing and singing.
"Doll Parts" by Hole.
JUNO AND MARK
(quietly singing
together)
"Yeah, they really want you... they
really want you... they really do."
Building together.
JUNO AND MARK
(singing together and
connecting)
Yeah, they really want you... they
really want you... and I do to.
(both blush)
VANESSA appears in the doorway. Juno immediately puts down
the guitar. Mark doesn't notice her immediately.
MARK
(passionate singing)
I WANT TO BE THE...
(notices Vanessa)
Oh, sorry honey...
Mark clumsily puts down the guitar and stands up.
VANESSA
You guys are playing music?
MARK
Juno just wanted a closer look at
Kimber here.
JUNO
Your guitar is named Kimber?
MARK
Yeah.
JUNO
That's all right. My axe is named
Roosevelt. After Franklin, not Ted.
Franklin was the hot one with the
polio.
VANESSA
I think Gerta is waiting for us
downstairs with some important stuff
for us to go over.
Mark hangs the guitars back on the wall. He and Juno exit
the room, chastised. Vanessa looks to Mark in question.
VANESSA
Didn't mean to interrupt the jam
sessions.
INT. LORING HOUSE - ENTRY - DAY
Juno and Mac have put their coats on and are in the process
of leaving. Gerta hands Juno the DOCUMENTS. Vanessa and Mark
trail behind.
GERTA
So, look those over and give me a
call at my office if you have any
questions.
VANESSA
Juno, we'd really appreciate it if
you could keep us updated on any
doctor's appointments, ultrasounds,
other things of that nature.
JUNO
Oh. Sure. Of course you'd want to
know how your kid is cooking.
VANESSA
So, then, you really think you're
going to go ahead with this?
Mac STARES at Juno gravely.
JUNO
Yeah. For sure. I like you guys.
Juno looks at Mark.
VANESSA
How sure? Percentage-wise, would you
say you're 80% sure, 90% sure?
Mark seems visibly embarrassed by Vanessa's manic demeanor.
JUNO
I'm going to say I'm 104% sure.
VANESSA
Oh really?
JUNO
Look, if I could give it to you now,
I would. But it probably looks like
a Sea Monkey at this point, so I
think we should leave it in there
for a while until it gets cuter, you
know?
MAC
I think that's a great idea.
MARK
That's great, right? Stellar news.
Well, you guys drive safe, and we'll
hear from you soon, all right?
MAC
All right, take care of yourselves.
Juno and Mac exit. Mark shuts the door. All is silent in the
foyer. Mark, Vanessa and Gerta stand motionless. Gerta pumps
her fist triumphantly, trying to create a mood of celebration.
GERTA
(overly aggressive)
All RIGHT!
Vanessa buries her head in her hands and weeps hoarsely.
EXT. SUBURBAN STREETS - MORNING
It is now WINTER. The TRACK TEAM jogs in formation, leaving
tracks in the snow. Those bastards never stop running.
EXT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - TRACK - DAY
Bleeker is running alone on the track. His exhalations are
icy puffs in the air. Bleeker's friend VIJAY jogs up alongside
him. Vijay is a solemn, skinny boy, much like Bleeker.
VIJAY
Hey man.
BLEEKER
Oh, hey Vijay.
VIJAY
Did you hear Juno MacGuff is pregnant?
BLEEKER
Yup.
VIJAY
Just like our moms and teachers!
BLEEKER
Yup.
VIJAY
Did you hear it's yours?
BLEEKER
Yup.
VIJAY
What a trip, man.
BLEEKER
I don't really know anything about
it.
VIJAY
You should grow a moustache. You're
a real man now.
BLEEKER
I can't grow a moustache. It never
comes in evenly.
VIJAY
Me neither. But I'm going to stop
wearing underpants in order to raise
my sperm count. See you.
VIJAY jogs off. Bleeker STOPS and wipes away his sweat.
INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - HEAD OFFICE - DAY
We're looking over Juno's now FIVE MONTH PREGNANT BELLY to a
school administrator filling out a slip.
Juno takes the slip, turns around and smiles all the way
out.
INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY
Juno exits the head office and bumps into Bleeker.
BLEEKER
Hey Juno... A couple of us are going
to the cineplex after school to donut
that movie with the guy with eighteen
kids.
JUNO
Sorry, Bleek... Going for my
ultrasound. Gotta note and everything.
BLEEKER
Okay, cool.
JUNO
I'll try to drop by later.
INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
SPLOOGE! We see ultrasound goo being squirted onto Juno's
exposed pregnant belly. An ULTRASOUND TECHNICIAN is using a
Doppler device to view the contents of her burgeoning bump.
Bren and Leah ooh and ahh at the resulting image.
The tech takes measurements and types them into her database.
ULTRASOUND TECH
That's the feet...
ALL THREE
Oooh...
ULTRASOUND TECH
And there's a hand...
The monitor reveals the baby's head.
ALL THREE
(various)
Check that out... No way...
BREN
(dreamily)
Would you look at that?
LEAH
Check out Baby Big-Head. That kid is
scary!
JUNO
Hey, I'm a sacred vessel. All you've
got in your belly is Taco Bell!
LEAH
Touche.
JUNO
(gazing at the monitor)
It is really weird looking. It's
like it's not even real. I can't
believe there are saps who actually
cry at these things.
Juno and Leah look at BREN, who is dabbing her eyes
discreetly.
BREN
What? I'm not made of stone.
ULTRASOUND TECH
Well, there we have it. Would you
like to know the sex?
LEAH
Aw, please Junebug?
JUNO
No way. No, I definitely don't want
to know.
ULTRASOUND TECH
Planning to be surprised when you
deliver?
JUNO
I want Mark and Vanessa to be
surprised, and if I know, I won't be
able to keep myself from telling
them and ruining the whole thing.
ULTRASOUND TECH
(condescending)
Are Mark and Vanessa your friends at
school?
JUNO
No, they're the people who are
adopting the baby.
ULTRASOUND TECH
Oh. Well, thank goodness for that.
BREN
Wait, what's that supposed to mean?
ULTRASOUND TECH
I just see a lot of teenage mothers
come through here. It's obviously a
poisonous environment for a baby to
be raised in.
Juno, Leah and Bren become immediately defensive.
JUNO
How do you know I'm so poisonous?
Like, what if the adoptive parents
turn out to be evil molesters?
LEAH
Or stage parents!
BREN
They could be utterly negligent.
Maybe they'll do a far shittier job
of raising a kid than my dumbass
stepdaughter ever would. Have you
considered that?
ULTRASOUND TECH
No... I guess not.
BREN
What is your job title, exactly?
ULTRASOUND TECH
Excuse me?
BREN
I said, what-is-your-job-title, Missy?
ULTRASOUND TECH
I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am.
BREN
Well I'm a nail technician, and I
think we both ought to stick to what
we know.
ULTRASOUND TECH
What are you talking about?
BREN
You think you're special because you
get to play Picture Pages up there?
Bren gestures to the ULTRASOUND MONITOR.
BREN
My five year-old daughter could do
that, and let me tell you, she is
not the brightest bulb in the tanning
bed. So why don't you go back to
night school in Manteno and learn a
real trade!
The ULTRASOUND TECH exits in a huff.
JUNO
Bren, you're a dick! I love it.
INT. JUNO'S BEDROOM - DAY
Juno lays in bed checking out the ULTRASOUND PRINT OUT.
EXT. LORING NEIGHBORHOOD - PREVIA - AFTERNOON
The Previa drives into the front gate of Mark and Vanessa's
exclusive community. A sign on the gate reads "Glacial
Valley."
EXT. LORING HOUSE - ENTRY - AFTERNOON
Juno rings the doorbell, shifting her weight in the cold.
MARK answers the door, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans.
MARK
Juno? Wow, I didn't expect to see
you here.
JUNO
I've got something really cool to
show you guys. Is Vanessa here?
MARK
No, she's working late tonight. She's
trying to accrue some extra time off
for when, you know...
He gestures awkwardly to Juno's belly.
JUNO
Right. I hear they can be kind of a
time-suck.
MARK
Come on in. You wanna Ginseng Cooler?
JUNO
Sure. What is it with you rich people
and your herb-infused juices?
MARK
I don't know. Something to do with
the four-packs...
(adding)
...They're not bad.
INT. LORING HOUSE - KITCHEN - AFTERNOON
Mark leads Juno into the kitchen, where he pours two drinks.
The STEREO blares in the background.
JUNO
Why aren't you at work?
MARK
I mostly work from home. I'm a
composer.
JUNO
No shit. Like Johannes Brahms?
MARK
No, more commercial stuff.
JUNO
Like what?
MARK
Commercials.
JUNO
Oh.
MARK
Have you seen those ads for Titanium
Power men's deodorant?
JUNO
(singing)
Titanium Power! Get more snatch by
the batch!
MARK
I wrote that.
JUNO
You're kind of a sellout, aren't
you? What would the Melvins say?
MARK
They'd say you came a long way out
here not knowing if anyone would be
home.
She holds up a manila envelope.
JUNO
Come on, you're going to want to sit
down for this.
INT. LORING HOUSE - DEN - AFTERNOON
As they move into the living room, Juno sits down and motions
for Mark to join her on the couch.
JUNO
Park it, dude.
Mark sits down. With great fanfare, Juno retrieves a dark,
glossy sheet from the envelope. It's her ULTRASOUND.
JUNO
Behold, good sir! The very first
photo of your future child.
MARK
You're kidding!
Mark EXAMINES the ultrasound, baffled.
JUNO
I think it kind of looks like my
friend, Paulie.
MARK
(joking)
Oh, is he bald and amorphous?
JUNO
No, he's the dad.
Mark looks jolted, as if it's the first time he considered
that her baby might have a father. He stands up and holds
the photo up to the light critically.
MARK
Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?
JUNO
The doctor can tell, but I decided
not to know. I want it to be a big
surprise.
MARK
Well, it can really only go two ways.
JUNO
That's what you think. I drink tons
of booze so you might get one of
those scary neuter-babies that's
born without junk.
MARK
Junk?
JUNO
You know... it's parts...
MARK
I know what junk is.
JUNO
(teasing)
Yeah?
MARK
We definitely want it to have junk.
JUNO
Well don't worry about it. My stepmom
is forcing me to eat really healthy.
She won't even let me stand in front
of the microwave or eat red M&Ms.
Hope you're ready.
Mark chuckles.
MARK
Wait...do you hear that?
A new SONG has begun. Mark closes his eyes in ecstasy and
walks toward the stereo. Juno follows him toward the source
of the music, looking perplexed by how happy he is.
JUNO
What is it?
MARK
It's only my favorite song. It's
Sonic Youth doing "Superstar" by the
Carpenters.
JUNO
(excited)
I've heard the Carpenters before.
Chick drummer and freaky dude. Not
unlike the White Stripes.
MARK
You haven't heard the Carpenters
like this. Listen.
Mark grabs the STEREO REMOTE off the kitchen counter and
turns up the volume to a roar. Mark and Juno stand in silence
in the kitchen. Mark mouths along with the lyrics.
MARK
(lipsynching)
Don't you remember you told me you
loved me, baby...
JUNO
Hey, I like this.
MARK
This album is all Carpenters covers
by alt-rock bands. It's called If I
Were a Carpenter. It is God. I'll
rip a copy for you before you leave.
JUNO
You don't have to do that.
MARK
It's the least I can do. What did
you say your favorite band was?
JUNO
I didn't. But it's a three-way tie
between the Stooges, Patti Smith and
the Runaways.
MARK
Yeah, I definitely need to make you
some CDs. At least while my kid is
hanging out in there.
He gestures at Juno's burgeoning paunch.
Mark walks over to his music collections and starts pulling
CD's. He's got a Carpenter's disc, the "No Alternative"
charity compilation, and Mother Love Bone.
Juno spots a VHS TAPE on the coffee table and picks it up.
JUNO
(reading title)
The Wizard of Gore?
MARK
(distracted)
Oh yeah. It's Herschel Gordon Lewis.
He's the ultimate master of horror.
JUNO
Please. Dario Argento is the ultimate
master of horror.
Mark SWIVELS AROUND slowly on his desk chair, surprised.
MARK
Argento's good, but Lewis is
completely demented. We're talking
buckets of goo. Red corn syrup
everywhere. And fake brains up the
yin-yang.
JUNO
(examining the tape
box)
Frankly, this looks kind of stupid.
Mark gives a look - "Oh, Really?"
INT. LORING HOUSE - DEN - AFTERNOON
We see some particularly memorable footage from The Wizard
of Gore.
Mark and Juno are watching the movie and drinking root beer
floats. They're sitting dangerously close on the sofa.
JUNO
(watching movie)
This is even better than Suspiria.
You've got decent taste in slasher
movies, Mark.
MARK
Here's to dovetailing interests.
He raises his mug in a toast and Juno clinks it awkwardly.
JUNO
So, have you and Vanessa thought of
a name for the baby yet?
MARK
Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison
for a girl.
JUNO
(aghast)
Madison? Isn't that kind of... I
don't know, gay?
MARK
God, pretentious much? I guess
everyone should have a mysterious
name like Juno, huh?
JUNO
My dad went through this phase where
he was obsessed with Greek and Roman
mythology. He named me after Zeus's
wife. I mean, Zeus had other lays,
but I'm pretty sure Juno was his
only wife. She was supposed to be
really beautiful but really mean.
Like Diana Ross.
MARK
That suits you.
JUNO
Uh, thanks.
MARK
You know, not many teenage girls in
your situation would actually go
through with this.
JUNO
I weighed my options. But after all
this, I'm glad I didn't, you know,
get rid of it. I want to have it.
For you guys.
MARK
You're something else.
A door suddenly slams upstairs. Vanessa's home.
MARK
Vanessa. Shit, you better get out of
here.
JUNO
Why? What the big deal?
MARK
Nothing. She just hates when I sit
around watching movies and 'not
contributing.'
JUNO
I'll handle this. I'm really good at
diffusing mom-type rage.
Juno jumps up and rushes out.
MARK
Wait... aww, crap!
INT. LORING HOUSE - KITCHEN - AFTERNOON
Vanessa slides her BRIEFCASE off her shoulder and ventures
into the living room. She's struggling to carry some oversized
shopping bags.
VANESSA
Mark? Are you home? I want to show
you some things I picked up.
Juno intercepts her breathlessly, clutching the ULTRASOUND
photo. Mark trails behind her.
JUNO
Hi Vanessa!
Vanessa JUMPS and makes a strangled sound.
VANESSA
Juno! God, you startled me. What are
you doing here? What's wrong?
JUNO
Nothing...
VANESSA
Then what's going on?
JUNO
I went to the doctor today.
Vanessa is obviously entertaining some worse-case scenarios.
Her eyes are wide and she's uncharacteristically ruffled.
VANESSA
Is the baby okay?
JUNO
Sure. It's the right size and
everything. I even saw its phalanges
today! Check this...
She holds the ULTRASOUND up to show Vanessa and drapes her
arm around her.
VANESSA
What...
JUNO
This is the baby. Your baby.
Vanessa drops the shopping bags, sick with relief.
VANESSA
Oh my God...
JUNO
(kindly)
Doesn't it look like it's waving?
It's kind of like it's saying "Hi,
Vanessa. Will you be my mommy?"
VANESSA
Yeah. Yeah, it kind of does.
MARK
Juno was nice enough to bring this
by for us.
JUNO
I came over as soon as I got that
cold ultrasound goo off my pelvis.
My stepmom verbally abused the
ultrasound tech so we were escorted
off the premises.
VANESSA
(distracted)
Oh, that's great!
She can't divert her gaze from the photo.
JUNO
See? Nothing to worry about.
Vanessa chuckles tightly, clearly embarrassed by her show of
emotion.
INT. LORING HOUSE - ENTRY WAY - DAY
Vanessa and Mark walk Juno out. Juno peers at some shopping
bags from various kids stores.
JUNO
Hey, what kind of swag did you score?
MARK
Yeah. Mall madness, huh?
VANESSA
Oh it's just some stuff I picked up.
For, you know, the baby. Babies need
a lot of things. I want everything
to be just right.
JUNO
I thought people got all that stuff
at baby showers. When my stepmom had
my sister I remember she got about a
million presents. They were all lame
though, so I wasn't jealous.
MARK
I doubt anyone's throwing us a shower.
JUNO
Why?
VANESSA
Um, I think people are kind of unsure
about the situation because it's
not, you know, set in stone.
JUNO
What do you mean? You mean...
(aghast)
Do you think I'm going to flake out
on you?
VANESSA
No, no, I don't think that, Juno.
It's just that, we went through a
situation before where it didn't
work out.
Juno glances at Mark and again at Vanessa. Vanessa looks
embarrassed.
MARK
Cold feet.
JUNO
You should have gone to China. I
heard they give away babies like
free iPods. They shoot 'em out of
those T-shirt guns at sports events.
VANESSA
(abruptly)
Right. Well, Juno, your parents must
be wondering where you are. You might
want to head home.
JUNO
Naah. I'm already pregnant, so they
figure nothing worse could happen to
me. I gotta bounce anyway. It was
nice seeing you guys again.
She waves and heads for the door.
MARK
(to Juno)
Hey, don't forget your bag.
Vanessa looks pain-stricken as Mark helps Juno with her bag.
EXT. MACGUFF HOUSE - NIGHT
Juno kicks the snow off her shoes before she enters.
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Bren sits at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee and an
issue of Dog Fancy.
Juno enters nonchalantly, drinking a giant slushie.
BREN
Where the hell have you been, Junebug?
JUNO
I drove to St. Cloud to show Mark
and Vanessa the ultrasound. And I
wound up staying for a couple of
hours.
BREN
A couple of hours? Why are you going
up there in the first place?
JUNO
They said they wanted to know about
this stuff. They said to keep them
updated, so I did!
BREN
You could have sent it to them. Why
would you drive an hour out to East
Jesus, Nowhere?
JUNO
I don't know, I just did. And while
we were waiting for Vanessa, Mark
and I watched The Wizard of Gore and
he burned me some CDs of weird music.
He's kind of cool.
A beat as Bren absorbs this.
BREN
That was a mistake, Juno. Mark is a
married stranger. You overstepped a
boundary.
JUNO
Listen, Bren-duhhh, I think you're
the one overstepping boundaries.
You're acting like you're the one
who has to go through this and get
huge and push a baby out of your vag
for someone else. Besides, who cares
if he's married? I can have friends
who are married.
BREN
It doesn't work that way, kiddo. You
don't know squat about the dynamics
of marriage.
JUNO
You don't know anything about me!
BREN
I know enough.
Bren rises to leave, clutching the Dog Fancy magazine.
JUNO
(gesturing to the
magazine)
We don't even have a dog!
BREN
Yeah, because you're allergic to
their saliva. I've made a lot of
sacrifices for you, Juno. And in a
couple years you're going to move
out -- and I'm getting Weimaraners.
JUNO
Wow, dream big!
BREN
Oh, go fly a kite.
Bren STORMS out. Juno heads to the URN by the door and
defiantly pours the remains of her blue slushie into it.
EXT. BLEEKER HOUSE - NIGHT
Juno parks her PREVIA on the street. She walks up to the
house and rings the doorbell.
BLEEKER'S MOM answers, visibly annoyed. Her eyes drift down
to Juno's middle.
JUNO (V.O.)
Bleeker's mom was possibly attractive
once. But now she looks a hobbit.
The fat one that was in The Goonies.
BLEEKER'S MOM
Hi Juno. What can I do for you?
JUNO
I borrowed Paulie's physics notes in
school today. I'm pretty sure he
needs them back, or his grade could
plummet to an A minus.
BLEEKER'S MOM
Fine. Come in.
She steals another glance at Juno's belly.
INT. BLEEKER HOUSE - HALLWAY - NIGHT
Bleeker's mom escorts Juno wordlessly up the stairs and down
the hallway to Paulie's bedroom. Juno discreetly tries to
charge ahead of her, but her expanding middle prevents her
from getting past Bleeker's mom. They share an extremely
awkward moment wedged side-by-side in the narrow hallway.
Bleecker's mom nudges past Juno and knocks on Bleeker's
bedroom door. The door has a cheesy racecar-themed decoration
hanging on it that says PAULIE'S VRROOOM! It looks like
something a 5-year old might have.
INT. BLEEKER HOUSE - PAULIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Paulie is on the floor surrounded by old quizzes, studying
like the tortured brainiac he is. Mrs. Bleeker opens the
bedroom door. Juno appears. Paulie jumps, startled.
JUNO
Hey, don't concentrate so hard, man.
I think I smell hair burning.
Bleeker smiles faintly.
BLEEKER'S MOM
Ten minutes.
She closes the door halfway and leaves. Juno rolls her eyes
and pulls the door shut entirely.
BLEEKER
What's up?
JUNO
I just wanted to come over. You know,
say hi. I miss hanging out with you
on school nights.
BLEEKER
I miss it too.
He nervously cracks open a container of ORANGE TIC-TACS and
pours them into his mouth.
JUNO (V.O.)
Orange Tic-Tacs are Bleeker's one
and only vice. When we made out, the
day I got pregnant, his mouth tasted
really tangy and delicious.
INT. BLEEKER HOUSE - "MOLD-O'-RIFFIC" BASEMENT - NIGHT
CU ON BLEEKER'S MOUTH AS HE KISSES JUNO FOR THE FIRST TIME
INT. BLEEKER HOUSE - PAULIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Bleeker glances at Juno's midsection, embarrassed.
BLEEKER
So, it looks like you're getting
pregnant-er these days.
JUNO
Yeah. Um, I hooked up a whole private
adoption thing. These married people
in Saint Cloud are going to be the
parents.
Bleeker is visibly relieved.
BLEEKER
Really? What are they like?
JUNO
The guy is super cool! His name is
Mark and he's into old horror movies
and he plays guitar. I actually hung
out with him today.
BLEEKER
Is that normal?
JUNO
I asked my dad and Bren not to narc
us out to your folks, so we should
be safe.
BLEEKER
Oh. That's a relief.
Juno walks over to the bed and sits down next to Bleeker.
JUNO
I'm going to really start looking
like a dork soon. Will you still
think I'm cute if I'm huge?
BLEEKER
I always think you're cute. I think
you're beautiful.
Juno is caught off guard by his sincerity.
JUNO
Jesus, Bleek.
BLEEKER
Well, I do.
The song playing ends, and another one begins. It's "the
song," the track that Bleeker and Juno both recognize from
the infamous night in the basement.
BLEEKER
Hey Junebug, when all this is over
we should get the band back together
again.
JUNO
Yeah. Sure. Once Tino gets a new
drumhead we should be good to go.
BLEEKER
We could get back together too.
JUNO
Were we together?
Bleeker picks at the carpet, dejected.
BLEEKER
Well, we were once. You know, that
time.
JUNO
What about Katrina De Voort? You
could go out with Katrina De Voort.
BLEEKER
I don't like Katrina.
JUNO
I totally heard you did.
BLEEKER
I don't. Katrina smells like soup.
Her whole house smells of soup.
EXT. LORING HOUSE - DAY
The house is covered in fresh snow.
INT. LORING HOUSE - NURSERY - DAY
Mark and Vanessa stand silently in the nursery. The walls
are primed slate gray. A single ANTIQUE ROCKING CHAIR sits
in the corner. Vanessa beams proudly and holds two paint
samples up near the wall.
VANESSA
What do you think? Custard or
Cheesecake?
MARK
They're yellow.
VANESSA
Well, I wanted to pick something
gender-neutral for now. Once we get
the baby, God willing, we can create
a more decisive palette.
MARK
Why do people think yellow is gender-
neutral? I don't know one man with a
yellow bedroom.
VANESSA
I think I'm leaning toward Custard
in this light. I don't know. I should
paint a small area...
MARK
Or you could just wait a couple
months. It's not like the baby's
going to storm in here any second
and demand dessert-colored walls.
VANESSA
What to Expect says that readying
the baby's room is an important
process for women. It's called
"nesting."
MARK
Nesting, huh? Are you planning to
build the crib out of twigs and
saliva?
VANESSA
You should read the book. I even
flagged the "daddy chapters" for
you.
MARK
I just think it's too early to paint.
That's my opinion.
VANESSA
And I disagree.
Mark shrugs, resigned.
Vanessa points to the nursery's largest wall.
VANESSA
That wall is going to need something.
Maybe we could put our first family
picture there.
MARK
Hm.
VANESSA
Can you see it?
Mark stares at the wall, looking lost.
INT. RIDGEDALE MALL - DAY
Juno and Leah are walking through the mall, looking bored.
Juno is wearing one of Mac's giant hockey jerseys in lieu of
actual maternity wear. Leah gnaws on a giant cinnamon pretzel.
LEAH
Yum. This pretzel tastes like a
friggin' donut!
JUNO
Share the love, Tits!
She wrestles Leah for the pretzel. Onlookers stare at them,
appalled, as Leah puts Juno in a half-Nelson.
JUNO
(to eavesdroppers)
She's assaulting me! She's denying
me fresh-baked goodness!
Leah claps a hand over Juno's mouth.
JUNO
(muffled)
Hly shht!
LEAH
What?
Juno drags Leah behind a pillar and peers out from behind
it. They're watching a group of well-heeled women and their
children shopping en masse. One of the women is pushing a
toddler in an ultramodern stroller. And one of the women is
VANESSA, looking vaguely detached.
JUNO
(hushed)
That's her. That's Vanessa Loring.
LEAH
Of the Penny Saver Lorings?
Juno nods.
LEAH
No way! She's pretty.
JUNO
You sound shocked or something.
LEAH
I just thought she'd look really old
in real life.
The women gather near a play area, sip Frapps and loudly
discuss their outfits for an upcoming party.
WOMAN #1
And I was like, "No offense, sweetie,
but nobody looks good in gauchos."
WOMAN #2
Especially not with her build.
JUNO
(mimicking the women,
Peanuts-style)
Wah-wah-waaah!
One of the little girls in the group tugs at Vanessa's sleeve.
Vanessa happily follows the little girl over to their play
area and begins to play energetically with her.
Juno watches intently, but Leah just snickers.
LEAH
She's gonna steal that kid for her
collection.
JUNO
Right, seriously.
They watch Vanessa for a few more moments. The other kids
wander over toward the play area while their mothers ignore
them. Vanessa continues to entertain the children.
LEAH
Bo-ring!
Leah stands up. Juno lingers for a moment.
INT. RIDGEDALE MALL - ELEVATOR BANK - A HALF HOUR LATER
Leah and Juno approach the elevator.
JUNO
I want a huge cookie. And like, a
lamb kebob. Simultaneously.
LEAH
God, Spermy. Must you always feed?
The elevator door opens, revealing... Vanessa.
VANESSA
Juno?
Juno tries her best to look enthused.
JUNO
Well hi Vanessa! What brings you to
the mall today?
VANESSA
Just, you know, shopping with my
girlfriends.
LEAH
You're gay?
Juno glares at Leah.
VANESSA
(confused)
No...
JUNO
Please excuse Leah. She's mentally
challenged.
VANESSA
Oh, okay. So... how are you feeling?
JUNO
Happy? Oh, you mean like, physically.
I'm good. Look, I have a snooze button
now!
She lifts her shirt and presses her popped-out NAVEL.
VANESSA
That's great.
Vanessa is admiring the belly, when Juno grimaces.
JUNO
Dude, it's moshing all over.
Vanessa looks confused.
JUNO
(explains)
It's kicking.
Vanessa nods in understanding then begins summoning the
courage for an unusual request.
VANESSA
Um... Juno, can I -- Can I touch it?
JUNO
Are you kidding? Everyone at school
is always grabbing at my belly. I'm
like a legend. They call me the
Cautionary Whale.
She grabs Vanessa's hand and plants it on her stomach.
VANESSA
I can't feel anything.
Vanessa moves her hand, wanting desperately to feel the baby.
VANESSA
It's not moving for me.
She says this as though it's an admission of failure.
JUNO
Oh, you should try talking to it.
They can apparently hear speech in
there, even though it sounds all ten
thousands leagues under the sea.
Vanessa kneels down next to the swell of Juno's belly.
VANESSA
Hi. Hi, baby. It's me. My name is
Vanessa. I can't wait to meet you.
Leah gives a look to Juno as if she's about to barf.
VANESSA
Can you hear me sweet angel?
Vanessa looks like she's giving up hope. Then suddenly,
VANESSA
Oh my God -- It moved! I felt it!
JUNO
(nods)
Elbow.
VANESSA
Wow! It's magical.
Juno smiles at Vanessa in awe of her genuine affection.
EXT. SUBURBAN STREETS - MORNING
The streets are covered in muddy, slushy snow. The mud is
instantly TRAMPLED underfoot by the collective feet of the
Dancing Elk Track Team on their morning run.
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - BREN'S DESK - DAY
Bren cuts the top three inches off a pair of Juno's jeans.
Then, using a sewing machine, begins attaching an elastic
waistband.
INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY
We're behind that same WAISTBAND, as Juno walks through the
students. Now, people seem to part the waters for the belly.
INT. LORING HOUSE - MARK'S "SPECIAL ROOM" - DAY
Mark has the Les Paul on his lap as he stares at the boards
of an awful commercial.
CU - THE SCRIPT (storyboards). A kitchen scene with a kid
eating a new breakfast product called -- BRUNCH BOWLZ.
Annoyed and out of ideas, Mark begins an impromptu song...
MARK
IF YOU'RE TIRED OF BREAKFAST
BUT NOT HUNGRY FOR LUNCH,
MICROWAVE YOURSELF
A HEALTHY BOWL OF BRUNCH!
Mark drops his head, dejected. Then, the phone rings.
MARK
(picks up)
Hello?
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - PHONE BOOTH - DAY
JUNO
So, I've been spending a lot of time
listening to that weird CD you made
me.
Mark instantly smiles.
MARK
Oh really? What's the verdict?
JUNO
I sort of like it. I mean, it's cute.
MARK
Cute?
JUNO
Well, when you're used to the raw
power of Iggy and the Stooges,
everything else sounds kind of
precious by comparison.
MARK
I imagine you have a collection of
punk chestnuts to prove your point.
JUNO
Consider it your musical education.
MARK
I'm dying to see what you've got to
teach me.
JUNO
Okay, stop surfing porn and get back
to work. Just wanted to say hi.
MARK
Go learn something.
Mark hangs up. Smiles.
INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - CAFETERIA - DAY
CU on Juno's tray sliding along, picking up an odd combo of
pregnant food.
Pull up to find Juno and Leah walking their trays to a table.
LEAH
God, you're getting huge. How many
months has it been now?
JUNO
Almost eight. You wouldn't believe
how weird I look naked.
LEAH
I wish my funbags would get bigger.
JUNO
Trust me, you don't. I actually have
to wear a bra now. And I have to rub
this nasty cocoa butter stuff all
over myself or my skin could get
stretched too far and explode.
LEAH
Hot!
INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY
Juno and Leah are sitting inside an emptied awards case on
the wall, eating their lunch.
Juno notices that the other kids in the cafeteria can't help
but glance her way. Some look derisive, others are amused.
JUNO
God, why is everyone always staring
at me?
LEAH
Well, you are kind of... convex.
She illustrates by making a rounded gesture near her stomach.
JUNO
Wow, someone's been actually doing
her geometry homework for once!
LEAH
I don't have a choice. Keith's been
grading me really hard lately.
JUNO
Please do not refer to Mr. Conyers
as "Keith," okay? My barf reflex is
already heightened these days.
LEAH
Keith's hot.
JUNO
Eww, he's all beardy!
We see KEITH the teacher talking to some science kids in the
background. He has a Wild America beard. He lifts a cup of
coffee to his lips and slurps lustily.
BACK ON JUNO AND LEAH:
LEAH
Did you hear Bleek is going to prom
with Katrina De Voort?
JUNO
Katrina? Pfft, no way. He doesn't
like Katrina. It must be a pity date.
LEAH
(shrugging)
He asked her. I heard they were going
to Benihana, then the prom, then to
Vijay's parents' cabin.
JUNO
Bleeker told me Katrina's whole house
reeks of soup!
LEAH
Oh, it totally does. I was there for
her birthday about four years ago
and it was like Lipton Landing. But
you know, boys have endured worse
things for nookie.
JUNO
There's no way in hell they're having
sex or even holding hands.
LEAH
I wouldn't be so sure about that. He
did it with you. He's a man now.
JUNO
Yeah, well, Bleek trusted me. We're
best friends.
LEAH
Are you jealous? I thought you said
you didn't care what he did.
JUNO
I'm not jealous, and I don't care. I
just know he doesn't like Katrina
and I don't think he should toy with
her emotions like that. She seems so
nice and all.
LEAH
Okay Juno, I'm really convinced.
JUNO
Prom is for wenises, anyway. Once
you're old enough to go, it's not
cool anymore.
INT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - BLEEKER'S LOCKER - DAY
Bleeker retrieves a book from his open locker. Juno marches
up to him, belly leading the way.
JUNO
Are you honestly and truly going to
prom with Katrina De Voort?
BLEEKER
Um, hi?
JUNO
Leah just told me you were going
with her.
BLEEKER
Yeah, I did ask her if she wanted to
go. A bunch of us from the team are
going to Benihana, then the prom,
then Vijay's parents' cabin.
Juno is clearly AFFRONTED.
BLEEKER
(meekly)
We're getting a stretch limo.
JUNO
Your mom must be really glad you're
not taking me.
BLEEKER
You're mad. Why are you mad?
JUNO
I'm not mad. I'm in a fucking great
mood. Despite the fact that I'm
trapped in a fat suit I can't take
off, despite the fact that everyone
is making fun of me behind my back,
despite the fact that your little
girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in
art class yesterday...
BLEEKER
Katrina's not my girlfriend! And I
doubt she was actually giving you
the stinkeye. She just looks like
that all the time.
A GIRL strides past (obviously KATRINA) with a sour look
aimed squarely at Juno.
JUNO
Whatever. Have fun at the prom with
Soupy Sales. I'm sure I can think of
something way more cool to do that
night. Like I could pumice my feet,
or go to Bren's dumb Unitarian church,
or get hit by a ten-ton truck full
of hot garbage juice. All those things
would be exponentially cooler than
going to the prom with you.
She starts to walk away.
Bleeker takes a deep breath.
BLEEKER
You're being really immature.
JUNO
(turning around)
What?
Bleeker BRACES himself and pushes up his lab goggles.
JUNO
That's not how our thing works! I
hurl the accusations and you talk me
down, remember?
BLEEKER
Not this time. You don't have any
reason to be mad at me. You broke my
heart. I should be royally ticked at
you, man. I should be really cheesed
off. I shouldn't want to talk to you
anymore.
JUNO
Why? Because I got bored and had sex
with you one day, and then I didn't,
like, marry you?
BLEEKER
Like I'd marry you! You would be the
meanest wife of all time. And anyway,
I know you weren't bored that day
because there was a lot of stuff on
TV. The Blair Witch Project was on
Starz, and you were like, "Oh, I
want to watch this, but we should
make out instead. La la la."
JUNO
Forget it, Bleek. Take Katrina the
Douche Packer to the prom. I'm sure
you guys will have a really bitchin'
time!
BLEEKER
(searching for a
comeback)
Yeah, well... I still have your
underwear.
JUNO
I still have your virginity!
BLEEKER
(looking around,
panicked)
Oh my God, SHUT UP!
JUNO
What? Are you ashamed that we did
it?
BLEEKER
No...
JUNO
Well at least you don't have to walk
around with the evidence under your
sweater. I'm a planet!
Juno picks up her BACKPACK dejectedly and slides it over her
shoulder. She's about to walk away, when...
BLEEKER
Wait, let me take that.
JUNO
Huh?
BLEEKER
You shouldn't be carrying that heavy
bag. I'll take it.
JUNO
Oh. It's fine. What's another ten
pounds?
She turns around, wipes TEARS off her cheek (making sure no
one sees) and continues down the hallway.
EXT. MACGUFF HOUSE - PREVIA - DAY
Juno climbs ungracefully into the van. She starts the engine,
then pauses to dig through her backpack for something. She
produces a brush and begins brushing her hair in the rearview
mirror, examining herself self-consciously. She puts on some
Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker and backs out of the driveway.
INT. LORING HOUSE - MARK'S SPECIAL ROOM - DAY
Mark is seated at the computer, surfing a horror movie
website. He has the blank expression of a bored obsessive.
The doorbell rings.
INT. LORING HOUSE - ENTRY - DAY
Mark opens the door. Juno stands there, looking radiantly
knocked-up. She holds a stack of CDs. Mark breaks into a
grin.
MARK
Wow. That shirt is working hard.
JUNO
(furtive)
Is Vanessa here?
MARK
Nope. We're safe.
He and Juno smile conspiratorially.
JUNO
Cool.
MARK
Come on, I have something for you.
He gestures for Juno to follow him into the house.
INT. LORING HOUSE - BASEMENT - AFTERNOON
The Lorings' basement is dank, cluttered unfinished and
unattractive, much like Paulie Bleeker's. Mark pulls a chain
to illuminate a bare bulb.
JUNO
Oh, Mark! Is this the baby's room?
It's beautiful!
MARK
Hilarious. No, I just keep all of my
old comics down here, and I want to
show you one of them.
JUNO
Oh God, you're one of those guys...
MARK
You're gonna like this, I promise.
Mark RUMMAGES through a cardboard box in the corner.
MARK
(extracting a bagged
COMIC from the box)
Here it is.
He shows the COMIC to Juno. It's called "Most Fruitful Yuki."
It depicts a pregnant JAPANESE GIRL kicking ass and taking
names.
JUNO
"Most Fruitful Yuki"? What is... Oh
my god, she's a pregnant superhero!
MARK
Isn't that great? I got it when I
was in Japan with my band. She reminds
me of you.
Juno examines the comic. "Most Fruitful Yuki" does resemble
her.
JUNO
Wow, I actually feel like less of a
fat dork now.
MARK
Most Fruitful Yuki is bad ass, man.
You should be proud to be the same
condition.
She throws a KARATE KICK in Mark's direction with a KEE-YA!
Juno is sincerely pleased.
JUNO
Okay, how about some tunes?
There's a battered portable CD player in the corner. Juno
kneels down and pops in one of the discs.
JUNO
Now this first one is kinda slow.
But it's Mott the Hoople so it's
still totally rad and hardcore.
Juno puts in the CD and "All The Young Dudes" fills the room.
Mark Laughs.
JUNO
What?
MARK
I actually know this one.
JUNO
You do?
MARK
Yeah, this song's older than me, if
you can believe that. I danced to it
at my senior prom.
JUNO
That's almost interesting, Mark. Who
did you dance with?
MARK
Her name was Cynthia Vogel and she
was a good dance partner. Even let
me put my hands on her butt.
JUNO
Oh man, I can just picture you slow
dancing like a dork!
She mockingly places her hands on Mark's waist and moves
back and forth stiffly.
MARK
No, I put my hands on your waist.
Then you put your arms around my
neck. That's how we did it in '88.
Mark puts his hands on what remains of Juno's waist. She
drapes her arms around his neck self-consciously.
JUNO
Oh, okay. Like this.
MARK
You've never been to a dance, have
you?
JUNO
(casually defensive)
Only squares and nerds go to dances.
MARK
What are you?
JUNO
I don't know.
They SWAY slowly to the music. Juno's belly bumps up against
Mark.
MARK
I feel like there's something between
us.
They laugh.
Juno rests her head on Mark's chest. They dance in silence
for a few moments, then stop moving. Mark pulls Juno as close
as he possibly can, given her expanding girth.
MARK
I'm leaving Vanessa.
JUNO
(quiet at first)
What?
MARK
It's just not working out, but I'm
getting my own place in the city...
and I've got it all planned out.
It's something I've wanted to do for
a long time...
Juno backs away.
JUNO
(growing)
No.
MARK
No?
JUNO
No. No, you definitely cannot do
that, Mark. That's a big, fat sack
of no!
MARK
What's the matter?
JUNO
This isn't what we agreed on. You
guys have to take care of... this!
You are the chosen custodians of the
big-ass bump!
She GESTURES wildly to her belly. Suddenly, something matters
to her far more than the approval of an older guy.
MARK
But I thought you'd be cool if...
JUNO
(interrupting)
I want you guys to adopt the Buglet.
I wanted everything to be perfect.
Not shitty and broken like everyone
else's family. Listen, once I have
the baby, Vanessa is going to finally
be happy, and everything will be all
right. Believe me on this one!
MARK
A baby is not going to fix everything.
Besides, I don't know if I'm ready
to be a father.
JUNO
(aghast)
But you're old!
MARK
I... How do you think of me, Juno?
Why are you here?
JUNO
I don't know. I just liked being
your friend. I sort of liked becoming
furniture in your weird life.
MARK
This...
(he gestures to the
dank surrounding
room)
...this is what my life has become.
Stuff in boxes. Stuff underground.
Is that so appealing to you?
JUNO
Yeah, I guess... Is this my fault?
Is Vanessa mad at you because of me?
MARK
That's not the point. We're just not
in love anymore.
JUNO
Yeah, but didn't you love Vanessa
when you married her? If you love
someone once, you can love them again,
I know it. My friend Leah has gone
out with the same guy, like, four
times. You're just not trying.
Mark suddenly sees Juno for what she is -- a teenage girl.
MARK
I'm such an idiot. I can't believe
what an idiot I am.
He paces over to the wall and KICKS it softly.
JUNO
Please don't get a divorce! God,
Mark, just do me a solid and stay
with your wife.
MARK
God, you're so young.
JUNO
Not really. I'm sixteen. I'm old
enough to tell when people are acting
like total a-holes!
Juno turns to leave, then shoots one furious look back at
Mark.
JUNO
Oh and by the way, I bought another
Sonic Youth album and it's the worst
thing I've ever heard! It's just
noise, man!
She bolts up the stairs, sobbing.
INT. LORING HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Juno reaches the top of the stairs and scrambles toward the
front door, only to be intercepted by Vanessa, who's returning
home from work, carrying her briefcase and a freshly purchased
NURSING PILLOW. They nearly collide.
VANESSA
Juno? What's going on?
JUNO
Nothing.
It's obvious from Juno's tears and flushed face that she's
lying. Vanessa instantly goes pale with fear, but she tries
her hardest to seem serene and "together" in front of Juno.
VANESSA
(pretending to be
calm)
Mark? Why is Juno crying?
JUNO
I'm not crying. I'm allergic to fine
home furnishings. See you later.
She rushes toward the door.
VANESSA
Hold on.
Juno halts.
VANESSA
Juno, what's the matter?
MARK
She's hormonal. Right, June? It's
just part of the whole process.
Juno looks totally betrayed. She doesn't respond. Vanessa
looks at Juno's expression and knows Mark is lying.
VANESSA
What did you do?
MARK
I didn't do anything... I just...
I've just been thinking.
VANESSA
(you've been thinking?)
What?
MARK
Just thinking if this is really the
right thing for us.
VANESSA
What are you referring to?
She knows exactly to what he's referring.
MARK
I've been just wondering if we're,
you know, ready.
VANESSA
Of course we're ready. We've taken
all the classes. The nursery. The
books --
MARK
I know we're prepared. I just don't
know if... I'm ready.
Juno's face continues to fall. Vanessa notices.
VANESSA
(to Juno)
Juno, don't worry about this. He
just has cold feet. That's how boys
are. The books all say the same thing.
A woman becomes a mother when she
gets pregnant. A man becomes a father
when he sees his baby. He's going to
get there. He'll get there.
Juno ain't buying it.
VANESSA
(to Mark)
Why don't we let Juno go home and we
can discuss this later on, okay?
MARK
It all just happened so fast. We put
that ad in the paper. I thought it
would take months if, you know, ever
and then -- boom -- Two weeks later,
she's in our living room.
VANESSA
(quietly)
She answered our prayers.
MARK
(ignores the comment)
Ever since, it's just been like a
ticking clock.
This stops Vanessa. Juno looks offended.
VANESSA
What are you saying?
A long hideous beat.
MARK
It just feels a little like bad
timing.
Another hideous beat.
VANESSA
What would be a good time for you?
MARK
I don't know. There's just things I
still want to do.
VANESSA
Like what? Be a rock star?
MARK
Don't mock me.
Vanessa sighs. It's done.
VANESSA
You're trying to do something that's
never going to happen. And you know
what? Your shirt is stupid. Grow up.
If I have to wait for you to become
Kurt Cobain, I'm never going to be a
mother.
Vanessa looks defeated.
MARK
I never said I'd be a great father.
We hear the front door closing. Vanessa and Mark look over
and notice that Juno has escaped the conflict.
EXT. LORING HOUSE - AFTERNOON
Juno runs up to her car sobbing. She struggles with the keys,
but finally makes it into the Previa and drives off.
EXT. HIGHWAY - AFTERNOON
The Previa slides off the road and comes to a stop on the
shoulder.
INT. PREVIA - AFTERNOON
Juno buckles over the steering wheel, crying, unwinding for
the first time since she became pregnant.
After a beat, she begins to gather herself.
INT. BLEEKER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Bleeker is sitting next to his bed, noodling on the guitar.
He's playing a theme that we will soon recognise.
EXT. CORNER STORE - NIGHT
Juno lays on the hood of her Previa, contemplating her future.
We push in close... when she gets an idea.
She hops off the hood and scurries into the Previa where she
finds a crumpled up Jiffy Lube receipt. She unfolds it and
pulls out a pen, ready to write something... a note?
EXT. LORING HOUSE - NIGHT
It's quiet after the storm. Inside, we see Vanessa sitting
alone at her perfect dining room table, drinking a glass of
wine.
INT. LORING HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Vanessa takes a sip and continues to let the days events
sink in. After a beat, Mark comes down the stairs to join
her.
MARK
I called Gerta Rauss. She says she
can represent both of us. They call
it "collaborative divorce." It's
apparently all the rage right now.
And it's easy because we don't have
children.
VANESSA
No, it's fine. Thanks for making the
call, I guess.
Mark nods and sits down.
VANESSA
We're actually, finally doing this?
MARK
Looks like it, yeah.
VANESSA
Have you found a place to stay?
MARK
Yeah, downtown.
VANESSA
A hotel?
MARK
It's a loft.
VANESSA
(lightly teasing)
Aren't you the cool guy?
They STARE at the wall, speechless and defeated.
VANESSA
I wanted a baby so bad. So bad.
She buries her head in her hands.
MARK
I know you did.
There's a LOUD KNOCK on the front door.
EXT. LORING HOUSE - ENTRY - NIGHT
Mark opens the door. There's a folded piece of paper sitting
on the doormat. He squints and sees Juno pulling away in the
van.
Mark carefully unfolds the piece of paper -- it takes a minute
because of Juno's proficiency in "teen girl origami." He
holds it up. We can see there's WRITING on the back.
MARK
It looks like a bill from Jiffy-Lube.
Vanessa takes the note from his hand and turns it over,
examining it.
VANESSA
It's for me.
EXT. MACGUFF HOUSE - NIGHT
Juno parks her car and walks up to her house. A porch light's
been left on for her, and the place looks cozy and inviting.
JUNO (V.O.)
I never realize how much I like being
home unless I've been somewhere really
different for a while.
She picks a CROCUS from the unkempt garden near the porch
and sniffs it. She lifts her shirt and tickles her belly
with it. Then she tucks the flower into her unkempt hair.
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Mac is alone at the kitchen table going over the family
finances while drinking one of Bren's weight loss shakes.
Juno enters.
JUNO
Hi Dad.
MAC
Hey, big puffy version of Junebug.
Where have you been?
JUNO
Dealing with stuff way beyond my
maturity level. Where is everyone?
MAC
Bren took Liberty Bell to her tot
ice skating class.
JUNO
Tot ice skating? Tots can't ice skate.
Liberty Bell's still getting the
hang of stairs.
MAC
No, but you know Bren. She dreams
big.
JUNO
Yeah, she does.
MAC
You look a little morose, honey.
What's eating you?
JUNO
I'm losing my faith in humanity.
MAC
Think you can narrow it down for me.
JUNO
I guess I wonder sometimes if people
ever stay together for good.
MAC
You mean like couples?
JUNO
Yeah, like people in love.
MAC
Are you having boy trouble? I gotta
be honest; I don't much approve of
you dating in your condition,
'cause... well, that's kind of messed
up.
JUNO
Dad, no!
MAC
Well, it's kind of skanky. Isn't
that what you girls call it? Skanky?
Skeevy?
JUNO
Please stop now.
MAC
(persisting)
Tore up from the floor up?
JUNO
Dad, it's not about that. I just
need to know that it's possible for
two people to stay happy together
forever. Or at least for a few years.
MAC
It's not easy, that's for sure. Now,
I may not have the best track record
in the world, but I have been with
your stepmother for ten years now,
and I'm proud to say that we're very
happy.
Juno nods in agreement.
MAC
In my opinion, the best thing you
can do is to find a person who loves
you for exactly what you are. Good
mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty,
handsome, what have you, the right
person will still think that the sun
shines out your ass. That's the kind
of person that's worth sticking with.
A wave of REALIZATION crosses Juno's face.
JUNO
I sort of already have.
MAC
Well, of course. Your old D-A-D! You
know I'll always be there to love
and support you, no matter what kind
of pickle you're in.
He nods toward her belly.
MAC
Obviously.
Juno laughs and hugs her father, planting a smooch on his
cheek.
JUNO
I need to go out somewhere for just
a little while. I don't have any
homework, and I swear I'll be back
by ten.
She salutes and dashes out of the kitchen.
MAC
You were talking about me, right?
MONTAGE:
INT. BLEEKER HOUSE - BLEEKER'S ROOM - NIGHT
We push in over Bleeker sleeping in his car-bed towards the
window. We look out onto the lawn to find Juno and Leah
running back to the Previa, hopping in, and screeching off.
EXT. BLEEKER HOUSE - MORNING
Bleeker steps out of the house for his usual early-morning
run. He looks down to see a message scrawled in chalk on the
stoop: "BLEEKER -- CHECK THE MAIL."
He walks down to the end of the driveway and opens the latch
on the mailbox.
At least one hundred containers of ORANGE TIC TACS come
pouring out in an colorful deluge. They spill out onto the
driveway. Bleeker smiles.
EXT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - TRACK - MORNING
Juno waddles toward the field. The guys on the track team,
ridiculously arrayed as usual, are doing hurdler stretches.
They stare at her quizzically. Bleeker spots Juno approaching
and jogs up to the chainlink fence.
BLEEKER
Did you put like a hundred things of
Tic Tacs in my mailbox?
JUNO
Yeah. That was me.
BLEEKER
Why?
JUNO
(blushes)
Because they're your fave. And you
can never have too much of your
favorite one-calorie breath mint.
BLEEKER
Well... thanks. I think I'm pretty
much set until college on the Tic
Tac front.
JUNO
You know, I've been thinking. I'm
really sorry I was such a huge bitch
to you. You didn't deserve that. You
never deserve any of the poo I unload
on you.
BLEEKER
You know it's okay.
JUNO
Also, I think I'm in love with you.
BLEEKER
What, you mean as friends?
JUNO
No, for real. I think you are the
coolest person I've ever met. And
you don't even have to try.
BLEEKER
I try really hard, actually...
JUNO
No, you're naturally smart. You always
think of the funniest things to do.
Remember when you passed me that
postcard during Spanish class, and
it was addressed like, "Junebug
MacGuff, Row 4, Third Seat From the
Blackboard"? And it said, "I'm having
fun in Barcelona -- wish you were
here"? That was hilarious.
BLEEKER
I was just bored. I only think school
is awesome like, 80% of the time.
JUNO
Plus, you're the only person who
doesn't stare at my stomach all the
fucking time. You actually look at
my face. And every time I look at
you, the baby starts kicking me super
hard.
BLEEKER
It does?
Juno presses Bleeker's hand against her belly.
BLEEKER
Wizard!
JUNO
I think it's because my heart starts
pounding when I see you.
BLEEKER
Mine too.
JUNO
Basically, I'm completely smitten
with you, and I don't care if I'm
making an ass out of myself right
now, because you've seen me make an
ass out of myself a million times,
and you still want to be my friend.
BLEEKER
Well, yeah. You're the best friend
I've ever had, even when you're being
kind of evil.
JUNO
That's all I need from you. That's
more than I could ever ask for. You're
just golden, dude.
BLEEKER
Can we make out now?
JUNO
Okay.
Bleeker and Juno KISS, oblivious to the gawking track team
guys in the background.
In the distance, near the school entrance, we see STEVE
RENDAZO (the kid who always TORMENTS Juno) regarding the
makeout session with a sad, envious expression.
LEAH passes by, does a double take, then hurries up to the
fence, rolling her eyes.
LEAH
(disgusted)
You know, you can go into early labor
sucking face like that!
Juno gives her the FINGER, not breaking the clinch with
Bleeker.
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - JUNO'S BEDROOM - MORNING
Juno is lying on her back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
She's more pregnant than we've ever seen her. She revs a
Matchbox car against the slope of her belly and lets it roll.
Juno suddenly sits up, looking thoroughly freaked. She pats
her lap frantically and jumps off the bed.
JUNO
Dad!
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. MACGUFF HOUSE - MAC'S WORK DESK - SAME
Mac looks up from the lure he's working on.
MAC (O.S.)
What?!
JUNO
Either I just pissed my pants or...
MAC (O.S.)
Or...
JUNO
Thundercats are go!
EXT. MACGUFF HOUSE - DAY
Mac, Bren and Liberty Bell rush out of the house. They pile
into the Previa at breakneck speed. Juno waddles behind them,
protesting.
INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
CU of Juno wearing a puffy surgical cap. She's being pushed
down the hospital corridor in a wheelchair. She bursts into
giggles. Pull back to reveal her that Leah is pushing her
rather aggressively. Leah jokingly steers the wheelchair
into a wall. Juno feigns whiplash.
Bren appears behind them and orders Juno out of the
wheelchair, exasperated. She pulls off Juno's surgical cap.
Leah and Juno snicker.
INT. HOSPITAL - BIRTHING SUITE - DAY
We see Juno is in a BIRTHING SUITE at the hospital, pacing
impatiently, bent over in obvious discomfort. She's wearing
her Chuck Taylors and knee socks with her hospital gown.
Leah and Bren stand nearby.
Juno doubles over in pain.
JUNO
(panicked)
Ow, ow, fuckity-ow. Bren, when do I
get that Spinal Tap thing?
BREN
It's called a spinal block, and you
can't have it yet, honey. The doctor
said you're not dilated enough.
JUNO
You mean I have to wait for it to
get even worse? Why can't they just
give it to me now?
BREN
Well, honey, doctors are sadists who
like to play God and watch lesser
people scream.
Juno lets out a genuine shriek of pain.
BREN
(checking her watch)
Shit.
(To the doctor)
Hey, can we give my kid the damn
spinal tap already?
INT. HOSPITAL - BIRTHING SUITE - LATER
JUNO (V.O.)
It really didn't hurt that bad having
him.
We see Juno in the process of delivery, from her POV. Leah
holds one of Juno's feet and Bren holds the other.
JUNO (V.O.)
The best part was when I peed on
Leah during labor.
We see Leah holding Juno's FOOT, which is shaking. Leah's
shirt is soaked. She rolls her eyes and mouths "Fuck you" at
Juno. Juno's raised MIDDLE FINGER enters the frame.
JUNO (V.O.)
And then, out of nowhere, there it
was...
The doctor reveals JUNO'S BABY BOY above the sheet.
JUNO (V.O.)
There he was.
Juno looks at the baby in awe, then her eyes begin to
flutter... and she passes out.
EXT. DANCING ELK SCHOOL - TRACK - AFTERNOON
Paulie Bleeker is running as fast as his legs can carry him
on the Dancing Elk track. There's a very sparse crowd in the
bleachers. As Paulie approaches the tape, his envious teammate
Vijay looks on. Bleeker's mom is seated near Vijay, holding
a video camera.
JUNO (V.O.)
I decided to not call Bleeker to
tell him that I was having the baby.
He had a big meet against Manteno
and I didn't want him to get all
worried about me and choke.
Paulie breaks the tape, winning the race. The fifteen or so
people in attendance cheer.
VIJAY
(admiringly)
His legs are as swift as his seed.
MRS. BLEEKER
What did you say?
Bleeker pants at the finish line, dripping with sweat.
ANNOUNCER
P. Bleeker has just broken a district
record in the 400.
Bleeker looks out at the BLEACHERS, scanning them for Juno.
She's not there.
JUNO (V.O.)
But he figured it out anyway.
Bleek takes off RUNNING toward the parking lot without
stopping to explain. His mother stands up, confused.
INT. HOSPITAL - MATERNITY WARD - DAY
A NURSE reaches into one of the maternity ward bassinets and
gently lifts up a swaddled newborn baby.
The nurse turns and addresses an unseen spectator.
NURSE
Would you like to meet your son?
Pull back to reveal she's speaking to VANESSA, who stands,
paralyzed, several feet away.
VANESSA
I have a son?
NURSE
(amused)
You are the adoptive mother?
VANESSA
I have a son.
NURSE
Healthy kid, too. Didn't waste any
time getting out.
Vanessa reaches out for the baby and gingerly accepts him in
her eyes. She spends a few moments just looking at him.
She feels someone watching her, then looks up to see a Bren
leaning against the doorway.
Vanessa blinks away her tears self-consciously.
VANESSA
How do I look?
BREN
(gently)
Like a mom. Scared shitless.
Vanessa laughs.
INT. HOSPITAL - BIRTHING SUITE - DAY
Juno is curled up on her bed in the birthing room. The birth
is obviously over; there's that air of stillness and
accomplishment, a task completed. The doctors have cleared
out. Mac sits in a chair next to the bed, looking like he's
not sure what to say.
He holds up a deck of Playing cards as if to initiate a game,
but Juno gently pushes his hand away. Their eyes meet. His
expression is helpless, hers is utterly drained.
MAC
Someday, you'll be back here, honey.
On your terms.
Juno nods and swallows.
Over Mac's shoulder, a silhouette appears in the doorway.
It's Bleeker in his track uniform.
Juno sees him and bursts into sudden, ragged sobs. Mac glances
at her, alarmed. Paulie moves toward the bed. Mac clears his
throat, gets up and leaves the room.
Paulie climbs onto the hospital bed and carefully puts his
arm around Juno. She leans into him, letting herself go for
the first time in months.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - BIRTHING SUITE - EVENING
Juno lies on the bed. She looks rested and relaxed compared
to her earlier crying jag, but her face is still pink and
swollen. Bleeker is curled up next to her, still in his track
uniform and spikes.
JUNO (V.O.)
Bleeker decided he didn't want to
see the baby. Neither did I, really.
He didn't feel like ours.
INT. HOSPITAL - MATERNITY WARD - EVENING
We see Vanessa leaning over the bassinet, unable to take her
eyes off the baby, touching it's hair reverently.
JUNO (V.O.)
I think he was always hers.
INT. LORING HOUSE - NURSERY - DAY
The nursery is perfectly decorated in Vanessa's immaculate
taste. Nothing looks as though it's been touched. We see the
antique ROCKING CHAIR sitting empty.
JUNO (V.O.)
It ended with a chair.
We pan past the wall Vanessa had said "needed something."
There's a framed note on the wall. It looks like it was
handwritten on the back of a Jiffy Lube bill. We see that it
says: "Vanessa -- If you're still in, I'm still in. Juno."
We move to the door and get a view of Vanessa's bedroom. We
see her lying in bed with a burp cloth draped over her
shoulder, feeding the baby. For the first time ever, Vanessa
looks disorganized, unshowered -- and incredibly happy. There
are formula bottles on the bedside table and a bassinet pushed
close to the bed. Obviously, she hasn't been away from the
baby for a single moment.
The baby reaches up and grabs Vanessa's thumb. Vanessa glows
with an expression of pure bliss.
EXT. MACGUFF HOUSE - DAY
It's a sparkling summer afternoon. Juno wheels her bicycle
out of the detached garage. She waves goodbye to Bren, who
is playing in the yard with two WEIMARANERS. She looks almost
as happy with her dogs as VANESSA looked with her baby.
EXT. SUBURBAN STREETS - DAY
Juno rides her bike aggressively down the street. Her guitar
is slung over her shoulder in a gig bag. She's obviously not
pregnant anymore. She looks happy, but older.
JUNO (V.O.)
As boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is
totally boss. He is the cheese to my
macaroni. I know people are supposed
to fall in love before they reproduce,
but normalcy's not really our style.
As she tears recklessly down the street on her bikes, she
passes the Dancing Elk TRACK TEAM, still running in
outrageously skimpy shorts and bandanas.
Juno RIDES up to a garage where Bleeker is sitting, tuning
his guitar.
EXT. BLEEKER HOUSE - DAY
Juno bikes up to find Bleeker sitting on the stoop. She smiles
and takes out her guitar. She sits across from Bleeker and
pulls the pick out of the strings.
JUNO
Ready?
Bleeker nods.
Juno begins strumming her guitar and playing "Anyone Else
But You," by the Moldy Peaches. Bleeker joins in. At first
their playing is discordant, but suddenly it works.
BLEEKER
You're a part time lover and a
fulltime friend. The monkey on your
back is the latest trend. I don't
see what anyone can see, in anyone
else but you.
JUNO
Here is the church and here is the
steeple. We sure are cute for two
ugly people. I don't see what anyone
can see, in anyone else but you.
BLEEKER
We both have shiny happy fits of
rage. You want more fans, I want
more stage. I don't see what anyone
can see, in anyone else but you.
JUNO
You are always trying to keep it
real. I'm in love with how you feel.
I don't see what anyone can see, in
anyone else but you.
BLEEKER
I kiss you on the brain in the shadow
of a train. I kiss you all starryeyed,
my body's swinging from side to side.
I don't see what anyone can see, in
anyone else but you.
JUNO
The pebbles forgive me, the trees
forgive me. So why can't you forgive
me? I don't see what anyone can see,
in anyone else but you.
JUNO AND BLEEKER TOGETHER
Du du du du du du dudu. Du du du du
du du dudu. I don't see what anyone
can see, in anyone else but you.
She and Bleeker exchange glances as they play. They smile
ambiguously. Juno leans over and kisses Bleeker on the cheek.
Pull out to reveal the surrounding green suburb buzzing with
life and summer activity.
FADE TO BLACK
THE END
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