"VERY BAD THINGS"
by
Peter Berg
September 2, 1997
FADE IN:
TITLE SEQUENCE
THE DEAD OF NIGHT
Pitch black. Dead quiet. Dim faint light appears in the
distance, approaching, growing larger. As the light nears,
we recognize car headlights. Closer and closer until the car
is bearing down upon us with great force...
INT. CAR
Two men in the front seat, FISHER and MOORE. Fisher drives.
All seems quite normal until we take a closer look, sweat
matts hair, dirt stains on white tuxedo shirts hands are
blistered and bloody. They seem almost entranced.
MOORE
That ought to be about the end of
that.
FISHER
Yup.
SILENCE. PUSH IN ON Fisher...
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
"The Oakland Raiders have taken a 7 -
6 lead in a, tough, football game
and this crowd is standing..."
FISHER'S VISION - GRAINY - OUT OF THE PAST THREE RIVER STADIUM -
DECEMBER 23RD, 1972
Playoff game between the Oakland Raiders and the Pittsburgh
Steelers. Scoreboard reads: 22 seconds, 4th down, 10 yards
to go, 4th quarter.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
"Hang on to your hats, here come the
Steelers out of the Huddle..."
INT. CAR - FISHER
transfixed...
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
"It comes down to one big play, 4th
down, ten yards to go. Terry Bradshaw
at the controls..."
Bradshaw throws.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
"And Bradshaw, back and
looking...Again, Bradshaw running
out of the pocket... Looking for
someone to throw to..."
Bradshaw throws.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
...Bradshaw fires it down the field
and there's a collision!..."
The ball bounces off the helmet of a Raider player and is
caught low by the Steelers' FRANCO HARRIS.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
"...and it's caught out of the air!
The ball is pulled in by Franco
Harris!"
FISHER - DRIVING
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Franco Harris running for the end
zone, all but home..."
Oncoming headlights illuminate Fisher's face...
END TITLES.
FADE TO BLACK:
FADE IN ON:
INT. LOS ANGELES CITY HALL - MARRIAGE LICENSE DEPT. - DAY
SLOWLY TRACKING down a long line of couples. Some with kids,
some old, some young, all waiting to pay their $55 and pick
up their marriage license.
We HOLD on a young couple, late 20's, KEITH FISHER and his
fiancee, LIZ GARRETY. Fisher has a blondish quality to him,
unassuming, pleasant, attentive, a bit more reactive than he
could be. Liz is quite attractive, but somewhat tense, and
not at all happy about having to stand in this very slow
moving line.
LIZ
This is ridiculous.
FISHER
Government cutbacks.
LIZ
Why can't we do it through the mail?
FISHER
(patient)
We missed the deadline.
LIZ
Can't we do it on the phone?
FISHER
I don't think so.
In front of them a middle-aged MEXICAN COUPLE make-out
intensely while their chubby little THREE YEAR OLD stares at
Liz.
LIZ
Why is this Kid staring at me?
FISHER
I'm not sure.
Liz pulls a note-pad out of her daypack.
LIZ
(reading from her
notes)
Did you send in all of the deposit
checks?
FISHER
I think so.
LIZ
(pause)
What do you mean, you think so?
FISHER
I sent a lot of checks, I'm not sure
what all of them are.
LIZ
The wedding cake check?
FISHER
Sent it.
LIZ
Photographer?
FISHER
Sent it.
LIZ
Florist?
FISHER
Yup.
LIZ
Caterer?
FISHER
Yes.
LIZ
Hotel for my parents, the tent, the
band, the Judge...
FISHER
(beat)
I think I forgot the tent.
LIZ
(somewhat alarmed)
You forgot the tent?
FISHER
I think so.
LIZ
Why?
FISHER
Why what?
LIZ
Why did you forget the tent check?
FISHER
I didn't mean to Liz. I'm sorry.
LIZ
You can't play around with these
tent people.
FISHER
I'm not playing around. I forgot.
LIZ
What else have you forgot?
FISHER
How could I know what else I forgot?
LIZ
I'm working my ass off here. I've
taken care of absolutely everything
Keith.
FISHER
Because you wanted to. You wanted
this to be your wedding not your
parent's.
LIZ
Don't you dare.
FISHER
What?
LIZ
Don't you put this on me. Don't do
it, don't do it, don't do it, don't...
A YOUNG TEENAGE COUPLE behind them stares at Liz, a bit
confused.
FISHER
(trying to calm her)
Stop it. I'm sorry.
LIZ
(trying to control
herself)
You know how important this is to my
mother. You know that.
FISHER
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I forgot the
tent. I don't think I forgot anything
else.
LIZ
(not bitchy)
I bet you didn't forget the bachelor
party checks.
FISHER
Are we going to do this again?
LIZ
I'm just saying I bet those checks
all found the mailboxes.
FISHER
I wouldn't know.
LIZ
It amazes me how organized you and
your little fun bunch can be when it
comes time to mobilize to Vegas.
FISHER
(patient)
They organized this, not me. I have
nothing to do with it.
LIZ
Well it's bad timing.
FISHER
How do you figure?
LIZ
Right before the wedding?
FISHER
It's a bachelor party. You sort of
have to do it before the wedding.
LIZ
I suppose Boyd is the creative force
behind all this.
FISHER
He is.
LIZ
He's a moron.
FISHER
He's my friend. He's not a moron.
LIZ
David Boyd is a big sack of hot gas.
EXT. SANTA MONICA
TIGHT ON a "Fred Sands" realty sign being pounded into the
ground. Pictured on the sign, as "offered by," is realtor
DAVID BOYD, 30-ish, short hair, smiling with bizarre
sincerity.
WIDER to reveal, David Boyd in the flesh, suit jacket off,
pounding away, sinking the sign into the front yard of a
cute little house. His CELL PHONE RINGS. Boyd, gets the phone
from his jacket.
BOYD
(into phone)
David Boyd. Tina. Great. Okay. Here's
the deal, we're talking five guys.
Hard Rock. Nice guys Tina. My friends.
Yeah. I'm calling you directly so
you don't have to go through the
agency...
(suddenly, over his
shoulder)
HEY! DO NOT ENTER THE HOUSE!
(back into phone)
That's correct. Cash straight to
you. Yes. Twelve hundred? I don't
think so. It's just stripping. Just
a show. Hold on.
(O.C.)
Could you please wait off the
property?
ANGLE ON A YOUNG COUPLE, obviously here to see the house.
MAN
We're just trying to sneak a peak.
BOYD
Just stay off the property until I'm
off the phone.
MAN
Why?
BOYD
Cause that's the way they do it.
Bewildered and somewhat intimidated, they back off.
BOYD
(back into phone)
So it's five guys, Hard Rock Casino.
Nine hundred bucks and you do the
thing with the rubber hoses. Are you
in? Tina, are you in? Good.
Boyd hangs up, puts on his jacket and turns with the same
bizarre insincere smile in his photo. Hand extended...
BOYD
David Boyd, nice to meet you.
FISHER AND LIZ IN LINE
LIZ
Why do you feel the need to explore
this side of your personality?
FISHER
What are you talking about?
LIZ
I'm talking about the kind of people
you hang out with... about growing
up, assuming responsibility of
yourself.
FISHER
I asked you to marry me. I'm ready
for marriage. That's responsibility.
That's growth.
LIZ
I just think that at some point you're
going to have to re-evaluate some of
your friendships...
FISHER
Who else?
LIZ
Charles Moore for instants.
FISHER
You don't like Moore? Since when?
LIZ
It's not that I don't like him. But
the wedding has really got me thinking
and... I just keep myself opening
up. Growning. And I want you keeping
up with me here.
FISHER
What does Moore have to do with your
growing?
LIZ
I just don't see him in the big
picture.
FISHER
I've known him since Cub Scouts.
LIZ
He's weird.
FISHER
He's quiet.
LIZ
He's weird.
TIGHT ON - CHARLES MOORE
Late twenties, a chef in a very upscale, very busy KITCHEN.
His name, "Moore," is embroidered on his white chef's jacket.
Food orders fly all around as Moore works with a mesmerizing
focus, a poetic sense of purpose, fifteen things going on at
once; he chops, sautes, braises, etc..., in a perfect mute
silence.
FISHER AND LIZ STILL IN LINE
FISHER
He just doesn't talk a lot.
LIZ
Why? What's his problem?
FISHER
He's a great chef.
LIZ
He's weird. And I expect more from
you.
FISHER
You expect more what?
LIZ
You're going to be hungover for three
days. Like those guys on "Oprah"
that get drunk and have disgusting
sex with prostitutes and then say
their vows with the stench of cheap
hotel whore sex all over them.
FISHER
Time out.
LIZ
It's vile!
People are staring.
FISHER
That's absurd.
LIZ
I've seen it on television.
FISHER
I'm not going to marry you with the
smell of prostitutes on my body.
LIZ
(starts to cry)
I am not common Keith. I am not
common. I am a creature like no other
and I will not be commoned! Is that
to much to ask?
(screaming)
Is that to much to ask!?!
FISHER
You will not be common!!!
Finally, at the head of the line, Liz steps up to the clerk.
LIZ
Marriage license please.
EXT. GOVERNMENT BUILDING
Fisher and Liz emerge, start for the parking lot. Liz stops
to look at Fisher, her eyes well with tears, vulnerable and
apologetic.
LIZ
Do you love me?
FISHER
Of course.
LIZ
How much?
FISHER
With all my heart.
LIZ
(vulnerable)
Kiss me...?
FISHER takes her into his arms, pulls her to him, kisses her
hard, for all it's worth.
INT. A LARGE MONEY MANAGEMENT FIRM
Desk after desk after desk of identical men, seemingly
repeating the same task. We find Fisher at one of the desks,
number crunching. At the desk across from Fisher sits...
MICHAEL BRENN, short, compact, with a severe personality
disorder, masquerading as semi-appropriate behavior.
MICHAEL
That's just insecurity.
FISHER
I don't know. She's really been
stressing out.
MICHAEL
Just insecurity. Nut crunching gut
splinters.
FISHER
What does that mean?
MICHAEL
It means she's insecure.
FISHER
About what?
Michael's phone rings.
MICHAEL
(picks up)
Mike Brenn. Yes. Yes. 14.3 at 7.5
for 6. At 29.83 at 9.
(hangs up)
I'm amazed the windows don't blow
out of their fucking sockets with
all the repressed, ass-puckering
rage in these soul-less lizards.
FISHER
(beat)
I just want her to be happy.
MICHAEL
Same alarm clock every morning, same
two pops on the same snooze button...
(PHONE RINGS; picks
up)
Michael Brenn. Yes... Yes...
(looking through stacks
of stats)
Hold your horses. Okay. Got it. 6.321
at 17.28 for 6.6 at 9.256 out at
3432.343.
(hangs up)
Same shower, towel, toothbrush, razor,
hair gel. It's a fucking epidemic
Fisher and you better start addressing
it. You're getting married and I'm
not going to candy-coat it. It just
gets worse. It's an eighteen wheel
cement mixer that will crush every
bone in your body.
Fisher looks pale.
FISHER
I'm not breathing right.
MICHAEL
You're not breathing right?
FISHER
Lately I'll just start getting
lightheaded, dizzy, and I realize I
haven't breathed in like two minutes.
ADAM BRENN, Michael's older brother, mid-30's, a bit soft in
the belly, approaches, more or less in charge.
ADAM
(to Michael)
We're leaving from my house in three
hours. If you want to come, get your
numbers in order by then.
MICHAEL
First of all...
ADAM
(cuts him off)
No first of all. I'm not in a game
mood.
MICHAEL
You're interrupting a personal
conversation.
ADAM
(to Fisher)
Sorry Fish.
FISHER
We'll be ready Adam.
ADAM
I know you'll be.
(to Michael)
Three hours.
Adam goes.
MICHAEL
I don't care for him.
FISHER
He's your brother.
MICHAEL
So?
Fisher's phone RINGS.
FISHER
(pick's up)
Keith Fisher.
INT. KITCHEN
Liz sits at the kitchen table, in a mild panic.
LIZ
(into phone)
We've got problems here.
FISHER
Problems?
INTERCUT Liz and Fisher.
LIZ
Seating problems.
FISHER
Okay.
LIZ
Keith do not trivialize this.
FISHER
I'm not. What's the problem?
LIZ
We're supposed to have gold-trimmed
padded seats, now they're telling me
that there was a mistake and we can't
have padded.
FISHER
What kind of seats can we have?
LIZ
Not padded ones.
FISHER
So what do we do?
LIZ
You go down there.
FISHER
Go down where?
LIZ
Go down to the seat place and
straighten this out.
FISHER
Honey I don't have the time...
LIZ
I need your help.
FISHER
We're leaving in three hours.
LIZ
(starts to cry)
I need your help.
FISHER
I'll call them from the road.
LIZ
Do you love me?
FISHER
More than I ever imagined being able
to love anyone ever.
LIZ
Take care of those chairs.
FISHER
We're leaving from Adam's. Come send
me off.
LIZ
Maybe.
EXT. ADAM'S HOUSE - SANTA MONICA
BOYD, MOORE, FISHER in the middle, MICHAEL and his older
brother, ADAM, all in suits pose in front of Adam's brand
new, state of the art, Chevy Minivan while Adam's very
aggressive wife, LOIS, mired in domestic resentment, focuses
her camera.
LOIS
Notice how clean and well-behaved
they all appear, respectable members
of modern society. Timmy, Adam Jr.,
take a good look at this...
Adam's and Lois' kids, Timmy, 8, and Adam Jr., 10, watch
with Liz. (Adam Jr., in leg braces and crutches, suffers
from muscular dystrophy)
LOIS
...We will compare these before photos
with whatever form of degeneration
presented to us in 24 hours, no matter
how low, how vile...
LIZ
...embarrassing, shameful...
LOIS
...regression of Modern Man to his
most primitive, ape-like state...
LIZ
The stone age.
LOIS
The post-Vegas Man.
LIZ
A mutant species.
LOIS
Okay boys, smile!
Lois clicks off photos of the men.
LOIS
All right. As you were.
The guys break. Fisher goes to Liz.
LIZ
Will you please call the chair people?
FISHER
I will.
LIZ
Do you love me?
FISHER
Of course.
LIZ
Just call and let me know that your
okay.
FISHER
I love you.
LIZ
Have a nice bachelor party.
Adam kisses Lois and the kids goodbye. Adam Jr. nearly looses
his balance in the excitement, Adam catches him.
Boyd starts to get in the drivers seat.
ADAM
Not on your life.
Boyd slides over shotgun, cranks the MUSIC. Fisher's the
last one in. He slides the big Minivan door shut and they're
off.
Adam looks in the rearview mirror, Lois, Liz, Timmy wave
goodbye. Adam Jr. waves one of his crutches.
EXT. HWY - SERIES OF SHOTS - DAY
The minivan cruises east: from Santa Monica; through downtown
Los Angeles; and the City of Industry. At the turn off, a
freeway sign reads; "Las Vegas 385 miles."
INT. MINIVAN - LATER
BOYD
You're a fucking moron.
MICHAEL
It's my fucking opinion.
ADAM
It's really a stupid opinion. You
have developed an annoying habit of
talking for what seems to be no other
reason than to hear yourself speak.
MICHAEL
Because my opinion threatens yours,
it's poorly developed?
ADAM
No, because your opinions are idiotic
and have nothing to do with what any
given conversation is about, which
makes 85% of your eagerly injected
thought process highly offensive to
me.
MICHAEL
Boyd brought up divorce statistics.
BOYD
The hell I did!
MICHAEL
The hell you didn't!
BOYD
The hell I did!
MICHAEL
You said one in two marriages end in
divorce.
BOYD
I never heard that.
FISHER
You said that Boyd.
BOYD
Well, I didn't mean it.
MICHAEL
You're an asshole Adam.
ADAM
You're an asshole.
MICHAEL
Oh, and why am I an asshole?
ADAM
Multiple reasons.
MICHAEL
Name one.
ADAM
I don't have to...
FISHER
SHUT UP!
DEAD SILENCE. As they ride through the lifeless desert, Fisher
dials his cell phone.
FISHER
(into phone)
Is this Pico Party rents? Can I speak
to whomever is in charge of chairs?
Chairs.
Boyd checks his watch.
BOYD
Four hours and fifteen minutes. I
can make Vegas in 3 and change.
ADAM
I'm not getting a ticket.
FISHER
(on cell phone)
Tony? This is Keith Fisher. You're
doing my wedding and I'm calling
about the chair situation. Yeah,
I'll hold.
BOYD
Who's up for making some real money?
ADAM
Don't even start.
BOYD
You want to hear me out?
MICHAEL
Nope.
BOYD
Moore?
MOORE
No I don't.
BOYD
Fish?
FISHER
Not really.
(into phone)
Yes, the Fisher wedding chairs...
BOYD
Prison Communication Systems.
(no response)
An acquaintance friend of mine is
professionally involved with a
communications outfit in Denver that
I just happen to know for a fact is
about to be rewarded a very large,
exclusive contract to rewire every
state prison in Colorado. Yes sir.
Nobody gives a fuck.
FISHER
(into phone)
No, I'm holding for Tony. In chairs.
Keith Fisher. Okay.
BOYD
That would translate to government
guaranteed contract in excess of 35
million dollars.
FISHER
(into phone)
We need padded chairs.
BOYD
Or a stock kick of approximately
125% on shares which are currently
sitting around $4.38, or, in plain
English...
ADAM
SHUT UP!
MICHAEL
NO!
BOYD
What is wrong with you people? I'm a
helper here.
MOORE
Your investment ideas never work
out.
BOYD
That's the whole point. They rarely
work out. But on occasion they do.
And when they do, they do big.
MICHAEL
Your ideas never work out.
BOYD
Oh really? Starbucks?
ADAM
That's one idea.
FISHER
(into phone)
No... we want padded chairs... okay?
BOYD
One idea that if you had fucking
listened to, you would each be worth
approximately 15 million dollars.
ADAM
You can't keep bringing up Starbucks.
That was your only real hit in like
75 tries.
BOYD
I set up Fisher with the broker that
found his house. Took care of that
one, didn't I?
(beat)
Prison Communications.
MOORE
I don't think so Boyd.
BOYD
Fine. Don't come crying to Boyd. No
sir.
He turns away from the guys and stares out the window.
FISHER (O.S.)
Yes, I was holding for Tony in chairs.
I have a chair problem. No, I'm not
Tony, I need to speak to Tony.
EXT. DESERT
The minivan cruises through Death Valley in route to Vegas.
EXT. RED ROCK NAT'L PARK - CANYON - MAGIC HOUR
North of Vegas. The minivan is parked high on a cliff
overlooking the city. A couple of Tequila bottles on ice, a
case of Heineken. The boys are arming up.
ADAM
All the bullshit aside Fish, we've
been coming up here for what, eight
years?
Boyd, carving a branch with his boy scout knife...
BOYD
More.
ADAM
Over eight years of some of the
hardest raging experiences of my
life.
MOORE
Good times.
MICHAEL
Drum banging real times.
FISHER
Real times.
ADAM
They've all been real times. And as
you prepare to enter into a new phase
of life, as you prepare for new roles;
father, husband, teacher, you will,
as I have, come to except the letting
go of of old ways. Soon, the mellowing
will begin...
BOYD
But not tonight.
MOORE
Not tonight.
ADAM
Tonight we return once again to the
cave. Tonight we let the monsters
out. We fill ourselves with the
spirits of Genghis Kahn, Joe Namath,
JFK, Paton, Lombardi, Hemingway...
MICHAEL
(screaming)
Franco mother-fucking Harris!
MOORE
Keith Richards, Dean Martin...
BOYD
Jack Kerouback, Herman Melville,
Henry Miller and Hunter S. Thompson.
I dedicate this evening to fear and
to major loathing. So from sun set
to sun rise, let me be heard...
Boyd holds the bottle above his head as the guys raise their
glasses in a toast.
ALL
He who acts the beast, rids himself
of the pain of being a man!
The guys smash the bottles together in an explosion of glass
and the golden Tequila.
INT. CASINO - GAMBLING MONTAGE
Improvised DIALOGUE.
CARDS fly.
CASH and CHIPS PLAY FISHER on cell phone calls about the
chairs again.
TEQUILA POURS. Shot after shot after shot after shot.
MICHAEL throws back a shot, falls off his stool.
CASINO PHONE BOOTH
Fisher sneaks a call to liz.
LIZ (V.O.)
Hello.
FISHER
Hi.
INT. DEN - LIZ'S AND FISHER'S APARTMENT
Liz is making place cards, "I Love Lucy" is on the TV.
LIZ
Hi.
(teasing)
Are you calling from jail?
FISHER (V.O.)
Not yet.
LIZ
Well, the night is young. Did you
straighten out the chair situation?
FISHER (V.O.)
I'm working on it, I've made three
calls.
(beat)
I can't stop thinking about how much
I love you.
LIZ
That's sweet.
FISHER (V.O.)
Well I do.
LIZ
Well you should.
FISHER (V.O.)
What are you doing?
LIZ
Just a bit of organizing.
FISHER (V.O.)
Nesting?
LIZ
Yeah. Nesting.
FISHER (V.O.)
I'm mad at you.
LIZ
Go have fun. Not too much.
FISHER (V.O.)
I'll see you tomorrow...
CASINO
Fisher hangs up, a "crazy about the girl" smile on his face.
INT. FISHER'S SPLIT-LEVEL HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT
The MUSIC is LOUD. The boys are super drunk in the swank
bachelor party suite.
MOORE stagger-dances on a table.
BOYD AND MICHAEL stand at the wet-bar.
BOYD
I don't hate women.
MICHAEL
You hate women.
BOYD
False.
MICHAEL
True.
BOYD
Not true.
MICHAEL
You have a King fantasy.
BOYD
I am a lover. In Africa, you can
stay king as long as you can service
your women every night.
MICHAEL
And what happens when you can't?
BOYD
(swigs whiskey; looks
up)
New king.
EXT. BALCONY
Adam and Fisher.
ADAM
No. No. No. It's what my father said
to me. He said it and he meant it...
He said to me... He said, Adam, he
said... He told me and I heard him...
he said...
(struggles to remember)
Hell he said so many Goddamn things
I can't remember everything he said
for Christsake.
FISHER
Right! That's exactly what I'm saying.
My father said, first of all, I'm
your father not your friend. I'm
your father.
ADAM
Are you solid with that?
FISHER
No. I think it's fucked.
ADAM
Then fuck what your father said,
cause I'm gonna tell you right now...
You'll know what it's all about, why
you got married and why you love her
when you wake up at three in the
morning, and the streetlight's coming
through the window and it's just
catching a corner of her face, like
a sleeping angel. And her hair smells
sweet and she's your's. She's all
your's. Do you see where I'm going
here?
MICHAEL AND BOYD AT THE BAR
speed hitting cocaine.
BOYD
If I'm the king of Israel, I say to
myself, King, I say to myself, King...
Take a good look around. What do I
see?
MICHAEL
Israel doesn't have a King.
BOYD
Then what do they have?
MICHAEL
They have a president. A Benjamin
Yahoo something.
BOYD
I say to myself, look at the map.
Look what's all around you. People
who wish bad bad things for you and
your people. For thousands of years
the Jews are fighting everybody. It
used to be they'd throw rocks, then
the iron revolution and they would
attack with spears. Then the gunpowder
revolution. Now they're shooting
fire power back and forth, all day
bullets flying, babies getting shot.
MICHAEL
What's your point?
BOYD
Now if I'm the King of Israel and
all these sand niggers are armed to
the gills and you know it's just a
matter of time... right? Am I right?
MICHAEL
The Israelis can protect themselves.
They got the Mossad thing happening.
Mossad's for real, man. They scalp
babies.
BOYD
There's my point exactly.
MICHAEL
What? What's your point?
BOYD
Take Mexico.
MICHAEL
What?
BOYD
Look up the chickens, dig up the
holy dirt, pack up the wailing crying
wall thing they bang their heads on
all day long, stick it all on a big
fucking tug boat. The whole country
picks up and takes Mexico.
ANGLE ON
MOORE crazed with the rhythm of the "Chemical Brothers,"
jumps up and down on the table.
ON BALCONY
Fisher and Adam power shooting Tequila.
FISHER
The bucks gonna stop right here.
(pounds his chest)
If my son doesn't know the six New
England states, if he has trouble
with geography, I won't stick it in
his face. I'll help the little guy.
I'll put him in the car and take him
out there. I'll take him to Maine
for a big Lobster dinner, go skiing
in Vermont, hot dogs at Yankee
Stadium... I won't stare him down.
ADAM
Don't ever stare him down.
FISHER
I won't do it.
ADAM
Don't eyeball your kids.
MOORE
On the coffee table, dances the beasty dance.
THE BAR
BOYD
The Mexicans would love it. They're
dying for a little order down there.
They need direction.
MICHAEL
They need leadership.
BOYD
That's what I'm saying. Let the
Israelis straighten it up. They got
plenty of room down there, number
one. Plus, and this is just a plus,
they kind of look alike -- the Jews
and the Mexicans. So I think on a
whole your average Joe Mexican is
gonna have less of a problem getting
his head around the whole assimilation
thing. Am I right?
The DOOR BELL RINGS.
BALCONY
ADAM
I tell mine that they're little men.
I tell them they're strong. They
make me feel joy. I let 'em know. So
they really know that I need them
just as much. You know. Just as much
man. And you know, you're their
godfather...
FISHER
I know and I'm honored...
ADAM
If anything ever happens to me...
FISHER
I know...
ADAM
Y'see? That's the real point here.
That's what I'm driving for, when
the big storm comes and knocks down
all the forests and the rocks fall
down and the leave's are bare. What's
left? The little trees, the little
fellas that the storm didn't see.
The tiny little...
Moore is on the balcony.
MOORE
The stripper's here.
ADAM
(bombed)
Excellent.
He and Fisher stagger aside.
HOTEL SUITE
Boyd introduces TINA, a devastatingly sexy Asian girl, to
all the boys.
BOYD
Gentlemen, this is Tina.
The guys, wasted, attempt to greet Tina.
TINA
Who's the lucky groom?
The guys point at Fisher, roaring. Tina presses her lips to
Fisher's ear.
TINA
Hi Fisher.
Boyd dims the lights, cranks up the MUSIC as the guys stumble
for position on and around the couch. Tina starts to move,
very sexy.
Michael tokes a joint.
MICHAEL
God, I love women.
TINA'S DANCE MONTAGE
SERIES OF SHOTS:
TINA dances, slowly peeling off her clothes.
The guys are into it. Michael seems especially turned-on.
Tina moves in on Fisher, starts a very nasty lap dance...
somehow incorporating a rubber hose.
The guys hoop and holler...
Michael is mesmerized...
Tina grinds on Fisher's lap, touching her nipples...
Michael's going crazy... He tries to touch her, she slaps
his hand away...
Fisher can't take it anymore...
Tina relents... moves on...
Michael reaches for her leg like a dog in heat.
She passes over him, teasing, tormenting him, and settles
onto Adam's lap.
The guys roar in approval... Michael glowers...
Adam turns bright red as Tina arouses and rides him...
Michael starts to burn...
The guys egg Tina on, she gets off on Adam's shyness, rubs
her breasts in his face...
The guys are howling...
Tina sucks one of Adam's fingers into her mouth...
Michael looks like he's going to explode...
Adam's overwhelmed, he politely bails out...
BOYD
(whispers to Fish)
She's all your's Fish. Anything you
want. Happy bachelor party.
FISHER
I can't.
MICHAEL
(jumps up)
I'll take a ride.
FISHER
Go for it.
MICHAEL
(to Tina)
Come on.
TINA
(to Boyd)
You said just dancing.
BOYD
(re: money)
I'll take good care of you.
TINA
(dead flat; re: Michael)
With him.
(beat)
Lucky me.
Michael moves in on Tina. Hesitantly, she leads him into the
master bedroom.
MOORE
She's fucking hot!
ADAM
I need a drink.
BOYD
Tequila...
Boyd reaches for the bottle as the beat goes on.
HOTEL SUIT - MONTAGE
Distorted, a bit crooked. MUSIC and DIALOGUE constantly
changing levels. We're not sure who's saying what. We're not
sure of physical geography. The one thing we are sure of is
that MICHAEL is fucking the hell out of Tina in the bathroom.
SERIES OF SHOTS:
MASTER BATHROOM:
Michael works Tina from behind.
SUITE:
MOORE bouncing off the furniture.
FISHER and ADAM, wildly high.
BOYD sprays beer on Adam, who returns fire. Drunk they start
wrestling, throwing each other around the room, knocking
over furniture.
BATHROOM:
Michael, tightly, ties Tina's hands behind her back with her
rubber hose.
TINA
Oh come on.
MICHAEL
I want to play.
TINA
It's gonna cost extra.
MICHAEL
I will pay.
SUITE:
Fisher spraying beer all over Adam and Boyd as they knock a
table over and end up tangled and brawling on the floor.
BATHROOM:
Michael screwing the hell out of Tina.
TINA
Easy baby, easy.
SLOW MOTION INTERCUT:
SUITE:
Moore wildly leaps from the couch to the chair, to another
chair, back to the couch...
BATHROOM:
Michael plows like a monster into Tina, hands tied behind
her back...
CLOSE ON her stiletto heels, digging into the marble floor...
One of her heels breaks... she starts to slip...
SUITE:
Moore jumps, misses the chair, falling down on the glass
coffee table, GLASS EXPLODES...
BATHROOM:
Tina falls, Michael reaches too late, she can't break her
fall with her hands tied behind her... she's going down...
SUITE:
Moore falls through the shattered glass, to the floor...
BATHROOM:
Tina hits her head hard on the porcelain toilet...
SUITE:
Fisher, Adam, and Boyd stop brawling, stare down at Moore
covered in glass.
MOORE
(beat)
Cool.
Moore is fine, not even a scratch. The guys break into ROARING
LAUGHTER, completely HYSTERICAL; shaking, roaring, releasing.
TIGHT SHOTS of each HOWLING until...
One by one... they sober up... looking O.C.
TIGHT ON FISHER as his smile slowly fades to confusion, he
stares O.C. at...
MICHAEL
Standing in the door, face ghost white, blood dripping from
his fingers...
MICHAEL
I really fucked up.
INT. BATHROOM
The guys rush in. Stop dead in their tracks.
TINA
On the floor, legs twisted underneath her, lies growing in a
growing puddle of dark blood. SILENCE as the guys stare,
trying to comprehend.
MOORE
Jesus.
ADAM
Don't touch her. Call 911.
MICHAEL
(in shock)
I was just playing... we were playing
just playing around.
ADAM
(examines Tina)
She's dead.
FISHER
No... No.
MOORE
How do you know she's dead.
ADAM
She's got no fucking pulse.
BOYD
You don't know what you're doing.
Boyd pushes Adam out of the way. Starts feeling her pulse.
BOYD
(not getting anything)
Where do you look? What side of the
neck?
MOORE
Left side.
ADAM
Either side you idiot. I'm calling
911.
FISHER
(semi-gone)
What happened? Oh my God...
MICHAEL
We were playing... she slipped...
she hit her head.
ADAM
(incredulous)
Playing?
SUITE
Adam moves into the living room, heads for the phone. Boyd
intercepts him. They wrestle for the phone.
BOYD
Wait!
ADAM
What?
BOYD
What are you doing?
ADAM
(hysterical)
What are you talking about?
BOYD
What do you think you are doing?
ADAM
I'm calling the ambulance.
BOYD
Just wait a second. Wait one second.
Okay. What are you doing?
ADAM
Calling the ambulance.
BOYD
Why?
(beat)
Why? She's dead. Why are you calling
an ambulance?
A reasonable point. BEAT.
ADAM
We have to call the ambulance.
BOYD
Why?
Fisher entering, freaked...
FISHER
Oh, Jesus... call the police.
BOYD
No.
FISHER
She's dead. Call somebody!
BOYD
Shut up.
FISHER
Call 911.
BOYD
Shut up.
MICHAEL
She slipped.
ADAM
(attacking Michael)
What did you do?
MICHAEL
(defensive)
You never heard of accidents?! Get
off me!
Adam slaps Michael. Moore tries to break it up.
BOYD
Everybody shut up. LISTEN TO ME!
SILENCE.
BOYD
Listen to me. Please. Everybody just
calm down a bit here. Okay... First...
are we sure she's dead?
ADAM
Her head's bashed in and her heart
isn't beating.
MOORE
She's dead.
MICHAEL
It was an accident!
BOYD
Are you sure this was an accident?
ADAM
You're a lying deviant. What did you
do?!
MICHAEL
The floor was wet. She slipped!
ADAM
Why was the floor wet?
MICHAEL
I don't know why the floor was wet!
ADAM
Why?!
Fisher wanders back to the bathroom door where Moore is;
they stare down at Tina as the conversation rages in the
b.g.
BOYD
Stop it! Listen to me. Let's just
take a second here and take hold of
the situation, OK? Let's just review
our options here.
ADAM
We have a dead woman bleeding all
over the bathroom. What options?
Call the police.
BOYD
Call the police. Okay, that's one
option.
ADAM
That is not an "option." There is no
multiple choice here.
BOYD
Yes sir, there sure is an option
here. There are always options.
ON Fisher and Moore.
MOORE
I've never seen a dead person.
As Moore moves in, transfixed, to take a closer look...
FISHER
(enraged)
Fuck! Fuck you fucking guys!
BOYD
Well we can definitely call the
police. That's an easy call. If we
call the police... What happens?
(silence)
They find a dead prostitute in the
bathroom... They ask us... What
happened? We say, ah... our friend,
Michael...
(to Adam)
Your brother... got a little out of
control... they were making love...
and he got a little excited... and
he, ah, sort of beat her head into
the side of a toilet, while he choked
her to death with a rubber hose...
ADAM
Stop it!
BOYD
There's more.
ADAM
Just stop.
BOYD
Just giving the facts.
ADAM
I'm calling the police.
BOYD
What were we doing officer? Why didn't
we help her? Well... we're all a bit
high, you know, bachelor party, that
kind of thing. Fisher here is getting
married in three days... Beautiful
wife... he didn't have anything at
all to do with it... It was all
Michael here... just Michael...
ADAM
You don't play games with Homicide
police. There are no options here.
There is not the luxury of worrying
about how the fallout will settle.
BOYD
I've known him for while maybe twenty
years kind of a close friend but hey
what the heck officer, take him away,
go on it's for his own good.
FISHER
(outraged)
What are you talking about? Adam's
right. We don't have a choice here
Boyd... I mean what are you talking
about? What options???
BOYD
(calm)
Bury her out in the desert.
ADAM
(sarcastic)
Sure, why not.
MOORE
He's right.
BOYD
We can take her out to Red Rock.
Find some quiet place... and put her
in the ground.
ADAM
You don't just casually walk out of
a Vegas Casino with a dead woman.
BOYD
We can do this. We can get her out
of here.
ADAM
Have you completely lost your mind?
So you get her out of here. So you
get her out into the desert somehow,
without anybody seeing, so what, you
don't think at some point somebody
might notice that she's gone?
BOYD
Nobody knows she's here. I called
her personally. Nobody knows.
FISHER
Oh for Christsake Boyd. Somebody
must know she's here.
BOYD
Nobody knows.
PAUSE, as the guys digest this point.
ADAM
Her blood is all over the bathroom.
I'd say that's a bit of a DNA problem.
BOYD
It's a marble floor, we can clean it
up.
FISHER
Oh God. This is insane.
BOYD
What's insane is the fact that Michael
here put a fucking girl's head through
a toilet. That's insane.
MOORE
They'll get us on accessory to murder.
ADAM
Bullshit it's not accessory. I didn't
do shit. You call the cops, you
explain it was an accident...
BOYD
Her fucking head was caved in.
ADAM
So! I didn't fucking do it!
BOYD
She's got bondage burns on her wrists.
There's blow all over the room, Moore
looks like he went at it with a
mountain lion. This room looks like
the Manson Family stayed here a month.
Michael goes down, we all go down.
MOORE
I'm not going to ruin my life over a
dead whore.
ADAM
That's a horrible ugly comment. "Dead
whore?" She's a person!
FISHER
(falling away)
I'm getting married...
MICHAEL
I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry...
ADAM
I've got a wife and two boys.
Fisher shuffles to a corner, collapses, head in hands.
SILENCE.
BOYD
(unflappably calm)
Lets take a vote. A simple vote. Two
choices; we clean up the mess. Right
now. Bury it in the desert, go home,
and never look back. Or, we can call
the police... Open those doors, roll
the dice and hope that it's only
Michael who falls. Let's take a vote.
Desert... or police?
BOYD looks around. BEAT. Raises his hand.
BOYD
Desert.
He looks at MOORE.
MOORE
(beat)
Fucking desert.
MICHAEL
MICHAEL
(to Fisher)
Fish, I'm really sorry. I just... I
owe you man.
(puts up his hand)
Desert.
All eyes on FISHER, no response.
BOYD
Nobody knows she's here.
FISHER
Good God... Good God...
All eyes on ADAM. He takes a while... Finally,
ADAM
How do we get her out of here?
A reasonable question. Boyd thinks. BEAT.
BOYD
Wrap her up in blankets. Bring the
car around to the back of the hotel,
throw her off the balcony, put her
in the car... Done.
ADAM
(beat)
You don't think someone will have a
problem with a body being thrown off
a balcony?
BOYD
We check out the area and wait for a
time when it's clear.
ADAM
What about the blood?
BOYD
Someone goes to Walmart, gets some
buckets, brushes, mops, Spic and
Span, the works.
ADAM
Have you ever done this before?
BOYD
The reality is, you take away the
horror of this situation, take away
the tragedy of the death, take away
the moral and ethical implications
of all the crap you have had
conditioned, beaten, into your head
since grade one. What are we left
with? What? A 115 lb. problem. 115
lbs. that must be moved from point A
to point B. Now, a straight line in
the shortest distance but we are
denied the luxury of a visible
straight line. But that line exists
and I see it. I see that line. Trust
me. Adam. Trust me... I can take
care of this.
KNOCK KNOCK
The five men stop breathing. Somebody's at the door.
KNOCK KNOCK
Stunned silence. The guys stare at each other in horror.
RALPH (O.S.)
Hello? Is anyone in there?
Boyd races to the door, eyes the peephole.
BOYD'S POV, through the peephole, outside in the hall, a
man. RALPH, early 30's, fairly unassuming.
BOYD
(calls out)
What is it?
RALPH (O.S.)
Ah, yeah, hi. Is Tina there?
Adam throws his head in his hands.
BOYD
(through door)
What?
RALPH (O.S.)
I'm with Tina. Is she there?
Boyd indicates to the guys to be cool.
BOYD
She's not here.
RALPH (O.S.)
Where is she?
BOYD
She's here. She's just... Hold on a
second.
Boyd turns as the guys freak. Crazed bits of panicked
conversation -- GIBBERISH.
KNOCK KNOCK.
RALPH (O.S.)
Could you open the door please.
Boyd moves back to the door, slowly, opens it. Ralph steps
in. Takes a good look around.
RALPH'S POV of the fairly destroyed hotel room and five
severely traumatized men.
RALPH
Okay. Hi.
SILENCE.
RALPH
So who's the lucky guy?
PAUSE.
BOYD
Who?
RALPH
The groom?
FISHER
Me.
RALPH
Cool...
(beat)
You all dudes from L.A.?
BOYD
Yup.
RALPH
Doing the bachelor party thing?
BOYD
That's right.
RALPH
Sin City. Devil's Playground. The
Black Bitch. All day every day.
(beat)
Where's Tina?
BOYD
She's in the bathroom... she's still
working.
RALPH
She's still working?
BOYD
That's right.
RALPH
Sweet deal.
SILENCE. Ralph checks the rest of the guys. Some strange eye
contact. Extremely uncomfortable.
RALPH
Is everything okay?
BOYD
Great. Fine. Perfect.
More SILENCE.
RALPH
(indicating bathroom)
I'm gonna just tell her I'm waiting.
He starts for the bathroom.
BOYD
She's in there!
RALPH
I'm just gonna let her know I'm here.
And Ralph is on his way to the bathroom. And the guys are
freaking as Ralph moves through the bedroom up towards the
bathroom. Hand on door -- opening door -- stepping in -- and
Ralph sees Tina.
RALPH, in shock, staring, back-peddles...
RALPH
My God!
As Ralph starts to turn --
FISHER (O.S.)
No! NOOOO!!!
ON BOYD -- his Boy Scout knife raised above his head --
driving it into Ralph's neck!
MAJOR ARTERIAL SPRAY as Ralph's jugular is severed. Ralph
struggles. Boyd wrestles him back toward the bathroom.
BOYD
Help me! Don't let him bleed on the
carpet!
And MOORE is there. Helping Boyd wrestle the SCREAMING
thrashing Ralph into the bathroom. Ralph fights like a gilled
Marlin. They shove him into the bathroom. Boyd slams the
door shut. Holds it tight as Ralph tries to force it back
open.
BOYD
He'll bleed out! He'll bleed dry.
Help me hold the door.
And help they do. Michael, Moore and Adam all hold the door
shut as Ralph continues to fight for his life. Slowly the
force of his POUNDING eases. We hear Ralph slowing down...
The thrashing slows... softer... The MOANS quiet... softer...
Just a slight GURGLE... Ralph is going... going... Ralph is
gone.
AT THE DOOR
Eight hands slowly peel off the bathroom door. Devastating
SILENCE as the guys attempt to process this, the latest of
developments... with Fisher staring, blotto.
INT. THE BATHROOM
The door slowly opens. Boyd first -- then the rest of the
guy's heads slowly appear in the doorway.
MOORE
Oh God.
And Moore is out the door, racing for a garbage can to relieve
himself.
THE GUYS' POV
An absolute blood bath. The walls are covered with Ralph's
arterial spray. Tina lies, still dead on her side. Ralph has
somehow "assumed the position" dead, head in the bathtub. A
bizarre and gruesome sight. Boyd surveys the carnage, takes
charge.
BOYD
(with military
precision)
All right people. New plan. Not even
a new plan so much as a modification
of the old plan.
FISHER
(beyond shock)
I'm calling the police.
BOYD
So help me God you touch that phone
and I bury you with them.
(beat)
Surrender is no longer an option. I
repeat -- It is not an option. Is
there anyone who does not understand
that?
Fisher's response is to join Moore, as he searches for a
garbage can to puke in. Michael just stares.
BOYD
A little gut check time fellas. A
time for some serious self-
exploration. How do I function? For
real? No more bullshit. Can I keep
my cool when they bounce my bananas?
When they won't play my fucking song?
etc, etc. Do you get me? Do you get
me?
MICHAEL
Not really. no.
BOYD
Not a problem. Understand not my
words, but follow my orders. Follow
my orders
INT. WALMART - NIGHT
The boys move down the isles of the massive 24 hour everything
store, Boyd pushes a cart, grabbing; cleaning supplies, tarp,
tape, giant pruning shears, etc...
BOYD (V.O.)
We will organize, we will mobilize,
we will maximize and prioritize.
Moore grabs a plastic garbage can off a shelf and pukes in
it for all he's worth.
INT. HARD ROCK CASINO
The boys attempt to look natural as they stroll through the
casino with their supplies. Late night gamblers pay them
little notice.
INT. HOTEL SUITE
Boyd turns up the MUSIC.
BOYD
Let's do it people.
MUSIC OVER SERIES OF SHOTS:
Moore and Fisher scrub blood from the carpet. Fisher keeps
forgetting to breath.
Michael and Boyd put Tina and Ralph in the bath tub.
Adam sits in shock on the floor.
Fisher and Moore try to fix a broken chair.
Boyd starts to dismember Ralph with the pruning shears, like
cutting the joints of a roasted chicken.
Adam stares at the wall.
Michael wraps one of Ralph's feet in plastic, puts it in a
suitcase.
Boyd saws. Michael wraps. Fisher and Moore clean.
Adam slowly straightens up a lamp, begins to help.
UNTIL -- the last of the body parts, Tina's head, is wrapped
in plastic, packed in a suitcase.
The bathroom has been remarkably cleaned up. Just a bit of
blood left in the tub. Boyd looks pleased.
BOYD
All right. Looking good people.
EXT. RED ROCK CANYON ROAD
The minivan bumps along a deserted road at a snail's pace.
INT. MINIVAN
Adam drives, cringing with every bump and bang. Everyone is
tense. Boyd eyes the clock. It's 4 a.m.
BOYD
Sun rises at 5:52.
ADAM
I'm not wrecking the transmission!
EXT. DESERT
SERIES OF SHOTS:
The guys off-loading the suitcases.
Fisher and Boyd digging holes.
They start putting the suitcases in the holes.
ADAM
Wait. Wait a minute.
BOYD
What?
ADAM
We can't do this.
BOYD
We've already done this.
ADAM
No, I mean the suitcases. We can't
bury them in suitcases.
MICHAEL
Why?
ADAM
It's sacrilegious.
BOYD
How do you figure?
ADAM
According to Jewish law, the blood
and limbs are considered to be part
of the human being. They must be
buried together or their souls won't
rest in peace.
BOYD
So that's what we're doing.
ADAM
No we're not. The bodies are all
mixed up. We can't do this to them.
BOYD
She's Asian. They don't have Jews in
Asia.
ADAM
That is absolutely not true.
BOYD
(beat)
Well what the fuck are we supposed
to do?
ADAM
(as if reasonable)
Open the suitcases, unpack the body
parts and reunite the limbs.
FISHER
No way.
ADAM
It has to be done.
BOYD
We have to get going.
ADAM
I am not flexible on this.
PAUSE.
BOYD
Alright. Let's do it.
The guys start breaking down the body parts, ripping open
cases...
BOYD
I got her arm.
MOORE
Here's his head.
As the guys put limbs with bodies...
CUT TO:
Dirt being thrown on top of the reunited bodies until they
are all completely buried.
EXT. GRAVE SITE
As the last of the dirt is packed down by Boyd. The guys
stare down at the grave site.
BOYD
Now I am the last to say that we
have done here is a good thing. It's
not. It's not a good thing. But it
was, given the circumstances, the
smart play. We did what had to be
done. And... well... I'm proud of
us. I'm proud of each and every one
of us. We performed. Under the most
complex and nerve shattering of
situations, we stood fast and we
delivered. I feel proud.
SILENCE.
ADAM
We are all going straight to hell.
Either hell or prison, whichever
comes first.
BOYD
Wrong. That is flat out wrong. hell
is for cowards, for hypocrites who
fear to live by the strength of their
own convictions. This is war. Given
the circumstances and given the fact
that we are alive and they are not,
we have chosen life over death. Two
wrongs don't make a right. So our
conviction and execution would only
mean more death here, not less.
MOORE
Boyd... I don't know man... It just
seems to me that ever since you took
Tony Robbins self-help thing... you're
all fucked-up in the head.
FISHER
I got to agree with that.
BOYD
That is a load of shit. Personal
power has nothing to do with any of
this. Tony Robbins has helped me to
unlock energy and see my options
more clearly, yes, but to give him
credit for this, for all of this...
Well that's just more than the man
deserves.
FISHER
I think we should say some words
over the grave.
BOYD
What kind of words?
FISHER
I'm talking about prayer.
BOYD
Go ahead.
Fisher steps to the grave, looks down.
FISHER
Dear God... I don't know how to pray.
MICHAEL
Just go ahead and say what's on your
mind.
BOYD
Speak from the heart my brother.
Adam turns in disgust.
ADAM
This is pathetic.
MICHAEL
You're pathetic.
ADAM
(turning on Michael)
What did you say?
MICHAEL
(pointing)
You're not a team player.
ADAM
Don't point at me.
MICHAEL
You never were a team player. That's
why you never had any friends.
ADAM
I have plenty of friends.
MICHAEL
The hell you do.
ADAM
The hell I don't.
MICHAEL
You have acquaintances -- business
friends and superficial golf buddies.
You have always been a fringe player.
You have some serious male on male
intimacy problems.
ADAM
What are you fucking talking about?
Michael looks at Boyd.
FISHER
Michael, now is probably not the
best time for this.
BOYD
No, this is the perfect time. This
is real time. Adam. Your brother and
I, as well as several others present,
have always suspected that you...
(points to Adam)
...are a fully repressed, living in
major denial, locked down, fly-boy
butt-fucker.
DEAD SILENCE. Adam stares stupefied at Boyd, then Michael.
Finally, Fisher says his prayer.
FISHER
Dear God, please forgive us for what
we have done here tonight. We have
lost our way. Speaking for myself,
let me say...
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MINIVAN - DRIVING
Fisher's prayer over the guys driving home. Each lost in his
own thoughts.
FISHER (V.O.)
...I am deeply in love with the woman
I am about to marry and I look very
much forward to raising a family and
being a positive member of society.
We promise, if you forgive us, we
will never forget this tragedy and
will try with all our powers to use
it as a daily reminder that we are
here on earth to do good not evil.
Let us go from this day forward with
new purpose and spirit. You have
given us a second chance and let us
take that second chance and use it
as fuel to feed our fires of
productivity so that the spirits of
the two we now bury live on forever
in the good deeds and positive
achievements we from this moment on
shall make our life's work...
Continue as the minivan disappears down the freeway, heading
back to Los Angeles. A freeway sign reads, "Los Angeles, 358
miles."
FISHER (V.O.)
Thank you lord, and again, we ask
for your forgiveness and guidance...
Amen.
EXT. CAR WASH - DAY
Adam watches his mini-van move through the wash and rinse
cycle, staring, paranoid at the Mexican Towel Boy cleaning
the interior.
MICHAEL tries to open a child proof bottle of Excedrin.
BOYD plays "Mrs. Pac-man" in the corner.
MEN'S ROOM
Moore dry heaves for all he's worth.
PAY PHONE
Fisher finishes dialing, waits... Finally...
LIZ (V.O.)
Hello.
FISHER
Hey. It's me.
LIZ (V.O.)
Where are you?
FISHER
We're on our way home. I just...
we're running a little late.
LIZ (V.O.)
How late?
FISHER
No. Just like an hour or so.
LIZ (V.O.)
What about the chairs?
FISHER
Okay.
LIZ (V.O.)
What okay?
FISHER
What!
LIZ (V.O.)
The chairs.
FISHER
I left a message. I think it's going
to be okay.
LIZ (V.O.)
You sound funny. Did you do cocaine?
FISHER
No. No. I'll see you in about four
hours.
As he hangs up the phone...
LIZ (V.O.)
(distant; unheard)
Do you love me?
CLICK. Fisher, in a daze, turns and walks into right into
Adam who has been standing there listening. Adam doesn't
look so good.
ADAM
I want you to hear me out.
FISHER
What.
ADAM
You and I have done nothing. You
especially. We are innocent.
FISHER
I don't think so.
ADAM
We are. We go to the police. We tell
them the truth. Now. Before they
find out. Now. We save ourselves.
The HISPANIC CAR WASH WORKER beeps the horn, Adam jumps. The
van is ready.
BOYD
Let's go!
Adam stares daggers into Fisher.
ADAM
We save ourselves. It's our only
chance.
Adam heads back to the car, leaving Fisher alone.
FADE TO BLACK:
EXT. ADAM'S HOUSE - DAY
The shiny clean minivan cruises to a stop in front of the
house. Adam Jr., "Little Adam," and Timmy play in the fenced
yard along with a couple of other kids.
INT. MINIVAN
Adam stops the car. The guys sit in silence as the kids
assault the truck, climbing all over it. Little Adam waves
his crutches wildly.
ADAM JR.
(screaming)
Daddy's home! Daddy's home!
Boyd addresses the fellas.
BOYD
The past is the past. Today is the
beginning of the rest of our lives.
MOORE
Today is the best day of the rest of
our lives.
FISHER
(disgusted)
The first day.
MOORE
What?
As Lois, with camera, and Liz, come out the front door.
FISHER
(disgusted & depressed)
It goes; "Today is the first day of
the rest of our lives."
BOYD
However it goes, the point is, nobody
says anything to anyone ever.
Right?... Right?
MICHAEL
Right.
MOORE
That's right.
As the little kids put their lips up to the windows, making
funny faces,
BOYD
You're goddamn right. Adam?
Adam is silent, watching the beautiful chaos that is his
family.
ADAM
(reluctant)
Right.
EXT. SUBURBAN
As the guys get out and are mauled by the hyper kids and
Lois and Liz.
LOIS
(with camera)
Group shot. Here we go boys! Yes
sir, compare and contrast time!
She starts herding the boys into a group pose.
LOIS
Feeling a little HUNGOVER are we? Do
you kids take note?
(taking pictures)
See how pathetic Daddy and his jackass
friends look?!
Fisher makes eye contact with Liz.
LIZ
What's the word on the chairs?
FISHER
I'm working on it.
LIZ
Then you'd better work on it in the
car. We gotta go see the Judge.
INT. JUDGE'S OFFICE
ON JUDGE LAUREL TOWER.
JUDGE TOWER
We don't say "love, honor and obey"
anymore. And we don't say "till death
do us part." Today we say, "respect,
honor and cherish, as long as you
both do love." How does that sound?
LIZ
I kind of like "till death do us
part." I mean, this is forever. In
sickness and in health, through good
times and bad. Honey, what do you
think?
Liz looks at Fisher who is a nuclear wreck, barely coherent.
FISHER
Yea... It's great... seems like... I
don't know you've got all the
important stuff in there.
JUDGE TOWER
All right then. It's refreshing to
see two young people not afraid of
real commitment. Will you have friends
or family saying words -- singing or
anything?
FISHER
(beat)
Are we supposed to?
JUDGE TOWER
It's not a question of supposed to,
it's an entirely personal decision...
Some do some don't.
LIZ
We don't think so. I mean, we just
want the singing when I come out.
JUDGE TOWER
Okay great. What will that be?
LIZ
We're just going to have the leader
of the band sing alone with his
guitar. Acoustic.
JUDGE TOWER
What song?
LIZ
"You Send Me."
JUDGE TOWER
Oh I know that. How does it go...
LIZ
You know,
(talks it)
Darling you... you send me... Darling
you... You mend me.
(to Fisher)
Honey, sing it for Judge Tower.
In lieu of an anxiety attack, Fisher...
FISHER
(sings)
"Darli...ing you, ewe ewe ewe, send
me, Darli...ing you, ewe ewe ewe,
mend me.
LIZ
"At first I thought it was
infatuation... But oh it's lasted so
long..."
FISHER & LIZ
"Now I find myself wanting to marry
you, marry you and take you home..."
Judge Tower joins in and the three squeak out the chorus and
it's pretty pathetic.
MUSIC OVER:
INT. TUXEDO RENTAL STORE
The guys are being fitted for their wedding tuxes.
Lois takes pictures of the five groomsmen.
Liz closely watches as the TAILOR makes adjustments to
Fisher's tux.
Adam looks sick.
EXT. SANTA MONICA PIER - SUNSET
Fisher and his dad walk along the pier eating hot dogs. A
father and son moment.
MR. FISHER
I wanted to just take this final
opportunity to visit with you. You
know, just to be with you, father
and son, before you run off and do
your own husband, daddy thing.
(starts to choke-up)
I'm just so goddamn proud of you...
God knows I didn't always play it
right with you...
FISHER
You did all right dad.
MR. FISHER
I could have done it better. I'm a
fucking ball-buster I am.
FISHER
You never walked away dad. You could
have walked away.
MR. FISHER
I'm just so scared of that song.
That fucking, "My son just arrived
the other day... he says thanks for
the ball, come on let's play. I got
lots of bills come again next day.
He's grown up just like me... My boy
is just like me." Gordon fucking
Lightfoot, Cat Stevens, whoever,
that song just fucking kills me.
FISHER
Harry Chaplin. "Cats in the Cradle."
MR. FISHER
Just kills me...
FISHER
I love you dad.
MR. FISHER
I love you so much it hurts. Me and
your mother marvel at what you have
become. You're going to have a
wonderful journey with this girl. I
feel it deep inside. A wonderful,
magical journey.
(cries again)
And I'm, like I said, just so proud
of how you turned out. (hugs Fisher)
You go out and knock 'em dead Keith.
Knock 'em dead!
Off Fisher we...
CUT TO:
INT. ADAM'S OFFICE
TIGHT ON A Vegas Newspaper Metro Section slammed down on a
desk -- A small article on Tina, the now missing prostitute.
FISHER
Where did you get that?
MICHAEL
At the newsstand on 3rd.
ADAM
(falling apart)
Fucking Boyd. That fucking idiot.
They're on to us.
MICHAEL
They're not on to us. I'm gonna call
Boyd.
Michael picks up the phone.
EXT. SOMEBODY'S YARD
TIGHT ON BOYD talking into cell phone.
BOYD
Oh that's just nothing. That's just
a missing persons thing, that's all.
INTERCUT PHONE CALL
MICHAEL
You said nobody would miss her.
BOYD
No. I said nobody knew she was coming
to the hotel.
ADAM
(grabs phone)
Boyd you idiot, the shit's coming
down!
BOYD
What does that mean?
ADAM
You got us into this mess.
BOYD
Oh I did? I think it was your little
rat fuck brother who decided to play
Hamburger Helper with the hooker's
head.
ADAM
(freaks)
Would you, shush?! These phones aren't
secure!
BOYD
Lighten up Adam. Show some character.
ADAM
Don't talk to me about character.
BOYD
Watch the tone fella.
Fisher realizes he's not breathing.
ADAM
Fuck you Boyd!
BOYD
Any time fat boy!
Boyd hangs up the phone, looks at his picture on the realty
sign he just pounded into someone's yard. Behind the bizarre
sincere smile we now see the eyes of a maniac. Boyd picks up
the sledge hammer and swings wildly, destroying his sign,
splintering it into kindling.
INT. BAKERY
Fisher and Liz taste different samples of cake and compare
different cake designs with a BAKER.
INT. FLORIST
Surrounded by hundreds of different floral arrangements, Liz
shows a zombied Fisher the flowers she's picked for the
wedding.
INT. LIZ AND FISHER'S NEW HOME
A beautiful country style beach house in Santa Monica. Liz,
Fisher and the realtor, MAGGIE, walk into the charming
kitchen. Fisher seems stresses by the price tag.
LIZ
I love it. I just love, love, love,
love it.
MAGGIE
Are you guys gonna fill this place
with kids? You sure got room for
them.
LIZ
We're in no hurry. I think we'll
take some time to enjoy each other,
enjoy our freedom before we surrender
ourselves to kids.
MAGGIE
Take your time. I wish I had.
LIZ
(hugs Fisher)
We will.
MAGGIE
So where to on the honeymoon?
FISHER
This is our honeymoon.
LIZ
After the wedding, which we're paying
for ourselves, and this house...
MAGGIE
Smart. Smart. Smart. Think big
picture, take your time. I wish I
had.
LIZ
That's our plan.
MAGGIE
Well, I just need your signature on
these contracts and a deposit check
so I can get the ball rolling.
Liz looks at Fisher. She really wants the house. He takes
out his checkbook. Liz throws her arms around Fisher, kisses
him.
FISHER
How much?
MAGGIE
Five percent should be fine for now,
which is, let's see, twenty thousand
dollars. Of course I'll be splitting
my commission with your friend.
(beat)
He is a very sweet man.
Liz stares at Fisher. His hand shakes as he writes the check.
EXT. GAS STATION MINI-MART
Adam, Lois and the kids pull into the mini-mart, up to the
gas pump.
INT. ADAM'S MINI-VAN
Adam, ghost white, fumbles for a credit card as the kids go
nuts in the back seat.
KIDS
(singing)
"Do your balls hang low, do they
wobble to and fro, can you tie 'em
in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow?"
ADAM
(snapping)
Knock it off!
LOIS
Don't snap at them!
ADAM
They're driving me nuts!
LOIS
They're singing.
A black sedan, looking like an unmarked police car, pulls up
nose-to-nose with them at the pump. TWO MEN in dark suits in
the front look like cops. Adam can't help but notice.
ADAM
(getting out)
It's a disgusting song.
EXT. CAR
Adam slides his card through at the pump and starts filling
his tank as one of the "suits" gets out of the black sedan
and does the same.
Adam and the "suit" make eye-contact.
SUIT
How ya doing?
ADAM
(nervous mumble)
What?
SUIT
What's that?
ADAM
What did you say?
SUIT
I said how's it going?
ADAM
I didn't hear you.
SUIT
Well that's what I said.
Adam nods, eyeing his gas pump, willing it to pump faster.
His heart starts to pound, he looks away, sees...
An LAPD police car pull into the station, stops in front of
the mini-mart. TWO COPS inside.
ON adam, eye-balling the cop car. He slowly turns to steal a
glance at the "suit."
SUIT
How do you like that mini-van?
Adam's tank is almost filled. He wants nothing more than to
get out of there...
Lois rolls down the window.
LOIS
Honey, go in there and get some
Starbursts.
ADAM
What?
LOIS
They're screaming for Starbursts.
ADAM
Later.
LOIS
They're screaming like monsters and
it's giving me a headache. Go get
some fucking Starbursts.
Adam looks from the suit to the cop car...
ADAM
Fine.
TRACK with Adam as he walks from the pumping across the
parking lot, past the cop car, his HEART POUNDING...
INT. MINI-MART
Adam quickly searches the candy section for Starburst. He
looks out the window...
ADAM'S POV
The "suit" has finished with the gas but he's not leaving...
He's taking a close look at Adam's van. He seems to be
checking the license plate...
ADAM
Oh my God.
Adam is blocking the aisle. He doesn't notice a YOUNG
UNIFORMED COP trying to get past.
COP (O.S.)
Excuse me.
Adam turns, panics, stumbles back, into the candy display
and topples to the ground. ADAM lies flat on his back in a
monster mess of candy.
COP
You okay?
Adam scrambles to his feet, trying frantically to fix the
major mess -- only making it worse. The IRANIAN STORE CLERK
approaches, pissed.
CLERK
Just leave it!
ADAM
(determined)
It's okay.
CLERK
Leave it!
Startled by his tone, Adam staggers back, into a Gatorade
display, slips and topples to the ground.
CLERK
GET OUT!
ADAM
(on his back)
I'm sorry.
They young cop gives Adam a hand up. Adam stare at the cop.
ADAM
(tears in his eyes)
I'm sorry.
CLERK
GET OUT!
Adam scurries out of the Mini-Mart, the Cop watches in
confusion.
EXT. MINI-MART
As Adam races back to his car, the "Suit" moves in on him.
SUIT
The wife's begging me for one. How's
the mileage.
Adam jumps in the van, quickly starts it up.
LOIS
Where's the candy?
ADAM
There is no candy!
LOIS
What do you mean? It's it's a goddamn
Mini-Mart?!
KIDS
Dad?!
Adam, in a cold sweat, hauls out of the Gas Station, pulls
into traffic, nearly gets hit, slams on the brakes, Lois
rockets FACE-FORWARD into the dashboard.
FISHER & LIZ'S REHEARSAL DINNER - COCKTAIL RECEPTION
SERIES OF SHOTS:
Fisher and Liz greet their guests.
Moore smokes alone at the bar.
Boyd and Michael charm a group of OLD LADIES.
Adam arrives with his family, Adam Jr., Timmy and...
Lois sporting a nose cast and two very black eyes.
Boyd and Adam check each other out; hostile and suspicious.
Adam takes Fisher aside.
ADAM
Have you thought about what I said?
FISHER
Jesus Adam, can we not get into this
now please?
ADAM
I got a migraine like a little monkey
kicking in the side of my skull,
Mike Tyson with a fucking sledge
hammer trying to crack...
FISHER
(cuts him off)
I got you.
ADAM
(dazed)
Where's the bathroom?
INT. REHEARSAL DINNER - NIGHT
A large dining room in a Westside restaurant has been taken
over by the wedding party. Seventy-five guests, dressed up,
are into the desserts. The toasts are about halfway over.
MR. FISHER stands in the middle of the room with the large
blown-up pictures of Keith at different stages of his life.
MR. FISHER
(holding picture of
Keith, age 4, on a
mule)
And this is Keith at age four and
his best friend "Bunker the Mule."
Evidently, when they were in camp,
Keith and Boyd got into some serious
arguments over exactly who was Keith's
best friend -- Boyd or the mule.
Mr. Fisher holds up a photo of a young Fisher and young Boyd,
both scrappy and bloodied from a fist fight.
Boyd sits with Moore at a table.
BOYD
Fisher had a less than normal
relationship with that Donkey.
FISHER
(seated next to Liz)
You always were a jealous man.
Mr. Fisher holds up a picture of Keith, Boyd, Moore and
Michael all in a Peewee Football uniforms.
MR. FISHER
After camp came football, and for
those of you not following the sports
pages back in 1977, you might not
remember the Peewee Powerhouse
Oklahoma, who, under the brilliant
leadership of your's truly, rolled
to an auspicious league record of 0-
12 scoring exactly zero touchdowns.
TIGHT ON Adam, looking extremely uncomfortable, surrounded
by his family.
MICHAEL
The problem was coaching. Poor
leadership.
As the room LAUGHS, Adam becomes visibly upset. Not keeping
it together.
BOYD
The problem was our quarterback had
trouble remembering his right from
left...
FISHER
No, the problem, as I recall, was
the lack of blocking...
As the guys debate, in front of the room, who's fault
Oklahoma's 0-12 season really was.
TIGHT ON Adam. He's had enough, excuses himself from the
table.
TIGHT ON Fisher, seeing Adam, he quietly excuses himself.
EXT. BEACH RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Adam stands by his car trying to compose himself. Fisher
approaches.
FISHER
You all right?
ADAM
I can't fucking breathe. I'm sorry.
Boyd, followed by Michael exits the restaurant.
BOYD
(approaching)
OK. Definitely not cool! Definitely
inappropriate behavior here.
FISHER
Shut up Boyd.
BOYD
Negative. This is not what we have
worked out in terms of presented
behavior.
FISHER
He's having a problem here.
MICHAEL
What's the problem Adam?
Moore joins the group.
MOORE
What's the problem?
All eyes on Adam, who's eyes are starting to tear up.
BOYD
What is your problem?
ADAM
I can't do this.
PAUSE.
MOORE
Can't do what?
ADAM
We're gonna get caught. I know we're
gonna get caught. They were eyeballing
my car.
BOYD
What?
ADAM
At the seven-eleven.
BOYD
Who? What are you talking about?
ADAM
They're on me. They're smoking me
out!
BOYD
(shouts)
Nobody's smoking anybody out.
FISHER
Shut up.
MOORE
Quiet.
Liz is at the door of the restaurant.
LIZ
Keith? Is everything okay, honey?
Fisher bolts over to Liz.
FISHER
Yeah baby. Everything's great.
LIZ
Well, can you come back inside?
FISHER
(not moving)
Yeah. Sure.
LIZ
Now?
FISHER
Yeah. Look honey, I'll be right in.
I just... we're just taking care of
some Groomsmen last minute business.
Mr. Fisher approaches.
MR. FISHER
Everything okay?
FISHER
Yeah, Dad. It's great.
MR. FISHER
Well, I'm in the middle of my goddamn
toast here.
FISHER
OK, OK. You guys just go back in.
Dad, keep going with the toast, we'll
be right in. Go on.
Fisher ushers his father and Liz back inside, then turns, to
quickly head back to the parking lot where things are
escalating.
PARKING LOT
BOYD
(on Adam)
You got some mighty fucking fine bad
timing Adam. We got a rehearsal
situation here.
ADAM
I don't give a damn.
MICHAEL
About anybody but yourself. You never
have.
ADAM
And you're a little fucking reject.
MICHAEL
Eat my ass!
MICHAEL KICKS ADAM'S MINIVAN
ADAM
Hey!
Michael kicks it again, harder. Adam shoves him.
ADAM
If you ever touch my minivan again,
I'll make you sorry. Real sorry.
MICHAEL
You're a loser.
ADAM
You're the loser! A big black hole
sucking up everything you touch! YOU
MURDERED THAT GIRL! MURDERER!
MURDERER!
MICHAEL
You're the loser! You think your
shit's so fucking righteous! FUCK
YOU! You were there with us, boy!
Right there! SIDE BY FUCKING SIDE!!!
FISHER
Shut up!
BOYD
Shut your fucking mouths!!!
Boyd and Fisher separate the brothers.
ADAM
(freaking)
I didn't do anything! I'll turn your
pathetic ass in!
BOYD
Adam! Calm down.
ADAM
I won't calm down. I can't do this.
We can't do this. It won't work. It
will not work.
BOYD
It has worked.
ADAM
I'm talking about DNA samples, fiber
optics, search parties, they got
infrared scanners, FBI scientists.
They figure this shit out. They always
figure it out.
BOYD
They won't figure it out.
ADAM
I got children. I've got a life.
MICHAEL
You got a retarded kid and a fat pig
wife.
ADAM
You fucking bastard!
Adam attacks Michael, slashing, biting, mauling, the brother's
go down hard, slugging it out on the ground.
EXT RESTAURANT
Liz is back at the restaurant door.
LIZ
Keith?!
Fisher bolts over to Liz.
FISHER
Everything's OK. Just some more
preparations.
LIZ
Are they fighting?
FISHER
No baby. We'll all be right in.
Fisher pushes her inside and charges back to the...
PARKING LOT
Fisher helps break the fight. Adam and Michael try to contain
their rage.
BOYD
This is going to stop right now.
Right now!
MICHAEL
(seething)
You will not screw this up.
ADAM
Don't you threaten me you little rat
fuck.
MICHAEL
Don't you fucking threaten me --
I'll fucking kill you.
ADAM
Go home!
MICHAEL
You go home!
Boyd pulls Michael to his car.
BOYD
Why don't you just cool out. Go home
and go to sleep.
Boyd opens Michael's car door, puts him in.
BOYD
Just go home, chill the fuck out.
Okay?
Michael starts his car. Boyd shuts the car door.
BOYD
Just go home.
MICHAEL, eyeballs Adam. Adam eyeballs him right back. Michael
hits the gas and screeches away.
BOYD
All right. Let's all go back in.
Adam? You're cool right?
ADAM
No. I'm not Boyd. I am not cool at
all.
Reluctantly, they start back in.
A hundred or so feet away, Michael's car comes to an abrupt
stop. They all turn. Michael turns his car around, idles for
a moment.
INT. MICHAEL'S CAR
Michael in a trance, staring at the guys watching him.
MICHAEL
Mr. Fucking Minivan...
He hits the gas.
EXT PARKING LOT
Wheels spin, rubber burns. The guys watch as Michael speeds
full throttle, like a battering ram, right at Adam's beloved
minivan.
ADAM
NOOOO!!!!
Adam jumps between the minivan and Michael's car.
INT. MICHAEL'S CAR
Michael's expression turns to horror. He slams on the brakes,
but it's too late.
EXT. PARKING LOT
Michael's car crushes Adam like a sandwich meat between his
car and the minivan. Metal, flesh, severed limbs, Adam
explodes like a gnat.
CUT TO:
THE HORRIFIED EXPRESSIONS OF BOYD, MOORE AND FISHER
INT. UCLA EMERGENCY - WAITING ROOM
Chaos. The room is filled with people from the Rehearsal
Dinner.
Black-eyed, nose broken, LOIS sobs, surrounded by her kids
and Liz.
Boyd and Fisher talk to the POLICE.
BOYD
It was just a crazy freak accident.
He thought the car was in reverse...
He didn't realize.
The COP takes notes.
MICHAEL sits in a corner by himself. Ghost white. Trembling.
COP
Was there some sort of an argument?
FISHER
No. Nothing like that.
COP
We heard there was some arguing going
on. Some loud talk.
BOYD
No. No. We were just all outside
just talking.
COP
What were you talking about?
BOYD
The wedding. We were talking bout
how it was going to be one of the
last times for us to all be together
with Fisher not being married...
COP
A lot of people seem to think there
was some hostility out there.
BOYD
(getting righteous)
Well I can't really comment on what
"a lot of people" thought. I can
only tell you that we had a horrible
accident here and were all feeling
extremely traumatized and your
questions are a bit poorly timed.
We're in full on grieving mode right
now thank you very much Officer...
Randone.
FISHER
Easy Boyd.
BOYD
No easy Boyd! I got a best friend in
there in pieces. How about a little
sensitivity?
Boyd storms off, goes and sits with Michael. Fisher stays
with the cop.
COP
That's all I wanted to know.
A DOCTOR appears in the doorway.
DOCTOR
His situation is critical. He's asking
to speak to his wife.
SHOTS of the guys eyeing each other nervously as Lois slowly
gets up and follows the Doctor into a treatment room.
The guys move to the door, where they can see Lois, leaning
over the hospital bed, talking to Adam.
POV GUYS
Adam hooked up to dozens of wires, etc...
Lois leans over to kiss him. Adam appears to be whispering
something to her.
ON THE GUYS
Watching Adam speak to Lois... Nervous.
POV GUYS
Lois has her ear to Adam's mouth. He is clearly speaking to
her. Lois is sobbing when... ALARMS GO OFF IN ADAM'S ROOM.
A MEDICAL TEAM rushes into the room. Adam is a v-tach --
Heart's not beating. The team injects medicine, defribulates.
Lois watches in horror as her husband dies in front of her...
Finally a DOCTOR calls time of death.
Lois collapses on the floor.
WAITING ROOM
The guys have witnessed Adam's death. Michael turns in horror.
Boyd, Fisher and Moore stare. Liz rushes to Fisher, throws
her arms around him, overcome with grief.
INT. DENNY'S - LATE NIGHT
Fisher, Boyd, Moore and Michael eat eggs.
BOYD
The need to know is clear. What did
Adam tell Lois? That's the name of
the game. What did Adam tell Lois?
What does Lois know?
MICHAEL
Ball park sausages.
BOYD
You want some breakfast meat, Michael.
Is that what you want?
MICHAEL
(clearly starting to
crack)
Franco Harris has a flare for the
dramatic. The former Pittsburgh
Steeler running back, beat known for
"The Immaculate Reception," his
improbable sixty yard Ricochet
Reception. I say Ricochet Reception
has made a bold move on corporate
America.
(inappropriately loud)
Harris has lead a group of investors
in the purchase of the Park Sausage
Company. By taking on the challenge
of resurrecting Park's, Harris is
engaged in the equivalent of a sudden
death overtime.
BOYD
Easy Michael.
MICHAEL
(on a roll)
He must take an open-field run to
profitability through excessive debt
large competitors and dwindling market
share. Before the clock runs out.
CUSTOMERS are starting to pay notice.
MOORE
Shut up Michael.
MICHAEL
(screams)
I KILLED MY BROTHER!
All eyes on Michael. Boyd is immediately up trying to get
Michael out of the booth. Casually, sweetly...
BOYD
Okay. Time to fly.
Fisher helps Boyd lift Michael, who is becoming more and
more frenzied.
MICHAEL
I ran down my brother in cold blood.
Shame on me! Shame! Shame! Shame!
WAITRESSES, COOKS and LATE NIGHT DINNERS stare, confused as
the HOWLING Michael is carried to the door.
MICHAEL
(struggling)
Time to pay the man. "For if we
confess our sins he is faithful and
just, to forgive us our sins, and to
cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Fisher and Boyd struggle with Michael.
FISHER
(tipping Waitress)
Thank you.
She watches them haul Michael outside.
POV WAITRESS
Michael thrashes wildly in the parking lot.
EXT PARKING LOT
MICHAEL
"Kill one man and you are a murderer!
Kill millions and you are a conqueror --
Kill all and you are a God!"
Michael breaks free, starts running away. Boyd, Moore and
Fisher give chase. Moore dives on Michael's back. Fisher
helps Moore hold Michael down while Boyd gets the car.
MICHAEL
(calming down)
"The memory of the just is blessed
but the name of the wicked shall
rot."
Boyd is there with the car. They load Michael into the back
seat, climb in and disappear into the night.
INT. CAR - DRIVING
Boyd drives, Fisher rides shotgun, Moore's in the back trying
to contain Michael.
BOYD
You will get yourself together here
mister. Are you hearing me?
Michael, now catatonic, stares out the window.
FISHER
He's cracked up.
BOYD
He is not cracking up.
FISHER
Boyd... What have we done?
BOYD
What did you ask me?
FISHER
What?
BOYD
What is the question you asked me?
FISHER
I said, what have we done?
BOYD
Yes, you did. Now that is the
question! That is exactly the question
we should be asking ourselves. You
tell me Fisher. What have we done?
FISHER
I don't know! I just want to get
married.
BOYD
Say it again.
FISHER
What?
BOYD
What you just said. Say it again.
FISHER
I just want to get married.
BOYD
Exactly! Exactly my point.
MOORE
What's your fucking point?
BOYD
I'm not talking to you?
FISHER
What's your point?
BOYD
You want to know what you are doing
here?! You are love pumping. You are
protecting all that is sacred and
beautiful and in sync with poetry
and sunsets and little newborn babies.
You are walking the walk. This is it
Fisher, the real stuff. You love
this woman. Love is second to nothing.
I love you. I love Moore. I love
Michael. This car is full of love,
and nothing -- absolutely nothing --
supersedes love, man. Nothing. We
will do what it takes. Whatever it
takes.
Boyd takes Fisher's head in his hands and kisses him deeply
on the mouth.
BOYD
Love does not lose.
TIGHT ON Fisher, speechless.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN ON:
ADAM'S FUNERAL - GRAVE SITE
A Jewish ceremony. A hundred or so guests. A RABBI conducts
the service. Lois sits in shock flanked by her boys.
Michael, Fisher, Boyd and Moore stand in positions of honor
up front. They're all eyeing each other.
Michael starts emitting deep, uncontrollable, highly
inappropriate MOANS.
BOYD
Easy Michael.
Michael can't control himself as his body starts to seize
and tremble. Moore and Boys attempt to stabilize Michael who
breaks away, charges over to Lois and buries his head in her
lap sobbing deeply. Everyone is stunned but the Rabbi
Continues.
INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
Liz and Fisher.
LIZ
(hysterical)
Cancel?! Cancel?! Are you out of
your fucking mind?!
FISHER
Nobody's saying cancel. I'm talking
about modifying.
LIZ
No way.
FISHER
Can we just talk this out?
LIZ
Talk what out? We are locked and
loaded here. We are non-refundable.
I've got relatives on the airport
right now! I've got...
The phone RINGS. Fisher freezes.
LIZ
Answer it!
Fisher picks up the phone.
FISHER
Hello?
INT. LOIS' HOUSE
Lois on the phone, near hysteria.
LOIS
Keith. It's Lois. I just found a
note up in Adam's study. It's some
kind of crazy confession about killing
a stripper and cutting up bodies
and...
INT. CANTERS COFFEE SHOP
TIGHT ON FISHER
FISHER
(explaining)
...burying them outside of Vegas,
about Boyd being the ring leader...
She wants to know what the hell is
going on and I'm starting to freak
out here.
Boyd, Moore and Michael, looking particularly traumatized,
are seated at a booth with Fisher.
MICHAEL
We're goosed.
BOYD
We're not goosed.
MOORE
What's goosed?
BOYD
What is her disposition?
FISHER
Regarding what?
BOYD
Does she sound pissed, scared,
hostile? Did she mention the police?
FISHER
No, but she's definitely pissed and
hostile. And she's clearly starting
to think that's something's not right.
Michael starts sobbing uncontrollably.
MICHAEL
We're goosed! Goosed by God!
BOYD
Michael get a grip.
(to Fisher)
What did you tell her?
FISHER
I told her that I have no idea what
Adam was talking about in that letter.
MOORE
Did she believe you?
FISHER
I have no idea.
MOORE
You can tell when people believe
you. It's obvious.
FISHER
Well I don't have that skill and if
I had to guess I would say that in
no way did she believe me.
MICHAEL
(screaming)
Goosed!
BOYD
Stop it!
MICHAEL
Goosed!
People are staring.
BOYD
Stop.
MICHAEL
Goosed!
BOYD
(to Moore)
Give me the Valium.
MOORE
He just had two.
BOYD
Give me two more.
Moore counts out two Valium, hands them to Boyd as michael
continues to freak.
BOYD
(to Michael)
Open sesame.
Michael complies like a puppy.
FISHER
Jesus Boyd you're going to O.D. him.
BOYD
Suck my ass.
INT. LOIS' KITCHEN
TIGHT ON Lois, busted nose, eyes black.
LOIS
I never liked you Boyd. You're a
snaky little fuck. Always have been.
WIDE ON the guys, seated around a little breakfast table.
Michael's in a Valium stupor.
BOYD
What are you talking about?
LOIS
Don't sweet lip me.
BOYD
I don't understand where this personal
attack is coming from...
LOIS
You're a liar. I want to know what
happened in Vegas.
BOYD
Nothing happened in Vegas.
LOIS
I don't want to hear it from the
liar. Stick a plug in it Boyd. Fisher?
What happened in Vegas?
FISHER
(beat)
Nothing happened in Vegas.
LOIS
(not buying it)
Moore?
MOORE
(sheepish)
Nothing happened.
Michael starts back in with the power sobbing. All eyes are
on him. Guilty, uncomfortable silence. Michael's coming
unglued.
LOIS
Michael? Do you have something to
tell me?
BOYD
Michael. Tell Lois that nothing...
LOIS
Shut up Boyd! Michael?
All eyes on Michael.
MICHAEL
(quiet)
Goosed.
Fisher struggles to breathe. Boyd tenses up.
LOIS
What?
MICHAEL
Lois we were bad, we were very, very
bad.
BOYD
He's upset about Adam. We're all
upset.
LOIS
I will call the police right now if
I don't start getting some answers.
BOYD
Lois please.
She heads for the phone.
LOIS
Fuck you Boyd.
The guys are freaking as she picks up the phone. Boyd looks
at the kitchen knives. Fisher sees him, intervenes quickly...
FISHER
Okay. Lois... here's the deal.
(beat)
Adam was with a prostitute in Las
Vegas.
Lois freezes, puts down the phone. Boyd and Moore look stunned
at Fisher -- good lie.
LOIS
What?
FISHER
I'm sorry he was unfaithful to you.
BOYD
And it wasn't the first time... He
had a thing about prostitutes.
Fisher gives Boyd a look. Lois starts to choke up.
LOIS
(crushed)
My Adam?
Lois crumbles before their eyes.
BOYD
We're sorry.
Lois starts sobbing. Michael joins in. Adam Jr. and Timmy
appear in the door, in their pajamas, awakened by the noise.
Seeing their mother in tears, they start to sob. The room is
filled with anguished tears. Boyd give Lois a glass of water
and a Valium.
EXT. LOIS' HOUSE
Fisher and Moore load Michael into the car. Boyd leans into
the back window. Adam Jr. and Timmy are in the backseat,
still in their P.J.'s.
BOYD
Mommy just needs a little time out.
Everything's gonna be okay. Okay?
(the boys don't answer)
Okay.
Fisher starts to get in the car, Boyd pulls him aside, very
wound up.
BOYD
After you drop the kids off, take
Michael home. Put a few drinks in
him so he'll sleep.
FISHER
I don't think that's such a good
idea.
BOYD
Just do it.
FISHER
What are you going to do?
BOYD
Take care of business.
FISHER
(accusing)
What does that mean?
BOYD
And what does that mean?
(off no response)
Are you insane?!
(whispers)
You think I would hurt Lois?! She's
the mother of those kids! What is
wrong with you?
FISHER
I don't know...
BOYD
You got a nasty side to your thought
process.
TIME CUT TO:
INT. FISHER AND LIZ'S HOUSE
TIGHT ON Fisher.
FISHER
I'm sorry. Honey... it's just for
tonight.
Liz is in her robe, none too pleased. Adam Jr. and Timmy sit
in the b.g. at the kitchen table eating cookies and milk.
FISHER
Lois is a mess and Michael's really
upset. Everyone's upset.
LIZ
We're not canceling.
FISHER
I know.
LIZ
I won't even discuss it.
FISHER
No one's discussing it. I'm just
gonna run Michael home. I'll be right
back.
LIZ
I need you to pick up the cake
tomorrow.
FISHER
Don't we already have someone to do
that for us?
LIZ
Yeah. You.
FISHER
Okay. Okay.
Fisher kisses Liz and goes.
INT. BAR
Dark, smoky, MUSIC. Michael, Fisher and Moore sit in a corner
booth.
MICHAEL
(finger in his ear)
Do you hear buzzing fish?
FISHER
Buzzing?
MICHAEL
Yeah. I got some kind of buzzing.
Like a zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz thing just
chipping away in the back of my skull.
FISHER
I don't hear it.
MICHAEL
Yeah, well, it's a nasty problem.
FISHER
Have another drink.
INT. ADAM AND LOIS' HOUSE - NIGHT
TRACKING SHOT down hallway into bedroom where Lois sleeps
peacefully.
INT. BAR - NIGHT
Fisher and Michael. Moore, drinking, just listening.
MICHAEL
Dad used to bring home these sparklers
to me and Adam. Out back we'd light
'em up. The three of us. We'd hold
'em up to the sky and watch the
explosions of light. Sparks. And dad
would be all... "Get ready"... "watch
for it"... "here it comes," here
comes the "wahoo"
FISHER
The wahoo?
MICHAEL
The sparkler would burn hot, then
hotter, then even hotter... and there
would be one moment of pure burn
when that little fucker would cook
just perfect. Perfect. It would only
last a second, but that second was
it. It was it. That's what dad had
us looking for... You get me?
FISHER
The wahoo moment?
MICHAEL
That's my point! You see Man...
burning at his absolute. To see all
the forces just come together, just
right, you know, just in perfect
harmony. That's what I'm driving at.
You get me?
FISHER
I think so.
MICHAEL
I've been looking for that flash and
I look and I look and I can't find
it. And what if I already had it?
You know. My moment? What if it's
gone? And I never saw it?
(finishes drink)
You're getting married, man. That's
a fucking beautiful thing. Just a
beautiful thing. I just can't stop
breaking beautiful things.
INT. LOIS' HOUSE - NIGHT
Lois' bedroom. As Lois sleeps, Boyd softly enters the room.
Moving in on the sleeping Lois, another couple of steps, he
looms over her, reaches his hand to her throat when, suddenly,
Lois' eyes snap open. Boyd is startled. Lois grabs mace from
her night stand and sprays Boyd in the face. He MOANS,
stumbles back. Lois leaps on him like a shark slamming a
side of beef.
They go down hard on the floor and start fighting like wild
animals.
LOIS
You picked the wrong woman mother-
fucker!
As Lois sinks her teeth into Boyd's balls.
BACK AT THE BAR
MICHAEL
You see for me it's over. Over baby.
I'm gonna turn myself in. After the
wedding of course. After the wedding.
Out of respect.
MOORE
I don't think that's a good idea.
MICHAEL
I said out of respect. Respect for
you Fisher. For you and your wedding
and your beautiful bride. There will
be no more rain. You see where I am
here?
FISHER
I appreciate it. I do, but... maybe
you ought to just ease up on yourself
a bit.
MICHAEL
No. No. No. This is my doing. You
see I'm gonna have my wahoo spark
for my own. For Lois and the kids,
for my brother, for Franco. I'm gonna
turn myself in. I am all that. I'm
gonna do it for sweet Lois.
LOIS' BEDROOM
Boyd and Lois are choking the living shit out of each other.
Boyd pulls back, swings with a left, Lois ducks, she swings,
a right cross to Boyds eye. He goes down. She jumps on him.
Choking him like a mad dog. As Boyd struggles for air...
THE BAR
Fisher checks his watch as Michael fumbles with his eighth
shot of Yukon Jack.
MICHAEL
If I was to think... If I were to
think... No I mean I have thinked it
over... I have. And without putting
a lot of pressure on you I just...
Well I just...
FISHER
What is it?
MICHAEL
(drunk-slow)
Well if you do think about names...
Michael's a pretty good one... It's
done me all right.
Michael's eyes bore into Fisher, like he knows something
Fisher doesn't. Fisher's cell phone RINGS.
FISHER
(answers)
Yeah.
INT. LOIS' BEDROOM
TIGHT ON Boyd, eye swelling, scratch marks, hair a crazy
mess.
BOYD
(into the phone)
Okay. Here's the deal and it's a
good one. Lois is cool. It's a
pacified situation.
INTERCUT BOYD AND FISHER
FISHER
What does that mean?
Michael stares at Fisher.
BOYD
I'm talking about Lois having relaxed
her anxiety. Only deal is... you
still got Michael there?
FISHER
Yeah.
BOYD
Good deal. Lois just wants to hear
it from Michael.
FISHER
Hear what?
BOYD
That it was all an accident. She
wants to here it from Michael's mouth.
FISHER
Now?
Michael drunkenly nods his head as if can hear the
conversation.
BOYD
That's right.
FISHER
Isn't it a little late?
BOYD
Hold on a sec.
(turns)
Lois, you sure you wouldn't rather
do this in the morning?
PAN OVER to see Lois, half hanging off the bed, strangled to
death. Boyd won.
BOYD
(back into phone)
She says now's the time.
(quietly)
I got a peace treaty thing happening
over here... let's get this over
with.
EXT. LOIS' HOUSE
Fisher's car pulls up. Boyd is waiting outside. He opens the
back door. Michael is drunk in the back. Fisher and Moore
are up front.
BOYD
Okay Michael, let's go.
(helps him out)
Upsy daisy big guy.
MICHAEL
(hammered)
How about my Fatburger?
BOYD
Come on tough guy. Listen to me.
(takes Michaels face
in his hands)
You are going to tell Lois that it
was all an accident. Okay cowboy?
You got me?
MICHAEL
I love you.
MOORE
He's too drunk.
BOYD
He's fine. Okay Mikey, let's go.
(to Fisher and Moore)
You guys stay here.
Boyd leads Michael into the house.
INT. CAR
Fisher and Moore wait in silence...
MOORE
(beat)
I'm thinking about maybe making a
move.
FISHER
A move?
MOORE
Greenpeace.
FISHER
Greenpeace?
MOORE
Maybe go up to the North Pole, the
Arctic. Tag polar bears with dart
guns. I've always had a pretty good
aim...
A "POP" resounds from within the house. Moore and Fisher
lock eyes, frozen.
Boyd comes jogging out the front door, hops in the back seat.
Fisher and Moore turn, eyes wide.
BOYD
Michael was having an affair with
Lois. That's what Michael and Adam
were arguing about in the parking
lot. Michael killed Adam in a jealous
rage. Lois broke it off with Michael,
he strangled her to death and then
shot himself in the head.
(beat)
Happens all the time.
Boyd touches the painful scratches on his face.
BOYD
That Lois fought like a fucking
Comanche.
ON Fisher and Moore in stunned horror...
INT. LAW FIRM
TIGHT ON BARRY MORRIS, mid-40's, attorney.
BARRY MORRIS
I don't see how this could have been
kept from you. The facts are quite
simple; last month Adam and Lois
changed their will. They requested
that you two, as a married couple,
be the Custodians of Record for their
estate including all properties,
cash holdings, security holdings
and... children. You are legal
custodians of the Brenn Trust.
ANGLE ON
Liz and Fisher, flanked by Adam Jr. and Timmy, eyes wide,
they sit across from the attorney, totally bazooka'd. They
stare in horror at Morris.
LIZ
My god.
BARRY MORRIS
There's more.
FISHER
More?
BARRY MORRIS
Adam and Lois were not terribly
prudent in terms of providing for
the possibility of the unforeseen.
FISHER
What are you talking about?
BARRY MORRIS
I'm talking about Life insurance.
I'm talking about money.
LIZ
Money?
BARRY MORRIS
Yes money. Adam had a five hundred
thousand dollar Term Life Insurance
Policy.
PAUSE.
LIZ
What does that mean?
FISHER
That means we get five hundred
thousand to help raise the kids.
LIZ
(amazed)
No.
FISHER
Yes.
BARRY MORRIS
Actually, no. Adam was switching to
a Whole Life Policy, but re-scheduled
his medical exam... and failed to
make his last payment... so his Term
Life lapsed. So it's value is null
and void.
(off Liz's horror)
Now he did have a pension account,
worth another 150 thousand.
LIZ
(relieved)
Well, oh...
BARRY MORRIS
And a house. Valued at 350 thousand.
LIZ
So where's that leave us?
FISHER
150 plus 350... we still get 500
thousand.
BARRY MORRIS
(beat)
No. Not even close. With property
values down, the house is worth
100,000 less than 450 he paid for
it. With three credit cards, the
minivan payments, and other
outstanding debts... Plus the Income
and Estate Taxes assessed on his
IRA...
(punches his calculator)
You'll get, oh... in the neighborhood
of, ah... 14,223 dollars.
Adam Jr. suddenly slips off his chair, lands flat on his
back, starts struggling to get up. Fisher tries to help Little
Adam up.
LITTLE ADAM
Get away from me!
FISHER
I'm just trying to help...
LITTLE ADAM
I don't want your help!
FISHER
Stop kicking. Stop kicking!
Fisher manages to get Adam Jr. back up in his chair. Liz
looks rather horrified.
BARRY MORRIS
(breaking the tension)
So. When is the wedding.
LIZ
Tomorrow
(at Fisher)
We are getting married tomorrow.
INT. CAR
Fisher drives, Liz up front, Adam jr. and Timmy in the back.
Everyone is shocked in silence. Fisher looks deathly ill,
like he's about to vomit. He pulls the car over and gets
out.
EXT. FISHER'S CAR
Fisher leans on the trunk, puking. Liz gets out to help him,
he starts crying. Liz is gentle and loving.
LIZ
It's okay... It's okay baby. Cry for
Mama. Cry for Mama.
FISHER
No it's not okay. It's not.
The kids watch from the rear view window but can't hear.
LIZ
Cry for Boom Boom. It's okay.
FISHER
(sobbing)
Liz we've got to cancel, we have to
put it off.
LIZ
(ice)
Don't even.
FISHER
Do you love me?
LIZ
What?
FISHER
Do you love me?
LIZ
What kind of stupid question is that?
FISHER
(breaking down)
Oh God. We. Liz. We. We. Killed a
woman. We...
LIZ
What are you talking about?
FISHER
(completely hysterical)
Oh Liz. We. God. We, in Vegas. Michael
crushed her skull. She was dead.
There was nothing else to do. It was
an accident.
LIZ
Who's dead?
FISHER
The prostitute.
LIZ
You fucked a prostitute?
FISHER
No Michael did. It was an accident.
LIZ
You killed a prostitute.
FISHER
Michael, by accident.
LIZ
Call the police.
FISHER
It's too late.
LIZ
My God. You've got to call the police,
tell them it was an accident. Where
is she?
FISHER
She's in the desert. She's out in
the desert.
LIZ
You left a dead prostitute out in
the desert? Alone?
FISHER
She's not alone... She's... Boyd...
Oh God... He's gone nuts... He killed
Lois and Michael... it's all...
LIZ
Stop! You stop right here. I don't
want to know anymore. I told you not
to do this Bachelor Party thing. You
were warned.
FISHER
But...
LIZ
No buts. I told you your friends
were Jackasses.
FISHER
But...
LIZ
No buts. I've waited twenty-seven
years, twenty-seven years I have
focused and prepared to walk down
that aisle. I will not be derailed!
I will not be embarrassed! I will
not be denied! I am walking down
that aisle tomorrow come hell or
high fucking water!
Liz marches back to the car, gets in and slams the door.
Fisher just stares in shock.
EXT./INT. CHURCH - FISHER AND LIZ'S WEDDING
It's pouring rain outside.
Shots of guests dashing from their cars to the church.
Fisher's parents with Adam Jr. and Timmy, looking overwhelmed.
Upstairs: Liz and her Bridesmaids help Liz get dressed.
Everyone looks depressed.
INT. CHURCH BASEMENT
Fisher and Moore in tuxedos. Boyd enters, shuts the door.
Fisher looks ill.
BOYD
Okay, we're about two minutes out.
Moore, better take your position.
Moore looks at Fisher.
BOYD
Chop chop.
Moore goes. A long tense BEAT between Fisher and Boyd.
BOYD
This is a situation that defies
judgement. We have acted and showed
courage that is not of a kind known
by most.
FISHER
I'm getting really tired of your
bullshit.
BOYD
My what?
FISHER
You've got a warped thought process.
Your brain doesn't function properly.
BOYD
You care to add a little specification
to that slanderous accusation?
FISHER
(snaps)
I'm talking about some bad, bad,
very bad things. Bad things! Those
are bad fucking things!
BOYD
Okay fine.
FISHER
Fine? Fine what?
BOYD
Whatever you say Kojak.
FISHER
I'm serious.
BOYD
I'm serious. I'm the serious one
here. I'm the one making the play.
I'm the Indian Runner. And I want my
money.
INT. CHURCH
The organ is playing. The guests are seated. Liz and her
father are waiting in the front hall.
LIZ
I told Boyd two fucking minutes!
INT. CHURCH BASEMENT - CONT'D
FISHER
What money?
BOYD
Blood money. Insurance dollars that
you have thus fucking far decided
not to tell me about at all. In no
way have you mentioned that money.
And I find that to be very very
offensive.
FISHER
You're sick.
BOYD
(veins pulsing)
And if you think you can fuck me,
don't. Cause I'm fucking insulated
Fisher. Protected. Backed up on
floppy. Do you get me? I want my
fucking money!
FISHER
Not a prayer.
BOYD
I'm a lifesaver. A lighthouse. Up
all night in the rain, in stormy
gale force wind, tornado and fucking
earthquakes. I stay lit for you. I
stay lit. I don't go dark. I never
go dark!
FISHER
You need help.
Fisher turns away. BOYD combusts. He leaps on Fisher with a
wild cry.
BOYD
I want that money!
Boyd and fisher fight like animals; choking, pounding,
mauling, a fight to the death. Fisher is losing, Boyd is
choking the life out of him, killing him. Fisher is going
down, eyes rolling back, he's dying, until...
CRASH. Boyd's head is caved in from behind. REVEAL Liz
wielding a big, heavy crucifix. Boyd slumps to the ground.
Fisher gasps for air. Boyd stirs. Liz beats him repeatedly
with the crucifix until he's dead as a door knob. Fisher is
stunned. Liz tosses the cross. Miraculously, only one perfect
droplet of blood has gotten on her wedding dress. She flicks
it off with her finger.
LIZ
(composing herself)
Here comes the bride.
Liz gathers up her train and marches out. Fisher looks at
Boyd, a bloody dead mess.
THE WEDDING
Fisher joins Moore at the alter. JUDGE TOWER smiles warmly
at Fisher.
MOORE
Where's Boyd?
FISHER
(whispers)
Downstairs in the closet.
Before Moore can ask, the ORGAN begins playing the WEDDING
MARCH. Liz starts down the aisle, escorted by her father,
She smiles radiantly.
Liz's father kisses her and gives her to Fisher. They stand
before the Judge who starts talking. TIGHT ON Fisher. His
head pounding. He hears none of what the Judge says until...
JUDGE TOWER
May we have the rings please?
FISHER
What?
JUDGE TOWER
The rings?
Fisher looks at Moore.
INT. CHURCH BASEMENT
Moore opens the closet. Boyd falls out.
INT. CHURCH
Everyone waits patiently. Fisher is sweating. He looks at
Liz who stares straight ahead.
INT. CHURCH BASEMENT
Moore rolls Boyd over, checks every pocket, trying not to
get blood on himself.
INT. CHURCH
Moore returns.
MOORE
Got 'em.
He hands the rings to the Judge, at which time, he, she,
Fisher and Liz all see blood on his white shirt cuff. The
Judge looks at Moore. He pulls his jacket sleeve down.
JUDGE TOWER
(continues)
These rings represent the commitment
Fisher and Liz make to each other on
the day. Fisher do you take Liz to
be your beloved wife, to respect,
honor and cherish till death do you
part?
FISHER
I do.
Liz slides the ring on Fisher's finger.
JUDGE TOWER
Liz do you take Fisher to be your
beloved husband, to respect, honor
and cherish him till death do you
part?
LIZ
I do.
Fisher slides the ring on Liz's finger.
JUDGE TOWER
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Fisher kisses Liz. They turn to face their guests who applaud.
Liz cries tears of joy.
WEDDING RECEPTION - TENT NEXT TO CHURCH
Liz drinks champagne and talks with her guests.
EXT. CHURCH - REAR
Fisher and Moore load Boyd's body in the trunk of Fisher's
car.
MOORE
He came to me early today, was talking
about money, insurance money. Said
he was gonna get what was his.
FISHER
My God...
MOORE
He said he was the Brain Trust. Said
he was smarter than all of us. He
started reading "Atlas Shrugged,"
staring at himself in the mirror.
FISHER
Did he try to kiss you?
MOORE
All week long.
Fisher slams the trunk closed.
WEDDING RECEPTION - MUCH LATER
Only a few guests remain. Fisher's parents watch the boys.
The caterers are cleaning up. Fisher and Liz sit alone.
FISHER
He kept saying he was protected.
LIZ
What does that mean?
FISHER
Like if something happened to him,
he could still get us.
LIZ
Like how?
FISHER
I don't know. He could have told
someone. He could have, like in the
event of his death, somehow let
someone know where those bodies are
buried.
LIZ
The only proof is those bodies.
FISHER
So what do we do?
LIZ
Move the bodies.
FISHER
Move the bodies?
OLD MAN (O.S.)
Excuse us?
Fisher and Liz look up at a sweet OLD COUPLE, who talk at
the same time, oblivious to each other.
OLD MAN
We just wanted to say
congratulations and
wish you great
happiness. Mazeltov. I
just did. I said
Malzeltov. You never
listen to me.
OLD WOMAN
We're your Uncle Henry's
parents. Opal and Earl.
Tell them from both of us.
Malzeltov. Wish them luck.
The secret to a good
marriage is to listen.
LIZ
(cheerleader smile)
Thank you. Thank you. We will. Bye
bye.
The Old Couple shuffles away. Fisher watches them go, he
suddenly breaks down, crying...
FISHER
I... Liz... all I ever wanted, was
for you to be happy. I just wanted
to give you the wedding, the life
you always dreamed of...
(sobs)
...I just love you so much... So
much...
LIZ
(beat; unmoved)
You and Moore move the bodies and
bury Boyd with them. In fact, put
Moore in the ground too.
FISHER
What?
LIZ
If you don't tie up all the lose
ends it'll never be over.
FISHER
(horrified)
No...
LIZ
You put him down or don't bother
coming back.
FISHER
But...
LIZ
Do you love me? DO YOU LOVE ME?!
OFF Fisher...
EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
Fisher's car blasts past a road sign reading, "Las Vegas,
358 miles."
INT. FISHER'S CAR
Fisher drives, Moore's in the passenger seat. They're still
in their tuxedos. Extreme silence. Fisher, almost in a trance.
MOORE
You alright?
FISHER
Yeah. I'm thinking about Michael's
Franco Harris fixation. You know how
Michael was always harping "Immaculate
Reception?" I've seen that play. A
lot of times... and I have to say
this... Franco was lucky. Flat out,
right place, right time. That's it.
He was where the ball bounced. You
get me?
MOORE
I guess.
FISHER
I'm saying it's luck. All luck. You
work your entire life, all the
training, focus, all the dedication,
all irrelevant. Where does the ball
bounce? My father spent his whole
life trying to start a company,
practiced every day, worked like a
dog, finally got enough money. He's
paid the dues, he's ready, does all
the market research, picks his shot --
"Pup Corn."
MOORE
Pup corn?
FISHER
That's right, "Pup Corn." Doggie
treats. Little snacks for dogs. He's
figured it out. There is a hole in
the market and he's going to fill
it. Spends all out money, works
himself into not two but three heart
attacks getting this shit up. After
fifteen months, the big day arrives,
the first box of "Pup Corn" pops off
the belt. He comes running home with
that box, pulls us out of school. We
all pile into the living room, must
be fifty of us, and in comes
"Shelmer," our 8 year old mutt. "Here
Shelmer," my dad cries. He's got
that little fucking pup corn in his
hand, "Here girl." This dog will eat
anything, she eats rocks, anything.
She walk's up to my dad's hand, looks
down at the little pellet, licks it
once, turns around, walks out of the
room. Shelmer rejected the "Pup Corn."
Fifteen months of my dad's life,
right there. Not one dog ate Pup
Corn. Not one. Three months later,
"Pup Corn" shuts down. Chapter Eleven.
My father never got over it. Never.
SILENCE hangs again.
EXT. DESERT - LATER
Fisher and Moore search for the graves of Tina and Ralph
with flashlights and shovels.
FISHER
I think it was over here.
They move into a new area and start poking around. Nothing.
MOORE
It was over by those rocks.
Again they search, prodding into earth with their shovels.
Nothing.
Fisher stops digging, tired, he pauses, shines his light
around until...
FISHER
There.
MOORE
Where?
Fisher moves to a new spot.
FISHER
There. This rock is where I stood
when I said the prayer.
He starts digging in front of the rock. The earth is soft.
FISHER
Bingo.
Moore and Fisher quickly start to dig, until, finally, Moore's
shovel makes contact.
MOORE
Got it.
And they dig some more.
DISSOLVE:
MOORE
in the hole, passing the suitcases up to Fisher.
DISSOLVE:
FISHER
loads the cases into the car.
EXT. NEW BURIAL SITE
The suitcases are unloaded. Fisher and Moore dig a new grave.
Moore's back is to Fisher as he digs.
MOORE
I've been thinking about what you
said that day. The prayer. About
using this whole mess to bring out
the good in me...
Fisher is directly above Moore, holding the shovel, looking
down at the back of Moore's head.
FISHER
Yeah?
MOORE
I think there's a lot of truth in
that. I'm gonna pursue some options.
I want to join that Big Brother thing.
FISHER
(slowly raises the
shovel over his head)
That's a good one.
MOORE
I want a black one. A little black
brother. That's a big problem it
seems to me. Lack of racial
integration. That's a big one. You
think?
Moore looks up to...
FISHER, tears running down his face, the shovel high above
his head, ready to bring it down hard onto Moore's skull.
MOORE confused and then realization... CUT between Fisher
above, poised to strike, Moore below, still and vulnerable.
Their eyes locked for several beats. Finally...
MOORE
What do you think?
Slowly, Fisher lowers his shovel.
FISHER
I think you'd make an excellent Big
Brother.
MOORE
(back to work)
That's what I'm thinking.
DISSOLVE:
THE GRAVE - LATER
The cases are in the hole with Boyd's body. As Fisher and
Moore re-fill the grave with dirt we...
SLOWLY DISSOLVE TO:
INT. FISHER'S CAR - HIGHWAY - NIGHT
Fisher drives, Moore rides shotgun, both mean are dirty,
sweaty and tired.
MOORE
Well that ought to be about the end
of that.
FISHER
Yup.
TIGHT ON Fisher, staring deep into the road, a faint smile
creeps on to his face...
DISSOLVE TO:
THE IMMACULATE RECEPTION
The distorted but definitely recognizable image of Franco
Harris running for his life.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
And it's Franco Harris running for...
Franco makes it into the Raider end zone.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
A TOUCHDOWN FOR PITTSBURGH!
UNBELIEVABLE!
CUT BACK TO:
FISHER
Lost in his reverie, wakes up in a hair pin turn. The
speedometer reads 80. They run out of road. The car skids on
the shoulder, Fisher cranks the wheel, jumps the divider,
into oncoming headlights. Fisher and Moore lit up bright...
HIGHWAY
Fisher's car SMASHES head-on into another car. IN SLOW MOTION
Fisher and Moore are launched through the windshield in an
IMPLOSION of glass and steel, flesh and blood.
CUT TO BLACK:
We hear the sounds of SCRUBBING.
SLOW FADE UP:
INT. FISHER HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY
TIGHT ON Liz, on her hands and knees, scrubbing around the
toilet of what is clearly a filthy kids bathroom; soiled
jockey shorts, Tonka trucks, mess everywhere.
O.S. we hear voices outside. Liz gets up off her knees,
brushes a piece of hair from her sweaty face and peers out
the bathroom window.
TIGHT ON FISHER
EXT. BACK YARD
FISHER
Okay let's try it again.
Adam Jr. and Timmy, in ill-fitted Cub Scout uniforms, recite
the "Scout Laws."
TIMMY
A scout is thrifty,
saves for the future.
A scout is clean, he
keeps his body...
ADAM JR.
A scout is brave. A scout
can face danger, even if
he's afraid...
FISHER
Let's see the salutes!
Timmy snaps out a fine salute. Adam balances on one crutch
to salute but looses balance and falls flat on his face. He
starts SCREAMING.
REVEAL Fisher, in a wheelchair, both legs amputated above
the knee. He leans over, trying to help Adam Jr. up and his
wheel chair tips over. Fisher falls on top of Adam Jr. who
SCREAMS even louder, flailing arms and legs like a turtle on
its back.
REVEAL Moore, in an electric wheel chair he operated with a
mouthpiece. As he is paralyzed from the neck down, he's no
help at all. Timmy suddenly snaps.
TIMMY
(to Adam Jr.)
Shut up! Shut the fuck up!
FISHER
It's okay, it's okay.
THE BATHROOM WINDOW
Liz watches the pathetic chaos that is her life with the
dull lifeless eyes of a concentration camp prisoner.
FISHER (O.S.)
Timmy SHUT UP! Help your brother!
ADAM! Let him help you!
TIGHT ON Liz as her mouth slowly opens in an anguished SILENT
SCREAM.
OUT THE WINDOW - DOWN IN THE BACK YARD
Adam Jr. gets back on his feet, with the begrudging help of
Timmy. As Fisher struggles to hoist himself up, back in his
wheelchair...
FISHER
Remember a scout is helpful! A scout
doesn't scream in the face of
adversity.
Suddenly, O.S. from the bathroom, Liz WAILS. Fisher looks up
at the window... LONG BEAT...
FISHER
(to the boys)
Okay, let's skip to the Scout's
Oath...
ADAM JR. & TIMMY
On my honor, I will do my best...
The boys recite the "Scout's Oath" as Liz's deep, heaving,
wailing SOBS grow in intensity O.C.
ADAM JR. & TIMMY
...to do my duty to God and my
country... To obey the Scout Law, to
help other people at all times...
SLOWLY PULL OFF Fisher, Moore and the kids...
ADAM JR. & TIMMY
To keep myself physically strong,
mentally awake, and morally straight.
CRANE UP, past Liz at the window, out of the yard, over the
house, WIDER to reveal the surrounding track-like homes,
housing track-like families, with track-like nightmares as
Liz's plaintiff wails echo the communal despair of the human
village.
CUT TO BLACK:
THE END
|
| Very Bad Things
Writers : Peter Berg
Genres : Comedy Thriller
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