FUTURAMA
Episode 215
"A CLONE OF MY OWN"
By
Patric M. Verrone
Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet
[Opening Credits. Caption: Coming Soon To An Illegal DVD.]
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. The crew are sat around the big
table. Enter Farnsworth with a sheet of paper.]
FARNSWORTH
Good news everyone, the university is
bringing me up on disciplinary charges!
Wait, that's not good news at all.
LEELA
Whatever you did Professor, I'm sure
there's a reasonable explanation.
FARNSWORTH
Yes but they won't listen. Everyone's
always in favour of saving Hitler's
brain but when you put it in the body
of a great white shark (sarcastic) ooo,
suddenly you've gone too far.
[The ship flies towards Mars and cruises over the Mars University
sign.
[Cut to: Mars University Car Park. The ship lands in the car
park.]
[Mars University: Hallowed Hall. Farnsworth stands before several
Mars University staff members under a spotlight. He wears a top
hat and they are dressed formally for the tribunal.]
VERNON
Professor Farnsworth, do you know why
we've called you here today?
FARNSWORTH
Listen to me you pompous frauds, if
I'm going down, I'm taking you all with
me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It
was you driving your hover-car that
night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon,
I know all about your "Department Of
Pool Boy Studies." And Dr Wernstrom...Werrrnstrom!
VERNON
Actually Professor, we merely called
you here to say......surprise.
[The room is filled with formally dressed people. To one side
a band is ready to play and Farnsworth is in the middle of the
room. Behind them "Happy Birthday" is displayed on a huge screen.]
MAN #1
Surprise!
MAN #2
Happy birthday!
[Behind Farnsworth the Planet Express crew hold a banner reading
"Happy Sesquicentennial Professor Farnsworth!"]
HERMES
Surprise!
[Farnsworth ignores them.]
FARNSWORTH
And you Coach Smalley, or should I say
"Coach hairpiece"?
LEELA
No Professor, it's a surprise party
for your 150th birthday.
FARNSWORTH
(muttering) Hundred and...what? Oooh!
[Time Lapse. Bender takes the mic in the middle and the other
staff have been replaced by Leela, Fry, Farnsworth and Zoidberg.
A picture of Farnsworth adorns the big screen. Bender plugs a
mic into himself.]
BENDER
Good evening I'm - Whoa, sorry. I'm
Bender and I'll be MC-ing this roast.
Y'know, they say you can judge a man
by the company he keeps, so here's the
Professor's oldest friend: A grotesque,
stinking lobster!
[Zoidberg takes his place and appears on the screen.]
ZOIDBERG
Good evening ladies and germs. That
wasn't a joke, I was talking to Dean
Streptococcus. Now I'm not saying Professor
Farnsworth is old, but if you consider
his age he's likely to die soon! Hey
Ringo, that was the joke. Oh, it's showtime
at the Apollo all over again.
[He sits down. Bender gets back up.]
BENDER
Where would the Professor be without
students who love and respect him? Right
there! But seriously, of all the former
crew members of the Professor's delivery
ship, our next speaker is by far the
most alive. Captain Muskie?
[A man who is a dead ringer for the wheelchair-bound Captain
Pike from the Star Trek two-parter The Menagerie takes the mic.
His wheelchair beeps once like Pike's and the audience howls
with laughter. Zoidberg turns to Dean Vernon.]
ZOIDBERG
I wouldn't wanna follow that guy!
[Bender laughs.]
BENDER
And now, a man who needs no introduction.
(whispering) Fry, get up there!
FRY
Oh. Thank you. Y'know, when I was first
asked to make a film about my nephew,
Professor Farnsworth, I thought "Why
should I?" Then later Leela made the
film. But if I had made the film, you
could bet there would have been a lot
more topless women on motorcycles!
Roll film!
[He sits down, the lights dim and behind him the film counts
down in AL1. The title Hubert Farnsworth: A Living Obituary appears
on the screen and it changes to a view of New New York in the
29th century.]
[A picture of acne-faced Farnsworth dressed in a Dungeon Master
T-shirt appears. Fry points at the screen.]
FRY
(whispering) Dork alert!
[The picture changes to Farnsworth a few minutes before.]
[The picture freezes and is followed by the caption "Hubert J.
Farnsworth. To Be Continued...?" The picture ends and everyone
applauds. Farnsworth looks away from the screen with sadness.]
BENDER
How 'bout a few words Professor?
FARNSWORTH
Eh wha?
BENDER
I said "words."
[Farnsworth stands up and the audience applauds.]
FARNSWORTH
Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my
lifetime of accomplishments summed up
in a 3-minute film. My best years are
behind me. So much left undone. So little
time.
[He sits down and hangs his head. Bender applauds.]
BENDER
Funny funny stuff.
[Planet Express: Lounge. Farnsworth sits glumly on the couch
with the rest of the crew surrounding him.]
FARNSWORTH
My life is over.
LEELA
No it isn't. You have another 10 years
left.
FRY
Leela! He could live another 100 years!
[He winks theatrically.]
LEELA
No, he couldn't. When you turn 160,
robots from the Sunset Squad take you
to a mysterious planet and you never
return.
FRY
Wow, a whole planet of old people. Where
is it?
BENDER
(spookily) Nobody knows!
FARNSWORTH
So many loves half-loved. So many inventions
half-invented. That damn time machine
alone set me back 15 years.
[He points to a cobweb covered contraption in the corner that
looks like the time machine from H.G. Wells' Time Machine.]
ZOIDBERG
If only it'd worked. You could go back
and not waste your time on it.
FARNSWORTH
There's no one to carry on after I'm
gone. No one to take care of my work
and my research and my fabulous fortune.
By God, that's it! I've got to name
a successor.
FRY
A successor?
ZOIDBERG
A successor to the Professor?
FARNSWORTH
There's no time to lose. I'm off to
my lab to build a successor-naming machine!
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. Everyone except Farnsworth is
at the table.]
FRY
Man, the Professor's been in his lab
for days.
BENDER
I hope he didn't die. Unless he left
a note naming me his successor. Then
I hope he did die.
ZOIDBERG
You? The successor? Over my empty shell!
The Professor will pick me. Only I have
his lobster-like tenacity!
[He clacks his claws.]
HERMES
Up yours Zoidberg. Up wherever your
species traditionally crams things.
The only successful way to choose a
successor is with a limbo contest.
LEELA
What?
HERMES
Kingston rules. Two men go down, one
come up.
[He gets up off his chair and limbos towards the kitchen.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Kitchen. He limbos underneath the oven.
Leela puts a bin in front of it and leans against it.]
LEELA
Look, the Professor trusts me with a
giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the
rest of you with his dentures.
[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Amy has Farnsworth dentures
in her mouth.]
AMY
Yesh he would.
FRY
Sorry everyone but need I remind you?
Blood is thicker than water.
ZOIDBERG [WRITING]
Blood...thicker...water.
[Planet Express: Corridor. On the lab door is a sign reading
"Mice Please Enter Through Maze." Farnsworth's monogrammed towel
hangs on a rail to the side.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. The crew are all assembled
for the successor naming.]
FARNSWORTH
Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement.
So anyone with a weak heart should leave
now. Goodbye.
[He turns to leave.]
LEELA
Uh, Professor?
FARNSWORTH
Oh yes, the announcement! As you all
know, I am not long for this world...
LEELA
Yes, we know.
HERMES
True mon!
AMY
Buh!
FRY
One foot in the grave.
FARNSWORTH
...So I've picked my successor. It's
someone in whom I have great faith -
even though his mind is undeveloped
and he's accomplished nothing. My closest
living relative...
FRY
Oh yeah!
FARNSWORTH
My clone, Cubert Farnsworth.
[Fry gasps and Farnsworth throws a huge switch. Electrical gadgets
fizzle and a huge glass tank slides up along the wall. The lights
go on and the crew gaze at a chubby orange-haired boy suspended
in water in the tank. They gasp.]
ZOIDBERG
He's horrible!
FRY
Crud. Can I at least be in charge of
your dentures?
AMY
You wish!
FRY
Where did Cubert come from?
FARNSWORTH
12 years ago I began the cloning process
by removing some skin cells from one
of the shaplier growths on my back.
LEELA
Wait, if he's your clone then why doesn't
his nose look like yours?
FARNSWORTH
I left him in his first tube too long
and he got squished up against the side.
BENDER
Is he dumb or just ugly?
FARNSWORTH
Let's find out.
[He presses a button and the water drains out of the tank. Cubert
coughs and splutters. The crew stare at him.]
CUBERT
What? You've never seen a genius's wiener
before?
ZOIDBERG
No.
LEELA
Never.
FRY
Well, once in the park.
[Planet Express: Hangar. The hangar doors are open and Leela
works on the ship in a hover-cradle. Fry and Bender roll pennies
against the hangar wall. Fry grumbles. Zoidberg takes a ketchup
sachet out of a box, opens it and sucks the ketchup out.]
ZOIDBERG
Mmm!
[Cubert walks into the hangar from the lab.]
CUBERT
As long as I'm going to be in charge
here, let me examine my so called "crew,"
if it can so be called. First of all,
Dr Zoidberg, do you even have a medical
degree?
ZOIDBERG
I lost it...in a volcano.
CUBERT
And why do we need a bending robot around
here anyway? What possible use do we
have for you?
BENDER
Uh...me no speaka the English.
CUBERT
And why does our space pilot have only
one eye? There's someone I'd like you
to meet. His name is depth perception!
[He laughs.]
LEELA
Why you little -!
[She takes a swipe at him but misses.]
CUBERT
Wow, that hurt - the air!
BENDER
Im pending para un bending!
[Farnsworth leans over the railings.]
FARNSWORTH
Oh Cubert, come in here. I have something
amazing to show you.
CUBERT
What is it? A compitent employee? I
doubt that very much!
[He laughs and leaves. The crew mutter and grumble.]
FRY
Little twerp.
BENDER
Aye chihuahua!
[Planet Express: Attic. Farnsworth and Cubert stand among Farnsworth's
countless inventions.]
FARNSWORTH
As my successor I'm trusting you to
carry on my work. These are just some
of the half finished inventions you'll
spend your life finishing.
[Cubert looks at the smelloscope.]
CUBERT
I didn't realise you were the inventor
of the junk heap.
FARNSWORTH
That's my prizewinning smelloscope.
If a dog craps anywhere in the universe,
you can bet I won't be out of the loop.
And this is my universal translator.
Unfortunately so far it only translates
into an incomprehensible dead language.
CUBERT
Hello.
UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR
Bonjour!
FARNSWORTH
Crazy gibberish!
CUBERT
Don't you have any worthwhile inventions?
FARNSWORTH
Why certainly. Step over here.
[Outside Ship. The ship cruises away from Earth. Cubert and Farnsworth
stand on the ship's hull near the engines.]
FARNSWORTH
These are the dark matter engine I invented.
They allow my starship to travel between
galaxies in mere hours.
CUBERT
That's impossible. You can't go faster
than the speed of light.
FARNSWORTH
Of course not. That's why scientists
increased the speed of light in 2208.
CUBERT
Also impossible.
[Ship's Engine Room. Farnsworth admires the dark matter engines.]
FARNSWORTH
And what makes my engines truly remarkable
is the afterburner which delivers 200%
fuel efficiency.
CUBERT
That's especially impossible.
FARNSWORTH
Not at all. It's very simple.
CUBERT
Then explain it.
FARNSWORTH
Now that's impossible. It came to me
in a dream and I forgot it in another
dream.
CUBERT
Your explainations are pure weapons
grade balognium. It's all impossible.
FARNSWORTH
Nothing is impossible. Not if you can
imagine it. That's what being is a scientist
is all about.
CUBERT
No, that's what being a magical elf
is all about.
[Elzar's Fine Cuisine. The crew and Cubert are in the middle
of their meal. Bender looks around and sees Elzar talking to
some other diners.]
BENDER
Oh my God, oh my God! It's Elzar, the
TV chef! Oh kill me now people!
[Elzar joins them.]
ELZAR
How we doing here?
BENDER
Oh Elzar, everything's so good!
ELZAR
What are you, an ass kissing machine?
BENDER
Yes sir, good one sir!
[Elzar leaves.]
FARNSWORTH
Oh it's a gem of an evening! I feel
so wonderful having someone to take
over my life work! And it's all thanks
to Cubert.
CUBERT
Look Professor. I may be identical to
you in every possible way but that doesn't
mean I'm anything like you.
FARNSWORTH
You...wha?
CUBERT
I don't want to be an inventor. I want
to be something useful like a teacher's
aide or a prison guard or a science
fiction cartoon writer.
FARNSWORTH
But-But what about my hopes and my dreams
and my wonderful inventions?
CUBERT
In your entire life your only half-decent
invention was me and I didn't turn out
like you wanted either.
[Farnsworth looks away from Cubert and a tear trickles down his
face. The other look on sadly. Elzar appears in the doorway.]
ELZAR
You folks still doing alright?
BENDER
Oh yes Elzar.
ELZAR
Good 'cause it turns out I forgot to
cook that chicken.
[Planet Express: Attic. A storm rages outside the building. Farnsworth
puts a tape in a camcorder and steps in front of it.]
FARNSWORTH
Bad news everyone. By the time you watch
this tape, I'll be gone. Leaving by
nothing but a history of failure and
my original hipbones. You see, I've
been lying about my age. I'm not actually
150. I'm 160. Oh vanity, thy name is
Professor Farnsworth. And now that I've
nothing to live for, I've alerted the
Sunset Squad robots to take me away.
[Cut to: Outside Planet Express. A Sunset Squad ship flies through
a hole in the stormclouds and stops next to the attic balcony.
The door opens and something climbs out, holding a scythe.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Attic. Farnsworth takes the tape out
of the camera and puts it in an envelope. There is a flash of
lightning and the windows fly open. Farnsworth gasps, turns around
and sees the cloaked Reaperbot. It beckons him. Farnsworth puts
the envelope, labelled "To My Crew," on a table and starts to
follow the Reaperbot outside.]
FARNSWORTH
Goodbye cruel world. Goodbye cruel
lamp. Goodbye cruel velvet drapes,
lined with what would appear to be some
sort of cruel muslin......and the cute
little pompom curtain pull cords, cruel
though they may be a -
[The Reaperbot lifts him over his shoulder and knocks him out
on the window.]
[Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. The remaining crew and Cubert
watch Farnsworth's message on a hologram communicator similar
to the one in A New Hope.]
HOLO-FARNSWORTH
And now that I've nothing to live for,
I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots
to take me away.
[The crew gasp.]
AMY
What?
HERMES
Oh no!
ZOIDBERG
Oh.
HOLO-FARNSWORTH
I know you're all very upset, especially
Bender.
BENDER
(unmoved) Well, life goes on. Except
for you!
[He laughs.]
HOLO-FARNSWORTH
I'm sure that Bender has just made a
cutting remark but he doesn't know I
taped over his soap operas to record
this message.
BENDER
You bastard!
FRY
We've gotta get him back.
CUBERT
Impossible. No one knows where they
take those old geezers.
FRY
Nothing is impossible. You'd know that
if you really took after the Professor,
like I do.
CUBERT
You're his uncle dummy, he takes after
you.
FRY
Uh...what?
CUBERT
Wait a second, that means I also take
after you!
[He screams.]
LEELA
Quiet. I think I know how to find the
Professor.
BENDER
Lay it on us big boots.
[Outside Planet Express. The smelloscope points around the sky
and Leela sniffs.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Attic. The rest of the crew are with
her.]
LEELA
If the smelloscope can pick up the Professor's
odour, we may have a chance to save
him.
[Cubert scoffs and snorts.]
CUBERT
I think not. As you probably already
don't know, odours are made up of particles
that can't travel through the vacuum
of space.
[Bender electrocutes him and he screams.]
LEELA
I'm zeroing in on him. Bengay...mothballs......letters
to the editor. It's the Professor!
BENDER
To the flying machine!
[The smelloscope has been mounted to the laser turret and the
ship flies at high speed through space.]
[Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. Fry operates the smelloscope like a
periscope. He sniffs.]
FRY
To the left! No to the up! U-turn,
U-turn!
CUBERT
We'll never find this place. Robots
are very good at keeping secrets.
BENDER
No we're not you little bed wetter.
Oops I'm sorry.
[Leela points through the windscreen.]
LEELA
There it is! The Near-Death Star!
[Near-Death Star Landing Pad. The massive structure looks like
the Death Star from A New Hope with huge spikes along the circumference.
The ship circles a sizable dome and lands on a landing pad outside.]
[Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. Bender and Leela put on Reaperbot cloaks.]
LEELA
OK, we'll tell them the Professor escaped
and we're bringing him back. Fry, you'll
have to dress up like a 160 year old
man.
FRY
I'm on it!
[He pulls his trousers up around his chest and starts acting
frail and decreped.]
CUBERT
(sarcastic) My God, the illusion is
so perfect I almost forgot I was looking
at an idiot!
LEELA
Now they may ask for a DNA sample.
[Fry pulls his trousers higher.]
FRY
I'd like to see them find it!
CUBERT
This is impossible, we don't even hae
a sample of the Professor's DNA.
BENDER
I think I know where to get some.
[He pulls out a big syringe and points it at Cubert.]
[Cubert's screams echo around the Near-Death Star.]
[Outside Near-Death Star Guest Drop Off. Bender, Fry and Leela
walk towards the opening door and past a sign reading "After
11pm Use Slot." Fry is wearing a lab coat, thick glasses and
is bending over. The is a big hump in his back.]
[Cut to: Near-Death Star Drop Off. The trio walk in through the
door. Cubert starts talking from under the lab coat.]
CUBERT
Why do I have to be the hump?
FRY
'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.
[He laughs, followed by Bender and Leela. They carry on walking
across a large bridge towards the centre of the dome. They hear
whirring noises and look over the side. Machines scoop up old
people, strip them, bath them, dress them in night gowns and
finally place them in rocking chairs. The chairs move along a
conveyor belt towards a large tube in the middle of the dome.
There are conveyor belts going deep into the dome.]
LEELA
Your medicare dollars at work.
[They reach some barrierbots and guardbots. A barrierbot lowers
a barrier in front of them.]
BARRIERBOT #1
Halt! Identify this guest.
LEELA
Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth.
He escaped.
BARRIERBOT #1
Escaped? No one escapes.
BARRIERBOT #2
This guest does not look 160.
FRY
What? I'm old. Listen. (old man voice)
Hey you kids, get off the lawn!
BARRIERBOT #1
Hmm, it is true that old people are
often concerned that there are children
on their lawns.
BARRIERBOT #2
There's no denying that. But we'll still
need to verify his identidity with a
DNA sample.
[Bender holds up a jar labelled "Tissue Sample." The jar is filled
with Cubert's blood.]
BENDER
Got a hot steaming batch right here!
[He puts it near Barrierbot #2.]
BARRIERBOT #2
We only need one cell!
BENDER
Eh, keep the change buddy.
CUBERT
Stupid robot.
[A guardbot turns around with its gun.]
BARRIERBOT #1
Did you hump just say something?
FRY
Uh....I-I've got talking hump syndrome.
BARRIERBOT #1
Ah, THS.
[Bender drops some of Cubert's blood into a machine and it dings
and displays "Hubert J. Farnsworth."]
BARRIERBOT #2
Identity confirmed. Return this shambling
shuffleboarder to his room.
[Barrierbot #1 raises his barrier.]
BARRIERBOT #1
7152 Maple Drive.
LEELA
Sounds nice.
BARRIERBOT #1
Prepare to be surprised.
[Near-Death Star: Maple Drive. Maple Drive is filled with tens
of thousands of immense grave-like structures, each containing
thousands of small drawers, exactly like the rest of the Near-Death
Star. Fry takes his glasses off and he Bender and Leela look
around in awe.]
FRY
So this is where they stick old people.
It's horrific.
LEELA
At least it keeps them from driving.
[Time Lapse. They climb into a hover vehicle and Leela flies
it up the side of a gravestone. She reverses it past drawer number
7150, Ava Porter b.2790 d.Soon; past number 7151, Eloise Porter
b.2856 d.Soon and finally stops it next to drawer number 7152,
Hubert J. Farnsworth b.2841 d.Soon. She puts her hands on the
handle and turns to the others.]
LEELA
Brace yourself for the worst.
[She pulls the drawer out. Farnsworth is lying in it with at
least 24 tubes connected to him in various places. They all scream.]
BENDER
And yet he looks so natural.
CUBERT
What's happening?
LEELA
He's hooked up to a life-support system.
We have to disconnect him very very
carefully, or the shock could kill him.
[A guardbot appears behind them in a flying machine.]
GUARDBOT #1
Freeze! Seize them!
GUARDBOT #2
Seize them!
GUARDBOT #3
Seize them!
GUARDBOT #4
Seize them!
GUARDBOT #1
Get them - I mean seize them!
[They round another corner and a guardbot hits a gravestone.]
GUARDBOT #2
Aww I'm so bad at this!
[His hover-ship explodes. Leela looks behind at the other guardbots
and steers the ship past some huge machines loading old people
into their final resting places. She ducks and dives over and
under them and another guardbot meets his doom.]
GUARDBOT #3
Uh-oh!
[His ship hits a machine and explodes. Leela turns the ship upwards.]
[Cut to: Near-Death Star Guest Drop Off. She smashes the ship
through barrierbot #1 and he screams and feebly lifts what remains
of it up and down. Leela, Bender, Fry and hump's hover-ship speeds
towards the door. It starts to close.]
LEELA
We're probably going to make it, but
we might not.
[Cubert looks out the top of the lab coat.]
CUBERT
It's impossible, we'll never fit.
FRY
Will too.
[He and Bender duck and Cubert smashes his head on the closing
door, screams and flies back.]
[Cut to: Outside Near-Death Star Guest Drop Off. Cubert is lying
on the Professor, dazed.]
CUBERT
Told you.
[He blacks out. The hover-ship flies towards the landing pad.]
[Ship's Cockpit. Leela runs into the cockpit followed by Bender
carying Farnsworth, followed by Fry dragging Cubert. He drops
Cubert and his heads hits the floor with a thunk.]
FRY
Come on Leela, step your big boot down
on the gas pedal.
[And she does.]
[Cut to: Near-Death Star Landing Pad. The ship takes off and
the landing gear goes up. The guest drop off door opens and three
guardbots fly out. Guardbot #1 opens fire on the ship and two
laser pulses hit the ship's engine, causing it to shut down.
The ship falls onto the landing pad and the guardbots start buzzing
around it.]
[Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. An alarm beeps and a red light flashes.]
LEELA
They've blown out one of our engines!
FRY
Fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it fix
it! Fix it fix it fix it!
LEELA
Only the Professor knows how to fix
it. We have to wake him up.
[She grabs Farnsworth's night shirt and shakes him around. Fry
blasts him with an airhorn and Bender empties a chest cabinet-ful
of water over him.]
FRY
Try shocking him.
BENDER
(shouting) Your social security cheque
is late! Stuff costs more than it used
to. Young people use curse words!
FRY
Damnit, we'll have to fix the engine
ourself.
LEELA
We can't you bastard, no one knows how
it works. It's impossible.
[Cubert comes around and puts his hand in the air.]
CUBERT
Nothing is impossible. I understand
how the engines work now. It came to
me in a dream. The engines don't move
the ship at all. The ship stays where
it is and the engines move the universe
around it.
BENDER
That's a complete load.
CUBERT
Nothing's a complete load. Not if you
can imagine it. That's what being a
scientist is all about. Right Professor?
FARNSWORTH
Eh...whuh...
[Cubert closes the access panel.]
CUBERT
Let's ride!
[Cut to: Near-Death Star Landing Pad. The ship's engines power
up and they begin to move the universe in a flow-mo sequence
lifted from The Matrix. The ship flies away, it's exhaust blasting
the guardbots away. Near-Death Star defenses fire on the ship
and repeatedly miss as it makes its getaway.]
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. Cubert and Farnsworth walk in
from the lounge.]
CUBERT
Good news everyone, he's made a complete
recovery.
AMY
Yeah!
HERMES
Wow!
LEELA
All right!
FARNSWORTH
I'm as spry as a 140 year old. See?
I only broke one ankle.
FRY
So what were they doing to you in that
awful drawer?
FARNSWORTH
Oh, they had me hooked up to a bizarre
virtual world that seemed absolutely
real.
AMY
What was it like?
FARNSWORTH
It was as though I was living in a facility
in Florida with hundreds of other old
people. All day long we'd play bingo,
eat oatmeal and wait for our children
to call.
[Everyone gasps in horror.]
LEELA
It's a hundred times more horrible than
anything I could imagine.
FARNSWORTH
Oh my yes. Thank you all for saving
me. Especially you my little clone.
No matter what you decide to do with
your life, I'm still proud of you.
[Cubert hugs Farnsworth.]
CUBERT
I've already decided. Dad, when I grow
up I wanna be just like you.
FARNSWORTH
Don't worry son. You will. Incidentally,
you might want to read up on a condition
known as "wandering bladder."
CUBERT
Why?
FARNSWORTH
No reason. No reason at all.
THE END
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