THE HOT TUB
Written by
Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin
(Comedy club)
JERRY
I always feel bad for the silver medal
winner in the Olympics. How do you live
with that the rest of your life? People
are gonna keep asking - How much did
you lose by? I don't even know...! It
was like...(very fast) now.now...now.now..now..was
like, like... now..now..now...! It was
it...! Eh, it was it and I lost. I trained,
I worked out, I exercised, I did everything,
I was doing push-ups, sit-ups, I never
did anything but exercise and work out
for 20 years, I flew half way around
the world and aaaaaaaaaah!...(showing
a tiny distance between his index and
thumb) And that was...it was a photo-finish!
Silver...(stretching his neck forward)...gold.
If I had a pimple, I would've won.
(Monk's Restaurant - Jerry, George, Elaine)
JERRY
(to Elaine) I can't believe you write
for this J. Peterman catalog.
JERRY
(to George) Get this one - "I packed
my rod and reel. 30 hours later, lost
in the fiord, a welcoming smile. Thank
god she spotted the epaulettes on my
Norwegian ice-fishing vest".
GEORGE
This catalog is all about how to score
in a foreign country.
ELAINE
Yeah. What do you do all day?
GEORGE
Not that much.
ELAINE
uh-uh.
JERRY
I thought that new promotion was supposed
to be a lot more work.
GEORGE
Yeah, when the season starts. Right
now, I sit around pretending that I'm
busy.
JERRY
How do you pull that off?
GEORGE
I always look annoyed. Yeah, when you
look annoyed all the time, people think
that you're busy. Think about it...
(acts annoyed for 3 seconds).
ELAINE
Yeah, you do! He looks very busy!
JERRY
Yeah, he looks busy! Yeah!
GEORGE
I know what I'm doin'. In fact Mr. Wilhelm
gave me one of those little stress dolls.
All right. (gets up) Back to work. (acts
annoyed and leaves)
ELAINE
(laughs)
JERRY
So did you come up with a little stupid
story for the Himalayan walking shoe
yet?
ELAINE
No. I'm completely blocked! In fact,
I'm gonna work on it tonight. Oh. Oh
no! Oh, I can't! I got that marathon
runner coming in tonight.
JERRY
What marathon runner?
ELAINE
You know, this guy Jean-Paul, Jean-Paul...
I met him when I was working at Pendant,
editing a book on running...
JERRY
Oh, wait! Jean-Paul, Jean-Paul! Isn't
he the guy who overslept at the Olympics
4 years ago and missed the marathon?!
ELAINE
Yeah, that's him.
JERRY
He's from uh...Trinidad and Tobago,
right?
ELAINE
Yeah, he's Trinidadian and...Tobagan.
(laughs)
JERRY
How do you oversleep at the Olympics...?
ELAINE
Ah, I know. I know...!
JERRY
I mean, it's like the biggest event
of your life! You'd think you'd have,
like, 6 alarm
clocks, payin'-off little kids in the village to come banging
on your door...
ELAINE
Yeah, well, he was pretty devastated.
This is his first race in 3 years.
JERRY
Ah...that's a big responsability on
your hands.
ELAINE
What responsibility? I don't have any
responsibility.
JERRY
You gotta wake him up!
ELAINE
Eh...he'll get up...
(A woman passes by with a baby)
ELAINE
Hi, Judy.
JUDY
Hi, Elaine. How are you?
ELAINE
Fine. (laughs)
(woman leaves)
JERRY
I've seen her in your building.
ELAINE
Yeah.
JERRY
I didn't know she was married.
ELAINE
(whispering) She's not... and the guy
just took off. (makes a sad face)
Don't say anything to anybody.
JERRY
Whom I gonna tell?
ELAINE
I know, it's just something you have
to say...
(George's office at the Yankee Stadium)
(George is reading a newspaper when he hears a fly that lands
on his desk. He tries to kill it
with the paper but misses. Mr. Wilhelm comes in. George switches
to annoyed-mode)
WILHELM
George, we just got the final budget
numbers. We went over budget on some
of the items,
but I don't think there's gonna be a problem. (hands over the
budget file to a very
annoyed George) I'll let you get back to work, George. (Mr. Wilhelm
leaves the office)
(George hears the fly again. It lands on the wall and he starts
bashing it with the file.
Mr. Wilhelm sees George hitting the wall with the budget file
and shakes his head, worried)
(Jerry's apartment - Jerry, George)
JERRY
He overslept and missed the whole race.
Isn't that amazing?
GEORGE
I'll tell you what happened. I bet he
got the AM/PM mixed-up.
JERRY
My money's on the snooze. I bet he hit
the snooze for an extra 5 and it never
came back
on. (Kramer enters with a bucket and starts filling it with water
on the sink)
Imagine your whole life riding on an alarm clock.
KRAMER
Alarm clocks? I never use 'em. Don't
trust 'em.
JERRY
What do you do?
KRAMER
I have a uh...mental alarm. I set my
head for... quarter to seven and...
(makes sound with the lips - "pop!") ...I get up!
JERRY
Always works?
KRAMER
It never fails. See, it's based on your
body clock. See, your body has an internal
mechanism. It knows what time it is.
GEORGE
uh-uh. What's with the bucket?
KRAMER
Lomez, he sold me his hot tub.
JERRY
Hot tub?
KRAMER
Yeah yeah, it's in my living room. I
just gotta fill it. (points to bucket)
GEORGE
You put a hot tub... in your living
room?
KRAMER
Oh, it's a beauty! It's got these high-volume
aqua-sage jets oscillating and pulsating,
soothing your every aching muscle. The water's gonna get over
120 degrees! (happy)
GEORGE
Is that tolerable?
KRAMER
Oh...it's tolerable...! (happy)
JERRY
Isn't that the same temperature the
coffee that scalded you?
KRAMER
Oh, I think it's a little cooler than
that... (smiles and leaves)
GEORGE
He uh...doesn't have any running water?
JERRY
I don't ask those kind of questions
anymore.
(Monk's Restaurant - Jerry)
(Elaine and Jean-Paul come in)
ELAINE
Jerry. Jerry, this is Jean-Paul.
JERRY
Ah, hi Jean-Paul. Nice to meet you.
JEAN-PAUL
Nice to meet you.
JERRY
Sorry about the Olympics.
JEAN-PAUL
Me too. (disappointed)
ELAINE
Listen, listen I'm gonna go call work
to see if I can get my deadline extended.
I can't...come up with anything for this thing.
JERRY
Ah...catalog writer's block?
ELAINE
Yeah, that's funny. (annoyed)
(Elaine leaves)
JERRY
(pause) So what happened? The snooze
alarm, wasn't it?
JEAN-PAUL
Man, it wasn't the snooze. Most people
think it was the snooze, but no, no
snooze.
JERRY
AM/PM.
JEAN-PAUL
Man, it wasn't the AM/PM. It was the
volume.
JERRY
Ah...the volume.
JEAN-PAUL
Yes, the volume. There was a separate
knob for the radio alarm.
JERRY
Ah, separate knob.
JEAN-PAUL
Yes, separate knob. Why separate knob?!
Why separate knob?! (frustrated)
JERRY
Some people like to have the radio alarm
a little louder than the radio.
JEAN-PAUL
Oh, please, man, please!
JERRY
Don't worry, it's not gonna happen again.
Not if I have anything to say about
it.
(Elaine returns)
JERRY
Elaine, what's the alarm clock situation
in your house?
ELAINE
Jerry...
JERRY
It's a simple question...
ELAINE
I've got an alarm, ok?
JERRY
That old one? Didn't I once miss a flight
to Cleveland because of that alarm clock?
JEAN-PAUL
Flight to Cleveland?
ELAINE
It works.
JERRY
Elaine...
ELAINE
It... works!
(George's office at the Yankee Stadium)
(George is doing the newspaper's crossword. The pen stops working.)
GEORGE
Eh...come oooon...(starts stabbing the
paper with the pen. Mr. Wilhelm comes
in)
(George switches to annoyed-mode again)
WILHELM
George...I think you may be taking work
a little too seriously.
GEORGE
Well...I've got a lot to do!
WILHELM
George, I'll tell you what I'd like
you to do. I, I'd like you to drop everything.
(George acts annoyed)
WILHELM
I have this... fun little assignment
I think you'll enjoy. There's some reps
in from
the Houston Astros for talks on that interleague play... and
I want you to show them a
good time.(George acts like "ok, you're the boss")
(Jerry's apartment - Jerry)
(Elaine comes in)
ELAINE
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
JERRY
You're 40 minutes late. What happened?
ELAINE
I got held up. Do you mind if I heat
this muffin up?
JERRY
No.
ELAINE
What? (Elaine puts her muffin in the
microwave and sets the timer) What is
the problem?
JERRY
Well, you said you were gonna be here
at a certain time, and you weren't.
ELAINE
uh-uh. uh-uh. And this all means uh...what?
JERRY
Well, means that a man has come from
very far away to compete in a very difficult
race,
he's put his faith in you, and frankly, I'm a little concerned!
ELAINE
Oh are you?!
JERRY
Yes I am.
ELAINE
Hey, I'm not running in the marathon!
He is!
JERRY
Yeah, I know that!
ELAINE
Yeah, I got enough to think about just
tryin' to come up with some load o'crap
for that
Himalayan walking shoe! I mean, I've given him a place to stay,
I'll set an alarm, but
I'm not gonna turn my life completely upside down for this guy!
JERRY
I'm not talking about upside down. (Jean-Paul
and Kramer come in) I'm talking about
waking
him up!
ELAINE
Hey, Jean-Paul.
JERRY
Hey, Jean-Paul. How was your soak? Was
a good soak?
JEAN-PAUL
Ah, man, very good soak. The soak o'the
year!
KRAMER
(smelling) What's burning?
ELAINE
Oh! (rushing to the microwave) My muffin!
(opens microwave door) Oh, shoot! (slams
it)
JERRY
What happened?
ELAINE
Oh I don't know. I set this thing for
20 seconds.
KRAMER
This was set for 2 minutes. See?
(Jerry raises his hands in the air, worried)
ELAINE
(pointing at Jerry) Don't say anything!
Don't..say..anything!
JEAN-PAUL
You miss-set the timer...
ELAINE
(leaning against the refrigerator) Jean-Paul,
it's not my microwave, ok? Ok? All right,
listen, let's just go. Come on, Jean-Paul, let's go. Let's go.
JEAN-PAUL
Ok.
ELAINE
(to Jerry) All right. We'll see you
at the race, ok?
JERRY
Yeah. I hope so ?!
ELAINE
Oh that's cute! (closes door and exits
with Jean-Paul)
JERRY
Kramer, I'm tellin' you, Elaine doesn't
know whatta hell she's doin'! I gotta
take over
this whole operation!
KRAMER
Jerry, look how tense you are... You
need to take a soak.
JERRY
I'm not taking a soak in that human
bacteria frat you got goin' there.
KRAMER
Come on, I'm tellin' you, it's great.
I opened up all the windows... the air
is cold, the
tub is boiling hot... It's like Sweden, man. Sweeeeden!
(Kramer's hot tub)
(The water is at 105.F degrees. Kramer takes his robe off and
goes inside)
KRAMER
(relaxing) ...oooohhh yeeaaah... aaahhh...
(he is really enjoying this)
(in a bar - George and 3 other men, drinking)
CLAYTON
...'till this bastard over here says:
"let's call the sons o'bitches and go
visit 'em on
New York!" (the 3 men laugh)
GEORGE
(smiling) Well, we're certainly glad
that you could make it.
GARDNER
I like your organization, George. We've
been talkin' to a really friendly son
of a bitch
in the front office. Wilhelm, I think his name.
GEORGE
Oh yes, Mr.Wilhelm, yeah...
GARDNER
He told us that George Costanza was
gonna be takin' us bastards out on the
town.
"that son of a bitch doesn't know what
he's got in store
for him!". (the 3 men laugh once more)
ZEKE
Finish your drink?
GEORGE
Oh yeah, al-almost. Almost.
ZEKE
Let's get that bastard bring us another
round! (waves to bartender)
CLAYTON
You a big drinker, George?
GEORGE
Well...maybe not as much as this bastard...
(points at Zeke, they all laugh) I can
hold my own! (they all continue laughing and drinking)
(Kramer's hot tub)
(The water is now at 53 degrees. Kramer is asleep inside and
he's all trembling. He wakes up,
frozen, making trembling sounds, reaches for his robe and puts
it on while in the tub.)
(Monk's Restaurant - Jerry, Jean-Paul)
JERRY
Jean-Paul, I asked you down here this
morning because I'm concerned. Concerned
that
tomorrow is perhaps the biggest race of your entire career. And
the person with whom you
have chosen to stay... is uh...
JEAN-PAUL
What are you saying?
JERRY
I'm saying "get the hell outta there"!
Let me put you in a hotel. You'll be
comfortable,
you'll be near the starting line, and most importantly... you'll
have a wake-up call,
Jean-Paul! A wake-up call!
JEAN-PAUL
Wake-up call...
JERRY
These people never fail. They sit in
a room with a big clock all night long,
just waitin'
to make that call! (George comes in)
JEAN-PAUL
No, I will stay with Elaine. It would
be rude.
GEORGE
Hey, you bastards.
JERRY
Hey, how was the meeting?
GEORGE
I really like those sons of bitches.
JERRY
Sons of bitches?
GEORGE
Yeah! That's how they talk. You know,
everyone's either a bastard or a son
of a bitch.
Yeah, it's like uh..."boy, that son of a bitch Box can really
hit, uh?!" (laughs)
JEAN-PAUL
Really?!
GEORGE
Yeah, yeah. That's how they talk in
the major league. (laughs)
(Kramer walks in wearing winter coat, scarf, cap, gloves... They
all look at him very surprised)
KRAMER
Heeeeey...
JERRY
How many sweaters you got on?
KRAMER
Oh...four. (to waitress) Yeah, could
I have a cup o'tea? Boiling hot.
GEORGE
What's goin'on?
KRAMER
I fell asleep in the hot tub and the
heat pump broke. Water went down to
58 degrees.
I can't get my core temperature back up!
JERRY
Your core temperature?
KRAMER
(to Jean-Paul) Here, feel my hand. (takes
off glove) Yeah, feel.
JEAN-PAUL
Phew... this son of a bitch is ice-cold.
(smiles)
(inside an airplane - the 3 men)
(They are calling George at the Yankee Stadium, while they're
drinking and laughing in the plane)
GEORGE
Hello?
CLAYTON
uh...is that you, George?
GEORGE
(laughs) Yeah, it's me. Is this Clayton?
CLAYTON
Well listen, you son of a bitch! You
know where we are? 30 000 feet above
your head, you
bastard! (the 3 laugh and howl)
GEORGE
What are they doin' lettin' you bastards
on an airplane? Don't they know that's
against
FAA regulation?
CLAYTON
(to the other 2 men) Hey, hush up, now!
I can't hear him!
GEORGE
Listen. I want you guys to send along
those agreements the minute you land.
Our boys
can't wait to kick your butts!
ZEKE
(to Clayton) When's that bastard comin'
to Houston?
CLAYTON
Hey, Zeke wants to know when you Yankee
bastards are comin' to Houston!
GEORGE
You tell that son of a bitch no Yankee
is ever comin' to Houston. Not as long
as you
bastards are running things.
CLAYTON
Hey, uh, speak up, George, I can't hear
ya!
GEORGE
(Mr.Wilhelm comes in and hears George
yelling) You tell that son of a bitch
no Yankee is
ever comin' to Houston! Not as long as you bastards are running
things!
(Mr.Wilhelm comes running, takes the phone from George and hangs
up)
WILHELM
George! George, get a hold of yourself!
GEORGE
Mr.Wilhelm...
WILHELM
What's the matter with you?!
GEORGE
Well I-I...
(Elaine's office - Elaine)
(She's trying to think of a story for the shoes while she's at
the computer)
ELAINE
(thinking and typing) It was a cold
winter's night in Timbuktu...
(hits the keyboard) Oh! This stinks! (grabs a Himalayan walking
shoe and starts squeezing
it for inspiration) Oh, come on... come on...!...God! (quits)
(Elaine's building - Jean-Paul, Judy with baby)
JEAN-PAUL
Hello.
JUDY
Hello.
JEAN-PAUL
I'm a friend of Elaine's.
JUDY
Oh, hi.
JEAN-PAUL
(looks at the baby) oooooh...look at
the cute little bastard... (the building
manager
comes in) you are mama's little bastard, aren't you? (laughs)
(Judy goes away angry and Jean-Paul is surprised by that)
MANAGER
Whatta hell are you doin' harassing
my tenants?
JEAN-PAUL
(smiling) Oh come on, you son of a bitch.
I'm just trying to be friendly.
MANAGER
All right, that's it! (grabs Jean-Paul
and gets him out) Let's go!
JEAN-PAUL
What...but I got a race tomorrow!
(Jerry's apartment at night- Kramer)
(Kramer is lying on Jerry's sofa, "fully" dressed and covered
with a blanket. Jerry and George
come in)
GEORGE
Whoa...it's like a furnace in here!
JERRY
Oh whatta hell is goin'on?!
KRAMER
Yeah, I turned up the heat.
JERRY
Turn up the heat in your apartment!
(opens a window)
KRAMER
I'm freezin'! I just need to get my
hot tub running. I'm waiting for my
new heat pump.
GEORGE
Well what's in this giant box out in
the hall?
KRAMER
Uh? Oh that must be it.
GEORGE
It's huge!
KRAMER
Yeah, yeah, I got the biggest one they
had. It's industrial strength. 16000
BTU's.
(Kramer leaves. The phone rings and Jerry picks it up)
JERRY
Hello?...yeah, I can be there in 10
minutes...you can count on me! (hangs
up)
GEORGE
(Jerry is going to his bedroom) What?
JERRY
I got the call...!
GEORGE
Jean-Paul?
JERRY
(stops walking) Jean-Paul! (George acts
like he scored)
(hotel - Jerry, Jean-Paul. Sitting in different beds)
JERRY
Pretty lucky to find this hotel, Jean-Paul.
JEAN-PAUL
Man, I just want to get some sleep.
(gets into bed)
JERRY
All right. (picks up the alarm clock)
Let's check out the clock. Notch good...
6:50...
volume check. (music playing, he starts swinging) What kinda
music you wanna wake up to?
Top 40, classical...
JEAN-PAUL
Man, whatever! (annoyed)
JERRY
How about adult contemporary?
JEAN-PAUL
Fine, adult contemporary. Just pick
one! (irritated)
JERRY
All right...we're going with adult contempo...
(puts alarm away, gets phone) now...
the failsafe. The wake-up guy... (dials)
JEAN-PAUL
Yes, yes, the wake-up guy.
MAN
(on the phone) Front desk...?
JERRY
Yeah, this is room 419, I'd like a wake-up
call for 6:50 AM tomorrow morning.
MAN
Yes sir.
JERRY
That's room 419. 6:50 AM. Four...one...niner...
MAN
Yes, I got it sir. You only had to say
it once.
JERRY
I know, but it's a very important wake-up
call... and I don't wanna take any chances.
MAN
Every wake-up call I make is important.
You're no more important than any of
our guests.
JERRY
Well, I just...don't wanna get into
a whole thing with you here...
MAN
Are you through? (annoyed)
JERRY
...Yeah I am, but I just...(man hangs-up)
(Jerry pauses thinking)
JERRY
humm...
JEAN-PAUL
What is it...?
JERRY
I think I offended the wake-up guy...!
(worried)
JEAN-PAUL
No, no.
JERRY
(gets up) No, no, I did. I think he's
got it in for me!
JEAN-PAUL
Man, he doesn't got "in" for you.
JERRY
What if he doesn't call now out of spite?
JEAN-PAUL
It is his job!
(Jerry sits down)
JERRY
(pause) Not comfortable... (gets up
again)
JEAN-PAUL
For God's sake...! (gets up and they
start packing)
(Elaine's apartment)
(Elaine comes in)
ELAINE
Jean-Paul? (searching everywhere) Hey
Jean-Paul? Jean-Paul? (worried) Jean-Paul?!
Oh man... (calling Jerry's) Oh...machine.
JERRY'S MACHINE
I'm not here, leave a message.
ELAINE
Jerry, Jerry, Jean-Paul's missing! He's
alone in the city! Call me back. (hangs
up)
(She leaves her apartment and knocks on Judy's door)
ELAINE
Judy, hi, listen...
JUDY
You have got some nerve, Elaine! I told
you about that baby in confidence!
ELAINE
Oh I didn't tell anyone.
JUDY
Well your friend certainly seemed to
know all about it. (shuts the door)
ELAINE
... Jerry! (runs angry to her apartment)
(Jerry's apartment)
(Jerry and Jean-Paul come in)
JERRY
Feel much better here at my home base,
Jean-Paul. It's a controlled environment.
JEAN-PAUL
It's a marathon, you know. 26 miles!
I need to get some sleep! (lies on the
sofa)
JERRY
Hey, believe me, if I'd been with you
there in Barcelona...you'd be polishing
that medal
right now. (covers Jean-Paul with a blanket)
JEAN-PAUL
Left a comfortable hotel bedroom for
this!
JERRY
That wake-up guy was trouble! All right,
I'll be right back. (goes knocking on
Kramer's)
(Kramer checks the water temperature and then opens the door)
JERRY
(shouting) Man that thing is noisy!
KRAMER
(shouting) Yeah yeah, we're cracking
along pretty good! We're almost up to
80 degrees!
JERRY
Yeah, listen, do me a favor. Set your
mental alarm for 6:30 and gimme a call.
KRAMER
Yeah, ok. Wait. (concentrates and makes
the "pop!" sound) Done! (Jerry stares,
confused)
(street at night- Elaine walking and thinking, very worried)
(the following voices are on Elaine's mind)
JERRY
He's put his faith in you. He's put
his faith in you.
JEAN-PAUL
I trust Elaine, she is my friend. I
trust Elaine, she is my friend.
JERRY
Frankly, I'm a little concerned.
ELAINE
Ohhh, I'm exhausted. I've been on this
street a thousand times! It's never
looked so
strange! The faces...so cold! In the distance, a child is crying.
Fatherless...a bastard
child, perhaps. My back aches...my heart aches...but my feet
(stops to look at her feet)
...my feet are resilient! (a big smile grows in her face, as
she thinks...) Thank God I
took off my heels, and put on my... HIMALAYAN WALKING SHOES!!!
(lifting her arms up in
the air, in ecstasy, as she says...) Yes!
(Jerry's apartment)
02 AM. Jean-Paul's sleeping at the sofa)
(Kramer's apartment)
02 AM. Kramer snores. The heat pump
short circuits and blows the fuses on
the entire building)
(Jerry's apartment)
02)
JERRY
4:02? (Checks his wristwatch) Aaa-aaahhh!
Eight forty seven Jean-Paul! Wake up!
Wake uuuuup!
(gets out of bedroom, in panic) Jean-Paul! The electricity went
out! Wake up! Wake up!
WE GOTTA GO! IT'S 8
47!
JEAN-PAUL
8:47!? (jumps out of the sofa)
(both running around, getting ready to go)
JERRY
Come on, just put your clothes on! You'll
get dressed in the car!
JEAN-PAUL
Idiot! I trusted you!
(Kramer comes in wrapped up in a blanket)
JERRY
Kramer, what happened to the building?!
The electricity went out!
KRAMER
Yeah, the heat pump blew all the fuses!
JERRY
What happened to your mental alarm?!
KRAMER
I guess I hit the snooze... (Jerry runs
by Kramer and Kramer falls down)
(New York marathon)
(Jerry and Jean-Paul try to get to the starting line through
a crowd)
JERRY
Make way! I've got-I've got a runner
here! Get outta the way! Make way! Make
way!
Make way, it's a contender! (an event guard stops them)
GUARD
Hey, hold it!
JEAN-PAUL
I'm late, man, I'm in the race!
GUARD
Go ahead.
JEAN-PAUL
Thank you Jerry, you're a wonderful
driver. Fantastic route, man!
JERRY
All right, go, it's a race! Come on!
(George Steinbrenner's office at the Yankee Stadium)
(George comes in)
GEORGE
You wanted to see me, Mr.Steinbrenner?
STEINBRENNER
Yes, George, come in, come in. George,
word up's you've been cracking under
the
pressure. Can't cope, can't stand the heat. Spit the bit.
GEORGE
Oh no, Mr.Steinbrenner, I can explain...
STEINBRENNER
Oh we all get a little cuckoo sometimes
George, I used to be like you. Rating
personnel 'till they cried, calling managers on the field during
a game, threatening
to move the team to New Jersey, just to upset people. Then I
found a way to relax.
(New York marathon - Jerry, Elaine, Kramer)
(They're waiting for the runners to run by. Kramer remains "fully"
dressed and is carrying a
thermos with tea).
JERRY
I'm tellin'you, I never told anyone
about that baby. I never even went near
your building!
ELAINE
Then how did she find out, Jerry?!
JERRY
Maybe you should check with the rabbi.
KRAMER
(to Elaine) You want some hot tea?
ELAINE
Oh no, thank you.
KRAMER
Oh. There's some runners. Here they
come!
(The first runner to appear is Jean-Paul)
ELAINE
There's Jean-Paul! He's up front! He's
leading! (jumping) Go Jean-Paul!(starts
screaming)
KRAMER
Oh yeah! Yeah! Come on! (starts howling)
JERRY
Come on, let's go Jean-Paul!
ELAINE
Go Jean-Paaaaaul!
(We switch over to Jean-Paul. We hear him breathing. We hear
his heart beating. Some people offer
him drinks. Jean-Paul grabs one, Kramer's hot tea, and leaves
scene. Kramer gets very surprised.
We then hear Jean-Paul screaming in pain, and it's not hard to
guess why. Kramer puts on a
"whatta hell" look, Elaine puts on an "ouch" look and Jerry puts
on his "it's a shame" one.)
(George and Mr.Steinbrenner inside a hot tub)
STEINBRENNER
How're you enjoying it, George? Melts
that tension away, doesn't it? You gotta
get that jet on the good spot. Oh. Oh.
Uh. Uh. Yes, that feels good. Yes, that's
real good. Oh yeah, that's where I keep
all my tension. Right down to that chicken
bone. Sometimes I get my wife to just
stuck her thumb right in there like
a screwdriver. Ya know, the Phillips
head, not the flat one. Oh God, those
flat ones frustrate me. You got it in,
but it slips out. You put it in again,
slips out again. You a single man, George?
GEORGE
(bored to death) Well, I-I just recently
uh...
STEINBRENNER
I'll tell you, if you wanna get something
wild goin'on in your life, you get a
girl and bring her to one o'these things.
Just like 4 shots a wild turkey. (laughs)
She'll think you're Hopalong Cassidy.
(George starts sliding, until he gets
all his head -and glasses- under water,
as Steinbrenner keeps talking) A show,
about that Mickey Mantle, wasn't it?
You know we used to talk. I don't think
he liked me very much, you know.
THE END
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