THE MAESTRO
Written by
Larry David
(Booth at Monk's Cafe)
GEORGE
And then I hear this rabbi on television,
I mean imagine.
ELAINE
I'm really sorry George, I, I, I wasn't
jealous of you. It was just the whole
marriage thing.
GEORGE
Ya know, I was just a little surprised.
JERRY
Why would anyone eat canned fruit? I
mean can anybody answer that?
GEORGE
What about all the loser stuff?
ELAINE
I don't know where the rabbi got that.
Ya know I never said that. I said "I've
never seen you looser".
JERRY
I can see the can if you're in the army,
but fresh fruit it's available, it's
there, it's 2 aisles over.
GEORGE
(Gets up to leave) Well, scintillating
as always.
JERRY
Where you going?
GEORGE
I'm going shopping with Susan.
ELAINE
What kind of shopping?
GEORGE
Clothes shopping.
ELAINE
Where are you going?
GEORGE
Ross'.
ELAINE
Oh that's a nice store.
GEORGE
Yeah, it's her uncle's.
JERRY
Discount?
GEORGE
(As he leaves) One would hope.
(Jackie Child's Office)
(Kramer is sitting across from Jackie)
KRAMER
So ya know, my friend and I we were
going to the movies and we stopped off
and bought this cafe latte.
JACKIE
(Agreeing) Hm Hm. Oh what is that like
Italian coffee?
KRAMER
Yeah that's right.
JACKIE
Half milk, half coffee?
KRAMER
Yeah.
JACKIE
Hm Hm. You take a sip?
KRAMER
Yes I did.
JACKIE
Now when you took a sip, did you notice
it was hot? Were you able to sip
it in your normal fashion?
KRAMER
No I wasn't able to sip it in my normal
fashion.
JACKIE
Hm Hm. All right, all right. You take
big sips?
KRAMER
Well I think I take a normal sip.
JACKIE
O.K. You take normal sips. Nothing wrong
with that. Then what happened?
KRAMER
Well you know ahh, they don't allow
outside drinks in the movie theater.
So I had to put it in my shirt and sneak it in.
JACKIE
Yeah, see they like to sell their own
coffee.
KRAMER
Yeah, now is that going to be a problem?
JACKIE
Yeah that's going to be a problem. It's
gonna be a problem for them.
This a clear violation of your rights as a consumer. It's an
infringement on your
constitutional rights. It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous.
KRAMER
It's definitely preposterous.
JACKIE
So. Then what happened?
KRAMER
Well ahh. I was trying to get to my
seat and I had to step over someone
and
I kind of got pushed and it spilled on me.
JACKIE
Was there a top on it?
KRAMER
Yeah.
JACKIE
Now did you put the top on or did they
put the top on for you?
KRAMER
No. They put the top on.
JACKIE
And they made the top. You didn't make
the top did you?
(Kramer motions that he did not make the top)
JACKIE
(To secretary over intercom) Suzie.
I want you to go down to Java World.
Get me a cafe latte with a top. (To Kramer) We're gonna run some
test on that top.
Have you been to the doctor?
KRAMER
Ah No no, I haven't.
JACKIE
(To secretary over intercom) Suzie.
Call Dr. Bison. Set up an appointment
for Mr. Kramer here. Tell him it's from me.
KRAMER
So ah, what do you think Mr. Chiles.
JACKIE
Jackie.
KRAMER
Jackie. I mean, we have a chance?
JACKIE
Do we have a chance? You get me one
coffee drinker on that jury, you
gonna walk outta there a rich man.
(Ross' clothing store)
(Susan is holding a bright red shirt up to George)
GEORGE
I don't like it, it's red. It it's too
flashy.
SUSAN
Well you could use a little flash.
GEORGE
All right. Don't change me. Susan. Don't
change me. Ya know there are a lot
of woman that would love to be in your position right now.
SUSAN
Name one.
MR ROSS
So, you find anything?
SUSAN
Oh, he's impossible to shop for uncle
Ned.
MR ROSS
I'm going on vacation to Costa Rica.
Maybe I'll see you in a couple of
weeks.
SUSAN
O.K.
SALESMAN
Excuse me Mr Ross.
(George notices the security guard standing near the front door)
GEORGE
See now this I don't get.
SUSAN
What?
GEORGE
The security guard.
SUSAN
What about him?
GEORGE
Why does he have to stand?
SUSAN
Because he's a security guard.
GEORGE
But I mean look at him. He's gotta be
on his feet like that all day?
That's brutal. I think I'm gonna say something to your uncle.
SUSAN
George, you just met him. Don't say
anything to him.
GEORGE
Aren't you concerned about the security
guard?
SUSAN
Not really. (Walks away)
GEORGE
(Thinking to himself) She's not concerned
about the security guard. What
kind of a person is this? I'm marrying a person who doesn't care
that this man
has to stand here 8 hours a day when he could easily be sitting.
SUSAN
All right George. (She puts the red
shirt up to him again) What do you
think?
(Elaine and Jerry are in Jerry's apartment.)
JERRY
So ah, what did you do last night?
ELAINE
Nothing.
JERRY
I know nothing, but what did you actually
do?
ELAINE
Literally nothing. I sat in a chair
and I stared.
JERRY
Wow. That really is nothing.
ELAINE
I told ya.
(Kramer enters)
KRAMER
Hey.
JERRY
Hey.
ELAINE
Hey.
JERRY
What are you all dressed up for?
KRAMER
Oh I ah just came from a meeting with
my lawyer.
JERRY
Oh yeah, how's that looking?
KRAMER
Oh I'll tell you how it's looking. My
lawyer Jackie says if there is one
coffee drinker on that jury, (in a very high voice) I'm gonna
be a rich man.
ELAINE
That's despicable. How does he know
how all coffee drinkers will vote?
I'm a coffee drinker. If I was on that jury I wouldn't give you
a nickel Kramer.
KRAMER
Yeah, well you wouldn't be on that jury.
He would have weeded you out.
JERRY
Frankly I'm surprised you're so litigious.
KRAMER
Oh I can be quite litigious.
ELAINE
What I mean who ever heard of this anyway?
Suing a company because there
coffee is too hot? Coffee is supposed to be hot.
KRAMER
Yeah but Jackie says the top was faulty.
ELAINE
(Mocking) Jackie says the top was faulty.
(Sounds of knocking in the background on Kramer's door)
KRAMER
Hey Maestro!
MAESTRO
Ah, Kramer.
KRAMER
I'm in here. How's it going.
MAESTRO
Fine.
JERRY
Hi Bob.
(Kramer coughs purposely and motions toward maestro with his
head)
JERRY
(Apologetically) Oh, I'm sorry. Maestro.
KRAMER
Well, this is a surprise ha?
MAESTRO
I just wanted to drop off this Chinese
balm for your burns. It's supposed
to be great stuff. It's all herbal.
KRAMER
Oh Maestro, you, what are you doing?
You don't have to do this. Do you
believe this Maestro?
MAESTRO
It's nothing.
KRAMER
Yeah, ya know you haven't been around
for a while.
MAESTRO
Oh yeah, I've been at my house in Tuscany.
KRAMER
Oh Tuscany huh? Hear that Jerry? That's
in Italy.
JERRY
I hear it's ah beautiful there.
MAESTRO
Well if you're thinking of getting a
place there don't bother. There's
really nothing available.
JERRY
(Surprised) Huh?
(Elaine enters from bathroom)
MAESTRO
(Seeing Elaine) Oh!
ELAINE
Hello.
MAESTRO
Well Hello. And who might you be?
ELAINE
I might be Elaine.
JERRY
This is a, Bob Cobb.
KRAMER
Maestro.
ELAINE
Oh, Maestro.
MAESTRO
It is my very great pleasure. (Kisses
Elaine's hand)
ELAINE
Enchante.
MAESTRO AND ELAINE
Well I have to be going.
ELAINE
Jinx buy me a coke.
MAESTRO
Oh. Love it when that happeneds.
ELAINE
I know I know. That is so ahh ......
MAESTRO
Coincidental.
ELAINE
Yeah, thanks. O.K. Bye you guys.
MAESTRO
Ciao.
(Elaine and Maestro leave)
KRAMER
Yeah, yeah oh hey and a thanks for the
balm. Yeah.
(Kramer shuts the door and stares at Jerry)
KRAMER
You know you hurt the Maestro's feelings.
JERRY
Oh what, because I didn't call him Maestro?
KRAMER
That's right.
JERRY
Ya know I feel a little funny calling
somebody Maestro.
KRAMER
Why?
JERRY
Because it's a stupid thing to be called.
KRAMER
Jerry he's a conductor.
JERRY
Oh conductor. He conducts the Policeman's
Benevolent Association Orchestra.
KRAMER
Well, he's still a conductor.
JERRY
Well he sure worked pretty fast with
Elaine.
KRAMER
Oh, you should see him do 'Flight of
the Bumble Bee'.
(Kramer makes like a conductor and makes a classic Kramer sound)
(Monks Cafe. George and Jerry are sitting across from each other)
JERRY
New shirt?
GEORGE
Yeah. You like it.
JERRY
No, not particularly.
GEORGE
Why, the color?
JERRY
Yeah.
GEORGE
Too flashy?
JERRY
Yeah, it's burning my retina. Susan
picked that out for you right?
GEORGE
(Obviously lying) No.
JERRY
(Reaches for a menu) All right what's
it going to be here.
GEORGE
Let me ask you something. When you go
into a store, does it bother you
that they make the security guard just stand there all day?
JERRY
No.
GEORGE
See, didn't bother Susan either. That's
why I'm different. I can sense
the slightest human suffering.
JERRY
Are you sensing anything right now?
GEORGE
Let me just say this. It is inhumane
to make a man stand on his feet, in
one spot for eight hours a day. Why shouldn't he have a chair?
JERRY
Well, what about criminal activity?
He's got to be alert.
GEORGE
What, he can't jump out of the chair?
How long does that take?
Here look at this. (he moves to the end of the booth) Here, watch.
(stands up)
Criminals. Boom. I'm up. (pretends he's shooting) Stop It! Stop
It! Stop It!
JERRY
Maybe they offered him a chair and he
turned it down.
GEORGE
Would you get out of here. Who's gonna
turn down a chair? I would be
very interested to know how he felt about all of this. Maybe
I'll have a talk
with him.
JERRY
I know you will.
(Kramer enters and sits next to Jerry)
KRAMER
Hey, hey, hey, listen to this. Jackie
just called.
GEORGE
Who?
JERRY
His lawyer.
KRAMER
Yeah, Java World wants to settle.
JERRY
What?
KRAMER
Yeah, I'm gonna be rich.
JERRY
Why are they settling?
KRAMER
Cause their afraid of bad publicity.
JERRY
All this because you spilled coffee
on yourself?
KRAMER
Yeah that's right.
GEORGE
(Very loud in the direction of a waiter)
I'm gonna need a coffee here. Very hot!
Boiling!
(Restaurant. Maestro and Elaine are talking)
MAESTRO
And then about four years ago I was
on holiday in Tuscany.
ELAINE
Uh ha.
MAESTRO
And I fell in love with this house.
(Waiter approaches)
WAITER
Are you ready to order?
ELAINE
Oh God. What are you getting Bob?
(Maestro looks at Elaine with an annoyed look on his face)
MAESTRO
Good question. (to waiter) We'll need
a few minutes.
(Maestro puts his head in his hand. He is visibly upset)
MAESTRO
You know, I'm sorry but, I didn't mention
it earlier but actually I
preferred to be called Maestro.
ELAINE
Excuse me?
MAESTRO
Well, ya know I am a conductor.
ELAINE
Yeah, so?
MAESTRO
Oh I suppose it's O.K. for Leonard Burnstein
to be called Maestro because
he conducted the New York Philharmonic. So he gets to be called
Maestro and I don't.
ELAINE
Well, I mean don't you think that he
was probably called Maestro while he
was conducting, not in social situations. I mean his friends
probably just called
him Lenny.
MAESTRO
I happen to know for a fact, that he
was called Maestro in social
situations. I once saw him at a bar and someone came up to him
and said
"Hello Maestro, how about a beer". O.K. So that's a fact.
ELAINE
Maestro huh? O.K. (laughing)
(Jerry's apartment. Jerry is at the refrigerator getting orange
juice.)
(Kramer enters frantically)
KRAMER
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry my burn is
gone look.(shows Jerry the burn area).
JERRY
What do you mean?
KRAMER
Well I put that Chinese balm on that
the Maestro gave me. And look, it
healed it.
JERRY
So?
KRAMER
So? My lawsuit. I'm finished.
JERRY
I thought they wanted to settle.
KRAMER
Well what happens if they want to see
it?
JERRY
Then you're in a lot of trouble.
KRAMER
Yeah!!
(Ross' clothing store. Guard is standing near entrance. George
enters.)
GEORGE
(To guard) Tired?
GUARD
No.
GEORGE
How come uh, no chair?
GUARD
What?
GEORGE
I, I couldn't help but notice that uh
you don't have a chair.
GUARD
I don't need a chair.
GEORGE
No I didn't mean to imply that you did.
You're obviously a very well
proportioned individual. I was just wondering, have they ever
offered you a chair?
GUARD
Nope.
GEORGE
Would you like a chair?
GUARD
I suppose if they gave me one I'd sit
down.
GEORGE
Ah ha, Ah ha. You would, wouldn't you?
GUARD
Obviously I'd rather sit than stand,
if that's what your asking.
GEORGE
That's exactly my point.
GUARD
Well who wouldn't?
GEORGE
Cause I tell you, frankly, I would like
to walk in hear one day and find
you sitting down. (Starts to walk out of the store) That would
give me a lot of
pleasure. Call me crazy.
(Back seat of a cab. Jackie and Kramer)
JACKIE
You put the balm on? Who told you to
put the balm on? I didn't tell you
to put the balm on. Why'd you put the balm on? You haven't even
been to see the
doctor. If your gonna put a balm on, let a doctor put a balm
on.
KRAMER
I guess I screwed up huh Jackie?
JACKIE
Your damn right you screwed up. Where
the hell did you get that damm balm
anyway?
KRAMER
The Maestro.
JACKIE
The who? What are you talking about
Maestro?
KRAMER
My friend he's a conductor.
JACKIE
Oh oh oh, so a Maestro tells you to
put a balm on and you do it?
KRAMER
Well my stomach was burning.
JACKIE
I tell you what this is. This is a public
humiliation.
KRAMER
Well I didn't know the balm was gonna
work.
JACKIE
Do you know what a balm is? Have you
ever seen a balm? Didn't you read
the instructions?
KRAMER
Well I ...
JACKIE
(interrupts) No one can tell what a
balm's gonna do. They're unpredictable.
KRAMER
I'm sorry Jackie.
JACKIE
(To cab driver) Pull over here driver
this is it.
KRAMER
(Motions with his head) Yeah, get over.
(Elaine and Jerry walking on the sidewalk in NYC)
JERRY
Did you have a good time?
ELAINE
Yeah, he's very interesting. Did you
know that Mozart died while he was
writing 'The Requiem'.
JERRY
(Sarcastically) Yeah, everyone knows
that, it was in Amadeus.
ELAINE
Really?
JERRY
So what about the "Maestro" stuff. Did
he make you call him Maestro.
ELAINE
Yeah, I called him Maestro.
JERRY
You didn't mind?
ELAINE
Well, I did at first, but actually I
kind of got used to it.
JERRY
O.K. from now on I want you to call
me "Jerry the Great".
ELAINE
I am not calling you "Jerry the Great".
JERRY
Why not you call him Maestro.
ELAINE
He is a Maestro.
JERRY
Well, I'm great.
ELAINE
So you say.
JERRY
What about his house in Tuscany, he
mention that?
ELAINE
Yeah. (bragging) I'm invited.
JERRY
You know when I told him it was beautiful
there, out of the clear blue sky
he says there's nothing to rent. As if he doesn't want anyone
else there.
ELAINE
Why?
JERRY
I don't know. Maybe he's embarrassed
by Americans.
ELAINE
Yeah, well maybe there aren't any houses
to rent there.
JERRY
In all of Tuscany? I wonder.
(Office of a Java World building)
MR STAR
I say we offer him $50,000 that's it,
take it or leave it.
MR BURNS
How do we know how severe the burns
are? Why don't we have him
examined by a doctor.
MS. JORDAN
Listen, the faster we dispose of this
the better. This thing gets into
the paper it will kill us.
MR STAR
All right, we'll start at 50,000 and
free coffee at all of our stores.
(Secretary beeps)
MR STAR
(Answering secretary) Yes?
(Heard over the speaker)
SECRETARY
Mr. Chiles and Mr. Kramer are here.
(To intercom)
MR STAR
Send them in.
(Mr. Star opens door to let Jackie and Kramer in)
MR STAR
Gentleman.
(Kramer and Jackie enter Mr. Star's office)
MR STAR
Gentleman come in. Now we don't want
to take up much of your time. Let's
make this short and sweet. We're prepared to offer you all the
free coffee you
want in any of our stores throughout North America and Europe,
Plus..
KRAMER
(Interrupting) I'LL TAKE IT!!
(Jackie and Kramer in the back of a cab)
JACKIE
I'll take it? Who told you to take it?
Did I tell you to take it?
KRAMER
No.
JACKIE
I know the Maestro didn't tell you to
take it, he wasn't there.
KRAMER
Well I thought we were lucky to get
anything.
JACKIE
Free coffee?
KRAMER
Yeah.
JACKIE
I don't want free coffee. It's not hard
to get coffee. I can get my own
damn coffee. I wanted to hear what came after that "Plus".
KRAMER
Well I didn't hear any Plus.
JACKIE
20 years practicing law I've never experienced
anything like this.
(Kramer spots a Java World)
KRAMER
Look, Java World. (To cabbie) Hey listen
I'm gonna get out here. I'm
gonna get myself a free cafe latte.
(Kramer tramples over Jackie to get out of the cab)
(Jerry and Elaine are walking down the street and hear music
approaching)
ELAINE
Hey. Hi Maestro.
(Maestro makes like a conductor waiving his hands. Elaine joins
in to finish the song)
MAESTRO
Beethoven's 7th.
ELAINE
Yeah.
JERRY
Hey you know we were just talking about
you.
MAESTRO
Oh yeah?
JERRY
Yeah, ya know the other day how you
mentioned that there were no houses
available in Tuscany?
MAESTRO
You didn't find one, did you?
JERRY
No. I'm not really looking.
MAESTRO
Nor should you.
JERRY
So are you telling me there's not one
house to rent in all of Tuscany?
MAESTRO
The houses are passed down from generation
to generation, it's very hard.
JERRY
I can't get a sublet, a guest room,
a cot, nothing?
MAESTRO
It's booked solid!
ELAINE
It's BOOKED Jerry!
JERRY
How'd you get yours?
MAESTRO
Got lucky. Come on, Elaine, let's take
a ride, I was about to pop in some
Verdi.
(Elaine starts to sing in Italian. Maestro and Elaine drive away)
JERRY
Maybe I'll check out France.
(George walks towards Jerry)
JERRY
Hey George, do you believe this guy?
GEORGE
Who?
JERRY
Bob Cobb.
GEORGE
Bob Cobb?
JERRY
You know, the Maestro.
GEORGE
Oh I missed the Maestro?
JERRY
Yeah, get this, he tells me there are
no houses any where in Tuscany to rent.
GEORGE
Huh. Your renting a house in Tuscany?
JERRY
No.
GEORGE
So what do you care?
(George walks away leaving Jerry standing there by himself)
(Monk's cafe. George and Jerry are sitting at the booth)
JERRY
I just wish I could figure out if this
guy is trying to keep me out of
Tuscany.
GEORGE
Of course he is. There's got to be houses
for rent in Tuscany. Do you
know how big Tuscany is?
JERRY
I have no idea.
GEORGE
It it's huge. It's probably like North
Dakota.
JERRY
Oh, no way it's that big.
GEORGE
It's a big region.
JERRY
Do you know how big North Dakota is
stupid?
GEORGE
I don't know why I bother even talking
to you.
JERRY
Hey, no one's got a gun to your head.
GEORGE
All right.
(George and Jerry hold there arms up in a truce)
GEORGE
So I spoke to the security guard.
JERRY
Yeah and?
GEORGE
Well it's tough to get a good read but
I think if I brought him a chair,
he'd sit.
JERRY
So are you gonna get him a chair?
GEORGE
Yup. It's really just a question of
what kind. Thinking about a bar stool.
JERRY
Yeah, that would give him some height,
be able to check things out. With a
back or without.
GEORGE
Oh I think I'd go for the back.
JERRY
Swivel?
GEORGE
I suppose he could swivel. Hey maybe
one of those director's chairs. What
do you think of those.
JERRY
I thinks it's kind of a pompous look.
You know my parents used to have a
kitchen chair that would have been perfect.
GEORGE
You mean one of those vinyl things?
JERRY
Yes.
GEORGE
Vinyl yeah, maybe.
JERRY
How can I figure out if there's any
places to rent in Tuscany? Wait a
minute. Poppy's from Tuscany. I'm gonna go call him.
(Jerry leaves the booth headed for the phone in the back of the
cafe)
GEORGE
Yeah, good luck. Hey I'll meet you outside.
(In Maestro's car, he and Elaine are driving and singing Finiculi,
Finicula)
(On the street in the city, George and Jerry are talking)
JERRY
Poppy told me to talk to his cousin,
he lives down in Little Italy.
GEORGE
What do you think about a rocking chair?
(Camera shifts to inside a Java World and Kramer is exiting at
the door)
KRAMER
(Speaking very fast and fidgety) You
can't put a limit on my cafe lattes,
it says so right here. And I don't want to get dirty looks when
I come in here.
If I want a cafe latte, you give me a cafe latte. And if I have
any problems I'm
gonna get my lawyer Jackie Chiles down here and your gonna be
in really big trouble.
(Kramer exits and runs into Jerry and George)
JERRY
Hey hey hey, slow down Eddie. What what's
the matter?
KRAMER
Awe there making faces at me cause I've
had a couple of cafe lattes. But I'm
entitled to them. I can have as many cafe lattes as I want, that
was the settlement.
JERRY
That's it?
KRAMER
That's it. What you want one George?
I can get one for you. No problem.
Jerry, you want one? They're delicious. My pleasure.
JERRY
You've got to stop it. Your your all
hopped up on the caffein.
KRAMER
Well I feel like I'm talking fast but
it's very hard to tell.
JERRY
You're racing!
KRAMER
Well well I've got things to do. I'll
see you later. Bye.
(Kramer walks extremely fast away from Jerry and George first
putting the contract
into his jacket and then fixes his tie all while still walking
extremely fast)
(Dark room. Elaine and Maestro are kissing)
ELAINE
(Passionately) Oh Bob! Bob!
(Maestro is insulted and pulls away)
ELAINE
(Correcting herself) Maestro!
(Maestro begins kissing Elaine again)
(Ross' clothing store. George carries in a rocking chair)
CLERK
(Noticing George with the rocking chair)
Excuse me. Can I help you?
GEOGE
Nope. Just a, giving a chair to the
security guard.
CLERK
Did Mr. Ross tell you to do this?
(George motions for the clerk to approach him)
GEORGE
What's your name?
CLERK
Evan Fayne.
GEORGE
I'm engaged to Mr. Ross' niece. I'm
probably gonna be taking over this
whole place someday so if I were you I would stay on my good
side.
CLERK
I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know.
GEORGE
Innocent mistake.
(George gives the chair to the security guard)
GEORGE
Well, here you go. What do you think?
GUARD
Mr. Ross says this is O.K.?
GEORGE
Hey, I'm his nephew, all right? Don't
worry about it. Go ahead. Check it out.
(Guard sits in the chair)
GUARD
Not bad. Not bad at all.
(Dark room in the back of an Italian restaurant.)
JERRY
Ah, excuse me, I'm looking for a Mr.
Giggio.
GIGGIO
Si, Si, imma Giggio.
JERRY
Poppy sent me to see you Mr. Giggio.
GIGGIO
Si, Si Poppy.
JERRY
Um, did he did he mention to you why
I called?
GIGGIO
Si, the house in Tuscana.
JERRY
Yeah, right, right. So is there anything
there to rent?
GIGGIO
Si. Two million lira. You give me the
check.
JERRY
I didn't actually want to rent it.
GIGGIO
The keys, here are the keys. You give
me the check. Two million
lira. Seventeen hundred Americana. Molto generoso.
(A man approaches Mr. Giggio and whispers in his ear.)
GIGGIO
(To the man) Si, Si.
(Jerry watches the man walk away and appears to be very frightened)
JERRY
So see um, I didn't say that I wanted
to rent it, I was just wondering if
there were houses there to rent.
GIGGIO
Si. (hods up the keys) Thissa one!.
Capiche?
(Ross' clothing store. The employees are being held up at gun
point. The
camera moves from the right to the left. There is a masked man
taking the money
from the cash register. As the camera moves all the way to the
left of the store,
you see the security guard fast asleep in his new chair)
(At the window of a house in Tuscany. Elaine and Maestro are
talking.
There is a lady singing in Italian in the background)
ELAINE
It's been a rough couple of weeks, ya
know I really needed to get away.
MAESTRO
I told you, it's paradise.
ELAINE
You're right Maestro.
(The sound of a car horn is heard in the background. A cab driver
is yelling
in Italian. Elaine and Maestro go to the window on the other
side of the room
to see what is going on. We see the cab.)
KRAMER
Common Jerry, this guy is crazy. Get
out.
(Jerry falls out of the back seat of the cab.)
JERRY
You didn't have to push me.
KRAMER
I didn't push you. How much did you
pay that guy?
JERRY
75,000 lira.
KRAMER
75,000 lira? Are you out of your mind?
JERRY
Kramer you don't under the conversion
rate.
KRAMER
Oh, conversion rate, oh.
JERRY
You know I don't even know why I brought
you.
KRAMER
Nobody put a gun to your head.
(They look up and see the place)
JERRY
Not bad!
KRAMER
Yeah!
THE END
|
