"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 403
"TIMMY 2000"
Written by
Trey Parker
[South Park Elementary, day. Mr. Garrison's classroom. The student
stream in and take their seats]
STAN
Dude, did you do all your homework last
night?
KYLE
Yeah. But there was so much of it. I
was up until two in the morning.
STAN
I know!
MR. GARRISON
Okay, children, I hope you all did your
homework last night, because we're goin'
to talk about pages 42 through 612.
First of all, who can tell me what year
the Founding Fathers got together?
Let's see, how about...
CARTMAN
Please don't call on me. Please, Jesus,
don't let him call on me.
MR. GARRISON
Wendy?
CARTMAN
Phew!
WENDY
1776.
MR. GARRISON
Good job, Wendy. And what was that document
called?
CARTMAN
Oh, please, God, don't let him call
on me. Father in heaven, I beg of you-
MR. GARRISON
Kyle?
CARTMAN
Oh, thank you Low-ord! Praise Jesus!
KYLE
The Declaration of Independence?
MR. GARRISON
Very good, Kyle. Now, who can tell me
what famous person wrote the Declaration
of Independence? Let's see. Oh, I know.
How about the new student, Timmy?
TIMMY
Timmiihh!
MR. GARRISON
Nno, it wasn't you, Timmy. Try again.
TIMMY
Heh-aaaaaah!
MR. GARRISON
Timmy, did you not do your homework?!
TIMMY
Erh Timmiihh!!
STAN
Uh, Mr. Garrison, haven't you figured
it out? Timmys' retarded.
MR. GARRISON
Don't call people names, Stanley!
STAN
But he is-
MR. GARRISON
Now, Timmy,—
TIMMY
Haaaaah.
MR. GARRISON
—You need to work on your study skills!
TIMMY
Doo-uhh.
MR. GARRISON
Are you mocking me?! Because if you
are, I have no problem sending your
butt to the principal's office!
TIMMY
G'oh livin' a lie, livin' a lie, Timmawh!
MR. GARRISON
THAT DOES IT!
[The principal's office. Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey talk
to Timmy]
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
Well, Timmy. I just don't know what
to do with you. You're getting very
poor marks in school and the teachers
are complaining that you aren't paying
attention.
TIMMY
Heh-aaaaaah!
COUNSELOR MACKEY
Uh young man, if you don't wanna be
held back a grade, I suggest you start
cooperating, m'kay?!
TIMMY
Timmiihh!
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
Well, that does it! I'm suspending you,
Timmy, until you can learn to respect
your elders!
TIMMY
Ehhha-a-a-ah.
COUNSELOR MACKEY
Huh- hold on just a second there, Principal
Victoria. I think I may know what the
problem is.
TIMMY
Timmiihh.
COUNSELOR MACKEY
Yes, of course.
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
What??
COUNSELOR MACKEY
I think maybe Timmy is suffering from
something called, "Attention Deficit
Disorder," or ADD. It's very common
in kids his age.
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
Oh!
TIMMY
Timmiihh!
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
Well, that certainly would explain it.
COUNSELOR MACKEY
It should be easy enough to find out.
They have tests for that kind of thing
now, m'kay?
TIMMY
Oolih oo livn' a lie, Timmehuh!
[A clinic. Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey have taken Timmy
there to see a doctor]
CLINIC DOCTOR
Alright, this is a very sinple test
which should determine without a doubt
whether or not Timmy has Attention Deficit
Disorder.
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
Good.
COUNSELOR MACKEY
M'kay.
TIMMY
Timmih.
CLINIC DOCTOR
Egh. Now, Timmy, I'm going to read you
a book called, "The Great Gatsby," by
F. Scott Fitzgerald. At the end of the
novel I'll ask you a few questions.
Are yiou ready?
TIMMY
Timmih.
CLINIC DOCTOR
Okay, here we go. "In my younger and
more vulnerable years, my father gave
me some advice that I've been turning
over in my mind ever since" "so we
beat on, boats against the current,
borne back ceaselessly into the past."
TIMMY
Ha-a-a-a-a-h.
CLINIC DOCTOR
Okay now, Timmy. Can you tell me: In
Chapter 7, what kind of car did Gatsby
drive?
TIMMY
Timmih!
CLINIC DOCTOR
Well, that settles it!
CLINIC DOCTOR
This young man definitely has Attention
Deficit Disorder!
COUNSELOR MACKEY
Oh oh, I nuh-I knew it.
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
What can we do for him, doctor?
CLINIC DOCTOR
Well, ADD is fairly common in kids today.
I'm gonna prescribe some Ritalin, and
we'll see how that goes for little Timmy.
TIMMY
Timmih.
[South Park Elementary, next day. Mr. Garrison's classroom]
MR. GARRISON
Hurry up, children, let's take our seats.
You'd better have done your homework
last night, Timmy. What's this?
TIMMY
Tim-mih.
MR. GARRISON
A note from the principal? "Please excuse
Timmy from all questions and all homework,
as he has been diagnosed with Attention
Deficit Disorder." Oh, brother!
STAN
He doesn't have to do homework?
MR. GARRISON
That's just swell, Timmy! Looks like
you've outsmarted the principal and
the counselor!
TIMMY
Timmih.
MR. GARRISON
Very well, I guess you're excused from
homework.
KYLE
Hey wait. I think maybe I have Attention
Diffunction Disorder.
CARTMAN
Yeah, me too.
STAN
I've got ADD.
KENNY
(Me too.)
OTHER CLASSMATES
Yeah, I've got it. Me too. Yeah. It's
gay.
[The clinic, later. The doctor is reading "A Farewell To Arms,"
by Ernest Hemingway, to the class now]
CLINIC DOCTOR
"After a while I went out and left the
hospital, and walked back to the hotel
in the rain." Alright now, in Chapter
12, what kind of bottles did Miss Van
Campen talk about? Anybody? Anybody??
My God, these children all have ADD!
ALL THE KIDS
Hooray.
CARTMAN
Hoo-ray.
CLINIC DOCTOR
It's Ritalin for all of you!
DRUMMER
Dude, we suck!
SKYLER
Hey, that's not the right attitude,
Jonesy! The Battle of the Bands is tomorrow
night!
JONESY
Dude, we never win the Battle of the
Bands! It's no big deal.
SKYLER
Not a big deal! This year's winner
gets to open for Phil Collins at Lalapalooblaza,
and that's no big deal?!
MARK
Hey, you guys, you'd better stop fighting.
SKYLER
We've just gotta practice more.
JONESY
Dude, we've been practicing for eight
years, Skyler.
SKYLER
Hey, am I the leader of this band or
not?! Huh, let's do it from the top!
TIMMY
Timmuuhh! Coodalah Timmuh!
JONESY
What was that?
SKYLER
Huh-I don't know, man. Whoaaa!
MARK
Who is that?
TIMMY
Timmiihh!
SKYLER
You a singer, man?
TIMMY
Rrrrr-laurlaurlah Timmehah! Timmehuh!
Timmehh.
JONESY
Dude, that's hot!
SKYLER
Yeah!
[South Park Pharmacy, day. Ms. McCormick receives her son's prescription.]
PHARMACIST
There is your prescription, Ms. McCormick.
A hundred dollars' worth of Ritalin.
Mrs. McCormick And he won't have Attention Deficit Disorder anymore?
PHARMACIST
We can only hope so. Next?
SHARON
Oh, hi, Sheila.
KYLE'S MOTHER
Sharon, your son has Attention Deficit
Disorder too?
SHARON
Yes. I should have known. It all makes
semse now. I could never get Stanley
to pay attention when his grandfather
told him stories about the '30s.
KYLE'S MOTHER
I know what you mean. Kyle gets so hyper,
sometimes he runs around and screams
like a little eight-year-old.
KYLE
...I am eight.
PHARMACIST
Next, please? What do we have here-
ah! The Ritalin!
LIANE
Yes.
CARTMAN
That's right. I got a bad case of ADD.
No homework for me.
LIANE
Mr. Pharmacist, this Ritalin doesn't
have any side effects, does it?
PHARMACIST
Oh, no no no, your son may experience
a small lack of energy, but that's all.
LIANE
Alright.
PHARMACIST
Oh, and he might start seeing little
pink Christina Aguilera monsters, but
that's to be expected.
LIANE
Oh my.
[South Park Battle Of The Bands. A four-member band is onstage.
One member is on keyboards, a second is on drums, a third on
guitar, and the fourth has the mic. The first and third have
flaming hairdos]
BAND
Look alive, lettin' it feel (so light).
Lettin' it feel so light.
PEOPLE IN AUDIENCE
Boooo!
GUY IN FLAT TOP
You suck!
M.C.
Alright, that was "Sisters of Mercy
Hold No Pain Against the Dark Lord,"
with their song, "Silk Blood On The
Footsteps Of My Mind (Revisited)"
SINGER
We got the best response. We'll be opening
for Phil Collins for sure.
M.C.
And now it's time for our final band.
GUY IN AUDIENCE
Thank God!
M.C.
Give it up for "Timmy and the Lords
of the Underworld!"
SKYLER
1 2 3 4
TIMMY
Timmih! Timmih! Lehmeheuh! Timmih!
MAN 1
Duhude, that handicapped dude ruhules!
MAN 2
Oo-yee-hee-yeh-hah!
MAN 3
You guys are terrible! How could you
laugh at that poor kid?!
TIMMY
Timmih Timmiihh! Timmehuh Timmih Timmiihh!
THE LORDS
Lords of the Underworld.
TIMMY
Timmih, Timmiih!
THE LORDS
Darkness fills my heart with pain.
TIMMY
Timmih oo livin' a lie!
STAN
Dude, it's Timmy.
KYLE
No way!
MAN 3
They're ridiculing that singer! Come
on, let's get outta here!
TIMMY
Sibilah Sibinlaahh!
THE LORDS
The Lords of the Underworld.
TIMMY
Timmih, Timmih Timmitimmi Timmiih!
THE LORDS
Darkness fills my heart with pain.
TIMMY
Timmehahh! Timmeh Timmeh Sibinlah Timmih
Sibinlah Timmih. Timmuh Timmuh Timmuh.
Timmeh!
CARTMAN
That was awesuhome!
STAN
Yeah, Timmy ruhules!
WOMAN
Boys! You shouldn't laugh at him! He's
handicapped!
STAN
But he's funny.
WOMAN
How would you like to be handicapped?!
Do you think that would be funny?! You're
making him feel bad!
TIMMY
Hehaahh!
STAN
He looks pretty happy to me.
WOMAN
Oh, you people make me sick!
M.C.
Dude, this is a no-brainer. This year's
Battle of the Bands winner and the band
that gets to open for Phil Collins at
Lalapalablala.is... TIMMY!
CROWD
Wooo!
JONESY
We did it, dude!
SKYLER
Listen to them. They really love me.
Wooo!!
CROWD
Wooo!!
SKYLER
Yes! I'm a rocker!
[PSB presents Charlie Rose]
CHARLIE ROSE
Tonight, we analyze the new rock sensation,
Timmeo , the controversial new band
that has taken the country by storm.
Already playing at several large venues
this month , the band prepares for its
biggest gig, Lolapalooblaza, where they
will open for Phil Collins. But Phil
Collins is not happy.
PHIL COLLINS
Well, I thinks it's a horrible tragedy,
idn't it? I mean, people aren't gonna
see Timmy for his musical skills. They're
laughin' at 'im, and I think you shouldn't
laugh at people with disabilities!
MAN
Hah haha.
PHIL COLLINS
Society has to learn how to be more
compassionate! This is gonna stop if
I have to stop it myself!
[Bus stop, next day. Stan and Kyle await the bus]
KYLE
Dude, did you see that stuff Phil Collins
was saying about Timmy?
STAN
Yeah, what a dick. Timmy's five times
more talented than he is.
CARTMAN
Hey guys, have you been takin' your
Ritalin?
STAN
Huh? No, we're not actually gonna take
that stuff.
CARTMAN
No, dude, you gotta try it. It makes
you feel good.
KENNY
(Good.)
[South Park Elementary, day, kitchen]
CHEF
Hello there, children.
STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN
Hello, Chef.
KENNY
(Hello, Chef.)
CHEF
How's it goin'?
STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN
Very well, thank you.
KENNY
(Very well, thank you.)
CHEF
Everything's fine?? Why??
STAN
Because we're on Ritalin.
CHEF
What??
KYLE
We all have Attention Deficit Disorder.
So we all started taking Ritalin.
CARTMAN
It really takes the edge off, man. You
should try it.
CHEF
So that's why all you children are acting
so damned boring!
KYLE
That's correct, Chef.
CHEF
Damnit, children, you don't need drugs
to make you pay attention in school!
In my day, if we didn't pay attention
we got a belt to the bottom! Now they're
tryin' to cure everything with drugs!
KYLE
Yes, but now we don't have any homework,
so we can go see Timmy play downtown
at Mile High Stadium
STAN
Oh boy oh boy.
KENNY
(Oh boy.)
CHEF
Oh, it makes me sick! Those damned psychologists
prescribe all kinds of medicines to
you children without even carin' about
the side effects.
STAN
But there are no side effects, Chef.
KYLE
No, not at all.
CARTMAN
Did you guys see that?
STAN
See what?
[MTV News. A satellite revolves around the logo]
ANNOUNCER
You're watching MTV, the cool, brainwashing,
twelve-year-old-and-younger station
that hides behind a slick image. We're
so cool that we decide what's cool.
And now, MTV News, the news that is
singlehandedly dumbing down our country.
Which is cool. Here's your host, Kurt
Loder
KURT LODER
Why am I still doing this? I've got
to be the oldest person in this network
by at least 40 years.
ANNOUNCER
Kurt Loder didn't just say that. No
way, he did just say it, but just to
be cool. That's what makes him cool.
You think Kurt Loder is cool. And now,
the news that's cool.
KURT LODER
Well, it's only two weeks until Lalapalalababa,
and the headlining band has changed.
Now headlining the event is Timmy ,
the new hit sensation out of Colorado.
This news came as a shock to the performer
that was going to headline Lalapalabala,
Phil Collins.
PHIL COLLINS
Well, I think the sad question is,
"Where are the parents in all this?"
I mean, that kid's parents are lettin'
him be exploited, and they don't even
seem to care.
KURT LODER
And so, Phil Collins decided to travel
to South Park and personally pay Timmy's
parents a visit.
PHIL COLLINS
Well, I mean, why are you lettin' 'em
do this to your son? Don't you see that
everyone's just laughin' at him?
RICHARD
Richarrrrd!
HELEN
Helennnn!
RICHARD
'Oodleahah.
KURT LODER
Phil Collins warns that a novelty band
that makes fun of the handicapped should
not be allowed to play Lalapalablalala,
and vows to do everything in his power
to stop it. Phil Collins, by the way,
divorced his wife via fax and then married
a 27-year-old. I'm Kurt Loder, and that's
the news.
[South Park Elementary, day, Mr. Garrison's class. The school
bell rings]
MR. GARRISON
Okay, children, let's settle down!
Huhh I mean it; I want quiet! My God,
Mr. Hat, these children are so boring
on Ritalin. Huh, ah! Alright, children,
today we're gonna learn about human
reproduction. What do you think about
that?! Vaginas, and penises. Butt sex.
Well, damnit, Eric, don't you have
some smartass thing to say?!
CARTMAN
What kind of smartass thing would I
say, Mr. Garrison?
MR. GARRISON
This is driving me crazy!! I can't
handle you little bastards being so
mellow!!
KYLE
Gee, you seem a little stressed, Mr.
Garrison. Why don't you try some Ritalin?
CARTMAN
There you go.
CARTMAN
Whah!
[MILE HIGH STADIUM
"Tonight Only. TIMMY!!! Sold Out."]
A SINGER
Thank you, South Park! Good night!
JONESY
Alright, let's rock this house! Hello
Miami!
TIMMY
Timmiihh!
PHIL COLLINS
Excuse me, Skyler Moles?
SKYLER
Yeah?
PHIL COLLINS
Nice to meet you. I'm Phil Collins.
SKYLER
Oh, yeah. You're opening for us as Lalapalazabla.
PHIL COLLINS
I just wanted to tell you that, well,
I think that you're a great guitar player
and song writer.
SKYLER
Oh, thanks a lot. I appreciate that.
Gotta run.
PHIL COLLINS
It's too bad those other guys are holdin'
you back.
SKYLER
Huh?
PHIL COLLINS
Well, I mean, it's obvious all the talent
and artistic vision in the band comes
from you. Strange, how everyone focuses
n Timmy, idn't it? I mean, even the
name of the band is "Timmy,"
SKYLER
Nuh-nn, the name of the band is Timmy
and the Lords of the Underworld.
PHIL COLLINS
Look, I used to be in a band, too. Genesis.
And all those bastards did was hold
me back and hold me back. But then,
finally, I went solo. And that's when
I started writing really great songs.
But look, if you happen to be on the
sidelines, you know, bein' more of a
cheerleader than a player, well, then
I guess you should stay on as Timmy's
shadow.
SKYLER
Uh, thanks man. See ya.
PHIL COLLINS
That should just about put an end to
all this Timmy nonsense.
[Mile High Stadium, later.]
TIMMY
Timmuh!
JONESY
Another great show, man. There must
have been a hundred thousand people
out there.
SKYLER
Yeah. All of them chanting "Timmy,
Timmy."
TIMMY
Timmih!
JONESY
What's the matter, Skyler?
SKYLER
The name of the band is Timmy AND the
Lords of the Underworld, not just Timmy.
TIMMY
Timmiihh!
SKYLER
And the Lords of the Underworld!
TIMMY
Timmiihh!
SKYLER
It's always about you, isn't it?! I'm
sick of it! Timmy gets all the applause!
Timmy gets all the chicks! Well, you
know what?! Forget you, man!
MARK
Skyler, Timmy is what made our band
famous.
SKYLER
Shut up, Monsy! You can stay and deal
with Mr. Egomaniac here, but I'm novin'
on! I don't need Timmy! I'm goin'
solo!
TIMMY
Timmiihh!
SKYLER
No! Don't try and stop me, man! I'll
see you on fame's backside.
TIMMY
Ooo livin' a lie!
[Cartman's house, next day. The boys are on the sofa watching
Terrance and Phillip. Stan has his Ritalin, Cartman has the remote...
and a pan on his laps. He's eating bacon]
PHILLIP
Terrance, what brand of pants am I wearing?
TERRANCE
Let me see.
PHILLIP
How do you like that, Terrance?
STAN
Let's watch something else.
KYLE
Yes, let's.
ANNOUNCER
You're watching VH1.
THE BOYS
Ahhhh.
ANCHOR
Here's Lalapalalala's news. The hit
group Timmy has broken up.
STAN
Oh dear. Timmy's band broke up?
ANCHOR
And so, Phill Collins is back on as
the headliner. The opening band now
will be Timmy's guitarist Skyler's new
solo project, Reach for the Skyler.
KYLE
You know something? I think that's good.
It was wrong to make Timmy a singer.
STAN
Yeah. Phil Collins was right. People
laughed at Timmy, and Timmy should be
at home, where he's protected from laughter.
CARTMAN
I agree. You know what, you guys? We
should go to the concert anyways and
see Phil Collins.
KYLE
Yeah. I think Phil Collins rocks the
house.
STAN
Sounds good.
CARTMAN
So it's decided: Phil Collins concert
for all of us. Hooray. Oh oh. Hold
still, Kenny.
STAN
Oh my goodness, you killed Kenny.
KYLE
Bastard.
[The Marsh house. Several parents are gathered in the living
room. Chef speaks]
CHEF
Parents, I called you all together because
I think you might be making a mistake
puttin' your children on Ritalin.
RANDY
Uh, but our kids have Attention Deficit
Disorder, Chef. They can't pay attention
in school without it.
CHEF
I know you wanna help your kids, but
I brought over a videotape to show you
that there are alternatives to Ritalin.
There's this doctor in Northern California
who is doing really amazing kids with
children who have ADD. I want you to
watch this tape.
DR. SHAY
Hello, I'm Dr. Richard Shay, here to
tell you about exciting new drug-free
treatment for children with Attention
Deficit Disorder. This treatment is
fast and effective and doesn't use harmful
drugs. Watch closely as I apply treatment
to the first child.
GIRL
I want a horse. I want a big brown
horse with a brown-and-black tail, and
a diamond tiara- Ah!
DR. SHAY
Sit down and study!
BOY 1
Woohoo, let's go sledding, let's go
race and race, let's go!
DR. SHAY
Sit down and study!
BOY 1
Wwaaahahahah
DR. SHAY
Stop crying and do your schoolwork!
If you would like more information
on my bold new treatment, please send
away for this free brochure, entitled,
"You can either calm down, or I can
pop you in the mouth again." Thank you.
CHEF
Well, what do you think? I can have
Dr. Shay come to South Park for a small
fee.
SHARON
That video had pretty colors.
KYLE'S FATHER
It sure did.
CHEF
What the? Damnit, have you all been
taking your children's Ritalin too?!
PARENTS
Yes.
CHEF
Awww, fudge it!
STAN
Chef, are you going to the Phil Collins
concert tomorrow?
CHEF
The what??
KYLE
Phil Collins is playing Lalapalala's,
and because we're all doing so well
in school now, our parents said they
would take us.
PARENTS
Yes.
CHEF
Hold on a second: you children want
to go see Phil Collins?
KYLE
Yes. His flowing melodies are really
enjoyable to us.
CHEF
Oh my God!!
KYLE
Come, see him with us.
CARTMAN
Yes, come with us. Come with uusss.
Haaa, it's Christina Aguilera agan!
She's on my back! Hah!
CHEF
That does it! That Ritalin has affected
your little cracker brains too deeply!
I'm going to go see that damn phramacist!
[South Park Pharmacy, after hours. The pharmacist and the clinic
doctor are talking, and the doctor counts some money]
PHARMACIST
Look at that. Ritalin stocks are up
ten points.
CLINIC DOCTOR
That's easily another twenty grand apiece!
CHEF
Hey, open this damn door.
PHARMACIST
Can I help you?
CHEF
Yes you can! What the hell are you two
doin' prescribing all the children Ritalin?!
CLINIC DOCTOR
Well, they've all been diagnosed with
ADD. That's Attention Deficit-
CHEF
I know what it is! But now you've got
a town full of zombie children from
the planet Zandor.
CLINIC DOCTOR
Huh?
CHEF
All around the country, you bastard
doctors are giving children Ritalin!
And for every one child that actually
needs it, you give it to 50,000 that
don't!
CLINIC DOCTOR
Hey now, don't tell us our business,
Mr. Chef. Why, we-
CHEF
You're damn right I'll tell you yo'
business, because you two have got your
heads up your asses! Thanks to you,
we have children in our town that like
Phil Collins!
PHARMACIST
Eh wuh, what??
CHEF
That's right! You've made them so dull
and boring that they'er actually going
to go to a Phil Collins concert!
CLINIC DOCTOR
Mm- my God. What have we done??
PHARMACIST
Well, if I had known... Phl Collins, uh,
my God!
CHEF
Well, how do we reverse the Ritalin?!
CLINIC DOCTOR
We uh... have to convince them not to
take it, but, ahah ih it'll be hard
to get it away from them.
CHEF
Then we need an antidote!
PHARMACIST
Yes, of course.
CLINIC DOCTOR
Uh, what's the antidote for Ritalin?
PHARMACIST
I have some right here. It's a compound
called "Ritalout."
CHEF
Alright. Come on, we've got to get the
antidote to all the children. Quick!
Welcome to
LALAPALALAPAZA!!
[Townsfolk file in. Music is piped in before the concert]
lalapalalapaza 2000
PHIL COLLINS
Last night I went, "O!"
Bubudio
Last night I went "Bubudio"
CHEF
Here. We can put the Ritalin antidote
in these drinks and hand them out to
the children.
PHIL COLLINS
Last night I went, "O!"
Bububudio. [takes a bow. People clap a bit]
RANDY
Wasn't that great, son?
STAN
Sure was, Dad.
KYLE'S FATHER
It's so wonderful to be on the same
wavelength as our kids.
CHEF
Here you go, Stan and Kyle. Free drinks
on me.
STAN
Oh, thank you, Chef. How nice.
PHIL COLLINS
I know. I'd like to sing the complex
and amazing song that won me the Oscar,
a song entitlted, "You'll Be In... Me."
Thanks.
You're inside of me.
Deep inside of me. [Chef hands drinks to more kids]
So deep inside, I can feel you pushing against my heart.
CHEF
Come on, drink it down. It's free.
CARTMAN
You'll be inside of me...
CARTMAN
Huh? Oh no! Agh! Get off me! Get off
me! Somebody help!! Please?? Somebody
get it off of me!! Get it off of me.
STAN
I feel... different.
KYLE
Yeah.
CARTMAN
Get off of me, Christina Aguilera! Alright?!
Please! Hegh, hegh
CHEF
Drink this, Eric. God help me! Heh,
get it... She's gone! Thank God!
PHIL COLLINS
Well, thanks!
STAN
Wait a minute! Phil Collins sucks ass!
KYLE
Yeah! What the hell were we thinking?!
Boooooo!
CHEF
I think it's working.
AUDIENCE
Booooo!!
PHIL COLLINS
Shut your filthy holes, you little
bastards!
STAN
Get off the stage, Phil Collins! We
want Timmy!
KYLE
Yeah!
PHIL COLLINS
You just wanna laugh at him.
STAN
No! You see, we learned something today.
Yeah, sure, we laughed at Timmy, but
what's wrong with laughter? Just because
we laugh at something doesn't mean we
don't care about it. Timmy made us smile,
and playing made Timmy smile, so where
was the harm in that? The people that
are wrong are the ones that think people
like Timmy should be "protected" and
kept out of the public's eye. The cool
thing about Timmy being in a band was
that he was in your face, and you had
to deal with him, whether you laughed
or cried, or felt nothing. That's why
Timmy rules!
KYLE
Yeah! Tim-my! Tim-my!
AUDIENCE
Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!
[A desert near town. Mark and Timmy stand outside, Jonesy sits
on the running board]
JONESY
Man, it sucks not being part of Lalapalabala.
MARK
Yeah.
SKYLER
Hey dudes.
JONESY
Skyler, what are you doing here?! Isn't
Reach for the Skyler supposed to play
soon?
SKYLER
They booed Phil Collins off the stage.
Everyone's chanting for Timmy and the
Lords of the Underworld.
MARK
Oh, so now that they want us, you think
you can waltz, um, back into our lives
and be in the band again?
SKYLER
I don't expect anything. Timmy, I-gh...
Well, I just wanted to say we had some
pretty rockin' times, dude, and... maybe
I let fame and Phil Collins go to my
head...
TIMMY
Timmih!
JONESY
Wow. They really are chanting for us.
MARK
Hn they want us back.
SKYLER
What do you say, Timmy?
TIMMY
Rrr, rrr, uh, Timmih.
THE LORDS
Alright!
[The Lalapalalapaza concert.]
HOST
Ladies and gentlemen, without further
ado, it is my pleasure to introduce
the reunion tour of Timmehuh!
TIMMY
Timmiihh, and the Lords of the Underworld!
Timmiihh! Timmih! Livin' a lie-ah!
Hidilah Timmy! Timmuh- Timmiihh! Timmehuh
Timmih Timmiihh!
THE LORDS
And the Lords of the Underworld.
PHIL COLLINS
Put me down, you filthy bastards!
Awwww!
TIMMY
Timmiihh uluh-livin' a lie!
THE END
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